Holiday Greetings
Holiday Greetings (officially 12052009 - Holiday Greetings.MOV) is a video uploaded on December 5th, 2009 and (for all practical purposes) the Chris-chan Christmas Special. His brightly-colored Goodwill jacket appears in this video and is distracting throughout.
In the video Chris, presiding over a snow drawing of Sonichu, delivers a short Christmas message about how he lit a candle in church and his hopes of a bright future for his electric hedgehog Pokémon. His religious fervor seems far less sincere than (and is quickly overshadowed by) his fixation with Sonichu. Note that he subtly connects verses prophesying the coming of Jesus with the hope of turning Sonichu into a successful franchise.
Video
Transcript
Hmmm....
Holiday greetings to all... in my fanbase, and whate—and all that.
Happy holidays and... merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah—Khannukah... all those fun holidays. Anyway, I'm here—anyway, I come you this day to wish you the holiday greetings, but also read to you what I have read the past Sunday before this Su—before this coming Sunday, when I lit the first Advent candle.
The Gospel, according to Luke:
The gospel of Luke speaks about the future:
[begins to read Luke 21:25-36]
"There will be signs from the Sun, the moon, and the stars... and on the earth, distress among nations. People will faint from fear and foreboding."
Because our world is full of fear and distress. We light our first candle, trusting that Christ is alive on earth and that the Spirit of Christ lives among us.
We trust you, we love you, we praise you. Amen.
And so I lit the first Advent candle at my church last Sunday.
[gasps]
Thank you all for your continued support, and we will make the... franchise victorious! [holds up an arm, as though he is Adolf saluting a four-boomerang-shaped symbol] Yeah!
[Chris walks to the camera and pans it down to a picture of Sonichu's head in the snow, with a copyright symbol next to it]
[Loudly and distorted (from being too damn close to the camera)] Happy holidays to all.
The Gospel According to Robert
1.1
And Lo did my son disappoint. He came unto me bearing neither wisdom nor strength, but rather his misshapen phallus for all to see.
1.2
"Bring unto me the virginal ladies", spake Christian. "For am I not also a virgin? Let me lie with mine and you yours. And as the plougher ploughs and the seeder seeds, so too will I zap to the extreme."
1.3
With the right foot be not deceived by trolls, and with the left, walk to Babylon for Eye of Judgment cards.