Barbara Chandler
| “ | Get off. Before I go off. | ” |
| Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with Sarah May | ||
Barbara Weston Chandler is the wife of Bob Chandler and terrible mother of Christian Weston Chandler and Cole Smithey. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year 2000 Award Chris created for her.[1]
Due to her massive size, she is affectionately referred to as Snorlax by trolls. When encountering Barbara, it is wise to use a Poke Flute.
Cole
Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran Coleman Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.
During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.[2] Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism.[3]
Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.[2]
Chris
According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the abusive babysitter.[4]
Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.[5] As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that PandaHalo would not stop kissing him once she met him.
Barbara was Chris's date to his seinor prom.
She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures which, while ruining the fun for trolls, does seem to indicate that she's not entirely stupid.
Bob
According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.[6]
Audio Appearances
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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- Private Skype chat with Sarah May
- 4 February 2009: Mumble 2, in which Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's room.
- March 2009: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde calls after the date with Emily.
Gallery
Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
From her 55th birthday.
Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Barb with Aunt Corina, Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Poor Barb, Chris put fucking Sonichu on HER birthday cake.
It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, whom he took his mom to as his date.
