Dating profiles

Chris has created a number of profiles for dating websites over the years. Like everything else Chris does, these endeavors are usually made of pure fail.

OKCupid

Screencap of Chris's OKCupid profile

OKCupid is one of the more popular dating websites, and matches people based on how they respond to questions that they may answer at their leisure. Unlike sites such as Match.com, OKCupid allows users to message and search each other for free, only charging for perks like ad removal and unlimited inbox space. The ability to stalk thousands of internet girls without paying a dime must have been a very attractive prospect for Chris.

Chris created his OKCupid profile in late February 2009. He gave up on it very quickly — his final login was in early March. It's likely he quit using it after girls failed to flood his inbox with offers of true and honest love. In the usual Chris style, the profile is woefully incomplete, featuring only a very brief personal summary, and a looking-for box in which he checked every available option, including "casual sex."

Profile Text

I am Autistic, Fun, and Creative.

My Self-Summary

I'm young at heart. I'm currently writing a comic book, and I've written quite a few issues so far. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a beautiful girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone.

I graduated from high school on the Honor Roll, and I am doing very well at PVCC. A lot of men make false promises to their girlfriends, but I am totally different. When it comes to what I can offer, I can seriously promise care, respect, empathy, and love. I think that (most) girls deserve the world, and I would do my best to give it to them.

I haven't had the best of luck with girlfriends in my past. There was a lot of lying and backstabbing done to me, and I'm looking for someone who is honest and will love me for me. Who I'd like to meet: Someone with a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, 18-23-years old, lives in, or around, the Charlottesville or Ruckersville (both in the state of Virginia) areas, smoke-free, non-alcholoic, white and does not already have a Boyfriend.

Looking for: New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating, Activity partners, Long-distance penpals, Casual sex

Book of Matches

Screenshot of Chris's BoM page.

It's unclear when Chris made this profile, but given his stated age, it probably was made around late 2008 or early 2009, around the same time as his first Hook Cafe ad. While the staples of half-assery are still present, it's clear Chris spent more time on this page then he did on his OKCupid profile. Many of the statements here are just repetitions of the Chris-chan facts we all know and love, though: his fantasy of a daughter named Crystal, McDonald's as a first date, and so on. True and Honest, perhaps, but hardly a way to impress babes. Chris also seems to believe that citing Mary Poppins as the greatest movie ever will somehow have a positive effect on the ladies.

Profile Text

If you like me, find me In Person, and let me know.

• Charlottesville, Virginia
• Response Rate: 0%
• Above average
• Sensually hot
• Pisces
• Caucasian
• M
• 26 years of age
• 5'9 - 5'10
• Single
• Artsy Gamer
• Here For Long Term Relationship

Things that have bothered me:
When they are false friends; when they would just dump me after one mistake, or something as dumb.
I am looking for:
In a nutshell, 18-years to my current age, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcholic, white and Boyfriend-Free.
Cool Movies:
Of all time, Mary Poppins.
My Favorite Groups are:
All kinds; classic, jazz, country, pop, rock, etc.
I am looking for a personality like:
I'm not certain, but as long as the woman likes me for me, and will stay by and care about me, all things considered, I'll feel better. I feel that I am a good listener, and I can make her laugh and/or feel good (but then again, it depends on her point of view).
Willingness to meet others from boM:
I am willing to meet WOMEN from this service, as long as they live within the Ruckersville or Charlottesville, VA area, and if they currently do not have (or preferably never had) a Boyfriend.
Are you ready to start from scratch?
I WANT to start a relationship from the Ground-Up. I may have a few things already put behind me, but I will make it a point to keep those issues out of the way of current or future issues. I am to be continued.
My typical day:
Personally, I have never been on a date before in my life. But for my first date, I'd keep it simple with a beverage (or shared meal) at
McDonalds, or similar resteraunt.
My Wish List Includes:
I dream of getting married, and having a daughter named Crystal.

Match.com

Probably the most famous dating site on the internet, Chris set up a profile on the site in early 2009 under the username "SonichuCWC". He's logged into the site as recently as 6 March 2010, which is surprising considering how quickly he abandoned his OKCupid profile.

Profile text

Help a lonesome and sad man find some companionship. ;8)

28-year-old man
Advance Mills, Virginia, United States
seeking women 18-24
within 25 miles of Advance Mills, Virginia, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Someday
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: About average
Height: 5'10" (178cms)
Religion: No Answer
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never

About me and who I'm looking for

I feel that I am young at heart, because I enjoy the seemingly child-like things I do like playing with Legos, Pokemon, Sonic the Hedgehog and drawing cartoonishly. I am also creator of my Pokemon character, Sonichu. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a pretty girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone. In a nutshell, my girl should be: 18-24, lives in the Charlottesville or Ruckersville area, has a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, Average income, and does not already have a Boyfriend. Also, trading card games, she could play said game(s) with me at the Pokemon League event that I go to weekly. Also, I have graduated from High School with Honor Roll, I am doing very well at PVCC, and I can express my feelings after putting them into words with my thinking mind. And if there's anything that I left out, well... oops. I am a shy, very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters,

In my Own Words

for fun: I enjoy drawing, listening to music, playing video games and Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh card games. I also like anime, creating with Lego pieces, and I love my family. And sometimes, I work on my Sonichu Site.

my education: Piedmont Virginia Community College in Charlottesville where I am working towards a CADD degree.

favorite hot spots:I go to the Fashion Square Shopping center on Saturdays, the Downtown Mall's Comic Game & Hobby Place (Pokemon League/Yu-Gi-Oh) on Fridays and Saturdays, and you can also find me at Wal-Mart in C-Ville on most other days of the week.

favorite things: In a list: Sonichu, Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, most kinds of music, Mary Poppins (movie), Colors: blue and red, creating home-made trading cards (for fun and art), and looking at the lovely scenery on the UVA campus.

About me

Hair: Light brown
Eyes: Blue
Sports and exercise: Baseball, Basketball, Bowling, Dancing, Football, Golf, In-line skating, Racquet sports, Running, Soccer, Swimming, VolleyBall, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines
Exercise habits: Exercise 1-2 times per week
Interests: Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Exploring new areas, Fishing/Hunting, Hobbies and crafts, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Nightclubs/Dancing, Playing cards, Playing sports, Shopping/Antiques, Video games, Volunteering
Education: Some college
Occupation: No Answer
Income: No Answer
Languages: Spanish
Politics: Middle of the Road
Sign: Pisces
Pets I have: Cats, Dogs
Pets I like: Birds, Fish, Horses

About my date

Hair: Black, Blonde, Dark blonde, Dark brown, Light brown
Eyes: No Answer
Height: 5'0" (152cms) to 5'10" (178cms)
Body type: About average, Athletic and toned, Slender
Languages: English
Ethnicity: Native American, White / Caucasian
Faith: No Answer
Education: High school, Some college, Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral
Job: No Answer
Income: No Answer
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Definitely, Someday

The Hook Cafe

See the main The Hook Cafe page.