William Elliott Waterman

William Elliott Waterman

"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of Sarah Nicole Hammer and character in Sonichu, see List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer.

William Elliott Waterman (sometimes called "Billy" by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed Watermelon or Waterhead by trolls) is a Facebook friend of Chris who lives in Woolwich, Maine. William frequently comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, and can be considered a white knight. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions. Often his posts consist of a smiley or a simple message. Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, Anna McLerran. William's 7 August 2013 Facebook post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William.

Along with Kengle, William is one of two male friends to frequently comment on Chris's musings.

It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May 2013. A post from 3 August indicates that William discussed Chris with Anna, who told William about how far back she and Christian go.

Recent correspondence has suggested Chris may have alienated William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October 2013, Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is attempting to look like Chris with his long hair; one of William's friends, Ryan Steinbruner, promptly accused Chris of trolling and stated that William has looked like this since high school. William also appears to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise Sonic Boom, all just because of an arm color change. As of January 2015, William continues to comment on Chris's Facebook, but is noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, even jokingly comparing him to Christian Gray from Fifty Shades of Grey.

As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In November 2015, he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "BillyTheViking" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his supposed ancestry) and unexpectedly contacted Alec Benson Leary, who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, Waterman made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. Waterman, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. Waterman also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of Asperchu, again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, Waterman also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, annoying, attention-whoring Clyde Cash wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan", and also that he's far more autistic than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which is essentially nothing more than proof that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

A few days after this, Waterman was unfriended by Chris on Facebook, and promptly returned to obscurity.

Facebook comments

William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and off topic. For example, after Chris found out his high school gal pals weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted cards of Pokémon Cubone and Yamask, along with a rant about having no local friends. William's reply was a simple comment of, "I love cubone [sic] and yamask [sic]".

On occasion, however, William attempts to give advice to Chris, which is promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about Megan Schroeder, to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."

Calling out trolls

On 7 August 2013, in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the CWCki, William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

7 August 2013 Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.

Chris liked the post.