Chris Sex Logs

In September 2008, PandaHalo released Skype chats with her and Chris discussing honest topics like sex, mass debating, and the then forthcoming Sonichu 9.

I am insane

1. "Two Front Teeth" 0:25 CWC sings "My Two Front Teeth" in a squeaky voice, then informs the listener that the original song contains a whistle.

2. "THE POWER OF THE SUN" 1:09 I'm in my house now [rustling noises] uhh...this was written, I got this housecoat from, uh, from Goodwill. 'Cause, you know, my old one had, like, some holes in it. It was becoming a little bit tattered in ways, but I mean, besides, this one's more comfortable anyway. Dang it, froze up again. Uh, give it a moment, it'll fix itself. Oh, the freeze! The freeze! The POWER OF THE SUN WARM YOU AND UNFREEZE YOU! Well, there it goes. Eh, there it goes again. C'mon! Uh, the POWER OF THE SUN UNFREEZE YOU!

3. "The Holy Coat" 0:07 [unintelligible mumbling] ...the holy coat. I am not the Lord Jesus Christ! Daaaaa.

I am perverted

1. CWC, pervert: 5:29 What, masturbate? Uh, well, now just to let you know we have the trust between each other, and I can tell you are who you are through your voice, and you can tell who I am through my voice, and you just saw me over the webcam, I s'pose I can tell you, uh, have you ever seen a picture of, uh, a man's penis? Yeah, I had to take sex ed class too. But, you know, on a side note? You know what should be taught as well in addition to what sex is? Dating edu-.. Dating education.

Ah, hang on a second. Hey pop, what are you doing? Um, okay, [unintelligible], could be a prank call. That was my father, checking to see [unintelligible].

W-whah-what are you giggling about? It sounds like you're giggling. Well, you were asking me about how I masturbate, there, uh, so yeah. Basically, uh, well, it could go either way, whether I turn on some porn, to get myself straight or not, uh, an erection, get stiff or not, I mean that's one way of doing it, use porn. But uh also, if I've also I've, if I'm- if I.. on breaks- if I wasn't watching porn or, uh, don't feel like watching it at the time, I would go like to the bathroom sink and I can start, uh, by washing my hands and then with the soap and water just basically start by touching the, uh, end of my [hesitation] dick and just, like you know well it feels good for me, feels good I mean when I touch the edge of my dick. Well, actually, the way I see it, it's okay because you're relieving yourself of your stress from your basic instincts and your body. It's just - it's just good tension relief. The way I see it, so it's all right. The way I see - the way I see it for uh, gir- for uh, women - it's easier, it's better on them because, uh you know, they d-d... I mean, alright, but when a guy does it, they're releasing semen and the DNA that goes to the eggs, but when women do it, it's just, you know, they're releasing their juices, that basically, you know, makes it easier for the man to enter the vagina. So you could do it, and you wouldn't, you know, risk losing an egg from your ovaries.

Well, anyway, to get back to me, so yeah basically, I just massage mysel- I just massage myself down there and then, uh, and then, uh and then it gets more erect and uh, you know, it's still wet but I go back to my bed and uh, lie down, on the bed, and uh like you know I just massage it, I just massage it up and down with, like, you know, one of my hands or both of them at the same time depending on the random moment...do you have somebody else in the room with you? Yeah alright. So yeah anyway, well, pump it down with one or both of my hands at the moment until I feel, until I feel the sensation... where I feel I'm about to lose it, and then it all, it all just the stuff, yeah, yeah, some of my semen comes out. I don't - I don't like to make a mess, so I-... so I-- when I come I have a clean plastic cup by my side and I just make sure to put all of my semen in the cup there. Yeah. Well, if you want me to, I could describe how masturbation works for a woman, because I've seen it through my share of the pornography and hentai anime I have. Alright well, basically, it's the same, you could put one hand down there and take the other hand to massage one or both of your breasts at the same time.. I can't believe we're talkin' about this, well also we trust each other very much and we have good trust for each other for talking over the mikes, like, nobody can hear or record our conversation over the mikes like they could...at this point it's bet- it's between us. Uh yeah. Well you see I've confidentially told my mom about my actions as well, I mean, she's cool - I mean, she's cool with it. I mean, you could try it yourself tonight 'cause I know it's like twelve-thirty over there on Saturday afternoon. So we've got, like, a husband and wife, we'll call them, like, Dick and Jane, right? Okay, so anyway, he's coming home from work and uh, and he's coming into the house and uh, his wife Jane meets him at the door and she says, oh, hi honey, how was your day? and he says, eh, it's been a rough day sweetheart, uhhh, I'm just tired, [wife voice] I'll tell you what, we can go upstairs and have breakfast, and he says, Breakfast? at 9pm? And she says, sure! You bring the milk and I'll get the eggs!

tl;dr: CWC explains how he jacks off into a plastic cup, mentions he's shared his masturbation habits with his mother, and tells what he seems to believe is a dirty joke.

2. What I have learned from porn #1: 1:41 Films I have seen? I've learned, like you know, even though you've seen the husband seemingly betraying their wives to go to like uh, nightclub? Strip club? They're just trying to get their erections back up so they can go home and be ready for their wives. Because they, uh, they lose erections around their wives at that point. So you know, believe it or not, even though the husband might seem to be betraying their wife by going to a strip club, they're not. They're just trying to get their dick on so they can get their move on when they get home. Yes, they're not cheating. I mean they would only be cheating if they were actually doing it with another woman without their wife's consent. I wish I could say I have but I haven't - I've only seen them on television or in the movies. Yes, I'm fairly innocent myself, but as I've revealed of myself, I see the down and dirty. Maybe you'll get down and dirty tonight with yourself.

3. What I learned from porn #2: 2:44 Oh by the way you know, if you don't- if you get tired, you know you don't have to use, you know 'cause I mean I have seen through the pornography about how women masturbate, they mostly use like their index fingers, or some use all their fingers or like if they can reach they might fit their index and middle...[laughing, unintelligible] oh, you make me laugh! Oh, you make me laugh, that's so funny! Oooh. You're a quick wit, a quick wit! Right, so anyway, most of the time, if they can get their middle fingers into their vaginal entry, for pleasuring themselves, they'll sometimes, if they can reach, they might put all of their fingers in there or if it fits their whole hand? I've seen that happen, I've seen that happen, their whole hand. Yeah. I never really understood how a tampon works. Not mine, cause I have a dick! Huh huh huh, but please continue. Ah. That's interesting. Very interesting. But when you masturbate, you don't have to have your tampon in there. You could do it before you put your next tampon in. Or just when you don't have it in there. Well, then I guess you're safe. You're very safe.

4. Masturbation/ IT'S AWWWWRIGHT: 0:22 You know another thing I should mention that like you know another reason why masturbation is all right is because you're not risking anybody else or getting a sexual disease. And just to let you know, if you are a virgin before you've started, and you haven't done anything with anyone else, you're still classified as a virgin.

5. Me and my sex doll #1: 1:55 It well, also works that way if you're doing it with, uh, if you get yourself, what they call, uh, um, a sex or love doll? They're these inflatable dolls, that inflate to look like the form of a naked man or a woman, of course as a man I do have sex dolls of, uh, naked women, I do, I mean, I'm willing to admit that, so anyway, yeah, basically, you do the sex doll of the opposite gender like you would, but you're still classified as a virgin because there's no DNA exchanged because the thing is just a hunk of plastic. Yeah, basically most of the time they're motionless, so, for me I would just put my dick in the vaginal entry and I would just pump and I would just pump it. You know, like a dummy, pretend person, basically, yes. You know I mean, so I could put her on the bed and just get on top of her, or I could like have myself lying on my back and uh I could just move her, I could just move the body up and down, or like you know I could even try as many of the defined sexual positions as possible for practice with the doll! Of course from your point - of course from your point of view you would get yourself a male sex doll and you would put yourself on its fake penis. Yeah it is...well, that's good for you, that's good for you.

6. What I learned from porn #3 1:12 But anyway as I was saying you know, just as you know, when you masturbate, you don't have to use your fingers, you could like, uh, find something that's like, you could use like a banana, or a pickle, I mean, it would be a waste of a fruit, but if you used a banana, you could still eat the insides. Eh, I said a pickle. Or a cucumber, a cucumber would work as well. But, uh, the thing I would, I would recommend for you, if you don't want to waste a fruit or a vegetable, yeah, well, it's all right. Not too many men are picky about how tight it is, I mean like you know, if you end up going, "Oooh, that's so TIGHT. You make me feel so good just to put it in there!" Yeah, but they're not going to be too picky about how tight it is.

7. You should buy a dildo! 2:10 But anyways so like you know, there's an alternative to your fingers or the fruit or vegetable. If girls like, you go out and find like an adult store and get what's called a dih-do [he pronounces 'dildo' all weird]. It's particularly, it's typically like a hunk of plastic molded in the form, the shape like the shape like an average-size, uh... penis, but you know it's not necessarily like, penis shaped, like some like some dildos are. I have actually looked it up, it's like 5 6 or 7 inches, and what I've seen for you know, the plastic dildos, they're like 5 to 7 inches themselves. But anyway, you don't necessarily have to get one that's actually penis-shaped, you can get one that's basically vertical. Hm, you'd like a dolphin-shaped one, wouldn't you? Eh, yeah I guess they might make them in that form, they have some available, like at this website you can check them out over there. Hey, as long as you're adult it's all right, it's all right. You don't have to be ashamed. If something offends you in the store, you can just look away, it's no big deal. Yeah, we actually have a local one over here in Charlottesville, it's called, uh it's called Bliss, I think it is. And of course there's also a store called Spencers, I think it's called Spencers over in the shopping mall, they sell sex toys there as well.

8. Me and my sex doll #2: 3:57 I had that thought myself, but then again, I don't really do any - know people around town myself, yeah, I have, otherwise I wouldn't have told you about the sex doll. LOL girlfriend, LOL. [Yes, he actually says LOL] They have, uh, you know yeah, okay, hang on, I turn on my webcam, also you know some models have an opening in their mouth but this one doesn't that I could like, that I could put my dick into. Yes, just for the fun of it, I mean, it's wet in the mouth, some people do it because it feels good, I mean between man and woman, man and woman, man puts in it in the woman's mouth. And also, you know, here's an interesting fact, I've learned from the adult website, from the website quoted on Adam&Eve dot com, male semen is, eh, healthy for women, there's like random, there's like things I can't describe especially good for women and the flavor can change depending on what the man eats. Yeah, same applies for the woman's pussy juices, it's called. I think so, yeah. Or if I ate a whole lot of apples and strawberries, it would come out like apple or strawberry flavored. We'll find out soon enough, man, I left a button undone, there's the vaginal opening. That's one thing I can do, you like that? Pretend that's YOUR vagina and I did that to you, doesn't that feel so good? Anyway, in addition to that, it has an optional opening in the mouth, it also has like a, ARSEHOLE. Heh, yeah, but it doesn't poop. Actually, you know, some people like between a man and a woman, the man, the woman finds pleasure in the man putting his penis inside the woman's a-hole, asshole. And the skirt went upside down. No, a guy can do it with a woman, do it with a woman, 'cause, you know, the man and woman are both straight. I mean come on. I never heard that. I figure it would be on, it would be on the scrotum area of my penis. I'm going to put this away, I'll be right back.

9. This is my dildo: 4:24 Oh, yeah, I got this, it's uh, uh, I forget what the word was, it was the tip of the, the tip of the penis, I actually uh, the scrotum, the scroutum [That's his pronunciation, not a typo]is actually the area where the balls were. So I used, I used the wrong word there. So anyway, I got something else I can show you, so I can explain, what, uh, a dildo is for you cause you know when you order something from Adam&Eve dot com they usually give you free DVDs or free gifts, with that, well anyway, they sent me one so I just held onto it, it's one dildo. They mostly come in this shape, in jelly form or in hard plastic. No, it's light reflecting off it. Anyway, you can use this and put it up your buuuutttt and it will feel good. [his voice here will echo in my nightmares] I told you I got it as a free gift I did not use it, I just only have one. I guess I could give it to you since you are my sweetheart, you know? Hey, from they way I talk, the way I talk when I talk to you and the pictures I've seen so far, I'd like to meet you as well. Ahhh. Yeah, actually, you know, I did try that once with a different one, a different one I got for free as well? It did not, it did not turn me on. [[Yeah, CWC, we believe you.] It, it, it I'd imagine from what I heard. You don't have to worry about me. I won't, I would not judge you. I swear. I would not judge you! I mean, look at how serious I am. I would not judge you. [I wonder what she said to fluster him.] Well anyway let's say say we get back to the dildo sort of talk [nervous laugh] yeah anyway, well most of them are just a hunk of plastic, but some of them, like this one, they can run, they can run on a pair of AA batteries or another size, another size like that, I put a pair in this one just to try it out, I didn't take them out, well like you know, you can turn this one, you can turn this one on and off, by unscrewing, and screwing it completely, and when you've got it screwed on, it vibrates. You hear that? That's it vibrating. Yeah, just imagine having this up your vagina, and uh, it vibrating. Doesn't that feel good. I have have this one, I have this one, this one tucked away in a drawer. So, you know, nobody's going to find it unless I show it to them, or unless they look in my drawer, you know? Besides I don't have too many people come to the house often. Not too many people.

10: Condoms 2:20 Well, I guess you'd want to see it. Nuh, actually, you know what? Actually, I have, I have like a bunch of condoms, that expire like 2010, which I've been saving for uh, for uh my first time, or uh, you know, the ones after, the ones after that. Ehey, you know, as long as uh, anyway, you know, I like uh, be safe or sorry [Probably meant "Better safe than sorry]. You know even if one or the other is wearing a condom, 'cause you know they make condoms for women as well? I've heard the condom just goes up, goes up the vagina hole, with a little bit of plastic hanging out, so it can be easily taken out. So that's good, that's good, so well anyway, anyway, should you and I get together, if one of us uh, [something unintelligible in a high-pitched goofy voice] give yourself over to me well um, oh my god. Aw. Well, anyway, I was saying that if you did, oh, uh, if you did um like wear a condom, we'd still be good in God's eyes as long as uh, as long as you know, you don't get any, you don't get any in you, that's what condoms are for. Yeah. Yeah. Not that's just, uh, you just like something you can think about.

11. My first time: 13:04 Yeah, let me think a moment. Hm... alright. I'm imagining, a bedroom, there's the bed, well, let's see a hotel room, basic one or two beds, lamp, a television in front of the beds, or bed. [(Girl's voice on other end) "Is that what you're imagining?"] Deh, you and I are entering the room, I'm just going to say it to you, the best points. You and I are entering the room, I'm prepared with a condom in my right pocket, and you are feeling so up to it. You and I would walk over to the bed, and we'd take our shoes off, and we'd sit down on the bed, side by side, and we'd turn our heads to face each other, and we'd look into each others eyes, lovingly, (pretend like you know what we're about to do is just right) and we'd lean toward each other, and we'd kiss and we'd make out. Oh yeah, our tongues are exchanging between our mouths, we're frenching and it feels so good, your tongue on mine and mine on yours just feels so good, right! And we're rubbing each others sides and backs with our hands, our mouths are busy, and after a moment, you take off your blouse, and I take off my shirt, optionally with the medallion on, you know I could have it, I could do this on or off, but uh, in this case, let's just say it's off. All right, so you took off your blouse, I took off my shirt. You are wearing a bra. You take off your skirt. I move my hands, and then you start to turn me on. You would sexually reach around your back, we're not kissing at this point, we're not kissing since we've taken off our shirts. You would reach around your back, uncouple and unhook your bra. Your breasts are just like I could imagine them, good size, not too big, not too small, it's like turning me on I feel so "Wow! Those are awesome!" My penis would bulge through my underwear, starting to become erect. And then you would put your hands on your breasts, like you're massaging them, and turn back then you're leading me on to massage them for you. And then you'd lean to, and you'd cuh - and then while you're massaging your breasts, you'd lean towards me for me to massage them so you can work, those [incoherent stuttering] massage on yourself for you so I could be the massager for you. Then I will put my hands on your breasts, feels SO good, my hands, they feel so lovely, the first skin contact I feel as such between me as the man and you as the woman. You're turned on by all this and I'm turned on. My bulge gets bigger, and you might start to feel a little wet down there in your panties, 'cause that would be the precum that you would extrude from this first, this um, this first erection there. Uhm. And you would, then you would come down and after another makeout when you'd massa - and I'm touching your breasts, you'd make your way down from my head you'd take off my underwear, and then you'd massage my erect penis, and then you'd lick it a bit like an ice cream cone. Then you'd put your mouth, and you'd just, you'd just enjoy it. It feels, it feels right to you because it's the penis of your lover, it feels good for me too, because I can feel the wetness of your mouth and tongue around it, Uh, it just feels so good, unngghh, and because me being a virgin, I would let you keep your mouth over my penis and then sooner than expected, I feel my comeuppance and I come into your mouth, my semen is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. I would have eaten so much chocolate, that day beforehand, and it would taste so yummy to you, probably like white chocolate. You'd swallow that. And right after I'd given you my first round, my first comeuppance, you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis, and then you would take off your panties, and I would, uh and you, and you would be on the bed now, you'd be lying down, and then I would put the index finger of my right hand into your vaginal opening, it feels so good. I would have my left hand on your right breast, massaging that, with the right, and my left hand, then I'd massage the inside of your vagina. With my index and middle fingers at first, and then eventually I would add my fourth finger. And if it felt like, if it looked like there was more room, I'd add my pinkie and then my thumb. And then after, after that, then I would remove my hand and then I would lick your clit. It would feel, it would feel so good to you, like as if I, like as if I was gently tickling you, you know, like you're in the wind, or the water rushing up to your vaginal opening, it feels so good. I'd lick your clit, and then I would lick the, lick, lick the little, lick the opening walls of your vaginal opening, and it would feel so good to you. And then after about a minute of that, I would get myself ready to put my penis in your vagina, but then I would, then I would politely warn you since we both are virgins, I would say, "This might hurt a bit at first," but it would start to feel SO good then you would nod in understanding and agreement. Then I would put, a condom on my penis, I would put it into your vagina, you might feel hurt, you might feel good, I don't know what you would be at this point, but at this point I imagine you would feel just like, "Oh, I'm so surprised, this feels, this is starting to feel just so good," got blood in my- your vagina at this point because you ARE a virgin and I just broke, just broke your hymen. But anyway, you feel so good, and it feels so good, and I feel, I feel good, cuz' I'm pushing it in and pulling it out, and I'm pushing it in and pulling it out and it just feels so good, and I mea-.. uhh uhh uhh, oh yeah it feels so good and I would massage your breasts with both my free hands as I am - as you are lying down and I am basically on my knees, and it is just so good and I'm givin' it to ya smoothly as I can, mmmh, yeah, yeah, and then to make yourself feel comfortable, you might ask me, you'd probably ask me to pull my dick out, my hard cock out, and you'd turn over onto your hands and knees with your legs spread open wide, revealing your vaginal opening, and I'd put it back in, me on my knees, I'd put my dick back in there and give it, give it to you some more, it feels so good, oh yeah, mmm yeah, uh yes, oh god, oh yeah, I can feel it's so good, oh yeah [etc] And then after a couple minutes or so of this, I would think that, I would think I would want of take a little break myself, I would take my penis out, and I would lie on my back, and you would, and you would be on your knees, and you would put my penis into your vagina, by yourself, it's sticking straight up or possibly curved downward towards my feet. And you would slide your vagina onto my dick. And it just feels so good and [moaning etc] and then you would have your right hand on your right breast, and your left hand would be on my right side, I'd massage your free breast with my right hand, it just feels so good [moaning] and I would feel like I'm about to come, so I would just, I'd just let you know before an instant, and I'd pull it out. Then I'd take the condom off and put it in the trash can. And then I would just stroke my penis up and down, and you'd, uh, you'd offer your breasts for me let the semen land upon it giving you what is like a pearl necklace. And then I would come. Drips of the semen would just come out in bunches, and the drips would fall all around, all over your chest and on top of your breasts, and just the drips, they would feel warm, and they would feel so good to you there, it would feel just right at the point, there, and then, you would probably lick the rest off of the tip of my penis. Sigh. Th-th-then at that point, we'd go to the bathroom and wash each other off. We'd take two washcloths, and you'd wash my penis clean, and I'd wash your breasts clean, and I'd reach down and wash your vagina clean. But then we would be just looking at each other lovingly under the covers of the bed, and we'd just be like, "That was so awesome!" And we'd acknowledge each other in some such sense. And that's a good way of me imagining my first time. Ah, well. Oh yeah I usually wear white underwear, by the way. Hmm.. what color are your bra and panties? Purple?

12. It's called phone sex 0:43 That's fine, but did you enjoy that? The detailed presentation..? [Sigh] Did you actually feel like you wet your panties a bit during all that. Then I did good! [he sounds genuinely happy here] Awesome. You know, basically, what we went through? Is like phone sex. Have you heard of that?

13. How does I sex phone? 0:26 Alright so basically, we're at the point where you're like the woman who, like, wants to get turned on by a man, and you pick up the phone, and I answer it, and you want, and you want me to describe what I would do to you, and how you would - then how you would feel and you would enjoy it so much and yeah. Basically what we just did was like phone sex.

14. Perfect Cyber Sex: 1:45 Oh, I'm sorry. Let me turn the volume down on the radio again. [Sigh] Uh. Okay. So anyway, so anyway the fake vagina or the cylindrical, or the cylindrical tube with the suction thing in it, yeah, either of them have a USB cord attached to it and I'll plug it into the PSP and then the man would have the suction tube or vagina on his, on the, on the, on his penis, or for the women, it would be like, if, if, because if it was truly like cybersex, then it would be like in relation to like to what was happening live over the internet. Yeah, like similar for you, like similar for you, since you're the, you're the woman, you would get like, uh, a dildo? And on the end of it would be the USB cord right there, you'd plug that in, and the dildo, you, you wouldn't have to pull it like in or out, it would have like a thing attached to it, where it attaches to like, like the groin area probably, and it would just pump itself in and out like the man was, was doing you there. So like I imagine that would be how cybersex would be perfected, at that point.

15. Under my coat: 0:15 And now, I am wearing nothing underneath this housecoat. You wanna see? [Incredibly disturbing.]

Sonichu spoilers

1. Birthdays: 0.59 Hey, everybody's having fun! They're having birthday parties! It starts off with Rosey's birthday, then we've got the Chaotic Combo's birthday on the same day, and then we've got Sonichu's birthday. Then at this point, he's a surprise party so he's coming home from a hot birthday date with Rosechu, and he's dressed up in a tuxedo and she's dressed up in a glitzy ballroom gown and she's got glitter makeup on her. So then they - then she turns on the light and everybody jumps up and yells, "Surprise!" and then on the 4th page, there's just a little private party, just a little private party between Blake and Bubbles. She delivers him a cupcake, and he's just sitting there, and then at one point she's like, "Why don't you go ahead and blow out the candles, blow out the candle and make a wish?" And he's just like, "Well, I'll blow out the candle but I already have my wish." And then they kiss. And make out.

2. FUCK YEAH SPRING BREAK! 0:43 And then Bubbles, then Bubbles asks Blake, "Are you gonna come to the spring break party at the beach tomorrow, right?" And he says "Yeah, and I'm gonna put on my little, I'll put on my bad boy show for your gal-pals." And then for the next couple of pages, it's um, yeah, he's pretending, he's pretending to be the bad guy in front of everybody but Bubbles. But Bubbles, only in front of Bubbles, he'll be, he'll be the good boy in addition to the bad boy. [Bizarre noise] The bad boy in private! All right so anyway, after that little plot bit, bit between Blake and Bubbles...

3. Parody: 1:28 I'll do a parody of Family Guy a little bit. It's like, do you remember, [goofy high pitched voice] "This is MTV and we're rockin' it with Spring Break!" flippin' through the channels, and then it's like, "Hey! This is VH1 and we're rockin' it live with Spring Break!" And then, "Thousands injured. For CNN, I'm Bernard Shaw. Keepin' it real and keepin' it ours at Spring Break! Woooooooo!" And then Meg would groan. And for my bit, I've got like Umm TV, and then uh, then uh instead of VH1 I have like PH1 and then instead of CNN News, I take a little bit, I borrow a little bit, a parody, borrow a little parody of Fox 20th Century from [something] he calls like [something]. I have all like six volumes of DVD [some crap about manga or something] I realize I was being intrusive upon it, taking, taking after real life.

See also

Chris Sex Videos

• MP3 Recordings