Fridays After Five

You know he's straight because his bra says so.

Fridays After Five is a large block party/concert series that takes place in Charlottesville from spring until fall. In June 2010 Chris was video recorded there, enjoying real life for once.

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a video explaining his near hit-and-run on Michael Snyder. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays after Five in the video Rollin' and Trollin', in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how Christian and the Hedgehog Boys play there every Friday night.

June 18th Sighting

Chris trying to pick up a boyfriend-free girl.

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a good samaritan (YouTube name 0ArchieBunker0) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy Vagina" and was wearing a "gay circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his PokéWalker. At some point Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his flabby gut and female support wear, which he had apparently seen fit to write "WANT WOMAN!" on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the Medallion of Fail - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his old tricks. Like the attraction sign, Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman". This is yet another example that this autistic man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging bald spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential sweethearts - mostly severely underage - Chris spent his time at the event drawing flipnotes on his Nintendo DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and autism - with all the grace and skill of CWC Fighter.

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

July 4th Sighting

Artist's conception of Chris using the attraction rock of fail.

The "zoom lens" as aforementioned. Apparently it acts as a sort of optic enhancement by adding a binocular zoom

On 4 July a troll reported that they had spotted Chris at the Independence Day celebrations held at McIntire Park on 4 July. Chris allegedly wore relatively normal clothing, indicating that perhaps he had realized how retarded he looked on his previous outing.

The troll reported that Chris had what appeared to be a large camera lens attached to the front of his DSi, and was presumably using it to survey the area for boyfriend-free girls.

Interestingly, the troll also reported that Chris scribbled a note onto something, wrapped it around a rock, and chucked it at a woman in what would appear to be a more aggressive and direct twist to the Red String of Fate tactic. Whatever was written on that note currently remains a mystery.

The troll's account in full:


I have followed the Chris trolling for a while, because who could resist reading about some guy who lived in the same city as you? Though I never would have expected to run into the elusive manchild, that is, until July 4th. Every year, McIntire Park shoots off fireworks for the July 4th. Many families come out to watch, despite the decline in quality each year due to money problems. So imagine my surprise when I see the internet sensation himself. I had to do a double take to make sure. No, he wasn't wearing anything outrageous like in Friday's After 5 footage. No Sonichu medallion. I guess he really has given up on Sonichu. I didn't stalk him the entire time he was there, but kept tabs every once in a while. He spent a lot of time near the baseball field. At one point I noticed he pulled out his DSi, with something odd attached to the front of it. It looked like a zoom lense. But do they make zoom lenses for the DSi? I thought the camera quality was already shit. He seemed to use his DSi and what I think is the zoom lense looking at the people around here, presumably women, considering the creepy person he is. A little while later I noticed he had gotten up and started to walk, to where, I don't know. Then he stopped. Now, I don't know how to make of this...I saw him scribble on something, wrap it around what I think he picked up was a rock, and threw it at this woman. I don't think it hit her, but she seemed startled. She picked up whatever he threw, opened up the paper he had written on, looked at him, and shook her head. She then turned and went on her way. At that point, I decided to leave it at that and go back to hanging out with my friends. I didn't see him after that point. I assume he decided to change where he was sitting or people were just blocking my view, because as it got darker it got incredibly more busy.

July 9th Sighting

Chris sat on his fat ass - a truly rare sight.

On 9 July, the above mentioned troll spotted Chris once again, purely by chance, while attending Fridays After Five. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

The troll goes on to report that Chris appeared to creep out a nearby high school girl by turning to her and saying something. This resulted in the girl huddling up with a group of her friends, who all proceeded to laugh at Chris. He probably never realized that the girls were laughing at him, not with him.

This time the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three Pokéwalkers of Fail. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris has been known to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a small piece of paper between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

The troll's report in full:


Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.