Emily

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The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.

Emily Julia Schifflet is Chris's onetime sweetheart with whom he went on a date. The date memorably ended in disaster when he was trolled IRL by a man dressed like a pickle..

Emily's identity is zealously guarded by her friends, but needless to say, we can tell you she's female and has great legs. Some argue she's Asian, but those people are probably slow-in-the-minds.

Chris's first date

In March 2009, shortly after Julie turned out to be a thirteen-year-old boy, Chris vowed that he would return to his real-life exploits of stalking women in public places in order to gain his sweetheart. Emily, a journalism student and head of the Sonichu Girls chapter at West Virginia University (and totally not a troll), decided to take Chris up on his offer and asked if he'd liked to go out to lunch sometime.

Chris actually stood up Emily the first time, on 16 March 2009, because he was so stressed from his parents arguing over whether she was real or not. Bob believed that Emily was sincere and truly wanted to meet Chris, while Barb was more suspicious. Chris's small mind could not handle two simultaneous arguments and so he didn't go. Emily was pissed off about this and demanded that Chris reschedule. Chris agreed and a new date was set.

When Chris finally did meet up for the date (on 19 March 2009 at Charlottesville Fashion Square), he brought his 81-year-old father, Bob Chandler along. Yes, he brought his dad on his first date. At least it wasn't his mother.

Chris would later confide to Ivy that he was very proud that he did not soil himself when the Pickle Man appeared.

Kiss fail

For reference, this is Chris in his kissing stance.

“	Well, when I was going to ditch him for the man in the picklesuit, Chris had his arm extended like he wanted a hug. So I was like, "sure, whatever" and was just going to give him a half assed hug. Lord, what a dumb move. I'm a small girl, so I have narrow shoulders. His large fucking arm basically weighed down around my neck over my shoulder and tightening, and what I could see in the corner of my eye was Chris puckering his lips and his face moving closer to mine. I did a duck and turn to avoid it. If I seriously turned my head to get a better look, he may have well have gotten my lips. I wonder if that was what Chris was going for; the surprise kiss on the lips when the girl turns her head. Too bad that only works in anime and movies. Or really suave guys.	”
Emily