Chris and health

Chris, as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good health. Considering his obesity, lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

Nutrition

Chris' nutrition is a known fast food lover keen to eating at McDonald's 2-3 times a week (when most doctors limit fast food intake to 2 time a month). However it is speculated since his mother probably does not cook often due to her abnormal weight that the family must often eat out. On the rare occasion that Barbara does eat it usually involves hot dogs. Many, many times has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This could be used to infer that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of carbonated drinks and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior. His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

• Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.

• Lunch: Fast Food in the Mall

• Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara

Exercise

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving high school, which has contributed to his already ballooning shape. This has also left his skin a frighting white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. When questioned about exercise he regarded standing up and playing Guitar Hero as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris' Parapapa contest entry, where he had to dance, during the video he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

Hygiene

Chris' hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded Axe as a substitute for a shower which often leaves him with a rather pungent odor. According to Emily, he smelled of "rotten watermelons." According to Robert Simmons V, a variant of the homeless person stank. According to field agents, various degrees of shit, sometimes body odor masked with gallons of Axe. To my reports he smells like rotting fish in the sun with soiled underwear and a hint of AXE. Because of the lack of showers (or Barbara's inability to clean properly) the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. In several videos his neck sometimes seems to have an odd brownish crust around his neck. Some speculate it is simply a shadow, but it is most likely the years of dirt and grime that have built up from a lack of showers.

Bet you wanna take a shower now, don't you. Go ahead, we'll wait.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in that most important of hygienic activities. Most likely it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or very slightly possibly getting laid. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a Boyfriend-free girl would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Chris's hair

Cassie, co-founder of Sonichu Girls, asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady (or a dude pretending to be one, lol), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service (insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When she finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a Sonichu drawing, where the Spanish side has Sonichu in a sombrero (you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZE SOMBREROS).

Mental Health

As noted, Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This more than anything is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being--he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some Hustlers stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only excacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

He is also a well known victim of Unwarranted-Self-Importance and Unrealistic Expectations. What this means is that not only he thinks he is handsome, smart, cool, and irresistible (with the opposite being true) he also expects to have a loving wife and children and a wife who not only will cook, clean, manage the bills, take care of the children, be the breadwinner, but he expects her to put up with his horrible personality and even worse appearence.

Other Deformities

Chris's Duck is a thing of horror, bent at an irregular angle. Armchair physicians have diagnosed him with Peyronie's disease, which causes the penis to be crooked. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (by "his" we mean "taxpayers'") money.

Chris is also mildly heterochromatic. He cites taking medicine from when he had pink eye as causing his right eye to turn green, although the above armchair physicians have their doubts about this origin story.

His voice is also a very severe deformity pitching from normal to the sound of a 3 year little girl on helium.