Difference between revisions of "Barbara Chandler"

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(→‎Bob: copy from Bob)
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Barbara has no eyebrows, which has caused intense interest at the [[PVCC]]<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1027&start=0 PVCC PVCC discussion on Barbara's lack of eyebrows]</ref>
Barbara has no eyebrows, which has caused intense interest at the [[PVCC]]<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1027&start=0 PVCC PVCC discussion on Barbara's lack of eyebrows]</ref>


==Cole==
==Relationship with Cole and his possible fathers==
 
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]


Barbara gave birth to [[Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.
Barbara gave birth to [[Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.
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Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />


==Chris==
{{-}}
 
==Relationship with Chris==
 
[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]


According to Cole, Barbara and [[Bob]] left [[Chris]] alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>
According to Cole, Barbara and [[Bob]] left [[Chris]] alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>


Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]]; [[White knight emails]]</ref>  As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.  
Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref>  As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.


Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#Seinor Prom|seinor prom]]. She and Chris also cuddle while Bob is out of the room, and sometimes fall asleep like this.
Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#Seinor Prom|seinor prom]]. She and Chris also cuddle while Bob is out of the room, and sometimes fall asleep like this.
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She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures which, while ruining the fun for [[trolls]], does seem to indicate that she's not entirely stupid.
She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures which, while ruining the fun for [[trolls]], does seem to indicate that she's not entirely stupid.


==Bob==
{{-}}
 
==Relationship with Bob==
 
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb]]


Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|persuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />
Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|persuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />
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<center>
<center>
<gallery>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|thumb|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg
Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg
Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
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Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put fucking [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put fucking [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg

Revision as of 22:24, 8 June 2009

File:Chrischansmom.jpg
Barbara holding Scampers Desi the cat.
“ Get off. Before I go off. ”
Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with Sarah May
“ I don't need no back talk from someone on the internet. ”
Barbara, Mumble 2

Barbara Anne Weston Chandler[1] (born circa 1942)[2] is the wife of Bob Chandler and terrible mother of Christian Weston Chandler and Cole Smithey. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year 2000 Award Chris created for her.[3]

Appearance

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her massive size, she is affectionately referred to as Snorlax by trolls. When encountering Barbara, it is wise to use a Poke Flute.

Barbara has no eyebrows, which has caused intense interest at the PVCC[4]

Relationship with Cole and his possible fathers

Cole visits for Chris's 18th birthday.

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran Coleman Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.[5] Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism.[6]

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.[5]

Relationship with Chris

Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the abusive babysitter.[7]

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.[8] As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that PandaHalo would not stop kissing him once she met him.

Barbara was Chris's date to his seinor prom. She and Chris also cuddle while Bob is out of the room, and sometimes fall asleep like this.

She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures which, while ruining the fun for trolls, does seem to indicate that she's not entirely stupid.

Relationship with Bob

0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.[9] Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.[10] According to Chris, Barbara did the persuing: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.[9]

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.[11]

Audio Appearances

Gallery

  • Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.

  • 0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg
  • 0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
  • 0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
  • 0033-MommasBirthday.jpg

  • Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.[12]

  • 0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg

  • From her 55th birthday.

  • 0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg

  • Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.

  • Barb with Aunt Corina, Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.

  • The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.

  • Poor Barb, Chris put fucking Sonichu on HER birthday cake.

  • 0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg

  • It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, whom he took his mom to as his date.

  • Barb, talking to Tiffany, one of Chris's gal pals, at the prom.

See Also

Sauces

  1. ↑ Email to Blanca
  2. ↑ This year is established by Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg, which apparently depicts her 55th birthday. In Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007, Chris says Barbara is 66 which implies that her birth year is 1940 or 1941, but he also overcounts Bob's birthday by one year. The image Image:457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG is unclear about the issue.
  3. ↑ A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13.
  4. ↑ PVCC PVCC discussion on Barbara's lack of eyebrows
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1
  6. ↑ 6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2
  7. ↑ 6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3
  8. ↑ Sonichu Girls and White knight emails
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 Mumble 3.5
  10. ↑ 24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris
  11. ↑ IRC (27 December 2008)
  12. ↑ DVD, note 2

External Links

Retrieved from "http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Barbara_Chandler&oldid=22144"