User:Flyingdingo0827

Chris's bad ideas

For someone as thick as Chris, bad ideas are abound. Though there is speculation as where Chris finds the inspiration for these endeavors (or better yet where he rips it off from) some ideas are just so profoundly retarded that even the dumbest net citizen face palms in the face of rampant stupidity. These are some of the more well known ideas that Chris had in his head.

Megan/ED saga

Prior to his discovery Chris would spent the majority of his time at the The GAMe PLACe. From there he met a young woman named Megan, who was even stranger than him. During this time, Chris and Megan would spend time together talking about things that they both enjoyed (or rather what Chris was willing to copy) and generally became friends as a result.

One day however, a fellow patron named Mimms took a picture of Chris that started him on the road of becoming a lolcow. From there the shit hit the fan. After a session of ego searching on the web he discovered his ED page and like most things in his life he handled it poorly. He decided to become a one man army against the evil ED empire armed with nothing but truth and justice on his side. It didn't work out as much as he'd hope. When Chris decided to go on his crusade, he thought that the best way to combat the facts in his article is to bombard it with additional information that would be too personal for someone to know. In addition to anecdotes involving sex and telling the EDitors that "he's straight" he decided to upload rule 34 of his own comic characters. In addition to the slew of rosechu porn was a picture depicting comic Chris finger banging a Caucasian brunette while smiling like a smug bastard. The EDitors automatically assumed that the brunette in question was none other than Crystal which led some to believe that Chris wanted to bang his imaginary twin sister. Because he's not one to keep others out of the crossfire, Chris responded by stating that the girl in the picture was actually his friend Megan.

Soon after the picture was uploaded, a friend of Megan discovered the picture and told Megan about it. Megan was shocked and went to Chris with outrage as she asked him why he decided to draw the picture. At first, Chris believed that Megan was outraged due to the fact that She was asexual and probably didn't know what sex was. So he dedicated an entire E-mail to explain in candid detail what he was doing to her in the pic. After she recovered from a combination of disgust and nausea, she again asked him why he did it. He responded by basically telling her that he needed to draw the picture or else he would've probably (attempted) to rape her and told her that he'd try to take down the page as soon as possible. After several weeks of failed attacks on ED, Megan responded for one of the last time by telling him that she never wanted to see him again and told him that they couldn't be friends anymore. To this day, Megan's location is unknown and Chris lost one of the closest things he had as a friend. To make matters worse, the onslaught of information and the gallery of Rule 34 helped to increase troll interest in Chris and helped to make him one of the biggest target for trolling that most have ever seen.

It should be noted that even though the picture ended his friendship with Megan, he still decided to upload the same picture along with the rest of the rule 34 to his porn site Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack and cited its use by saying that he needed "sexy pictures for a sexy website".

Adam Stackhouse saga

Sometime before the discovery of ED and the fallout of Megan's friendship, Chris decided to enter a contest known as Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown. During the contest, Chris and several other applicants had to sing a song from the titular game series and the winner would be able to go to an all expense paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 PAX convention and two PSPs. Chris hoped that winning the contest would unlock the gates to Megan's china. So Chris got up, buckled down and...no he just half-assed the job as usual. Chris's performance could be called less than ideal as it primarily consisted of him flailing around like a fish while reading the lyrics to the song.

Rather than play fair and what for the results, Chris decided to stuff the ballot box with votes to make sure that he'd win. So after voting over 50 times and getting everyone he knew to cast their vote, Chris ended up losing the contest and getting nothing but a PSP to show for all his "hard work". He decided to combat the decision by trying to discredit the winners by trying to prove that they broke the rules even though he broke several rules by stuffing the ballot box and adding additional lyrics. For all his efforts however, he was told straight up by Megan that even if he did by some miracle won, she still wouldn't have gone with him anyway.

(It should be noted that Chris also thought that it was necessary to tell a total stranger that he only entered the contest to get his friend to sleep with him while he was telling him why he should have won the contest.)

Clyde Cash saga

During this saga, Chris began to draw more of his comics and trolls began to eat it up as soon as they saw it. However, because Chris can't do anything as easy as draw (shitty) pages for his comic for more than a couple of minutes, his comics began to update less and less until Chris practically stopped updating all together. When this happened, many fans were upset including a young boy named Ryan Cash, younger brother of Mr. Clyde Cash and a die hard fan of the comic. When Chris's updating schedule began to slow down, young Ryan soon found himself falling into a deep depression. Soon after, Young Ryan committed suicide and the Cash family would never be the same again. Immediately Clyde decided to tell Chris the horrible tragedy and awaited Chris's response to being responsible for killing his younger brother. After several days, Chris decided to create a video to apologize to the Cash family and showed how sorry he was about the death of one of his fans.

His response was less than ideal. Chris decided that it was more important to marvel at his power to cause a young boy to commit suicide than to show how sorry he was for causing it. Needless to say, Clyde was not amused and Chris unknowingly created an enemy that would haunt him even from beyond the grave (supposedly).

After Clyde fucked up many of Chris's attempt to gain China, hacked his many user accounts on various websites (including youtube and one of his sonichu websites), and sending various trolls to harass Chris IRL, Chris began to hate Clyde with more fury as the days wore on. Chris would eventually try to counter against Clyde's attacks (with no avail) and would resort to everything from death threats and curse-ye-ha-me-has. Then came the day when Clyde was rumored to have committed suicide and various trolls decided to take up Clyde's place as the head troll. After many month's of inactivity on Clyde's end, Chris deduced that his nemesis was finally gone and he would finally be able to get some peace after months of abuse (until the next troll decided to mess with Chris of course).

Months later, Chris was in the middle of the Liquid Saga. He was busy trying to steal Kacey from "that brown shirted imposter" and get into her pants when suddenly Chris heard word that Clyde was back from the dead. He decided to spend most of his time trying to battle against Clyde (AKA Gregg Mays) and silence him once and for all. Chris's attempt hinged on a particularly gay picture (that Chris saved and is in possession of to this day) that he used as a springboard to create several poor jokes. One of these was one particularly terrible one in which Chris decided to mock the 9/11 tragedy for the sake of humiliation. This video was met by moral outrage and disbelieve that Chris would actually be dumb/heartless enough to mock one of the worst terrorist attacks in US history. After deleting the video a day after it was uploaded, Chris decided to offer an apology to those that may have been offended by the video. This video offered a half-assed apology that was quickly followed by him explaining how he only used the tragedy in order to mock Clyde Cash. Not one to outdo himself in laziness and studipity, Chris then showed a picture of the twin towers its tops on fire. Needless to say, the general consensus seemed to believe that the apology was more offensive than the one before it.

The last Chris has mentioned Clyde after the Gregg mays incident was when he thought that Clyde had a hand in destroying his relationship with The Wallflower. Chris decided to display his forgiveness by pretending to beating him up before slitting Clyde's throat on camera with a pocket knife as way to warn other trolls from interfering in his love quest again.

Love Quest

In the eve of trolling, Chris's motivation for life was to find a sweat heart to "make from the ground up" and one day father Crystal Weston Chandler and live happily ever after. This thought hadn't entered Chris's diminutive skull until one day in college when he was sent out of his English class for acting like a jerk by his teacher. Like many times when Chris didn't get his way, he packed up his his shit and ran out the classroom like a little bitch. When Chris waddled as far as his legs could carry him and he cried into a random bench, he realized that for the first time in his life he was totally alone. Unlike his high school years when he had his mother and various gal-pals to comfort him in his hour of need, he realized that nobody came to help him cope with life as an autism virgin with rage. From that point on, Chris decided to look for his true and honest sweetheart and created many stupid ideas that eventually came back to bite him in the ass.

Six months after the English class incident, He decided to begin his love quest at the fashion square mall and began trying to try to pick up some of the sexy singles that frequented the mall. After being denied continuously by some of the woman, Chris began to develop [[noviophobia|a crippling fear of nonboyfriend-free girls due to the "infinitely high boyfriend factor" that seemed to prevent him from picking up a girlfriend to give him her china.

After failing to find a boyfriend free girl at the mall, Chris decided to bring his love quest on campus (as well as everywhere else he went) in order to increase the chance of finding China. One day a girl approached him but it wasn't as good as Chris had hoped it would be. After the dean told Chris to stop creating attraction signs, Chris had no choice but to destroy the sign and take his business else where...until he attempted it much later. After having to deal with Chris's attraction sign and subsequent "personal ads" about himself, Mary had no choice but to take Chris into her office and lecture him on why the signs wouldn't work and why he'd never find a woman to date him. After being "talked down" to for approximately an hour, Chris decided that the best way to counter Mary's harsh attitude was to "attack" her in her office. This earned him anger management courses, psychiatric therapy, and a ban from PVCC for an entire year.

Chris also took his love questing to several public outlets in hopes of attracting a woman, as always the results were less than ideal but just as retarded. Chris's method of questing for love is less of a quest and more like fishing. Chris would park his fat ass on any area where he could sit with a sign in one hand and his DS in another. Like always, the signs attracted attention...but from the wrong people. Rather than a delightful beauty with DD cup breasts and a proclivity for autistic retards, he attracted several individuals and earned himself several bans from several public outlets for several months.

After several bans and nothing to show for it, Chris became depressed with nothing to do in his spare time. After a moment of lucidity, Chris decided to try his luck on the internet. Like everything else in his life, this would prove to get worse before it got better.

Sweetheart saga(s)

After Chris decided to try his luck on the internet, several trolls decided to take advantage of the opportunity and soon several trolls tried to draw in Chris with promises of china if (and only if) he were able to do them a few favors. One could argue that continually falling for the exact same trick over and over again is a bad idea in and of itself, but to truly appreciate how stupid this decision is, we must examine each individual idea based each individual sweetheart.

• Blanca- After talking to a "woman" named Blanca for a while, Chris decided to take several compromising photos and send his sonichu medallion to her in the mail even though it was one of his most prized possessions.

• Sarah Jackson- After talking to Sarah J. and kicking her to the curb so that he could get with pandahalo, Sarah went silent only for Chris to discover that Sarah was killed in a fatal car crash. In a display of logic that would only make sense to himself, Chris decided to honor her memeory by depicting her violent death twice within his own comic.

• Pandahalo- After hearing that Clyde had raped and impregnated Pandahalo, Chris decided to tell Pandahalo that he doesn't blame her for being raped.

• Julie- Chris filmed himself having sex with a blow-up doll, driving to Ohio, and shoving pieces of his medallion up his ass for someone that he barely knew.

• Ivy- Chris decided to make several disturbing videos for Ivy to show her how much he loved her. One of these videos was the infamous recycling video.

• Kacey- After threatening her boyfriend, insulting her father, and touching her inappropriately in public, Chris decided to draw the infamous "gun comic" which depicted him shooting liquid in the legs after he'd already disarmed him. All these factors eventually led to Kacey officially "dumping" solid Chris to marry Liquid.

• Wallflower- After accidentally revealing her identity over a youtube video, Chris tried save his relationship with the wallflower by making several videos depicting himself threatening trolls with a pocket knive (that took him several minutes to open) while telling trolls to delete the wallflower's dox. After her dox was purged and the wallflower kindly told him to fuck off, Chris decided to drop her dox several times (including one instance where it was in the goddamned title) while telling her how much he needed her while explaining how expensive it was to hire a hooker. Needless to say, the wallflower never contacted him again.

• Jackie- After Jackie first contacted Chris, Jackie's only goal was for Chris to improve his life in some way so he wouldn't be a loser. As always, Chris put little to no effort into completing her wishes and eventually, this caused her to break all ties with him as well.

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Americunt: This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels. Uncle Sam would be proud!