Hotel Ricky Ricardo

Artist's impression. Those who try to check out end up like the guy by the road.

Hotel Ricky Ricardo (also translated as Hotel Richy Ricardo) is a Spanish class assignment in which Chris describes a hotel as he would run it. It was discovered in the site archives released by Clyde Cash in October 2009. The whole thing is a bizarre combination of Chris's horrible version of Spanish (requiring liberal insertions of [sic]), combined with the relatively innocent naiveté of a seemingly normal childhood, as demonstrated by choosing to inhabit his fictional hotel with children's video game characters. This sort of thing is common amongst children as old as 8, which should really tell you something about Chris's mental maturity, as he wrote this when he was fucking 18 years old.

Chris also includes himself when listing activities for employees and clients (although he doesn't always clarify which is which) as well as some other people he knows. Amongst the other, mundane activities such as Chris playing videogames with Sonic the Hedgehog, or Amy Rose going shopping is one strangely poignant mention of Chris's mother getting angry and yelling at his father.

Of note, Chris places himself in the category of "great artists", alongside Michelangelo and DaVinci. You keep telling yourself that, Chris.

Original text

Ricardo W. Chandler.

12/3/Y2K Español II, 7.

Hotel Richy Ricardo Rough Draft:

I. La Guia Michelin:

Richy Ricardo, pl Estación, 4692, 634 92 10,

Telex 83392-

Com 2100, 200 hab, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

II Descripción del Hotel:

El hotel, Richy Ricardo, es un hotel de gran confort. Tiene un restaurante y está en la Plaza Estación. El número de teléfono es 634 92 10. Tiene un ascensor, una piscina y un garaje. En las habitaciones, hay un televisor, aire acondicionado, y un sistema de los juegos de videos, Sega Dreamcast. Y con el Dreamcast hay muchos juegos de videos y acceso al internet. Puede comprar o alquilar un Jump Pack o un VMU para el Dreamcast en el recepción. Hay un teléfono a las habitaciones. En este hotel hay 200 habitaciones. Una habitación cuesta entre 15.500 y 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 y 2,100 dolares americanos). El desayuno está incluido en el precio de la habitación. Aceptan tres tarjetas de crédito: American Express, Visa y Discovery. También aceptan unos cheques de viajero.

III En Nuestras Habitaciones Hay...:

1. En las habitaciones hay una cama matrimonial y dos camas sencillas.
2. En las habitaciones hay un clóset grande y un escritorio.
3. En las habitaciones hay una mesita de noche pequeña.
4. En las habitaciones hay una cómoda grande y cuatro cajones.
5. En las habitaciones hay dos sillas, una mesita de café, un sillón comodo y un sofá.
6. En las habitaciones hay unos cuadros do los artistas buenos: DeVinci, Michalanglo y C.W. Chandler.
7. En las habitaciones hay una ducha, un W.C., un lavabo y un espejo largo.
8. En las habitaciones hay un televisor pesado.
9. En las habitaciones hay una sistema de los juegos do videos: Sega Dreamcast con unos juegos de videos; muy moderno.
10. En las habitaciones hay un estante formal.

IV Las Actividades de nuestros Empleados y nuestros Clientes del Hotel:

1. Nuestro cliente, Sonic el Puerco Espino juege a la guitarra para las chicas bonitas cerca de la piscina.
2. Nuestro cliente, Amy Rose va de compras en las tiendas de departamento cerca del hotel.
3. Nuestro emplejado, Jose hace las comidas en la cocina.
4. La Sra. Cox juege al juego de video, Hydro Thunder con su hijo pequeño, Christian Cox.
5. El Sr. Cox juege al tenis en el parque que está lejos del hotel.
6. Cada noche, Sr. Red Skelton dice muchos chistes comicos en nuestro restraunte.
7. Yo hago mi website de Pokémon, El PokéSite de RWC 2!
8. Knuckles sube el muro del hotel.
9. Tails cria los chaoes en el jardín del Chao.
10. La empleada, Tiffany lava las toallas, las ropas y las cortinas del hotel.
11. La empleada, Kellie arregla los muebles en las habitaciones.
12. Mi madre discute con mi padre cuándo están enojados.
13. Los chaoes nadan en el lago del jardín.
14. Christian Cox está enojado si no durmió bien.
15. Sonic y yo jugamos al juego de video, Sonic Adventure; Sonic tiene mas puntos que mi.

V El Presidente del Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.

¡Hola! Me llamo Ricardo. Yo tengo 18 años. Soy alto y delgado. Tengo el pelo pardo, un ojo azul y un ojo verde. Soy honesto; a mi, me gusta decir la verdad. Soy inteligente; yo sé las matemáticas, Español, fotografía y la computadora. Soy divertido; yo juego unos juegos de videos y el juego de las tarjetas de Pokémon. Soy un artista; me gusta hacer mucho arte. Tenga un buen día.

Translation

I. The Michelin Guide:

Richy Ricardo, Station pl, 4692, 634 92 10, Telex 83392-

Com 2100 200 rooms, 15.500/21.000 pesetas ($1,550/$2,100).

II Hotel Description:

This hotel, Richy Ricardo, is a hotel of great comfort. It has a restaurant which is in the Station Plaza. The telephone number is 634 92 10. It has an elevator, a pool and a garage. In the rooms, there is a television set, air conditioning, and a video game system, Sega Dreamcast. And for the Dreamcast there are many games and Internet access. You can buy or rent a Jump Pack or a VMU for the dreamcast at the lobby. There is a telephone in each room. In this hotel there are 200 rooms. A room costs between 15.500 and 21.000 pesetas ($1,550 and 2,100 american dollars). Breakfast is included with the room price. They accept three credit cards: American Express, Visa and Discovery. They also accept some traveler checks.

III In our rooms there are...:

1. In the rooms there is a double sized bed and two single beds.
2. In the rooms there is a big closet and a desk.
3. In the rooms there is a small nightstand.
4. In the rooms there is a big commode and [it should say "with"] four drawers.
5. In the rooms there are two chairs, a coffee table, a comfy loveseat and a couch.
6. In the rooms there are paintings made by the best artists: DeVinci (sic), Michalanglo (sic) and C.W. Chandler.
7. In the rooms there is a shower, a toilet, a sink and a long [probably meant to say "large"] mirror.
8. In the rooms there is a heavy[?] television set.
9. In the rooms there is a video game system: Sega Dreamcast with some video games; very modern.
10. In the rooms there is a formal shelf.

IV Our employees and client's activities:

1. Our client, Sonic the Hedge Hog [sic] plays [misspelled; should've used "toca" instead] the guitar for the pretty girls near the pool.
2. Our client, Amy Rose goes shopping in the department stores near the hotel.
3. Our employee, Jose makes the foods in the kitchen.
4. Mrs. Cox plays the video game, Hydro Thunder with his small son, Christian Cox.
5. Mr. Cox plays [misspelled here as "juegue"] tennis in the park which is far from away from the hotel.
6. Each night, Mr. Red Skelton says lots of funny jokes in our restaurant.
7. I make my Pokémon website, RWC's Pokésite 2!
8. Knuckles climbs the hotel's wall.
9. Tails raises the Chaoes in the Chao garden [translated as Chao's garden by Chris, as if Chao was an actual person].
10. The employee, Tiffany washes the towels, clothes and the hotel's curtains.
11. The employee, Kellie fixes the rooms' furniture.
12. My mother argues with my father when they are angry.
13. The Chaoes swim in the garden's lake.
14. Christian Cox is mad if he didn't sleep well.
15. Sonic and I play the video game, Sonic Adventure; Sonic has more points than me.

V The President of the Hotel: Ricardo W. Chandler.

Hello! My name is Ricardo. I am 18 years old. I am tall and slim. I have brown hair, one blue eye and one green eye. I am honest; I, like to tell the truth. I am smart; I know maths, Spanish, photography and the computer. I am fun; I play some video games and the Pokémon card game. I am an artist; I like to make a lot of art. Have a nice day.