User:MachPunch

Puts bitches in their place.

MachPunch si a pretty cool guy. eh edits CWCki and doesn't afraid of anything.

Order of the Sonichu This user has performed extraordinary service for the glorious Motherland.

MachPunch's to-do list

Workin' on it!

Sonichu chronology

(becuase I get sick of trying to figure out when the hell all this stuff is supposed to have happened.)

TODO:

• Get dates for the sub-episodes and other Chris-centric stories (usually set at the same time they happened in real life)
• add dates for the founding of CWCville (I think Bob was supposed to have done it in 1982)
• look for other dates established in the comics and the Cwcipedia.
• clean up formatting, and links and more witty putdowns of Chris.

1980s

1982

24 February

• Christopher Weston Chandler is born.

1984

• Naitsirhc is born.

1985

• Darkbind Sonichu is born on 15 May.

1986

• Kel is born.
• Zelina Rosechu is born on 21 August.

1988

17 March

• The Pokemon who would become Sonichu hatches as a Pichu.

22 December

• The Pokemon who would become Rosechu hatches.

1989

1 February

• Silvana Rosechu is born on Earth's moon, hatched from an egg sent through time from 1998 by the fateful rainbow. Despite being imprisoned by the Cherokian Clan, and years away from release, Count Graduon rears the Pokemon and eventually grants it great power in exchange for turning it into a transsexual shapeshifter.

2 February

• The vast majority of the eggs created by the magical rainbow of 1998 are sent through time to this date. These eggs would hatch into Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, although they would go undocumented and unnamed until the creation of Sonichu and Rosechu in 1994. Presumably Jamsta, Lolisa, Simonla, and Zapina's parents hatched from these eggs, but this has not been established.

• EPISODE 10: The future Chatoic Combo (Wild, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, and Magi-Chan) all hatch. They individually go on to have various adventures until they meet in 2002.

1990s

1993

• Zapina Rosechu is born

1994

February 26

• The Pokemon who would become Sonichu evolves from a Pichu into a Pikachu

1996

November 13

• Crhis, at age 14, is inspired to create Bionic the Hedgehog when he is struck by an object he believes to be a basketball.
• The Chris, Sonichu, and Magi-chan of 2007 travel in time back to this date as they have realized it was an errant Sonichu Ball, not a basketball, that hit Chris on the head when he was 14. To protect the integrity of the timeline, the trio arrange events so that the Sonichu Ball is removed from the scene and replaced with a basketball to fulfill Chris and Bionic's destiny.

1998

• Zelina Rosechu is put into a sleeping spell

June

• EPISODE 1: The events of Sonic Adventure occur in June of this year. As Sonic battles the Perfect Chaos Monster with the Chaos Emeralds, a Pikachu rushes to help Sonic and collides with him. The collision transforms the Pikachu into a new species of Electric Hedgehog Pokemon that can talk like humans. After the battle, the new Pokemon names both itself and its species "Sonichu." A rainbow emerging from the collision of Sonic and Sonichu stretches across the region, striking Kel's Raichu and transforming it into Rosechu.

• Additionally, the rainbow magically creates "countless" eggs which are strewn across time and space. Allegedly all of the eggs are sent to 2 February, 1989, although this does not account for the origins of Darkbind and Zelina.

July

• EPISODE 2: For several weeks Sonichu wanders like a wild Pokemon, until he discovers the home of Kel and Rosechu and decides to ask for food. He and Rosechu instantly fall in love, and on 4 July they share their first kiss.

8 August (or 12 August)

• EPISODE 3: Sonicu and Rosechu go shopping and encounter Naitsirhc, the 14-year-old son of Giovanni. Sonichu saves CWCville from Naitsirhc and meets Christian Weston Chandler, who congratulates him.

1999

21 March (or 22 March)

• EPISODE 4: Months after Naitsirhc collected Sonichu's DNA, Giovanni and Robotnik are able to use their cloning machines to create a clone of Sonichu that will be named Black Sonichu. Black Sonichu is "born" with the body of an 11-year-old Sonichu.

14 August (or 22 July)

• EPISODE 5-6: Black Sonichu kidnaps Rosechu to lure Sonichu into Giovanni and Robotnik's trap. With Sonic's help, Sonichu defeats the villains and rescues his heartsweet.

2000s

2000

• In recognition of their heroic deeds, Chris offers to provide a house for Sonichu and Rosechu in CWCville.

27 May

• Construction on the house at 14 Brunchville Lane is completed on 27 May.

8 June

• Sonichu and Rosechu part ways with Kel, and move into their new home at 14 Brunchville Lane. Kel, who is 14, moves on to becoming a Pokemon Master.

July

• Christian Weston Chandler begins working as mayor of CWCville.

2002

15 May

• EPISODE 11: Black Sonichu is sent by Naitsirhc to steal the sunstone from Flame the Sunbird. Sonichu learns of these plans and plans to intervene. Both of them happen to encounter Wild, Angelica, Punchy, Bubbles, and Magi-Chan, who join forces as the Chaotic Combo to help Sonichu teach the black hedgehog a lesson.

2003

7 October

• While Chris is attending classes at Piedmont Virginia Community College and trying to attract women with his sign, Mary Lee Walsh flies toward him on her broomstick, destroys the sign, and tells him that true love is illegal.

2004

12 January

• EPISODE 7-9: On his daily run, Sonichu discovers an ancient cave, inadvertantly triggering the Anchuent Prophecy that releases Count Graduon and bestows Anchuent Powers to Chris, Sarah Hammer, and Wes Iseli. Using their new Electric Hedgehog Pokemon powers, Chris-Chan Sonichu, Saramah Rosechu, and Wes-Li Sonichu confront Count Graduon, who is now in league with Mary Lee Walsh, and prevent them from destroying CWCville with a golem.

ca. March

• Mary Lee Walsh unleashes her first wave of Jerkops to "Break Up True, Honest Relationships between True Lovers." It falls to Chris to save true love and honesty.

18 March

• SUB-EPISODE 3: Chris uses his newly gained Anchuent Powers to become Chris-Chan Sonichu and launch a counter-strike against Mary Lee Walsh for her crimes against love.

2005

20 July

• SUB-EPISODE 7-8: Still seething from an earlier defeats, Mary Lee Walsh summons [[Bagget] to defeat Chris once and for all. Although Bagget successfully captures Chris and brings him to PVCC for execution, Crystal arrives to save Chris and together and cleanse Piedmont Virginia Community College of the corruption by the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens. Walsh and Graduon retreat to Menchi-Nasu High, which they plan to turn into a new PVCC headquarters.

2006

17 March

• Wedding of Sonichu and Rosechu.

27 June

• EPISODE 12.5: Chris's dog Patti is transformed into the anthopomorphic Patti-Chan. Chris invites her to live in CWCville.

29 June

• Cerah Rosey, Sonichu and Rosechu's first daughter, is born.

7 October

• Christine Rosey, Magi-chan Sonichu and Rosechu's second daughter, is born.

2007

26 February

• Robbie Sonee, Sonichu and Rosechu's first son, is born.

17 March

• Sonichu turns 19 years old.

11 October

• EPISODE 13: Mary Lee Walsh's Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens launches a mass invasion of CWCville. Chris-Chan Sonichu, Crystalina Rosechu, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo barely repel this invasion with the timely arrivals of Sailor Megtune and Megagi La Skunk. In a parting shot, Mary Lee Walsh attempts to imprison Chris in a dark mirror hole. The exposure of Chris's Sonichu medallion to the dark energy fulfills a section of the Anchuent Prophecy that causes Naitsirhc (who is miles away) to transform into Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc. Crystal rescues Chris from the mirror but is imprisoned herself.

• EPISODE 14: Mary Lee Walsh demands CWCville's surrender in exchange for Crystal's release. However, the arrival of Darkbind Sonichu and Patti-Chan turns the tide, and the PVCC forces retreat. After hours of trying to free Crystal, the heroes assemble to discuss how to obtain the seven Sonichu balls needed to break the spell of the dark mirror. Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc (as Reldnahc Ha-Taque) and Black Sonichu embark on a crime wave. Although Sonichu and Magi-Chan are able to appeal to Black Sonichu with reason, Reldnahc is only stopped through a pitched battle with Chris, culminating in the helpful assistance of the returning Bionic the Hedgehog

2 November

• Kel informs Rosechu of a website, 4-cent_garbage.com that drags the names of Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu through the muck.

• EPISODE 15-16: Chris, Sonichu, and Magi-Chan determine that one of the Sonichu Balls is lost in the past, and travel to 13 November 1996 to retrieve it. On their way back to the present, the power of the Sonichu balls hurls Chris clear of Magi-Chan's time bubble, causing him to be lost in the time void. Sonichu and Magi-Chan return without him and worry for their mayor's safe recovery. Then Sonichu and Rosechu plan to buy condoms and have sex. At PVCC headquarters, Mary Lee Walsh and the assembled villains plan to exploit Chris's absence and launch the most audacious attack on CWCville yet.

3 November

• Zapina Rosechu has recently turned 14 years cute. ^_^

• EPISODE 17: As planned, Sonichu and Rosechu have graphic hardcore sex into the small hours of the night. That morning, Rosechu checks out 4-cent_garbage.com and finds salacious artwork of herself and her friends. Disgusted and outraged, Sonichu and Rosechu journey to 4-cent_garbage building in Clarksville, Tennessee to reason with the owner of the site. Wild accompanies them to look for one of the Sonichu Balls. When the evil Jason Kendrick Howell refuses to hear out Sonichu and Rosechu, Rosechu transforms into a unthinking beast and savages Howell. After Wild recovers the Sonichu Ball, Rosechu and her girlfriends (Angelica, Bubbles, Lolisa, Simonla, and Zapina) assemble at her house to plan a nude photoshoot to raise awareness of a woman's right not to be mistaken for a she-male.

20 December

• Ten weeks after being left comatose by Bionic the Hedgehog, Reldnahc awakens in the hospital and swears revenge (although he was at Mary Lee Walsh's meeting on 2 November).

22 December

• Rosechu celebrates her 19th birthday with a party at her home.

2008

2 February

• The Chaotic Combo (Wild, Angelica, Punchy, Magi-chan, and Bubbles) celebrate their 19th birthday at CWCville Mall.

17 March

• Sonichu's friends throw him a surprise party for his 20th birthday.

21 March

• Bubbles clandestinely visits Blake to celebrate the eighth anniversary of his creation, which she considers to be his 20th birthday.

22 March

• EPISODE 18: The hedgehogs celebrate Spring Break in CWCville, Virginia, at the beach. Blake pretends to be a jerk so Bubbles's friends won't know she's fucking him. Bubbles locates one of the Sonichu Balls. A Squirtle yawns. Using her shapeshifting powers Silvana fucks Blake and almost fucks Bubbles, for no apparent reason. Wild and Punchy decide to attend Dating Education.

after 22 March, through 6 May

• EPISODE 19: Wild, Punchy, Layla Flaafy, Simonla, Reginald Sneasel, and Ivy O'Neill attend Dating education classes at CWCville University. God and Jesus cause both Ivy and Chris to communicate across the time void.

4 June

• EPISODE 20: PVCC uses its army of Decepticlones to launch a full-scale invasion of CWCville. The Chaotic Combo, Bionic and Megagi, Darkbind, and the Samurai Pizza Bots do their best to turn the tide. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie is killed when her apartment building is set ablaze by the attack. Ivy O'Neill is also horrifically killed when she falls in an elevator shaft and is strangled by one of the cables. In a final last stand, Sonichu engages in single combat with Mary Lee Walsh, defeats her, and then simply lets her escape with her followers.

9 August

• EPISODE 20 EPILOGUE: Wild and Magi-chan rescue Chris from the time void.

• EPISODE 21: Chris explains that the time void temporarily left him in the year 2015, where he helped develop a homosexuality vaccine. He sends Magi-chan back to the future to pick up mass quantities of the vaccine to distribute in the water supply of the present day. Later, Chris travels to the 4-cent_garbage building, where his medallion is briefly stolen until he uses the real power in his high school ring to teleport it to safety. Chris then gathers his band to finally destroy 4-cent_garbage with the power of rock. Magi-chan returns from time traveling to explain that, by 24 February 2009, the homosexuality vaccine will be distributed throughout the world. Meg Griffin wanders by to make out with Chris, but it turns out to be Silvana trolling him. Using the power of the assembled Sonichu Balls, Chris and Sonichu transform into Collosal Chris-chan and Ultra Sonichu; they proceed to free Crystal from the mirror, un-brainwash PVCC's Jerkops, awaken Zelina Rosechu, liberate Asperchu and his friends, and finally defeat Mary Lee Walsh. Chris delivers a mayoral address in which he effectively declares himself mayor for life. Alec, Mao, Sean, Evan, and Simonchu orchestrate the assassination of Simonla. Moments after Wild is told of Simonla's death, their child Sandy is born.

16 August

• Sandy evolves from a Rosee into a Rosechu.

• EPISODE 21: One week after being arrested for the murder of Simonla, Alec, Mao, Sean, and Evan are tried, convicted, and horrifically executed for their crimes.

12-13 December

• SPECIAL EPISODE: Sonichu and his family prepare to celebrate Christmas.

The Future

Note that Sonichu continuity currently leaves off at 13 December 2008. So far, anything occurring after that is in "the future."

2009

24 February

• According to Magi-chan, by this time the homosexuality vaccine he brought back from the future to August 2008 has been tested and distributed throughout the world's water supply, and all homosexuals have been cured. In honor of this event, the date is declared "Christian Love Day," in honor of Christian Chandler rescuing millions of people from condemnation to hell for their deviant perversions.

2015

• Chris is by now married to Lovely Weather and has a daughter named Crystal.

June

• The Chris of November 2007 is sent through time to this period. Lovely Weather mistakes the 2007-Chris for her husband, the 2015-Chris. The Chris of 2007 plays along and has sex with his future wife, losing his virginity through deception.

• Scientists have isolated the genes involved in causing people to become homosexual. The Chris of 2007 participates in a study to find a cure. His blood samples are used to develop the first successful cure for homosexuality, although it will take several weeks to mass produce. Chris is paradoxically the first test subject for the cure.

• The Chris of 2007 departs this timeframe to return to the time void. He takes with him two samples of the prototype homosexuality vaccine, so that he can cure Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.

31 July

• Magi-chan arrives from August 2008 to pick up enough homosexuality vaccines to vaccinate every man, woman, and child in the year 2008.

2029

• Sonichu has by now evolved into Metonic. Rosechu has by now evolved into Vamprosa. Metonic could cut 100 logs before breakfast, but he already ate lunch and since it is therefore not "before breakfast" he will not cut any logs. Also he is a lazy cunt.