User:Beat/Sandbox
Chris and America
| “ | Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here! | ” |
| Red Letter CWC Certified Day | ||
Chris is a citizen of The United States of America, a democratic nation in the western hemisphere. The nation is considered the only remaining superpower since the end of the cold war, and is a leading economic, political, and cultural force in the world.
But none of that matters to Chris.
Politics
From a glance, the politics of Chris seem very inconsistent, on some issues he takes a very conservative stance, on others a very liberal one. That said, the quagmire of political inclinations becomes much simpler once you realize that Chris doesn't vote on what's good for America, but on what's good for Chris. As such, he's against gay marriage because he hates the homos, supports Obama because he sees himself in him, and supports abortion because he thinks that might make girls more inclined to fuck him.
Chris proclaims himself to be a "moderate". While typically this simply means not having political beliefs that are extreme or overly partisan, Chris takes this as an all-purpose response to all questions about politics, including ones that have no defined middle path. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the Mailbags, where Chris will often dodge giving his opinion on issues all voters should have an opinion on, simply because he has no opinion.
Understanding of Government
Chris's grasp on how the government works, much like Chris's grasp on reality as a whole, is shaky at best. One of the most telling examples of this is his ignorant stance on taxation and welfare. Because Chris is jobless, he pays no taxes and presumably files no tax returns. However, he still considers himself as a contributing member of society, because he pays sales taxes on the massive amount of crap he buys.
| “ | My spending that money ends up going to others who get such welfare and all as well.... I am sharing the wealth with others who are on that tugboat as well. | ” |
| Chris, explaining to a taxpayer why he deserves free money. | ||
It's highly unlikely that Chris understands, the massive discrepancy between the amount the government pays him, and the amount he gives back via sales tax. IT doesn't matter in the end though, because in the US, sales taxes are collected by the state, and Chris receives his welfare from the federal government.
Chris also seems to have difficulty understanding what the true purpose of government actually is. The U.S. government's duty is to follow the will of the Majority, while respecting the rights of the minority, to protect its citizens from danger, and to ensure the continued prosperity of the nation. When asked hypothetical questions about what he would do if he were running things, he proposes bizarre sweeping laws that single out certain minorities, and force people into relationships wether they want to be in one or not.
| “ | All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples, leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All gays would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight. | ” |
| Chris, on effective leadership. | ||
The fact that this would not help the country at all, and in fact could possibly destroy society as we know it does not factor into Chris's thinking. By Chris logic, he wants a girlfriend, so everybody must want a girlfriend. And if everybody wants a girlfriend, the government needs to make it happen.
Chris on Patriotism
| “ | Yes, sir, my loving, caring Sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him. | ” |
| Sonichu, delivering the Clarksville Address | ||
As Chris likes to point out, he is American. This doesn't make him special, considering there are 300 million people who can make the same claim, he also likes to point out how he is a "true American". His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his tendency to mock national tragedies and complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs. If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" make him out to be even less of one in the eyes of the trolls.
Chris treats patriotism (love of one's country) the same as he does with every other 'love' in his life; lip service and mindless devotion without criticism. Further, much as with other things, Chris believes that by one thing simply existing as a part of something, it will automatically inherit all other parts of that thing. Sonic the Hedgehog is a good character, therefore everything that features Sonic the Hedgehog (even terrible, terrible computer games such as the universally panned Sonic Revolution) must automatically be good. To whit:
| “ | 00:18 <@cogsdev> What do you think about Yahtzee's insulting review of Sonic Unleashed?
|
” |
| Chris, displaying blind obedience in IRC (18 December 2008) | ||
Chris takes the same attitude towards America. CWCVille is inside Virginia, which is inside America. CWCVille is a thing to be loved and never questioned, therefore America is a thing to be loved and never questioned; this is especially true since him being American is part of his identity, which means any attacks on America are attacks on him personally. In Do_Not_Dis_C_Ville, Chris said that any mocking of him, Sonichu, Rosechu or his personal dictatorial hellhole was, in fact, mocking Charlottesville, Virginia and all who dwell there. In that same video, Chris pointed out that he started with a red, white and blue shirt, which was a further display of his patriotism (or, more likely, a co-incidence he turned into a huge retcon).
Chris and Being American
| “ | [speaking about Liquid Chris]
Dad: I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this? Chris: I...am an American! I am proud to be an American and I am STRONG. I am an individual... Dad: Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American. Chris: I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America. |
” |
| Chris, in the Father Call. | ||
Chris has a warped view of what constitutes a good American. Chris countered Kacey's father's assertion that Liquid Chris was an upstanding young man by spluttering about having never left America. In Chris' mind, being called an American is the opposite of being called a niggo; it's just a generic word used to compliment someone. He had no problems calling Surfshack Tito a 'nigger' to his face, even with absolutely no evidence that Tito was any particular race at all. Presumably, the same logic holds true for being American. If he wants to compliment someone, he'll call them an American.
[another quote]
| “ | I felt, I personally feel saddened of the day of 9/11, I care about its offenses, like the next person, anybody. Ser- I, seriously, I- I'm a good American. | ” |
| Chris, not feeling sorry for a damn thing. | ||
blah blah write more about how Chris fails at 9/11
Other miscellaneous things I found but am too tired to babble about at the moment:
- Chris bolded the word 'patriotic' on his harmonized version of the ED page.
- Chris wrote: "Sonichu is not necessarily a symbol of America, but he, and all the Electric-Hedgehogs are Patriotic to the United States." in response to the "Sonichu American Gothic" in Mailbag 3. Really? ALL members of the Electric-Hedgehog species, including the villians, are patriotic to the United States? Do any Sonichus live in Australia? Would they also be true American patriots? Wow. If only we could ask that question in the mailbag.
- Chris wrote, regarding joining the Navy and getting semen on his poop deck: "I have considered it before, and due to my Autism, I am not qualified. Plus, a LOT of women feel depression when their boys are off in the Army, and their patience wears thin often. I SHOULD KNOW, My Mothers HATES TO BE MARRIED TO AN ARMY DUDE Because of that STRESS." I dunno, maybe we could get something outta this.
- In Mumble 7, Chris told a "patriotic" joke that was racist towards Mexicans. Unfortunately that part hasn't been transcribed yet.
- Chris also tried to sing patriotic songs in Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day.
- Babble about how The_Adventures_of_The_American_Rabbit influenced Chris' views on what constitutes a good American.
- etc.