Difference between revisions of "Axe"

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[[Image:AXE body spray.jpg|thumb|left|A can of AXE yesterday.]]
[[Image:AxeAd.jpg|thumb|Chris's self made ad from [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.]]
[[Image:Lynx recover deodorant body spray.jpg|thumb|left|In Britfag Land, Axe is called Lynx.]]
{{quote|"For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to
attract...other dudes."|Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"}}
{{quote|ALL AXE Body Hygene Products were advertised for Straight Men, therefore it was ALWAYS INTENDED for the Straight Man.|Chris, master of logic<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}


'''Axe''' (also known as "'''Lynx'''" to many Britfags, pronounced "[[Speech Impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a body spray/deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in, as he fully believes that it will attract scores of beautiful women to him, as frequently advertised by Axe. The fact that the promised "Axe Effect" has failed to deliver him a TRUE and HONEST [[sweetheart]] after years of use has not dented his firm belief that the product, along with its various offshoot lines such as body wash, scrubber, and shampoo, will one day force women to over-ride their common sense and make passionate love to him eleven at a time with the help of a mass produced fragrance.  
{{quote|After using Axe body spray, I felt scentally delicious and confident!|Chris, [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]}}
{{quote|"For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to attract...other dudes."|Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"}}


His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing.
[[Image:AXE body spray.jpg|thumb|200px|0% of the time, it works, every time.]]


==Axe betrays Chris==
'''Axe''' (also known as '''Lynx''' to our [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|British]] and [[PandaHalo|Aussie]] Christorians; pronounced "[[Speech impediment|Ats]]" by Chris) is a brand of body spray and deodorant that [[Chris]] douses himself in. The much-advertised "Axe Effect", whereby many [[boyfriend-free girl]]s flock to the user of Axe, hasn't worked much for Chris, as he admits.<ref>[[Mumble 7]]</ref>


Axe has betrayed Chris by giving away 300 Microsoft Points with their products at Target as a promotion for [[Xbox]]{{cite}}.
His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing. He sprayed on some "[[Rape|Proximity]]" before his date with [[Emily]], in lieu of showering.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref> Emily reported that he smelled like rotten watermelons that day. However, in [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|his edited version of the ED Chris-chan page]], he wrote that he employed "good clean practices of daily showers with soap, shampoo and water, and sometimes the natural body oders [sic]".


==Axe and the [[Homos]]==
==Axe and the [[Homos]]==
In the beginning of [[May 2009]], Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a [[homos|certain demographic]]. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "the ladies", wearing Axe may lead to getting rogered from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|two videos]] demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!" He also commented in [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]] that Axe is "Only for the straight man.", and in the [[Mailbag]] wrote:


In the beginning of [[May 2009]], Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a [[homos|certain demographic]]. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "[[Boyfriend-free girl|the ladies]]", wearing Axe may lead to being rogered roughly from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE|two videos]] demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!"
{{quote|As portrayed in ALL their comercials, AXE is for the Straight Man to help them Get and Keep Their Woman. Now on the [[Playstation Network]] for Free, Download the NEW Smooth Jarvis Theme where it further proves that AXE is for the everyday Straight Man. And go Pits-To-Chest with the AXE brand Deoderants as well, availble in most retail stores.}}


==Does it work?==
Chris' belief that a Forbes 500 company would take advice from a [[Obesity|fat]], [[Hair|balding]] manchild and be blatantly homophobic on the packaging of one of its most popular products speaks volumes on [[Chris and reality|Chris' warped views on reality]].


No. In reality, AXE does not really attract women towards the user. Therefore, girls will never be attracted to Chris (not that they would be anyway).
==In the comics==
[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Axe.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's self-made ad. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.]]
 
Chris shills for Axe in a full-page ad in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Infamously, [[Rosechu]] asks Sonichu if he bathed, but Sonichu replies that he just used Orion body spray.
 
Also, one of the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]] is called Armoraxe, possibly in reference to the Axe Armor range.<ref>[[HairDifference]]</ref>
 
{{clear}}
 
==Current choice of deodorant==
Chris switched to Secret Outlast, a brand marketed to women, during the Tomgirl saga<ref>[[:File:Prequel fancomic art print.jpg]]</ref>.


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
Line 27: Line 33:
Image:BILLYAXE.JPG|[[BILLY MAYS]] (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.
Image:BILLYAXE.JPG|[[BILLY MAYS]] (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.
Image:Chrisandaxe.jpg|Chris promotes his gay products
Image:Chrisandaxe.jpg|Chris promotes his gay products
Image:Axe en español.jpg|Translated into [[Spanish]] for the convenience of [[homos|maricas]] everywhere.
File:AxeAd1.png|Axe ad added to the [[CWCipedia]] by slanderous trolls.
Image:HeadTripAxe.jpg|How Chris believes Axe should work and how it actually works, Head Trip style.
File:AxeAd2.jpg|More Axe ads.
</gallery>
</gallery>


==Sauces==
==See Also==
*[[Chris and brand loyalty]]
 
==Sources==
<references/>
<references/>


Latest revision as of 21:53, 10 February 2022

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“ After using Axe body spray, I felt scentally delicious and confident! ”
Chris, Sonichu #2
“ "For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to attract...other dudes." ”
Chris, "Proud Straight Male AXE User"
0% of the time, it works, every time.

Axe (also known as Lynx to our British and Aussie Christorians; pronounced "Ats" by Chris) is a brand of body spray and deodorant that Chris douses himself in. The much-advertised "Axe Effect", whereby many boyfriend-free girls flock to the user of Axe, hasn't worked much for Chris, as he admits.[1]

His comics also seem to suggest that he's under the impression that using the body spray is a suitable substitute for bathing. He sprayed on some "Proximity" before his date with Emily, in lieu of showering.[2] Emily reported that he smelled like rotten watermelons that day. However, in his edited version of the ED Chris-chan page, he wrote that he employed "good clean practices of daily showers with soap, shampoo and water, and sometimes the natural body oders [sic]".

Axe and the Homos

In the beginning of May 2009, Chris was informed that Axe was very popular among men of a certain demographic. The alarming news that, instead of attracting "the ladies", wearing Axe may lead to getting rogered from behind in a dark alleyway lead Chris to record two videos demanding that Unilever state clearly on the packaging that Axe is for "straight people only", and that the homos heed his call of "Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos!" He also commented in I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC that Axe is "Only for the straight man.", and in the Mailbag wrote:

“ As portrayed in ALL their comercials, AXE is for the Straight Man to help them Get and Keep Their Woman. Now on the Playstation Network for Free, Download the NEW Smooth Jarvis Theme where it further proves that AXE is for the everyday Straight Man. And go Pits-To-Chest with the AXE brand Deoderants as well, availble in most retail stores. ”

Chris' belief that a Forbes 500 company would take advice from a fat, balding manchild and be blatantly homophobic on the packaging of one of its most popular products speaks volumes on Chris' warped views on reality.

In the comics

Chris's self-made ad. Proof that free advertising isn't always the best advertising.

Chris shills for Axe in a full-page ad in Sonichu #2. Infamously, Rosechu asks Sonichu if he bathed, but Sonichu replies that he just used Orion body spray.

Also, one of the Samurai Pizza Bots is called Armoraxe, possibly in reference to the Axe Armor range.[3]

Current choice of deodorant

Chris switched to Secret Outlast, a brand marketed to women, during the Tomgirl saga[4].

Gallery

  • BILLY MAYS (RIP) really could sell ANYTHING.

  • Chris promotes his gay products

  • Axe ad added to the CWCipedia by slanderous trolls.

  • More Axe ads.

See Also

Sources

  1. ↑ Mumble 7
  2. ↑ Emily Date Conversation Transcript
  3. ↑ HairDifference
  4. ↑ File:Prequel fancomic art print.jpg

External links

Retrieved from "http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Axe&oldid=281242"