A Girl Who Brought Down the World
A novelette written by vivitheg which imagines a scenario that trolls have imagined for some time - what if Chris ruled the world?
The novelette also serves as an allegorical moral tale for Chris, with hopes Chris would see some parallel to his own life and do something to correct it.
A copy was sent to Chris. His response was "I like the cover"[1] and expressed concerns that he was being charged for it.
Plot Summary
Chapter 1: Neighbors
A young girl named Kid has just moved to a new city with her parents, Miles and Mimi, and her older sister, Vivian. Vivian quickly gets bored of sitting around the house and brings Kid with her to meet their new next-door neighbor: a large, smelly man named Christopher Winnfield Vega.
Christopher, who goes by “Chris”, goes into great detail explaining to Vivian and Kid how he once lost his gal-pal, Melanie. Getting creeped out by Chris's story of a duel won and a beloved lost, Vivian tells Kid that Chris is “Santa Claus’s evil brother”, and the two of them flee his house.
After hearing about how rudely Vivian treated Chris, Mimi invites him over for dinner the next evening as a way of patching things up. Chris finds Mimi attractive but shudders when he learns that her racial identity is part-African. He nevertheless graciously accepts her dinner invitation.
Chapter 2: Memories
Vivian is desperate to learn more about Chris, so she brings Kid with her to Waynesworth Enterprises to find and question Melanie, who works there. Soon after arriving at Waynesworth, Vivian admits to Kid that Chris isn’t really “Santa Claus's evil brother”… just a terrible person.
Once Vivian and Kid locate Melanie, who goes by “Mel”, they’re told all about how she has a restraining order against Chris because of his constant sexual harassment in the past. Mel insists on telling the girls’ parents about Chris, and she heads home with the two of them.
As the girls return, Chris notices from his bedroom window that Mel is with them, and he assumes that Vivian and Kid are trying to help him reunite with her. He labors to make himself look presentable and heads next door only to be told by Mimi that their dinner plans are off.
Chapter 3: Cops
Kid emerges from her room to find the house in ruins. Turning on the news, she learns that her family, Mel, Chris, and the police are all involved in one big high-speed chase. Chris can't be stopped because a new law states that harming him in any way may result in life imprisonment.
As the family’s car runs out of gas, Miles is forced to pull over into a gas station. Chris pulls over in turn and heads after Mel on foot. Soon, Chris has lowered his pants around his ankles only to trip over them, and the police have rescued Mel and Kid's family for the time being.
While everyone is waiting around at the police station, Chris’s half-brother, Jones Brimley, shows up and offers to let them all stay at his place, where they should be safe from Chris. Meanwhile, back at the gas station, Chris finally picks himself up and resumes his love quest for Mel.
Chapter 4: Asylum
At his mansion, Jones explains to Mel and Kid’s family that living with his failure of a half-brother had inspired him to move out in search of success. That night, Chris scales the mansion's electric fence and is stopped only by the sight of Jones’s female bodyguard stripping naked.
Soon afterward, the Republican Party announces that Chris will be their next presidential candidate. One year later, Chris is elected President in a landslide victory, just as feared. He immediately announces that he will put an end to terrorism, the Democratic Party, and gay rights.
Chris adds that Rabbichoso, an "original" fictional character of his creation, will be serving as his VP. His first official act as President is to offer cash rewards for Mel’s capture and the murder of Kid’s family. Vivian declares that her family must somehow kill Chris before he can kill them.
Chapter 5: Staff
Chris goes on air to name his Cabinet. Fighting Rabbichoso will be his Secretary of State, Grass Rabbichoso his Secretary of Agriculture, Holy Bunnichoso his Secretary of the Interior, and Water Bunnichoso his Secretary of Health. Psychic Rabbichoso will be his Secretary of Dating.
Chris next announces that he's still seeking an 18-27 year-old female to marry. A young woman who goes by “cogs” fills out Chris’s online application as a joke. An hour later, two Secret Service agents appear at her doorstep, knock her out, and drag her back to Chris’s quarters.
Chris isn't immediately sure that cogs is his sweetheart, but after measuring her weight and breasts, testing her driving ability, and smelling her hair, he weds her. When it comes time to consummate the marriage, cogs reveals that she cannot bear children, and Chris has her executed.
Chapter 6: Patriots
Mel, apparently long pregnant with Jones’s baby, is about to go into labor. Everyone rides along to the hospital together before splitting up: Mel and Jones into the hospital, Mimi and Kid to a grocery store, and Miles to a nearby sporting goods store. Vivian opts to stays with the car.
While checking out, Mimi is attacked by her cashier, who warns the whole store that the “terrorists” have been found. Meanwhile, Miles is being chased by a mob after stealing some golf clubs. A former friend of Chris’s named Shana appears and rescues everyone just in time.
Back at the White House, Chris is busy consulting with the members of his Cabinet. Before long, Rabbichoso is having loud “sex” with his wife, Bunnichoso. When Secret Service agents begin to voice their concern, Chris fires them and barricades himself in the basement with a janitor.
Chapter 7: Faults
At the hospital, Mel tells Jones that she’s afraid that Chris is going to capture her and her unborn child. Jones sets out alone in desperation only to be captured himself. After explaining her awkward history with Chris to Kid’s family, Shana rescues Mel and her newborn son, Matt.
Soon afterward, Jones awakens on a plane and has a video confrontation with Chris. Meanwhile, Rabbichoso goes on air to dismiss Congress, declaring a “time of crisis”. As America’s supreme dictator, Chris demands that every city show its love for Rabbichoso or face annihilation.
Police then surround Shana's home, but Shana pleads with one of the officers, and he agrees to let everyone escape. Fearing assassination, Chris nukes the White House with himself still inside. Black Rabbichoso, Secretary of Music, then spreads disinformation about this “attack”.
Chapter 8: Education
A 12 year-old boy named Cameron enters his first dating education class. His teacher, a loud man named Mr. Mays, plays a video tape in which Psychic Rabbichoso tells children how to stay straight and get dates. Cameron zones out, imagining Chris ranting about minorities.
Once the video ends, Cameron takes a test on dating dos and don’ts. When he admits to having had one or two gay thoughts, Secret Service agents show up to knock him out and drag him away. Meanwhile, his town puts on its state-mandated Rabbichoso parade, floats and all.
Cameron wakes up in a holding cell with some other boys and girls his age. Psychic Rabbichoso informs the children that they are about to be “un-gayed”. Sent to separate, slowly-flooding chambers in boy-girl pairs to have sex, each couple will drown unless each boy cums into a cup.
Chapter 9: Magic
Chris goes on air to remind America that most of the “terrorists” are still at large. An unnamed magician returns to his home and is confronted by a police officer who accuses him of aiding these fugitives. The magician escapes by teleporting himself to the home of his former love, Sally.
Despite her hurt feelings, Sally agrees to shelter the magician. That night, she turns on her TV to find Chris, who happens to be a former friend of hers, meeting with his Cabinet about women’s role in society. She remembers how grateful she was when a certain witch ridded her of him.
The next morning, Sally finds that Chris is still broadcasting from his "office", and that the magician has just teleported himself there to battle him. In his own mind, Chris gains the advantage with the help of his Cabinet and prepares to finish the magician off with a Hex-me-ha-me-ha.
Chapter 10: Crossroads
The magician begins ridiculing Chris for imagining himself to be so much more powerful than he is. Abruptly, the janitor withdraws a pistol and shoots the magician. Chris moves to televise this victory, but before he can, the magician teleports himself to Sally’s house as he lies dying.
Meanwhile, Shana, Melanie, and Kid’s family are driving to DC. An unfamiliar woman starts following them, and when they stop the car to get gas, she pulls into the gas station. Kid’s family fears the worst until the woman identifies herself as Sally and explains that she wants to help.
Sally presents the group with some credit cards from her work and a map of the White House basement that the magician had given to her just before he died. She then leaves, declining to join the group on their journey. Later, she travels alone into a forest to visit the magician’s grave.
Chapter 11: Outside
Chris goes on air to explain to men across America how to be better fathers. Fighting Rabbichoso then informs Chris that he should spend some time improving foreign relations. When the Chinese president tells Chris that Taiwan pirates video games, he nukes that whole country.
Soon afterward, Chris nukes both South Korea for sympathizing with Taiwan and Poland for stealing jobs from the UK. Upset that no one has yet commended him, he calls the Iraqi president to learn what he can do to assist his country. As requested, he bombs 1/5 of the entire world.
All surviving countries are terrified, aware that America is the only nation to still possess nuclear weapons. When the president of Brazil tells Chris not to contact his country, Chris fires another nuke. However, he spills some soda onto the missile console, and the nuke hits Canada.
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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