User:BreadGod
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STRAIGHT This user is STRAIGHT. The men like dykes and china while the women like pickles & balls. Unlike Chris, they don't mind da homos. |
This is the page of the Bread God. Normally, I'm not a troll, but when I encountered the terrifying beast known as Chris-chan, I just couldn't resist.
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The Contents of Lyrics and the Eerie Similarities with Chris's Condition
You may be wondering what the fuck that title means. Allow me to enlighten you.
While I was listening to the song "Dead Skin Mask" by Slayer, I encountered this lyric:
| “ | Simple smiles elude psychotic eyes Lose all mind control rationale declines |
” |
When I heard this, I started to recall the qualities of Chris that matched those lyrics. I don't think that the members of Slayer have telepathy or foresight, and I know fully well that they wrote this song specifically about the necrophiliac serial killer Ed Gein, but the images of Chris that are conjured up when I hear this are almost too hard to ignore. Since I have nothing better to do at the moment, I shall perform an analysis.
Simple smiles elude psychotic eyes: The first part refers to the creepily childish way he draws smiles on his characters, which are similar in appearance to the letter J. As was stated in the Chris and art article, most children stop drawing their smiles this way by the time they enter the first grade. Chris never made this leap in development. His body keeps growing older, but the growth of his mind has been stunted. The second part of the lyric refers to Chris's creepy stare. Due to his autism, Chris has a hard time with making facial expressions and reading the facial expressions of others. With these factors in mind, it always looks like Chris is up to something sinister because his expression almost never changes.
Lose all mind control rationale declines: This refers to how Chris is becoming even more insane as the years go by. To be fair, Chris never really had that much mental stability, what with believing that cartoons characters are literally real in an alternate universe. However, it seems that with every new "sweetheart" that Chris encounters, his actions become even more irrational. One of the earliest instances of his mind's decay was when he made a picture of himself in his Sonichu form having PandaHalo sign a contract with her blood. With every new sweetheart that Chris encounters, he appears to be more committed to them than the last one. Chris performed some of his most absurd displays during the Ivy saga, including the April 16 Fetish Vids and the Bunny Hop video. The comics themselves also exemplify Chris's descent into the endless void of insanity. When Sonichu first started, it was a simple, childish story about the adventures of a copyright-infringing creature named Sonichu. As the comic progressed, we saw Chris destroy an officer's home simply because he was arresting Chris for being creepy, shoot out a man's kneecaps out of petty jealousy, destroy an office building simply because the people inside were being mean to him, and this all culminates to the point where he executes four innocent people in the most gruesome ways he could imagine simply because they made a series of satirical comics based on Sonichu. Only time will tell what other bizarre and scary acts Chris might do if his mental deterioration continues.
Empty eyes enslave the creations: This line alludes to Chris's God-like reign over CWCville. Since he is powerless and insignificant in the real world, he is omnipotent in his fantasy world. In the realm of CWCville, he is the alpha and omega. He is the judge, jury, and executioner. In his world, he is, was, and forever will be, supreme. Since Chris has no understanding of character development, it is impossible to know what the creatures in CWCville think of their ruler. As my friend MoarLurk has pointed out, it's likely that the creatures shower Chris in admiration out of fear, because they know that if they show any form of dissent, they will be exterminated by Chris personally. Chris may see himself as a kind and benevolent ruler, but the evidence proves otherwise.
Of placid faces and lifeless pageants: This refers to how uncomfortably cheerful and happy the town of CWCville appears to be. It's like the Inverse Silent Hill. Instead of being a dark and desolate town filled with hideous creatures, it is a bright and cheerful town filled with hideous creatures. As was speculated before, the cheerfulness is a facade, for the citizens live in perpetual fear in the shadow cast by the town's dictator. The lyric also refers to the fact that every single hero character in Sonichu is a one-dimensional Mary Sue. Since he has no creativity, every hero character that Chris creates is a reflection of himself. The characters have no depth, no life. They only exist to fulfill the fantasies of their creator.
As I continued to study these lyrics I decided to come back to the chorus:
| “ | Dance with the dead in my dreams Listen to their hallowed screams |
” |
The first three lines deal with Chris's concepts of death. When his dog Patti Chandler died, he managed to cope with it by putting her in his comic. According to his absurd logic, by drawing her and placing her into the pages, she has been transported to an alternate universe where cartoon characters are real, and she has been granted eternal life. As was previously stated in the Chris and death article, he seems to have the naive notion that dead people can come back whenever they want. In an image he drew of Billy Mays, he made the comment "Please Come Back Soon". He's unable to cope with the fact that Billy Mays is gone forever, so he drew him on paper to be sent to the alternate universe that exists in his head.
The last line brings up some disturbing implications. Chris said that he masturbates twice a week in order to "keep his hormones in check". Does this mean that he would actually force himself on a woman? What if temptation had eventually overcome him? Let's say he one day met a woman that he had desired. He propositioned her, but she turned him down. Is it possible that he may pursue her and rape her if his temptation was strong enough? Hopefully, this will never happen, as there are several factors to take into account. First of all, he is pathetically out of shape. If he ever got into a fight with a normal person, he would get his ass kicked. Second, he is no longer in the era of his attraction sign, so he would be unable to proposition a woman in person. Also, considering his physical appearance, no real woman would ever want to talk to Chris over the internet. As long as these factors remain static, womankind will remain safe from the monster that is Chris.
You probably think I'm crazy for putting so much thought into this, but that's what happens when you study Christian Weston Chandler for so long. You become delirious, and you see aspects of him in every facet of daily life. If you want to maintain your well-being, take my advice: never take up the hobby of Chris-chanology.
Rocky Shoemaker is Endangering Society
Rocky Shoemaker (or "Rocky Horror" as we like to call her on /cwc/) does not realize that taking Chris off the internet is a bad idea. As was stated in the White knight article, the trolls actually help Chris, because by raging at the invisible, faceless people on the internet, he will be too busy to harass people and cause trouble in real life. If Chris is taken off the internet, he ends up pulling shit like this. Chris has been led to believe by his young adult social group that by quitting the internet, he must get his life back to normal. Chris goes to The Game PLACe in order to get his ban lifted, but Michael Snyder knows that having Chris around his store is a liability, so he politely, but sternly, tells Chris to leave. I fully sympathize with Michael, because I know that no self-respecting store owner would ever let a racist asshole with violent tendencies hang around their place of business. What does Chris do as he is walking out the door? He calls Michael a Jew. Chris says that he has changed, but the evidence clearly shows that he hasn't changed one bit.
Try as she might to change him, Rocky will never get rid of Chris's bigotry, for it is deep-rooted like an old tree that refuses to die. If Chris wasn't lazy and got a job, he wouldn't stay there for long, as he would be fired for his bigotry. It also doesn't help that he has no control over his anger or sexual desires. And in this modern world, Chris would never be hired by any business, for a quick Google search would reveal all of the atrocities that he has committed. If Chris stays on the internet, then he provides endless entertainment for millions of people with his crazy antics. If he is taken off the internet, then he will end up getting arrested for either doing something stupid or doing something that will endanger the lives of others. This is the ultimate truth that Rocky will never realize.
- This is creepy and frightening because it is so true.Ronichu 22:41, 13 April 2010 (UTC)