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[[File:SonichuFlag.png|thumb|right|This is what Chris actually belie... no wait.]]
{{taxpayermoney}}  
[[File:Cwcflag1.png|thumb|right|'''This''' is what Chris actually believes.]]
{{Quote|Okay, I don't know the words, but I am being patriotic here!|[[Red Letter CWC Certified Day]]}}


Of all the things Chris [[fails]] at, you would think '''Patriotism''' wouldn't be one of them.  Sadly, you would be wrong.
[[Image:ModNation Racers.jpg|thumb|''MR'' [[America]]n box art]]


== The United States and Chris ==
'''''ModNation Racers''''' is a customizable kart racing game for the [[PS3]] and [[PSP]] that [[Chris]] has taken a liking to. It isn't quite [[2010]]'s answer to ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'', but it's close.


In truth, Chris is quite blessed to be an American. In almost any other non-western country in the world he would have been shot or put to work as menial labour.  How good the US is compared to other nations is a debate that will rage on forever, but in the States Chris is guaranteed the same basic rights guaranteed all Americans, as well as a few perks such as his [[monthly tugboat]].  
In addition to providing [[Autism|autistics]] with the simple gameplay used in all racing games and cute, [[Homos|gaily]]-colored characters found in [[Animal Crossing|children's games]], ''ModNation Racers'' is heavily based around user-generated content, much like ''LittleBigPlanet''. Chris can now foist his questionable [[Chris and art|design skills]] upon the world through a kart racing game.


== Chris on Patriotism ==
==Chris's ModNation career==
When only the beta version of the game was available, Chris posted exactly 25 screen caps of him driving a yellow, [[Sonichu]]-themed cart around an empty racetrack on the [[CWCipedia]]. These were filed under [[Copyright|"Original CWC Art"]]. Later, after the retail version arrived, he created a number of characters and cars (images are available below), as well as a CWCville track.


{{quote|Yes, sir, my loving, caring Sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him.|Sonichu, delivering the Clarksville Address}}
It is of great concern to Chris that despite his belief that he has a large [[fanbase]], barely anybody has bothered to download his poorly designed track and he continues to whore it out at every opportunity. On 17 July 2010, Chris updated his [[Twitter]] account for the first time in ages, begging his imaginary followers to give him codes for special game content and to download his CWCville track so that he could acquire yet another trophy. 26 July saw yet another Twitter update whining for downloads and positive reviews.


As Chris likes to point out, he is American.  This doesn't make him [[Chris and his ego|special]], considering there are 300 million people who can make the same claim, he also likes to point out how he is a "true American". His attempts to prove his patriotism are undermined, however, by his [[Twin Falling Towers|tendency to mock national tragedies]] and [[Chris and music|complete inability to sing even the most well-known patriotic songs.]] If anything, Chris's attempts to prove himself a "true American" make him out to be even less of one in the eyes of the [[Troll|trolls]].
He also posted multiple threads on the forums at [[GameFAQs]] and Gamespot making similar demands. When his initial beg-a-thons were deleted because of those boards' anti-soliciting policies, Chris, being Chris, just went ahead and posted them again.


Chris treats patriotism (love of one's country) the same as he does with every other 'love' in his life; lip service and mindless devotion without criticism. Further, much as with other things, Chris believes that by one thing simply existing as a part of something, it will automatically inherit all other parts of that thing. Sonic the Hedgehog is a good character, therefore everything that features Sonic the Hedgehog (even terrible, terrible computer games such as the universally panned Sonic Revolution) must automatically be good. To whit:
Despite having all the free time in the world, Chris is mediocre at ''ModNation Racers''. This should come as little of a [[Soul Calibur|surprise]]. After racing in 500-plus contests, Chris has only "won" 100 of these (with a noticeable "Disconnected" and "Did Not Finish" tally indicating some [[Rage|tard-rage]] present).    


{{quote|00:18 <@cogsdev> What do you think about Yahtzee's insulting review of Sonic Unleashed?  |Cogs, in [[IRC_(18_December_2008)}}
==Beta screen caps==
{{quote|00:18 <@ChrisChanSonichu> if it's against Sonic, I would not read it at all. |Chris, displaying blind obedience in [[IRC_(18_December_2008)}}


Chris takes the same attitude towards America. CWCVille is inside Virginia, which is inside America. CWCVille is a thing to be loved and never questioned, therefore America is a thing to be loved and never questioned; this is especially true since him being American is part of his identity, which means any attacks on America are [[Chris and his Ego|attacks on him personally]]. In [[Do_Not_Dis_C_Ville]], Chris said that ''any'' mocking of him, Sonichu, Rosechu or [[CWCVille|his personal dictatorial hellhole]] was, in fact, mocking Charlottesville, Virginia and all who dwell there. In that same video, Chris pointed out that he started with a red, white and blue shirt, which was a further display of his patriotism (or, more likely, a co-incidence he turned into a huge retcon).
<center>
<gallery>
Image:MODNATION.JPG|Modnation Chris, about to go snake hunting.
Image:MODNATION_1.JPG|Sonichu license plate
Image:MODNATION_2.JPG|''Modnation'': the game that lets you make Sonichu [[medallions]]
Image:MODNATION_19.JPG|Chris plows his car into an orange pylon
</gallery>
</center>


== Chris and Being American ==
==Post-Beta creations==


{{quote|[''speaking about Liquid Chris'']
It's now generally accepted that if you give Chris a character creation tool, he'll make himself and then Sonichu. ''ModNation Racers'' is no exception. The cars Chris has created actually contain a few relatively faithful replicas of real cars. Inside sources report that this isn't Chris taking an interest in cars, but Chris taking regaining his once-thought-lost interest in ''Hot Wheels'' toys. How very mature.
Dad: I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?
Chris: I...am an American! I am proud to be an American and I am STRONG. I am an individual...
Dad: Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.
Chris: I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.|Chris, in the [[Father Call]].}}


Chris has a warped view of what constitutes a good American. Chris countered Kacey's father's assertion that Liquid Chris was an upstanding young man by spluttering about having never left America. In Chris' mind, being called an American is the opposite of being called a [[niggo]]; it's just a generic word used to compliment someone. He had no problems calling [[Tito|Surfshack Tito]] a 'nigger' to his face, even with absolutely no evidence that Tito was any particular race at all. Presumably, the same logic holds true for being American. If he wants to compliment someone, he'll call them an American.
{{collapsible
|Chris's ModNation Creations
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Modnation ChrisChan.jpg|Chris
File:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|[[Sonichu]]
File:Modnation Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]]
File:Modnation LegoChrisChan.jpg|[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Lego Chris]]
File:Modnation LegoInfomaniac.jpg|[[Legos|The Infomaniac]]
File:Modnation 1stTransformersRacer.jpg|[[Transformers|A "Transformer"]]
File:Modnation ExcelExcel.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Excel]]
File:Modnation HayattHatchan.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Hyatt]]
File:ModNation Wild.jpg| [[Wild Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Punchy.jpg| [[Punchy Sonichu]]
File:ModNation MagiChan.jpg| [[Magi-Chan]]
File:ModNation Bubbles.jpg| [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
File:ModNation Angelica.jpg| [[Angelica]]
File:Modnation SonichuKart.jpg|A car for Sonichu
File:Modnation RosechusKart.jpg|And Rosechu too!
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|[[Son-Chu]]
File:Modnation 1991CamaroZ-28.jpg|Hot Wheels
File:Modnation JaguarXj220Revealers.jpg|More Hot Wheels
File:Modnation Zr1CorvetteRevealers.jpg|Still more Hot Wheels
File:Modnation PontiacBanshee.jpg|You get the idea
File:Modnation AMansToy.jpg|[[Homo]]wagon?
File:Modnation 1stTransformerRaceCar.jpg|Transformation not included
File:Modnation Wiimote.jpg|[[Chris and death|<s>A casket</s>]] Nintendo Wiimote
File:ModNation AuNatured.jpg| Au "Naturel"
</gallery>}}


[another quote]
==See also==
{{quote|I felt, I personally feel saddened of the day of 9/11, I care about its offenses, like the next person, anybody. Ser- I, seriously, I- I'm a good American.|Chris, [[Apology_for_9/11_Joke|not feeling sorry for a damn thing]].}}


blah blah write more about how Chris fails at 9/11
*[[Fan:Sonichu Racers]]


Other miscellaneous things I found but am too tired to babble about at the moment:
==External links==


- Chris bolded the word 'patriotic' on his [[Chris_chan_(CWCipedia)|harmonized version of the ED page]].
*[http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu Chris's ModNation profile]
- Chris wrote: "Sonichu is not necessarily a symbol of America, but he, and all the Electric-Hedgehogs are Patriotic to the United States." in response to the "Sonichu American Gothic" in [[Mailbag 3]]. Really? ALL members of the Electric-Hedgehog species, including the villians, are patriotic to the United States? Do any Sonichus live in Australia? Would they also be true American patriots? Wow. If only we could ask that question in the mailbag.
- Chris wrote, regarding joining the [[Navy]] and getting [[semen]] on his [[dirty, crapped briefs|poop deck]]: "I have considered it before, and due to my Autism, I am not qualified. Plus, a LOT of women feel depression when their boys are off in the Army, and their patience wears thin often. I SHOULD KNOW, My Mothers HATES TO BE MARRIED TO AN ARMY DUDE Because of that STRESS." I dunno, maybe we could get something outta this.
- In Mumble 7, Chris told a "patriotic" joke that was racist towards Mexicans. Unfortunately that part hasn't been transcribed yet.
- Chris also tried to sing patriotic songs in Red_Letter_CWC_Certified_Day.
- Babble about how [[The_Adventures_of_The_American_Rabbit]] influenced Chris' views on what constitutes a good American.
- etc.


=Time to screw around with mumble 2!=
[[Category:Video Games]]
===Waiting for Chris===
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I can't wait to hear Chris! I'm a huge fan!
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Oh, goddamn these noodles are fantastic. Man, I wish I could eat like this everyday.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Have you eaten the rice balls?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> No, no, no. These are noodles. These are-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[Interrupts]'' Fan-fucking-tastic.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Now they're all gone, it's fantastic, you know?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Sweetangie is Chris. Or, we think so.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, I don't think this is him.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> It's definitely not the real Chris.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm disappointed there's so many impostors out there. Kinda my fault, but, you know, if it weren't- ''[unintelligible]'' -hard to come by.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> His mic was working last time he was here, just fine.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> He usually capitalizes his words, like in every sentence.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, I don't think this is- I don't think this is him.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Is it set to push to talk or something?
<br>''[Trolls talk over each other]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> It's called push to talk. Push to talk.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> No, just have him set it to voice activity. It works so much better that way.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> You guys are fucking idiots.
<br>''[Trolls talk over each other again]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> You guys scared him off by being guys.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, you fucking jackasses. Nice going.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Was that even the real...?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yes, that was the real Chris.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> He's too much of a pussy to talk.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, cause you scared him, or some - No, or he's too stupid to be.
<br>''[Trolls Laugh]''
 
===Chris Arrives===
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Chris arrives, with radio playing loudly.]'' Hello.
<br>''[Trolls all greet him.]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, now-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Why haven't you got your microphone working?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I don't know why my microphone [is] messed up.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I'm sorry, but we had an impostor here before.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I'm registered. I've got myself registered now. So, uh, hopefully-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> That's probably why. It had to like, uh- calibrate.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Well I calibrated now.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> So, Chris, have you seen Rabbichoso's, uh, oh it's fantastic.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I don't give a crap about your stupid pencil sketch.
<br>''[Audio cuts out]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well for one thing, you stole my sweetheart!
<br>''[Cutout continues]''
 
===PandaHalo, Trip to Redmond and Animal Crossing===
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You broke her hymen!
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Look, I know it's a terrible mistake, but I plan to make it up to her. I'm getting married and uh- I'm doing the things I should do.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh and another thing, if she is really over there with you now, then put her on the mic. Please.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> She's not- He never said-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Look, Chris, she's very busy, OK. She's very busy.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> She's not over here right now. Okay? So lets drop it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, fine. Well could you tell her to please send me a message lettin' me know, for sure, so I can know- so I can know to-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[Talks over Chris]'' I'll let her know whatever you want, but it's her life. She doesn't have to send you a message. You failed her. You failed her.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Sigh]'' She and I were very close.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> If you we're so close, then why didn't you go?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Sigh]'' Because I had- Aw, hang on a second. How do I- oh, that's right. This thing. Right. Mmm. Hold on a sec. Oh yeah, because I did not have four to eight hundred dollars!
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> It doesn't cost that much to go cross-country man.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes it does. I know, I saw it on an airport website. Where I was be- Where I was- recommended to me by Mr. Miyamoto.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You know, you can drive there. It's not that hard.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> What happened with that? I thought, um, didn't you have a deal with them or something? I heard a rumor that your characters were going to be in Animal Crossing.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, they are in Animal Crossing. And I did- and I do- I did have a deal with them.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> What happened though?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Huge sigh]'' I'd rather not say.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh.
 
===Chris's Radio, Clyde and Criticism===
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, why don't you turn down the TV? It's hard to hear you.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Annoyed sigh]'' I do not have a TV turned on in here.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I can hear it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a radio.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I hear something in the background.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Burping throughout sentence]'' Well that's the- that would b- the radio. And it is not that loud.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> But it shows up pretty well on your microphone mic. With due respect.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But still, my voice is louder than the radio.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Ah goo- ahh given.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Uh, Chris? Uh, when are you going to do the new Sonichu comic?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[Says something over Polly]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Huge sigh]'' Uh, I'll answer Polly's question. I'm not sure. It's, uh, it's in progress right now, I'm drawing it up.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh, okay. I can't wait to read it!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm. Well, we'll see.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris!
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Listen, Clyde kind of has admin on here, so we can't really do anything about him. So, yeah. I don't know.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[Hard to hear over Chris's radio]'' ...with you guys. I love you guys. Just as much as Chris loves you guys. Right?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Huge sigh]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Look, I was angry. I was angry. But I'm calm now.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Don't try to hurt any other person from now on.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I can.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I have much- I do not have much to say in response to that right now. Because I'm ticked off.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Don't let him get to you.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> You're no better than he is, if you give in.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[unintelligible]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Huge sigh]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Hey, Chris, I just wanted to let you know I'm a huge fan of the comics, and I'm glad you keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job, and just keep it up, alright man?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, yeah, I appreciate the, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? The, the, uh- well, the encouraging words. Encouragement. I appreciate the encouragement. Well, there are things, uh- I- er- current events I do not appreciate. I appreciate the positive encouragement.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, I can't really do anything. He took over the IRC channel. I used to be the owner. I mean Clyde. He's like taking over everything.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Yeah, it was because Panda gave it to me, you know. But anyway, I mean, you can't just listen to encouragement, you've got to listen to criticism, man. Criticisms are what make you better, you learn from your mistakes. You learn from mistakes.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Sigh]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Be right back guys, my wife is calling.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh, okay.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I don't- I don't- Tons of people don't like the Rabbichoso art style, but you know, I gotta improve on that. That's something I plan to improve on. There's a lot of criticism in the [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|death of Sonichu]], right?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> What? What did you just say?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> There's a lot of criticism of Sonichu. Right?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. For a moment there I thought you said something different.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> What, what did you think I said? I'm just saying, there are people who like it and people who don't like it. You gotta start taking in those suggestions. You know?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm. So many things that will be improved upon. But, I just have to hear from Sarah herself that she really is going to be with you, Clyde. I have to hear it from herself. It's one thing to hear it from you and then it's- then on that note, it's just I find it very hard to believe. So I have to hear it from her.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, I kinda think that Rabbichoso sucks. I mean, I think it could be funny, but it honestly looks like it's drawn by a kindergartener.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I mean, Sonichu has evolved over the years. You can see that the art's getting better. Rabbichoso doesn't even look like something a beginner would do, honestly. I mean, ''[Interrupted]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> A whole bunch of crap!
<br>''[Everyone starts talking at once]''
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Also, Sonichu is in color.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I know, I accept his criticism. But you just called it crap! Now that's just rude.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I have emotions going behind me- uh, behind that opinion.
 
===Cassie===
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris, did you get my message.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh...
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Aren't you going to be the gentleman, then? Aren't you gonna be the gentleman?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> I just want to ask you, Chris. I'm Cassie's friend. She- she's worried sick about you. Why haven't you emailed her?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I did email her! As a- I- I haven't gotten any re-plies from her. I have emailed her and I have instant messaged her on A.I.M. and Skype. I haven't heard back from her. I don't know what's going on there.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> ...you emailed her.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> What?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> When was the last time you emailed her?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, hang on, I'll check.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Um, Chris? I have a question. My fa- One of my favorite new characters is, um, Simonla, and like, I also like Zapina as well. Um, are they gonna have bigger parts in the series later on?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Um, I was wondering if Simonla and Zapina will either have bigger parts in the series later on.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|Possibly]]. Possibly, but, uh, I can't say for sure. Oh, and, uh, to answer your question, uh- in answer to, uh, I believe, uh, Screwhead, who asked? It was about four days ago. About four days ago.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Yeah. Four days ago? Okay, I'll tell her to check it out.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> The last email I sent was about four days ago.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> She'll contact you in a while, though.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> I'll tell her to check it out and- and thanks Chris.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright. Mm.
 
===Bubbles's Pussy and Sex in the Comics===
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Hey, Chris? I have a question.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, my favorite character is Bubbles, I kinda liked the, uh, the thing she had going with Blake, where she was kind of keeping the relationship secret. I thought that was kinda clever. I was wondering, uh, she's a water-type, so does that mean that her vagina is always wet, or does she have to be aroused like a normal woman?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, aroused. That's applied for all the, uh, Rosechus there. And also, like, you know, she's not just a water-type, she's also- she's a water- and electric-type, like uh- oh, shoot- What's the name of that one? Originated from Gold-Silver-Crystal series, uh, evolves from Chinchou? Lanturn. And she has, uh, she has Volt Absorb ability.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh, I see.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Uh, Chris, another question following Bubbles. Uh, her body is 90% water, and now this thing about the whole sexual intercourse - about it. Now, don't take this rude, and you don't need to answer me...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, that's fine.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ...I totally respect your creative work. My wife actually got me into this, uh, show actually. So, what happens is- like, as you know, like, semens are like little fishes in themselves. Would that mean, I mean, would they actually have a route to fly into the egg, in theory, or do they just swim around her whole body, just forever just swimming around.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm. The, uh, the internal or- the internal organs uh, for the Rosechus are pretty much the same thing, so I'd say pre- about, uh, as good chance as most any other mammal.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh, so you mean she's able to control her density a little bit more. She- I understand now. She's able to control more her density from the 90% water. Okay. That pretty much answers it just perfectly. That's been bothering me at work. ''[Laughs]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I got another question, Chris, about this whole sexual thing. I mean, this is a children's comic, right? Why is there so much sex in it?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm. It's called romance, and my- and my- if you'll notice throughout the comics my best pieces of artwork among which were those where dey were kissing and making out. Romantic moments.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> There's a hidden page-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' And because- and because- and because of the tension from, uh, the trolls and Encyclopedia Dramatica, I just felt like doing that in protest against them.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Yeah, but childre-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack'''</font> ''[Interrupting Clyde]'' Yes but how is that really a protest? That, you know, you know, are, are you like referencing to the 60's when women burned their bras? That was in protes- That was feminism. Saying that they weren't slaves to men. Do you even understand the whole thing?
<br>''[Multiple voices are heard at once]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Now, to tell you the truth, I never really thought about, I never really thought about that when I-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack'''</font> ''[Interrupting Chris]'' Then how is, stripping was, how was that protest-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Interrupting Jack]'' It shows that they have vaginas and NOT dicks. </font>
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack'''</font> Well you know the dick thing was the fact that they were just, you know, mocking you. I think you went overboard with that.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well maybe I did. Maybe I did.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah, you did, because that seems kind of excessive, kind of-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[Interrupts]'' I don't think they would have even bothered to write about an article about you if you didn't just keep reacting like that.
 
===Chris justifies sex in a kids' comic===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I have another question.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> The point some of us are trying to make is, if it's TV-Y7 that means there should really be no sex in it at all.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[unintelligible over other people]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's pretty much incorrect, I mean, uh, there's so many romantic anime that's TV-Y7, and they shoul- they have making out.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You know, a lot of things in Japan, Japan has stricter standards-not stricter, I mean looser guidelines than America. It's much different.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I hear ya.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, I was just wondering what Bubbles, um, she has a, that water whirlwind attack, I was just curious if you had any plans to make-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Butting in]'' By the way, that was a Whirl- Whirlpool.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font>Yeah, Whirlpool, sorry, sorry, Whirlpool, but do you have any plans to mix an, uh, Electric-type attack with that, since water conducts electricity, right? It could be a very powerful-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' Yeah, she did, she did an electric attack amongst the- the walls of that Whirlpool and she let out. In case you didn't know, there's a- little bits of lightning bolts among which-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh, oh, I'm sor- I didn't notice that, I'm sorry, I'll go take another look. Thank you.
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> Hey Chris-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> You make some pretty sweet Little Big Planet levels.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Thank you.
 
===Chris on Benadryl babysitting===
 
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Oh, there's a message from Cogs on the side, it's about, uh, do women not have the right to vote already in CWCville.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, evry- Everybody, no matter what age, no matter what gender or race, everybody has the right to vote in CWCville. Even if they're black.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Then what's up with the "Votes for Women" thing, I was-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Not just vote women, but- ''[interrupted]'' any other ethnicities, and gays?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I don't understand-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I did that- heard it in Mary Poppins.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> What? Mary Poppins?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Aw, man, Mary Poppins?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, Mary Poppins.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I remember that movie.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Aw, yeah, that movie.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a classic. It's my favorite movie of all time.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah, that movie was, like, based in the 1900s.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but still I- still I agreed with that message there-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Taken out of context, that makes it seem like CWCville's set in the 1960s.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> What message? That children should be given cough medicine so they'll go to sleep?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''What?''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah, that's what women used to do back in- That's what mothers, friggin' nurses and stuff used to do to kids in the 1900s, is give children, like, you know, cough medicine.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[laughter]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Cause- cause the medicine- uh, correction, the medicine did not put them to sleep, there was a lullaby, not the cough medicine. They only had to take the cough medicine-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> No cough medicine-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...because it rained, before dere, and it was not, and it was to, uh-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Rain means cough medicine doesn't have anything to do with each other. That's not how friggin' germs are spread, or colds are gotten. Colds are gotten through germs, not the rain.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> How is cough medicine any different from today's parents that just let their kids watch TV until they fall asleep? I mean, it's just as bad.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Well- Cough medicine has a lot to do with the psychological effects of it. Obviously if you get- if you keep giving fre-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Thanks, Samantha, that was delicious.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> What?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> It's my, uh, Samantha-
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Yeah, that's we're all saying, cause I've heard that there's a lot of different chemicals in cough medicine. You could pick up a ''[unintelligible]''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> I don't even take cough medicine, because I'm not a pussy.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Uh, so.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Anyway, I never put any references, I never did any references or plan any references to cough medicine or anything of that sort.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend''':</font> Well, Chris, Cassie says the last e-mail she got from you was on the 17th. How 'bout your being gay? Is that true?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[sigh]'' That wa- That was somebody had- That was Clyde hacking through my e-mail and spammed that to my contacts.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Yeah, I definitely did not do that-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font>You're a scoundrel-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> -a slanderous lie.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I did not do that.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Whoa-whoa-whoa. Wow. Well, thanks for that. She was worried that you were- that you don't like her.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:''' </font>You're a scoundrel, Clyde.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I didn't do that. That was someone else.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I was wondering, because I've heard other news too, I was really hoping that you weren't gay.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Believe me, I'm straight.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh, okay. I'll take your word for it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Thank you. And, uh-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Cogs- Cogs got a way- she showed us that, okay? I mean, you only ''[unintelligible]''
 
===Chris's fail-riffic Spanish===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> So, Chris.
<br>''(Trolls talk over each other)''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, what?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Cassie didn't get your last e-mail.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, Screwhead's from Mexico. I heard you like Spanish, so.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Hola, Chris.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> You know Spanish, right?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Sí. Conoso Mexico. Tomé dos años ''[unclear]'' mi escuela secundaria. (Yes, I know Mexico. I took two years [in, possibly] my secondary school.)
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Has venido en Mexico? (Have you come to Mexico?)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, lo siento? (Uh, I'm sorry?)
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Has estado en Mexico? (Have you been to Mexico?)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Estoy Mexico? No. (I am Mexico? No.)
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[slowly]'' Has estado, um, in Mexico. Has venir? (Have you been to Mexico? Have gone?)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. Uh, no, I hav- no, no tengo pansars. ''[sic]'' (no, I don't have pansars (?))
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> What?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, I think, uh, I think I meant to say- I'm pretty sure-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Did you just say you don't wear pants?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, no, I was trying to say, ah, I don't have plans to go in Mexico at the moment.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh, okay.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh, I see.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's what I understood what he was saying there.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Chris, did you know that, that 4-cent garbage website is located in Mexico?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Huh.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:''' </font> That's why-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, that's why they can't get it shut down.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[unintelligible]'' borders, plus it's cheaper to run sites over there; they have, like, several servers.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris. Cassie wanted to talk to you, but she couldn't make it here, well, and, she wants to be your Spanish teacher, because she says that you've got room to improve your Spanish.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. Oh, that Cassie. Yeah, I'm sorry, I thought you were- I got mixed up. Um... Yeah, um, I'm sorry, I, uh, I haven't talked to that- I haven't talked to Cassie in a while, but I've been mostly talking to, uh, her gal- her, uh, gal-pal and I'm sure- I'm sure she'd tell you a lot about her...
 
===In which the trolls discuss bar fights===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Hey Chris, how- how does Sonichu keep Rosechu from spending more than a hundred dollars at the mall? I've always wondered how he could manage to do that. I've always had problems with that myself.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That wa- That time at the mall, it was, uh, Kel loaned the credit card. And it's like, yeah- she gave- she gave Sonichu the responsibility of that credit card. She did.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[unintelligible]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Now, I've always given my advice on cannabis, you should do the ''[unintelligible]'', Cogs Chris, but I think she wants your response.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Chris, one of my friends sent me this picture, and I think you might find it kinda disturbing just because they say it's proof that you're gay.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Aw yeah, I saw that, that's just a crappy Photoshop.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> No, that one doesn't- this one doesn't look Photoshopped at all.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, I'm not gonna look at it.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Oh, you're not? Oh.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, uh, you say you're against smoking?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. As a matter of fact, CWCville is a smoke-free, non-alcoholic city.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> ''[partially drowned out]'' That's what we call a totalitarian state...
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh, and, uh, in the pilot episode with Seth MacFarlane, of, you know, Family Guy? He's always smoking. What do you think about that?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Go smoke.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I just- I just take that with a grain of salt, and, uh, you know, that's what-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I mean, if he can smoke, why can't anyone else? I mean, it's-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it causes cancer!
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> So does a lot of things.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> It could be a prop pipe.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In any case, I'm not- in any, in any case I've never done it and I never will.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah, but eating too much fast food can give you a heart attack. I mean... so many things are deadly for you.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> What about fast food, Chris?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My father used to smoke and he went through a whole bunch of heart attacks. He suffered three-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> ''[Interrupts]'' Well, I think that might have to do more with his weight.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> He suffered through three or four triple bypasses.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font>Chris, I think that's.. that's more like a weight issue.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> He has a pacemaker!
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font>Chris, eh...
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Hey ya guys, leave him alone. Ya know, my granddad, he smoked most of his life. He quit for 25 years and still died of lung cancer. I mean that's just the way it is. And your body never gets rid of it.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Well yeah.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font>Chris, what about ''[pause]'' Chris, what about fast food? That's- that's bad for you.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Hey Chris. Chris, could you do me a favor and send an email to Cassie? She's very worried about you.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. Yeah sure, I'll send her an email later.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Okay, thanks.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Well, I've got uh, a certain someone you know-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No no.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> -she has to, uh, she wants to ask you w-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Also, she said something about some hair.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yeah. Yeah, that's uh... that's another issue right there. Um, hmmm. I'll talk to her about that.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, does, uh, drinking cause cancer?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, but it causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Wait, bar fights, but—
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Bar fights!
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> -but I don't think that bar fights are that big of a problem.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I think bar fights are awesome.
<br>''[People agree bar fights are awesome]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> But bar fights are bad. I got into a bar fight once and one of my hands got cut and two fingers from my left hand. Bar fights suck.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[Unintelligible]''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Well, I think that might be more because you're Mexican. Are you sure you didn't lose them picking bo- picking grapes and- or something?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> No, Mexican people are more more- more much macho man; we get into bigger fights. We're more awesome.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> No- I think it might be because you got your hands stuck in some machinery when you were out picking in the vineyards.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I don't know about you guys, but I like- I like having bar fights.
<br>''[Trolls talk over each other]''
 
===Chris Crashes Due To Math===
 
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You don't have to be drunk to be in a bar fight or in an automobile accident, right?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but they increase the likeliness of it.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You've been in an autobile— automobile accident, I mean, were you drunk?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I was distracted.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Uh, by what? I mean, it's kinda hard to be dist— you gotta be focused on driving man-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I was doing math in my head.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Wait, math in your—
<br>[Trolls talk over each other]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> My mind got distracted by being its own calculator.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Are you good at math?
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[unclear]'' Is that for school?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Are you some kind of savant?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> That's impossible.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> What?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion:'''</font> Guys, you're getting ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, are you like a mathematic genius or something?
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> You know some artist people have like superpowers in their head. They can do like geniuses and add really well. ''[interrupted briefly by Jack saying something else about savant]'' Chris you are already an artist. Do you have any like, magical powers?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah, I heard autistic people are really good at math.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Mm. Well not all the stereo- some of that sounds like stereotypes.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[speaking over Chris]'' ...it has to do with mental ability; I mean, what's the...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I mean I don't know - I mean I'm not saying that I'm a total genius. I mean I know- I know enough to get by.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> What's the highest level of math you've taken Chris?
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> College level.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> No I mean like algebra, or calculus or...?
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah. I believe I just did trigonometry.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Very impressive.
<br>(long pause)
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> So I was wondering. When did you get the CAD degree? I figured it's like a fine arts degree or something? I mean wha-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' I designed a whole- I designed buildings and machinery and such along there. I designed the whole CWCVille shopping center.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Why don't you have a job then?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Your fans would love to see that Chris.
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> So Chris-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' -I mean use that to design like, actual buildings?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I think i just told you i designed the CWCVille sho-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' I don't mean in your comic. I'm just saying-
<br>''[Audio cuts]''
 
===Clyde Isn't Popular And Chris Should Program===
 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Well it's a good st-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> So I heard you got some nudes up there on YouTube.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh, I'll be putting an update on da YouTube soon, but not right now.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I'm just thinking maybe you could like, you know, get a degree in game design and make the Sonichu game?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Yeah man, it's not that hard to learn programming. C++ man.
<br><font color="#000080">''Falsion:'''</font> Clyde, he hates you, why are you talking?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm just giving him some advice, I mean C++ is-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> ''[interrupting]'' Why are you here? We don't like you. You totally ruined Chris's life.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I didn't ruin his life. He ruined his own life.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yes you did. You've ruined his life. You raped his girlfriend.
<br>''[Everyone in the mumble speaks at once over each other]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font>If he was the man he said he was, he'd have gone to Nintendo, made all that money. How- how are you going to make money now Chris?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Time will tell.
<br>''[Everyone speaks again]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font>Yeah, time will tell Clyde.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font>''[unclear]'' -need a plan, you know?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I'm just thinking uh, if- uh- would you be interested in getting a degree in game design. Making the game or something? Like if you had to?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hm. Maybe but uh- I still have things to sort out in my real life.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah it's kinda unfortunate what happened with the Nintendo thing.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah - hang on a second, I'll be right back. Mm- ''[clattering]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> So be honest guys am I really that much of a bother. I mean...
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Yeah you kind of are.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> You're like a total dickfart.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[muffled]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> You realize weed causes cancer?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font>Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I didn't know that.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> And it causes the munchies. You're gonna get fat, Clyde.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> It's okay, man, because I work out.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Do you play Guitar Hero standing up?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I play Guitar Hero while on the treadmill.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font>Will the Sonichu game be a- ''[muffled]'' -or a Wii one?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font>It be a Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Wii would like to play.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Oh. I only got a DS.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris, I heard you are very good at HTML. Why don't you make a HTML Sonichu game? That would be awesome.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I don't think you can make a game in HTML.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> A- anyway I came back...
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Chris? How many courses did you have to take to get that degree in CAD?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> -pretty sure you can make a game in HTML-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[speaking over]'' I'm took abo- took about two- took about two years to four years.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I mean, if you can write HTML you can write C++, make your own games. Pretty simple man.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hm. Well it's something I'll consider.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Clyde why are you talking to him? He hates you.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm trying to give him some suggestions. I'm not insulting him, OK? 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> HTML seems kinda outdated, so to speak.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>I learn- I took two HTML classes so at least I know how to do- at least I know the ins and outs when it comes to like, workin' on it in the raw data- in the notepad.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend''':</font> So you don't use Dreamweaver?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' I also use Net- also use Netscape composer.
<br>''[Someone starts singing 'Dreamweaver']''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I heard they went bankrupt or something.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I don't- i don- i don't listen to news because I don't care about bad news. 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> But that's not bad news that's just safety...
<br>''[Talking over each other]''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Why you gotta bring this bad vibe in here?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> OK OK I'll chill, I'm sorry it's just my wife- ''[can't hear over Chris typing extremely loud]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris you don't hear about these ones in a while. Like yesterday some guy in my town got run over by a train and he- he died. And that's a really bad thing, you know but you have to hear about it.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Yeah but that's because you're Mexican. You Mexicans always play around the train tracks, what's with you?
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> No come on, don't be racist.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font>It's because Mexicans are stupid. I'm surprised I can use a computer.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[muffled]'' CrassCrab why do you have to be so mean?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> 'Cause my mother was raped by a Mexican. And I'm part Me- ''[muffled]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I'm sorry man.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> That isn't fair to take it out on every other Mexican out there.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> His rule applied to millions. Just ignore him.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> No I'm not my mother was raped by Mexicans.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> CrassCrab I'm tired of listening to you, get out of here.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Not all Mexicans are like that we- we- I am as Mexican guy. Not all Mexican guys are- ''[drowned out by typing]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Don't get me started on them. But that will be another day. Cause I'm sick of hearing bad news.
 
===Chris Types Fast (And Hates Hex-Box)===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> So Chris what are you uh- typing there?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh, I'm typing a email.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> How many words can you type? How fast can you type? Sounding fast there.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uhhh say about uh- sorta between thirty and a hundred.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> That's quite a good range man.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> You're like "The Flash", minus the red jump-suit.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh Chris um- I was wondering- ''[unclear]'' -would it be uh a Wii game or a DS game or both. I only own DS and I don't have any money for a Wii.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[overlapping]'' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wii, DS and Pla- hopefully uh- possibly uh, PlayStation 2 or 3. Never on [[Hex_Box|Hex-Box]].
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> When you gonna do this shit?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend''':</font> Why don't you like the Hex-Box? I mean I have an Xbox, I would love to play online with you.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I'd like to say this. Before Chris says anything about that I just wanna say that today my wife came home from the mall shopping for her usual clothes, that Gucci purse i had to buy for her. You know what she came home with? I wanted a PS3 but you know what she gave me was a frickin' Xbox 360. The Elite one? ''[someone speaks over]'' I know, I kept telling her like "Honey this isn't what I wanted. I wanted the PlayStation 3 so I can play LittleBigPlanet, Metal Gear Solid and Sonic Unleashed"
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> You can put Sonic Unleashed on the Hex Box as well as Wii.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[Too whiny to make out]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> So Nintendo just- rejected your offer? Cause I- I heard a rumor that there was going to be a Sonichu game or something.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris uh. Cassie wants you to send her your Wii number so she can talk to you on the Wii.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Alright uhhhhh. I'll get- have to get my Wii number now.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend''':</font> Send it to her in an email please.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah they completely hate Sony. And they hate Microsoft as well. I mean this guy, Reggie? He always talks about kicking their ass and stuff. He's kinda crazy.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I know. Reggie's very mean he never brought out ''[something]'' to America.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah i wanted to play that game.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[talked over]'' -I'm tellin' you guys. Reggie's just a great ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Like what?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I can- I can't say anything OK but... you'll see. 
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> So Chris.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah so I don't think like if you got the deal with Nintendo I don't think they'd put it on like mu- like anything else but the Wii or DS. Yeah, cause that Reggie guy he frickin' hates Sony. And Microsoft.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font>Wasn't he also the head of VH1?
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Or Pizza Hut.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris. What are your favorite places to eat at?
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I remember um he ''[unclear]'' -but before that he was with Sega when Dreamcast was out.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yup. Let me type this email please. I mean y'all keep talking I'll just listen.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> There's no reason to hate the Xbox. Let's be honest.
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Or um- Chris um- do you wanna release your game on Nintendo and on Sony. If you do talk to somebody like EA or something, you can like do um- multi-console thing like a (?) party thing.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[busy typing]'' Hmm. Well it's all to think about.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> I mean Sega does third party now so um-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah well I'm gonna keep typing this email here. Y'all keep talking.
<br>''[Sound of Chris typing]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> It's true, it's true.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris. Chris I wanted to tell you that Cassie's going to be here any- any second so you can talk to her.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. Hm. ''[continues typing]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend''':</font> Don't you care about her?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>''[annoyed]'' I'm typin' da email to her right now!
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend''':</font> Oh OK.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Yeah um 360 is pretty bad um- it red-rings all the time.
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font>I've had mine over two years. The same one. And it has not red-ringed yet.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Dude you have to pay $50 just so you can play online. 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[echoing]'' Yeah. Yeah.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Yeah it's bullshit.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah it's totally free on PlayStation. And Wii.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Chris. Chris. No, no, no, no, I gotta talk about this. (long pause) Chris...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[interrupting]'' I get less connection problems myself.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I can't let you get away with this Chris. You spent over $1000 on the PlayStation Network. OK? And you say you can't afford $50 for the Xbox? Terrible reason. That's a terrible reason.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Also, um, Cogs I had a friend of mine whose red-ringed a lot of times. She did not like it at all. She got herself a PS3 instead.
<br>''[Chris is STILL typing]''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> I heard that like- the PS triple eats up a lot of energy and like- has like- burned houses down. Cause it messes up the- no but the PS3 really- 
<br>''[More of Chris typing then audio cuts out]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font>So when's the next comic coming out Chris?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I can't say. I don't have a date for it right now. I've been busy with the- with real life and such. You know getting the s- getting the website back up and all that.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Oh but I've been waiting so long.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Look, I gotta tell you something Chris. ''[unclear]'' -to the trolls but I haven't done anythin' myself. It's run off into splinter groups doin' stuff to you. Ever since the Panda thing, I haven't done anything to you man. Everybody's been running round doing things. I have no control anymore. So I'm back here. This is why I'm back here. Do you understand? 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah. I hear you.
 
===Nudes On YouTube===
 
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> Chris.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah?
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> So I hear you got some uh- nudes up there on YouTube.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> What?
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font>Hear you got some nudes on YouTube.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max?:'''</font> NUDES!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> That's what I thought- I have nothing na- I have nothing like that on the nu- on the YouTube. I've nothing like that.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Oh someone posted the pics form the ED page.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> They're just tryin' ta get on- they're just tryin' ta get on my nerves again. But I'm not gonna let 'em.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Did you take those pictures or what? Where'd they come from?
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Uh, are they Photoshopped?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah most of- Yes. Most of them are Photoshopped.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Chris I can help you with ED. Chris I can help you with ED.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Mm. Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> You can see the neck and the body doesn't quite match up.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Okay, Chris. Cassie's just arrived. She's a little nervous about talking to you, but she's gonna talk to you soon. Is that OK?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah that's fine.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I just got one quick comment. The ED people were in contact with me, but I've lost contact with them. But I know you can delete that page permanently. I'm tryin' to help you man. You can get that page down forever. Even the entire site.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> What, after you raped uhm- Sarah?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Look, I'm trying to make amends. So let me do my business. All right?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> It's too late to make amends. Look what you did.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Um. Cogsdev said she had a look at the data, they have it up in Image editing software.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Oh yeah. Well..
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Well I don't know what to tell you there.
<br>''[Several trolls speak at once]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Sorry, what?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Doesn't that mean they're real?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> No, I don't think so.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> You don't think so?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Well, did you take them?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> No.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Then where did those pictures come from?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Yeah, who took those?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I don't know. And I'd rather not talk about that anymore. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Are you lying to your fans Chris?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> No.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> We don't feel confort- we don't feel comfortable. We're big fans of your work and we don't like being lied to.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> I'd like to make a point. It might just be a doppelganger [sic].
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font>Chris, you know the thing I hate most is lies. I like to spread the truth about you Chris.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> You say you're honest, but you're lying to us.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[clearly annoyed]'' Fine, fine. Some those pictures are real.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Some of them?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Some of them but not all of them.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Like, which ones aren't real?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, I'd rather not go into detail because I'd rather not look at 'em. Cause uh- ''[interrupted]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[unclear]'' -are you ashamed of it?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Do you not like to look in the mirror?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font>You owe it- you owe it to your fans.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah, but- yeah, but- yeah, but upon looking at those it's like ref- it's like reflecting a pe- uh p- a past moment in my life where I- I was played for the fool.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh yeah, by the man in the pickle suit?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh that guy - I hate that guy.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah I saw- he was trolling some other people you know? So you're not alone, Chris.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah he took pictures of me like that too...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hmm.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> That guy's an asshole, I hate him.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uhhhh yep.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> He took pictures of my wife too. Sick bastard.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[I think she says he is a peanut]''
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh, I'm sorry, what?
<br>(another pause)
 
===Chris Hates Harry===
 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I just uh- never was fond of it. Ever since it came out, I was never fond of it. ''[unclear as troll speaks over]'' -just like I hate Harry Potter because he's s- he's goin- he's uh- in compe- was in competition against the world of Pokemon.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Well that- that doesn't make sense. But they're two different medias. Pokemon-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' Yeah but- yeah but still he-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> -Harry Potter is a book.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah but he poses as competition against them.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> That's not really competition. I mean-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[talks over Jack]'' Oh that reminds me about books- Vivi- Vivian wrote a book and sent it to you. You never read it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yes. I am afraid I- yeah, yeah- I'm uh- I've been uh- so I've been under uh- too much stress between internet and all that. I'll ge- I'll read it, I'll read it
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> She's been waiting for your response for quite a long time.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh, I like the cover.
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Nice cover.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah he is right about that. That is a nice cover.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Yeah the book is pretty good - I read it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hm. Well I- I will definitely make it a point to uh- read it. Very soon.
<br>''[Trolls talk over each other]''
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[Audible over the others]'' Did you ever read Twilight?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>I've heard th- I've heard Twilight and I've seen the trailer but I haven't seen the movie, I'll wait for it to come out DVD or Blu-ray.
<br>(pause)
 
===Random Access Humor Python Style===
 
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Oh OK, I heard a lot of girls like Twilight.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. I see. Hey Polly does your voice sound like that, 'cause it sounds like a guy talking falsetto. I mean no personal offense.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> That's not very nice...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I'm sorry. Believe me I didn't mean any pe- anything personal it's just like, you know- hm- kind- just kinda takes me by surprise a bit, that's all.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I knew a girl like that in high school.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[Sounding upset]'' I can't help it if I'm born like this.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah I'm- I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah she's a girl. I saw her pics. She's a girl.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Well I'll s- I'll take his word for it. I'm sorry I cu- I accused you there.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Um. OK. 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, aut- I mean- let's- it's just uh- you know it's uh- you know it's uh a bit- just a spot of fun. [[Random-access_humor|Stupid humor]]. Monty Python's Flying Circus.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> We know you love that. There's just so many references to it in the comic.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah I d- after they put all of the entire series on PlayStation Network I downloaded the Hamlet episode- that was the one that had uh- Jimmy Hill parodying himself. It also had this funny bit where it was like, you know- ''[in a stupid voice]'' "...and now it's time for The Robinsons, an everyday story about blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah. Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-duhhh-dum-de-dum"- and so on...
<br>''[A troll begins to speak but is interrupted by a very high-pitched Chris]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> "Morning Mrs. Robinson- Morning Mrs. Robinson. Comin' out shoppin'? Oh- you've been shoppin', what did you buy? What's this?-" 'What did you buy this for?'[Trolls laugh over him]'' -It was a bargain!"
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I've heard you do that before. I don't know where. Anyway uh- uhm- Whatever happened to Jimmy Hill?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. I haven't heard from him in a long time so just assuming uh- he gave up or uh-
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' I think he got a- I think he got a, uh- children's TV program in England.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Well he ain't botherin' me, so I'm not worried about him anymore.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Ye- but he's stealing Sonichu. Bastardizing it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah he did but uh- he s- but haven't seen any updates on his-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[Talks over Chris]'' - profile, he's still doing it.
<br>''[Several trolls talk over each other about him having a TV show]''
 
===Chris Fails At Spanish Pt. 2===
 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Sigh]''
<br>''[Troll says something more about the TV show, but it's muffled]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Hey, Chris?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris. Cassie wants to say hi. Just forgive her English because she can't speak very well, okay?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right. Just sent her the email by the way, just now.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> Hey, Chris. It's me, Cassie.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hi, Cassie. How are you?
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> Fine, and you?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm feelin' OK.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> Why haven't you emailed me? I was really about-was really worried about you. What's happened?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry. I be- I've bee- I've been busy with the Internet and the stress and all that. I sent ya an email just now go- it's got my Wii number in it so you can add me to your contacts. I've been talking to uh- I've been talking to Sarah lot- quite a bit lately. She's been helping me with uh- updating the Sonichu site, since I've uh- since I'm working on uh- it's re-uploading and such.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> K, I believe you. I going to check ''[pronounced like 'sheg']'' it, okay?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You're going to where?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[very quietly]'' Check it.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font> To check it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> To "shag-it"? Is that the-
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font> Check the email.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[still doesn't understand]'' Oh.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> I going to check the email.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. ''[unintelligible]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Check the email.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, check email. ''[Laughs]'' Yeah I'm sorry I tr- I tried to uh- understand but it just kind of messed up a little bit.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Why don- why don't you two speak in Spanish?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uhhh. I'm not exactly fluent.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> ¿Sabes hablar español, Chris? (Do you know how to speak Spanish?)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Sí, hablo español. (Yes, I speak Spanish)
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> Oh. ''[pause, one of the trolls says something to her]'' Oh, eso es muy sexy. (That is very sexy.)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Ohhhh. Te gusta. Te gusta muchísimo, (You like it. You like it a lot)
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font> La verdad, si. (To tell you the truth, yes)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Mmm. Me amos mis amigas muchísimas. Sons muy bueñas! (I love my friends (feminine) a lot. They are very good.) [Correction: Amo a mis amigas muchísimo. Son muy buenas.]
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font>Oh, eso es tan cool en español! Muy bueno! (That's so cool in Spanish! Very good)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Muy bueño (very good)
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font> Aha, exacto. (it is!)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Laughs]'' Okay, that's good.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font> Well, I going down, okay?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Okay, you're going down- by the way, let me ask ya Cassie, do you ever- you've uh- you've actually met uh Sarah May in person, haven't you?
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie''':</font> Not. She's on Internet.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Oh. Okay. That's cool- but anyway uh- you got- you d- you have my Wii number, uh- you can reply the email with your Wii number and it'll be registered on the Wii network.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> ''[very haltingly]'' Yes. So. Cool. Talk with you Chris. You are so cool.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Heh. Uhhhh. You flatter me. Tù me flatteray. ''[Laughs]''
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> ''[Weak laugh]'' Well, see you.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Adíos.
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> Adíos.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[In his 'baby voice']'' Adíos. ''[sigh]''
<br><font color="#8D38C9">'''Cassie:'''</font> Adíos, bebé.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Adíos, chiquita bonita. ''[Laughs]''
<br>(Pause as audio cuts out)
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> -it again.
<br>(Another pause)
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> So anyway, Chris. I've been working on Rabbichoso for a day and uh- I was just wonderin' like, it's- it's supposed to compete with Sonichu, you know? If you weren't aware of that.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uhhhh. I grabbed onto d- grabbed onto i- grabbed onto the gist. I'm aware- I'm aware of the just of the theory. Uh. I'm aw- I'm aware that you're tryin' to compete.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You know what competition does. It's drives uh- it drives consumer interest- ''[muffled]'' - that's why I'm trying to help dude. You know, compete. Just so you're aware of this, OK?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I see. -see.
<br>(Pause)
 
===Rabbichoso And Animu===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> So Chris we've been ge- been getting uh threatening images from the Pickle Man. Did you s- did you see the left?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh. I've not heard from the Pickle Man in lo- in a long time. 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Apparently there are multiple ones because this one is, uh, not a darkie.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh-huh.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> It's good that they're leaving you alone now.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yep.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Seems like they found more easier targets. Seeing as how you became [[Navy|saltier]].
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh. You know I originally got that quote from an e- ep- episode of ExCel Saga.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> From what?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> ExCel Saga.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Oh, ExCel Saga. Oh, yeah, that's a good anime.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> ''[Quotes ExCel saga. Can't understand what he's saying]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Uh, have you ever seen two animes, ''[muffled]'' and Schooldays?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hmm. I have not seen either of those. I like Steel Angel Kurumi as well.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Chris, how much Japanese do you know?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Only a little bit. I'm not totally fluent. I can say that with all honesty.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[Says something in Japanese]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Huh?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Never mind, you won't understand it.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> ''[Something] Chris-Chan. Thank you desu ga [sic]''
 
===Chris Could Kill Clyde===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion:'''</font> Yeah, I just wanted to say, uh, you're doing a good job, like, keeping calm even though Clyde is here. I mean u- I thought you'd be, like, more angry at him.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm being calm with you guys.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> -I would have been choking him by now.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> I'd have kicked his ass.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Preach to the choir. Pr-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' I'd make him choke on a pickle if it were up to me.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You guys can't touch me otherwise I'd kick all your asses. ''[Laughs]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Huh.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah, bring it.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris could kick Clyde's ass anytime.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Let's see Chris do it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Bring it to me any day of the week and I'll definitely show him a hard- day's night.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah I think you could kick his ass.
<br>[Trolls and Clyde talk over each other]
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> No.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> ''[Sings]'' -been a hard day's night...
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> -never mind, just...
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I mean that as a- meant that as in I would beat... him up.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Kick his ass?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I'm very strong.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> Chris. I'm gonna see you later, OK?
<br>''[Unison of goodbyes]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Cassie's Friend:'''</font> OK see ya. Thank you so much Chris.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[ignoring his fans]'' Yeah I can- I can lift about my weight.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Like um- if Clyde were right in front of you, what would you do to him?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Like, what kind of style of fighting do you have?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Hey, shut up.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I gotta know my competition.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Personal- in the physical offense. ''[sigh]'' I would definitely be giving you so much physical pain.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> That's not a s- that's not a style.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I would beat you up.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> He deserves it man.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Well, that's still not a style...
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> He uses fisticuffs. He's a gentleman. Gentleman fisticuffs.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Whatever, I'll just see-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Stop arguing and just-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll:'''</font> ''[Over previous troll]'' I mean, if he did that to my sweetheart I'd fucking kill him. 
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Well. He's not- he's not going to come over and kill me, I know that. He doesn't have the money. (pause) You know I'm surprised that you're mad here. You're much kinder in person I thought you- Now I'm just expecting you at my door anytime, just waiting for you to stand here with an axe or something. 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Knives are too messy.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Ah, now a sword- sword's are usually better.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> What about poison?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Poison's good, poison's good.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Clyde, what - do you want him to beat your ass?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> No I was just expecting it, you know.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah, you know what's another thing? I would definitely not tell you how I would be hurting you, but I would definitely give you a who- big amount of pain.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh, he's gonna keep you guessin'!
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah he deserves it. After everything he's done-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[Muffled by troll]'' -going to kill me, I'd like to know.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh. I'm just going to let you cover in- worry.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Oh so you're never going to show up, it's-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' Oh yes I will show up. But you just won't be expecting it.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> You don't even know where I live, do you?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Find out!
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Maybe I should give you my address.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, you should track him down and kick his ass.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> But I'm going to leave you guessing too...
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Defend Panda's h- Panda's honor.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll:'''</font> Hey Julie.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh, hi Julie.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> 'sup Julie.
<br>''[Pause]''
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hey Julie.
<br>''[Everyone talks over each other]''
 
===Clyde's A Dick===
 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah I notice her mic doesn't work. But still I'm just letting her know that- acknowledge her presence. 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> You're doing well staying calm even though Clyde's here.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Yeah, Clyde's a total dick.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yep.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Fucker.
<br>''[Rustling]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I mean, he's taken over everything. The IRC. This. I can't- no one can stop him.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[muffled]'' -over there, so...
<br><font color="#000080">'''Female Troll''':</font> I- I like Rabbichoso.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Of course you do. ''[Laughs]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Female Troll''':</font> It's funny.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I will not offer any new comment on it.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Well, OK.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Chris, when can we expect the next Sonichu to be released.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah, we've been eager.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> It'll be soon. It will be soon.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Yeah just ignore Clyde man.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I mean if you're going to put a hard date on it, you'd better deliver your promise. If you don't, I'll strike harder. That's all I'm saying.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hmm. You're saying if I don't set a date, you're gonna...
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> No, no. I'm saying don't make promises you can't keep. Don't make promises you can't keep.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hmm.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> He'll choke you with his medallion bitch!
<br><font color="#000080">''' Other Troll''':</font> Yeah, who the hell do you think you are?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I agree with Cogs over there. Maybe you should do just a page a day, not release all at once. Keep his-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[interrupts]'' Why are you telling him this when he hates you?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm giving him suggestions man, OK? OK?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Only thing he's gonna suggest to you is 'shut the fuck up'!
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Yeah, seriously man.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> It's alright.
<br>(pause)
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Penny Arcade's slow.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Oh you mean like Penny Arcade or ''[something]'' or MegaTokyo?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah they're just like- boring. Then they because sellouts.
 
===Chris's Country Cookin===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll:'''</font> Chris, where's your favorite place to eat?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hmm. Can't really say uh- but I like country cookin'.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh yeah?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> What's country cooking?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Uh no G's in the sto- no G's in the name by the way, no G.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Yeah what's country cooking? I'm not familiar with that.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> It's like uh- som- something like Golden Corral.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> But Golden Corral is a national franchise.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Mmm.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Uh Chris, how are your parents?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> They're OK.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Oh OK.
<br>(Long pause)
 
===Sex Is Shit===
 
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Chris I've got a sug- another suggestion. Now be quiet all of you cause I know you hate me. Just-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> No, Chris hates you.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Well don't defend him. He can defend himself OK? He's a man. But whatever-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Let him speak.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm suggesting that- you go on and on about this sex stuff but you've never gotten laid, have you? 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I like to put myself in the imaginative situation that I'd like to be in and the sexual stimulation. So I can be ready for [[ego|myself]] for when I do actually have my first time.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Well my first time was- I'll just say that it's terrible, OK? I didn't know what I was doing, she didn't know-
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Let me guess, you prematurely ejaculated?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> No, no, no, it's not like that you don't know what to do. Every woman's told me OK? You can't prepare-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[Talks over Clyde]'' First time's always awkward...
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> - I learnt that mistake a while back, OK whatever. OK, you just- you can't prepare for your first time. You might as well just have a really bad first time so you learn from your mistakes.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I'm not trying to defend Clyde or anything, but yeah it's kinda true.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Hmm.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> The girl I first fell in love with is the girl I'm married to right now. Samantha just changed my world. But marriage does get boring.
 
===Chris's Tips To STAY STRAIGHT===
 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, I know how you say how important it is to stay straight, um- I'm having trouble staying straight, do you have any suggestions?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Watch a bunch of pornography with uh- with naked women. OK, a lot of naked women.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> That happened to me one time...
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion:'''</font> Chris, I have this friend I play video games with, is that gay? He's male by the way.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Sorry could you- I'm sorry could you repeat that?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> I have this guy I'm friends with he always comes over to my house to play video games. Is that gay? I'm kinda scared. You know? I don't wanna be gay.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hm. Hmm. Is he making any advances towards you? Personally.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> I dunno how to tell.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Like uh sit- does he always sit next to you when he's playing games. Playing video games.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Yeah he usually does.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hmm. I see. Hmm. My- well- my suggestion in that case, would be to keep a heavy distance between you and that guy.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> I don't think he meant anything gay by it though.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Sorry, what?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> I don't think he means anything like- gay about it.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Well, still- it's always best to find out- you can ask him. Don't be afraid to ask him.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> What would you do in this situation?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Well if he said yes then I would uh- basically- let me think about that a moment. 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Do you have any friends who're are like, guys?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Only acquaintances and only a few of them.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Do you play video games with people or anything? Do they come over to your house?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> No. No.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Um, I remember-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion:'''</font> ''[Cuts Polly off]'' I'm just worried I might be gay or something. I don't wanna be gay.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> You probably are Falsion, but that's OK. No, look dude.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Leave him alone! Leave him alone! He's straight!
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Why?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Hey, let's have a calm conversation here. Let's not have any fights.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah. Yeah.
<br>''[Trolls speak over each other]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I've been reading the Sonichu comics and man, they are page-turners! Seri- I was on- I was on the edge of my seat for a while. I ju- I couldn't- I couldn't- you know. Just had to read and read.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hm. Thank you.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion:'''</font> Chris, can I be your friend? I know I'm a guy. I don't mean anything gay by it. Can I be your friend? 
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Mm. I dunno.
 
===A Wild Snorlax Appears===
 
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> Do you want any hotdogs?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> No, I'm OK.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> No?
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> I was talking with my mother.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Oh. I was wondering if I could be your friend.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Oh. Mmm.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Oh. I h- heard you only like, you only like to be acquaintances. With guys.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah, ummm. Let's just pretty much leave it at acquaintance.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Hello Mrs. Chandler.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> She can't hear you, I'm wearing my earphones.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion''':</font> Listen, I'm not gay. I don't- you know- yeah. Nevermind.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Yeah I mean- I mea- I-
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> What do you have against gay people? I'm serious to hear this.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> It's just unnatural and it's against God's will.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I mean, it's not like it's a choice. You can't change who you are like- you're a creative guy but I mean they're just gay. They can't change that. 
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just answering a few questions mother.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> You don't have to answer. Nobody's payin' you to do that.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Yes they are.
<br>''[shuffling sounds, clanging]''
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> It ain't none of their business no-way.
<br><font color="#0033FF">'''Chris''':</font> Hm.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> I wouldn't be asked questions like that by employers or anybody. Don't tell people what you d- what you think. Keep that to yourself.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris what's hap- what's happening?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, obviously, my mother is offering her input.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Tell her you're just talking to some friends.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> ''[muffled]'' I don't need no back talk from somebody on the other end of the phone.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I hear you, Mom. Hmm. Hmm.
<br>''[scraping sounds]''
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> These- these idiots don't have any brains or- they don't have any idea this way or that.
<br>''[more banging, clanging and tumbling sounds. Sounds like washing up]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Troll:'''</font> Is right now a bad time right now? I mean-
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> PixelBlocks, PixelBlocks!
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Someone's saying "PixelBlocks."
<br><font color="#009900">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, are you saying [[PixelBlocks]]?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[Laughs]''
<br>''[Chris's mom has been singing]''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Your mother has a beautiful singing voice, Chris.
<br>(Audio cuts)
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> ''[Audio cuts back in]'' -all the anxiety, causing you stress.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well sometimes they don't; they can be peaceful.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> Well, your mom and dad get the crappy end of the stick.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmm, a lot of us do.
<br>''[more clattering sounds]''
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> Yeah, just like this nasty mess over here that you guys left that I got to clean up.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm. ''[Audio cuts]'' -Yeah, I took care of my bills. I mean, not completely, but I took care of them.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Troll:'''</font> What about going to, uh, Redmond?
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten''':</font>We! (Wii?)
<br>[unintelligible, windows beeps]
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[laughing]'' Yeah, sweetheart pool.
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten:'''</font> Mmhmm. ''[laughing]'' Like the other side of the pillow.
<br>''[someone sighing. Clanging noises return after short absence]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[unclear]'' ...is all, I mean, living with your parents is okay bad--in today's bad economy, but at 26, come on.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Shut up, you.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Now, I'm being nice.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Clyde isn't so bad a guy. He does bad things, but he's pretty cool.
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten''':</font> Yeah he's reformed. He's seen the error- Yeah.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> How- how could he do that to Sarah? I mean- That's not right.
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten:'''</font> Yeah. Well, that's like Luke... That's like Luke and Laura from General Hospital. I know that's like, before y'all's time, but, um... Luke was a rapist and she--he raped Laura and then, like, a few months later they get married. So... ''[Laughs]''
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> Yeah, I believe Clyde was trying to make amends from his past actions.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Falsion:'''</font> Yeah, but Chris, can you uh- can you forgive him?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Random Troll:'''</font> ''[whispering]'' White whale, holy grail!
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Can you forgive a small-dicked Asian? Just a thought.
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> He's not Asian!
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I'm half-Asian, okay? My parents ''[unclear]'' I don't really wanna go into it. It's too bo-boring for you people. But this is why I ''[unclear]''.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Chris, are you there? Just makin' sure, buddy.
<br>''[clattering]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Move out.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Another Troll''':</font> Well, how do I do that?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> What?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Hi there, my kitty. ''[In baby voice]'' Yes, there's a pretty kitty.
<br>''[Someone speaking with a voice-synth]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Hang on a second. I've got, like, a thousand different... Oh, Crass, why'd you do that?
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> Because. You can unban him but, yeah. I'm not gonna friggin' stand for that.
<br>''[Sound of a vacuum cleaner]''
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack''':</font> I (m j d?) do that.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> I heard the "g" word.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Um, is that a vacuum cleaner?
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten''':</font> Yeah, sounds like it is.
<br>[Trolls speak but are drowned out by vacuum]''
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ...room or something.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> I think the vacuum cleaner...
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> If that's the government trying to do some kind of thing, then my name's Rusty Shackleford.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Oh, okay.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> That's a loud fan.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> I have a fan above my stove, too.
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten''':</font> Hey... I do, too.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Wait- wha- wait. You-you-you're in the kitchen?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Me too.
<br>''[possibly Sonic game sound effects]''
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max:'''</font> Chris?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Mmhm? Mm.
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max:'''</font> I'm pretty sure it's already asked, but I didn't catch the answer. When can we expect the next Sonichu comic?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> I-I-I told you my suggestion of releasing a page a day or something. I mean, it's a pretty good one. It-it-it allows for a good time. Finish a page a day. You upload it. You know? It's very good. Works very well.
<br>''[Barbara singing]''
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Uh. I mean- you guys keep asking when he's going to finish it but I wonder how many pages are going to be in the new one?
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> The last one was like, thirty. Just release it over the span of a month. Works fine.   
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> ...go up to ninety thousand..
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> ''[mutters something]''
<br>''[Sound of Barbara singing]''
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> Down by the river...side
<br><font color="#CC0033">'''Jack:'''</font> Your mother has a beautiful voice, Chris.
<br>''[clattering, typing]''
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> ''[unclear, repeating the same two phrases]'' Gone down by the river, down by the water side, down by the riverside. Down by the waterside. Down by the riverside.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I remember ''[unclear]''
<br>''[Audio cuts]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> -I'm hungry myself.
<br>''[some kind of alarm sounding]''
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max:'''</font> Then go eat.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> No, you.
<br><font color="#80F080">'''Max:'''</font> I already ate.
 
===Anime And Shit===
 
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I wonder what anime Chris watches nowadays. There's not many on television but do you still watch Japanese cartoons?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> ''[In a bad accent]'' Kawaii desu ne.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> I want to watch Shuffle. He said it was very good. He said it was sad. I don't know if I wanna watch- I don't like sad stuff. I like to be happy when I watch anime.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Oh, and um, do you watch stuff like Bleach and um Code Geass or Naruto or something?
<br>''[Pause]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> I'm glad to hear that Shuffle isn't sad. I'm definitely going to watch it sometime.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> Um, yeah Chris that was a good call on Naruto.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll:'''</font> Yeah there's a lot of people who don't like it much either. Too popular.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> But please. Please. Hope. ''[audio cuts out briefly]'' Uh, Chris, please consider When They Cry.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Ooh, I saw that one. It was a really good series.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh, I know; that was good, like-
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> Yeah. Both seasons of it.
<br>''[Windows beeps, voices overlapping]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll:'''</font> I could link you to Season One if you want. Yeah, Samantha got me into that.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll:'''</font>..you'll give it a try, Chris. It's a very, very good series.
<br><font color="#FF3">'''Arjen Van Dierten:'''</font> Hm. Hey, Julie. How are you?
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll:'''</font> ...lots of ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Watch Shuffle. You got the six episodes of Shuffle or... Which o- which anime? I'm sorry.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is also cool.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly:'''</font> I really liked JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Very ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Za warudo!
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Oh yeah, I think Shuffle is quite all right. I like Heidi. She's sweet and loyal.
<br><font color="#000080">'''Other Troll''':</font> That's a good one. One of my favorites is Black Lagoon.
<br><font color="#FF77FF">'''Polly''':</font> Um, is that the one with the blue girl?
<br>''[Trolls talk over each other about different anime]'' 
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> Hey, uh, Chris can I, my, uh, I don't know if it's all right, but, like, could you like, give me an email sometime? I could, uh... recommend you to... this anime that... Polly and... Julie like to watch. They're quite- they... Oh, C--and Cogs has recommended such great anime.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[talking to his mother]'' Yeah? That's ''[unclear]''
<br><font color="#000080">'''Troll''':</font> As well as Julie--Julie's the person that got me into anime.
 
===People Love Poketunes===
 
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> -we can go into this later cause I got my headphones on. And, Mom, you know what something else? They liked your singing.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> What? I don't sing.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> You just did!
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> That's my laugh; that's my laugh. They couldn't hear me.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> They heard you. Singin'. Just now.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> I can't sing!
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> You just did!
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> I'm tone deaf.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> They just heard you singing, and liked your voice.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> Okay Did you write checks for all those bills and pack everything ''[unclear]''?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Yes, Mother, I did.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> You're not telling me no story?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I'm not telling you no story.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> OK. It's important [''inaudible''] did you pay them?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I paid that one.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> Okay, you have to be honest with me, 'cause, see, you're settin'...
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm being honest, I'm being honest.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> How you respond to what [we] talk about. You say you ought to something and you don't do it then that's gonna change my ideas ''[unclear]''.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay... I'll be sure to pay the remaining differences next month.
<br><font color="#000099">'''Barbara:'''</font> No, this month.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I know but I couldn't pay them all with 90 dollars so there's still some left ''[sound cuts]'' ...oh, you're cooking them up here, okay, that's why you turned the fan on over the stove.
<br>(Audio cuts)
<br>''[Trolls rejoice and mock Momma Chandler]''

Latest revision as of 23:06, 3 August 2010

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MR American box art

ModNation Racers is a customizable kart racing game for the PS3 and PSP that Chris has taken a liking to. It isn't quite 2010's answer to LittleBigPlanet, but it's close.

In addition to providing autistics with the simple gameplay used in all racing games and cute, gaily-colored characters found in children's games, ModNation Racers is heavily based around user-generated content, much like LittleBigPlanet. Chris can now foist his questionable design skills upon the world through a kart racing game.

Chris's ModNation career

When only the beta version of the game was available, Chris posted exactly 25 screen caps of him driving a yellow, Sonichu-themed cart around an empty racetrack on the CWCipedia. These were filed under "Original CWC Art". Later, after the retail version arrived, he created a number of characters and cars (images are available below), as well as a CWCville track.

It is of great concern to Chris that despite his belief that he has a large fanbase, barely anybody has bothered to download his poorly designed track and he continues to whore it out at every opportunity. On 17 July 2010, Chris updated his Twitter account for the first time in ages, begging his imaginary followers to give him codes for special game content and to download his CWCville track so that he could acquire yet another trophy. 26 July saw yet another Twitter update whining for downloads and positive reviews.

He also posted multiple threads on the forums at GameFAQs and Gamespot making similar demands. When his initial beg-a-thons were deleted because of those boards' anti-soliciting policies, Chris, being Chris, just went ahead and posted them again.

Despite having all the free time in the world, Chris is mediocre at ModNation Racers. This should come as little of a surprise. After racing in 500-plus contests, Chris has only "won" 100 of these (with a noticeable "Disconnected" and "Did Not Finish" tally indicating some tard-rage present).

Beta screen caps

  • Modnation Chris, about to go snake hunting.

  • Sonichu license plate

  • Modnation: the game that lets you make Sonichu medallions

  • Chris plows his car into an orange pylon

Post-Beta creations

It's now generally accepted that if you give Chris a character creation tool, he'll make himself and then Sonichu. ModNation Racers is no exception. The cars Chris has created actually contain a few relatively faithful replicas of real cars. Inside sources report that this isn't Chris taking an interest in cars, but Chris taking regaining his once-thought-lost interest in Hot Wheels toys. How very mature.

Chris's ModNation Creations

See also

External links

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