SpaghettiRoutine

SpaghettiRoutine is a video Chris uploaded on 30 October 2010. In this video, Chris mimes the preparation of spaghetti. He had planned to actually cook some spaghetti in his kitchen, but his mother had cluttered up the stove. Chris then presents the finished dish served on a paper plate and rubs his face in it. As he wipes the sauce from his face, he makes a reference to an orange-faced Cashy type person he knows.

Video

SpaghettiRoutine
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	30 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Home Cooking, Trolls Trolls
Performance Style	Crazy Crazy, Comedy Comedy
Shirt	Vert Red Vertical Red
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Transcript

Thank goodness for Chris's TRUE and HONEST Special Recipe. (DO NOT STEAL.)

For this presentation, I was going to make some spaghetti, live in the kitchen. But unfortunately, I don't have access to stove 'cause mama put a whole bunch of crap in the way. So, I am going to mime it. [Mimes picking up a pot.] Here's the pot. [Wipes down the imaginary stove and mimes putting the pot on the burner.] Put it on the stove. [Mimes turning on the stove.] Set it to the boiling temperature. Gestures upwards, making a sound that imitates steam rushing up, before tapping imaginary keys/buttons to his right. Boop-boop-boop-boop! Ah, in time the water's boiling. So we take the pot of spaghetti noodles...[Mimics something unidentifiable.] And...[Hissing noises, wild gestures.] Click click click click click click! [Stirring motions. Adopts a baby voice.] Noodles, smell so good! [Lifts pretend noodles as if on a spoon.] Mm, hey look at that. Drippy, no snippy! [?] [Holds them close to the camera.] I offer you some don—some non drippy! [?] But it's hot right now, so you might wanna wait a while. [More hissing, more stirring.] Yeah, I say our noodles are done. [More imaginary knob turning. Chris motions as if holding a fishing rod.] Hey, we pour—we drain the water out. [Does so, and sets “pot” down.] We get some plate-we get some plates. [Mimes getting plates down.] Oh wait a minute...we're serving two! [In light of this epiphany, Chris tosses the excess plates away and makes shattering sounds.] Heh heh! I'm just kiddin'. [More gesturing, seems to be serving spaghetti.] Fork. [Mimes scraping pot.] We don't want any noodles left behind! We'll rinse that out later!

In the meantime, here's a good jar of marinara sauce. [Produces imaginary sauce. Unscrews it with unnecessary groaning noises, then a pop sound to indicate the jar coming off.] There we go, I popped the seal! [Pours it.] Bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop...and now some grated mozzarella! [Sings while caressing the mozzarella.] I gotta pop this seal. Bloop-bloop...[Shakes it over the food.] And we'll add other spices...from my father's collection, which includes rosemary, garlic, parsley, whatever. [More “unsealing”, more “shaking.”]

And you can make your own meatballs with uh, processed meat and... put it all on a tray or something, let me throw it in, rolling it all into balls. But they end up not so good, not as good, are they? So, what about we did, what if you buy your own meatballs? We had this pot-we had this package of Swedish meatballs, cook it in the microwave alread- so they're warming up already. [Opens a package of imaginary meatballs, does something unidentifiable to them, and appears to dump them all over the “table.”] And in the end, I'll wa-I'll at least...we'll have a few plates, you get somethin'...like this! [Turns the camera to focus on a plate of real spaghetti and meatballs on a paper plate. Zooms in an out on it.] Yummy, yummy, delicious!

[Focuses back on himself. Goes back to the baby voice.] So now we can sit down and eat our spaghetti. It is so delicious. [Stirs the plate of real spaghetti with a plastic fork.] Mmm...it smells so good! [Holds a forkful up to the camera.] You want a bite? Look at this, you want a bite? Mm, very good, num. You better take a bite, because you know what? Watch this- watch this- you watchin'? [Chris mashes his face into the spaghetti like a child and takes several disgusting bites, then emerges with sauce on his nose and chin. Holds out his arms and smiles like he did something worth praising.] Ta-da! [Laughs. Wipes his face with a paper towel.] I'm just kiddin'. I wouldn't do that to you for real life, huh-huh. It's fun. Hey, at least my head's not fuckin' orange. Like a certain...[Wipes nose some more]...Cashey type person I know. [Turns camera off.]

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