|DO NOT CONSUME
|The instructions Chris wrote on his frozen semen container. Good advice for everything else in the kitchen.
Chris's computer was located here, and before the house fire, he had shot a few videos in this place, including various videos of him mass debating. After the fire, he kept his sperm in the freezer, next to the TV dinners and ice cream he and his mother eat.
The condition of the kitchen as of 2023 - at which point Chris is no longer residing at the house - is unknown.
The kitchen (Pre-fire)
The following items were present in Chris's kitchen:
- Christmas decorations (including a tree) that were left to stew year round and most likely had been there since the Chandlers moved in.
- Various pots and pans.
- Disposable fast food drink containers piled up on top of plates.
- A mountain of presumably unwashed dishes and cookware covering almost half the window. The giant mound spilled out past the window and well around the corner of the bench. No space to prepare food was visible.
- One perfectly cylindrical object emblazoned with a Mountain Dew label.
- Plastic bags, some apparently still containing matter.
- Two chairs or movable set of drawers, both covered in junk.
- A potted plant sat atop the cupboard. Due to its healthy, uniform bright green color despite living in a trash heap on a high shelf with no access to sunlight or water, top men are certain it was fake.
- Paper plates still smeared with some kind of off-yellow food were clearly visible sitting near the two fast-food drink containers atop a mountain of rubbish. Could be an overflowing bin.
- A purple box of tissues right beside/behind the microwave in the far left corner.
- Various knick-knacks on a small shelf obscure another part of the window; coupled with Mount Trash-heap, this almost completely obscured the window.
- Enough junk to completely block off the door.
- A fridge, where mold and yeast devoured everything that the Chandlers haven't, and which Chris has nicknamed "the Resident Evil fridge" (as in Japan, that game series is instead called Biohazard).
The kitchen (Post-fire)
After the house renovation, the Chandlers managed to keep less clutter in the kitchen. There is now enough room for Chris and Barb to cook food on the stove, as shown during Thanksgiving 2016, when Chris posted photos to Facebook of the Chandler family's meal.
Chris cooked a Thanksgiving meal in 2016, with the help of the Cutco Spatula Spreader.
However, the sanitary level of the kitchen is still an issue. In February 2016, a video was leaked of Chris showing off his collection of frozen sperm.
The containers, made of Tupperware, are labelled with "DO NOT CONSUME," "Sample," a date- and time-stamp and his signature. One had a date of "5/18/2015" and another "2/20/2016," showing that he had been maintaining the collection for at least nine months.
Chris's goals are to keep his semen viable after transgender surgery/Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis removes his duck, and he also wanted to be able to donate to a lesbian couple named "Sam and Ella," an honor he lost to Johan. Of course, a D.I.Y. sperm bank will not work with a standard freezer, so all Chris has accomplished is making something that pairs with his Fanta.
List of videos filmed here
Presumably, almost all of Chris's IRC chats and webcam/VOIP conversations took place in the kitchen, save for a few that employed only his PS3. He has also ventured out of his room to record several videos in front of the computer in the kitchen.
- 25 September 2008: the Chris Sex Videos. Chris performs various bizarre dances, strips and jerks off in front of a webcam for PandaHalo.
- 3 November 2009: Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler. While the bulk of this video takes place in a LittleBigPlanet level, Chris recorded a brief preface in his kitchen.
- 24 December 2009: the Shout out to Fans in Hospital. Chris expresses his sympathies for the ailing Columbine killers.
- 31 December 2009: the Address to my Cwcipedia SysOp. Chris complains about the ads on his CWCipedia and wallows in the delusion that he has any control over the site.
- 31 May 2010: 100 2189. Chris announces his abandonment of the CWCipedia while insisting that he still owns the rights to Sonichu.
- 15 October 2010: 100 2281. Chris sips from a bottle of liqueur and gibbers at Jackie's boyfriend Lars in wigger dialect.
- 18 October 2010: Breast Cancer Awareness. Chris stuffs his plush breasts under his shirt and discusses the dangers of breast cancer.
- Late 2013: Tour of Chris's House II. Chris refers to the fridge as a "biohazard", and shows us that the kitchen is now completely blocked off by Barb's hoarded clutter. This implies that they are now entirely dependent on takeouts and/or microwaved meals for nutrition.
- 26 February 2016: Chris's Specimen Sample. First one taken after renovations, Chris shows off some semen samples that he had stored in the freezer.
- March 2018: Tour of Chris's House III features a clear look at the state of the kitchen post-fire. Boxes of hoarded junk take up much of the room, although there is space for a pathway from the entrance to the fridge, counter, sink and stove. Pans and pots are left on the stovetop burners, while dishes are crammed into the sink, and junk covers the countertop.
- 28 March 2018: Our signatures, a video of Barb and Chris verifying their signatures for potential customers.