Voicemail greeting
Chris's voicemail greeting is something which many trolls have experienced when attempting to call Chris. The greetings have been changed numerous times and their content has varied greatly over time, ranging from straightforward to downright bizarre. This article is not an exhaustive record of the greetings Chris has used (as he may have changed it and no one bothered to tell us), but is nonetheless a good collection of messages spanning a period of almost 3 years.
Examples of Chris's voicemail greeting
2 August 2009
Chris: Hello. You have reached the cellphone of Christian Weston Chandler. I'm sorry I could not answer right now, but please leave your name message, telephone number, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. And I was advised heavily by my publicist and my lawyers to not do any interviews or a documentaries whatsoever. Even in--because I got so much reputation--and at stake--at the current time. Also if this is a, uh, troll trying to troll me back, do you think how much trollin' stupid? I'm not trollin' stupid, you're trollin' stupid. Have a good day.
1 March 2011
Chris: I'm sorry, but the person you are trying to reach is very paranoid of cyber-bullies at this time. If you are coming in on restricted, unknown, or out-of-state-of-Virginia number, please do NOT leave a message and do NOT dial this number again. Message 1-5-8.
19 April 2011
Chris: Hellooo, I'm not available to answer the phone right now, please leave your name, message, and telephone number and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
c. May 2011
Chris: Hello. Leave message. Goodbye.
13 May 2011
Chris: Hello. Please leave your name, message, and telephone number, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Otherwise if this is an unsolicited call or you are a person I have not met personally before this call do NOT leave a message and do NOT dial this number again! I repeat: If I don't know you, we have not met personally before, do NOT dial this number again. Otherwise leave a message. I will get back to you or whatever. Have a good day.
20 June 2011
Chris: Hello, you have reached the cellphone. Ye-listen, I screen my calls, so it is very unlikely that I will ever pickup on you especially if I have not met you in person. So you're better off just leaving a message, and I will listen to it, I may or may not get back. Don't call my number again- ha-had repeatedly. So, yeah, with that, you have reached the cellphone, please leave your name, message, and telephone number, I may get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
2 July 2011
Chris: Hello, please leave a message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
15 July 2011
Chris: Hello, you have reach sh-cell phone. Christian Chandler. Please leave your name, message, and phone number and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
- No recording.
6 December 2011
Chris: Hello, I'm sick. Don't call this number again. Otherwise leave a message at the beep... Have a good day...
9 December 2011
Chris: Hello. Please leave your name, message, and telephone number, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
11 February 2012
Chris: Hello, all unsolicited calls will be deleted! Other than that, please leave your name, message, and telephone number, and we will considerably get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day!
30 April 2012
Chris: [maniacal laughter] You trolls got served! [maniacal laughter] Oh, you know what to do after the beep.
3 May 2012
Chris: Hello, leave your name message and telephone number after the beep. Have a good day.
- No recording
6 May 2012
Chris: Hello, please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
- No recording
20 May 2012
Chris: Hello, please leave your name, message, and telephone number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a good day.
- No recording
4 June 2012
Chris: Your call is being forwarded to an "I don't give a damn" service! Do not stay on the line! Do not dial this number ever again in your lifetime! Goodbye!
12 June 2012
Chris: Hello. I do not understand people. Leave me alone, or leave me a message with your name--telephone number, leave message..I'll get back to you..if I know you in person..or...somethin'. Whatever. Um.. have a good day.
Between Mid-2012 and Mid-2014
Chris: [singing] Believe it or not, this is Christian Chandler's phone. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be busy, or I'd pick up the phone. What the hell now? Believe it or not, I'm really stressed.
January 2015
Chris: [in an overly-feminine tone] Hello, you have reached this cellphone. Leave your name and address and telephone number and I may get back to yooouu. Have a good day.