Obesity
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The dimensional merge is upon us! It has been suggested that this article be merged with Chris and Health. Discuss on the talk page. |
| “ | One more thing, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!! | ” |
| Chris, lying to White Knight | ||
Obesity is an epidemic in America, with 64% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the Chandler home, in which 100% of its residents are fucking fat. Chris, Barbara and even their cat, Desi.
Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as a slim, barrel-chested hero in his comics and in Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE, when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle".
Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named Sammy, who Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, Became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the ghost command part. But that's a whole other problem.
Exercise
Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing Guitar Hero a workout. During one of his PSN chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,[1][2] but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.
Emily has said Chris power walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles, then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "Sonic speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in Sonichu's Edge.
Actual weight
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200". During his phone call with Kacey and Liquid Chris, he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 pounds.
Taking Chris's height into consideration (5'10"), along with the nude pictures circulating the Internet, a better estimation would be in the mid 200s, closing in on 300 pounds thanks to his constant consumption of McNuggets and corn syrup. A healthy weight for someone Chris's height would be somewhere around 160 to 175 pounds, but he's not likely to get that low ever again without the aid of gastric bypass surgery, liposuction, or the amputation of multiple limbs.
Chris has probably asked his Mom about being fat; being the coddling cow that she is, she more than likely told him he was a slim and attractive young man (which he is... compared to her).
Denial
Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't fat. In IRC, Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing Guitar Hero. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called gay. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a poster that will help him lose weight. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with Evan, during his phone call with Kacey's father, and especially in his conversation with Kacey and Liquid Chris, where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.
However, during his original rivalry with Liquid Chris, Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the real Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the Asperchu saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he used to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since High School. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a phone call with Jack Thaddeus that he was not fit.
The fact is, Chris has been spoiled so much by his mother, told that he was perfect and muscular so much, that he believes that when he looks in a mirror, he sees a six-pack, whereas what the rest of us see is a fat autistic manchild.
There is also convincing evidence that Chris has difficulty recognizing the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.[3] Furthermore, Blanca was able to use pictures of different girls with only basic features in common (e.g., hair color and length) to trick Chris into thinking "she" was the same girl.
Places where Chris likes to eat
See also
Sauces
- ↑ http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html Reader's Digest. See tip #3
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 Mayo Clinic. See tip #2
- ↑ Sonichu 7 - "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."