PandaHalo
| “ | Panda, I know that you are somewhere up there, after the fire, and we will not forget you... But I look to a bright future where Julie and I, will feel that... will feel... will feel that love and then more. |
” |
| Chris, dumping the freshly burnt corpse of PandaHalo, whilst asking for a ghostly threesome[citation needed]. | ||
PandaHalo (aka Sarah Cassandra McKenzie) is Chris's current EX TRUE and HONEST sweetheart who lives lived in South Australia. Definitely not a troll.
History
During the Blanca saga, she continued to send occasional messages to Chris. After Chris realized his mistake in believing in Blanca, he decided to declare Panda his TRUE and HONEST girlfriend.
Panda toyed with Chris for a while, discovering how desperate he was for sex. Panda really pushed the limits of acceptable behavior, and their conversations show just how gullible Chris can be when China is on the line. A good example is how she verbally abuses Chris while claiming that she's starting to fall in love with Robert Simmons V, occasionally typing extremely obvious and specific insults to Chris and easily passing it off as some kind of bizarre form of Tourette's syndrome, or easily getting Chris to agree to bizarre sex acts, such as convincing him to have sex with a dog for her pleasure (for the record, he says he'd be willing to have sex with a Collie, like Lassie). She managed to obtain the first sexual footage of Chris masturbating and audio of Chris talking about his sexual opinions. He also sent Panda a PSP that was originally intended for Megan.
In a disturbing act of revenge Clyde Cash went to Australia and raped Panda.[1] She was carrying Clyde's child, a fact which didn't appear to faze Chris in the slightest. Clyde immediately and generously offered to take care of Panda and their baby in his mansion, whereas Chris subtly pressured Panda into getting an abortion. As Chris was in the middle of lecturing Clyde about forgiveness he was in an unusually forgiving mood, and actively encouraged Panda to abandon her child to the man who'd raped her so she could live with Chris in his parents' basement. While Clyde offered to house not only Panda and their child, but Chris as well, his stipulation that Chris would have to get a job nixed that idea. There was also the issue that Clyde's act of rape had gotten Panda addicted to sex (which, as a man who has learned everything he knows about sex from porn, Chris didn't at all question), and she expressed some interest in regular threesomes with Chris and Clyde. In the end Panda gave Chris an ultimatum: talk to Nintendo to make Sonichu a reality so he could support their future family together and she would gladly abort Clyde's baby and live with him as his sex-addicted, baby-spewing wife. Failure to do so meant she would live with Clyde in his mansion and raise their child together. Chris, of course, wouldn't put in the effort to get the only two things he had ever cared about, and forfeited Panda to Clyde. Shortly after, however, he'd heard about the Australian bushfires...
Death
Chris has now convinced himself that PandaHalo died in the January 2009 Australian bushfires, [2] even though she lives over 1,000 kilometres away in South Australia and the fires were in February.[3] A mere check of Wikipedia would have told him otherwise but Chris needed an excuse to move on to Julie, who was not carrying any children of Clyde. Another factor may have been that Chris stopped hearing from Panda "over two weeks" before the 13th February 2009.[4] Obviously as soon as Chris stopped hearing from her, she was dead; such is his importance. Clyde later admitted to Chris that Panda was alive and well "by his side",[5] but Chris failed to listen or rejects this as being true[6].
She came back from the dead to deliver the entire Scrapbook and Slideshow and then resumed being dead.
In issue 9 of Sonichu, Panda meets her demise. After her building is "put ablaze," she hurls her Pokeballs out the window to save her Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, Chloe Rosechu and Blazebob Sonichu. After approximately 15 seconds of mourning, Blazebob reassures Chloe that they need to move on, mirroring Chris's lack of grief after the real Panda's untimely death.
Avevenging Panda
It only took a year for him to get around to it, but Chris finally obtained some manner of revenge against Clyde Cash for the rape of PandaHalo, in a recent Youtube video. Granted, it was a complete fantasy... but then, so are all of Chris's victories.
Sauces
Gallery
See also
- Chloe - fictional girlfriend Chris made up after Blanca that served as a partial codename for Panda
- Chris and death
- Chris Sex Logs