The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special
A video Chris made on the 24th anniversary of Bob and Barb on 07 June 2004. Provides a valuable background to Chris's parents and how they met in a bar.
Part 1
| “ | And this Chinese Lion here, that's [because] he's been to Korea, for war and World War Two, I believe it was | ” |
| Chris | ||
Transcript
Hi Mom and Dad, how're you doing? This is my lil' present for y'all. Hello! Documentary for y'all, here in Animal Crossing, a nice lil' game for you, about how y'all were, and how you are now and so forth. So take a trip back in time, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.
Of course, first we'll travel back in time tooo.. The time of good ol' Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. He was a hip youngster back in his day, and, uhh, all that stuff he--was--he fought in the war, he likes splitting cardboard card (?) and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uhh, see what describes him as him.
He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em and he's got so many shelves. He likes.. Caller record case (?).. Yeah.. Anyway let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models and.. He likes trains. This is a train model set. Got this guy a cute lil' tunnel.. Yeah.. And you know, people didn't have it [television] back then but he likes it now. He likes to sit back and watch television. Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model.. A rocket.. Yeah.. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. God he (?) designed the controls for plastic modelling machines, so without him, you couldn't have a plastic for, uhh, say of the toy train here.. Yes.
An' also Bob went around the world a bit. One place, he went to New York, see there's the Statue of Liberty there [referring to the in-game item]. He also, uhh, he was born in, uhh, Texas.. That's why we have this lil' cactus here. Oh and here's a lil' bo--ship in a bottle here, 'cause y'know, he did go around the world.. At least by water. He was born a Cherokee in, uhh, Texas. Actually, he was--he was, like, one-sisteenths Cherokee, but that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here, that's, uhh, he was-he's been--he's been to Korea, for, uhh, war and World War Two, I believe it was [in one sentence, Chrissy shows he has no grasp of history or geography], and he got, uhh, a combat Medal of Honor [which actually was a Good Conduct Medal], so that's what this is right here.
And you'll notice this is his shirt. Blue tartan. Same pattern as his--uhh--his--his--uhh-- regular shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This para here for his ogo and his accomposition of four trumpets (?), 'cause, uhh, he likes music. 'Course. Of course he likes to think so while he's thinking he, uhh, pays the bills (?) on his, uhh, desk. And, uhh, nowadays he uses a computer but back in the-- back in his old days, a--a computer would fill up a WHOLE ROOM. And it was much bigger than a refrigerator, and everyone in the business loved computers. [weird robotic voice] "I LOVE YOU, BIG COMPUTER". Which I could say the same thing for a--a radio. Back then in the 1930's they was the size of a refrigerator. And e'ryone loved the radio as well. "I love you, radio". And of course, what it does is, uhh, make him, he, uhh, so--he likes wiping out (?). He may have had one before but he doesn't have one now.. A chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [laughs in a Peter Griffin-esque manner] Let's play teeth (?) on the chalkboard. An' of course he likes playing games, so we have this lil' chessboard here.
And, uhh, he's a bit of an outdoors person as well.. So here's a representation of our back yard.. Or, probably his back yard to this day (?). Here we have, uhh, the sprinkler for watering the garden, and we have a lil' pond.. "Hey! Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerr?"... Yeah. He can also look into outer space, with this telescope.. Hm.. I see there's the, uhh, sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a lil' bit.. Oh look I see the moon. The moooon. And of course he, er, takes care of his, uhh, yard and flowers, so he u--he likes to mow the lawn. Mow the lawn. Mow the lawn. And, uhh, when he came (?) with, uhh, with his, uhh, girlfriend, back in the day was Barbara. Yeah.. Take her on a picnic. Yeah.. Nice lil' picnic table.
So now we go downstairs to the [???].. The point in his, uhh, life. Good ol' May's pub. Yeah.. Got everythin'. He, uhh, drank coffee round here an'.. Stuff. An' most of the time around here in May's pub he sang. Up here on the stage. Along with the, uhh, classic jazz music of the day. And of course in a pub, y'know, you always have a bartender.
"Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a--uhh, Martini, will ya?"
"I'm sorry, bud, but we have no Martinis."
"Oh, okay then just get me a, uhh, b--brewski."
[in a stupid-ass voice] "One BEER, comin' up!"
At bars [???], of course they have a telephone to talk to, err, people. 'Course, uhh, they actin' (?).. Yeah, they have some of these. And of course I got [???] the music self (?). Here's a good sample. Here, uhh, let me give that to you again. That's a lil' tune I whipped up, uhh, Sonic's theme song. That's, uhh, that's a town tune. And of course, he also likes the other classical instruments such as the cello. He sho--He should have hung around and grooved out mellow (?), then you're going to find a cello.
Anyway, uhh, that's pretty much the last, uhh, Bob Chandler. Of course, in no--in a--i--hero business, he's also known as Flower Man.. 'Cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans. So now, let's time travelll... To another tiime.. Oh.. Yeah, time of Barbara Chandler. Let's see who she is. But of course, naturally she has brown hair but this is Animal Crossing and it gave me blue hair by default. Anyway, let's go into her house and see what her life's got us. Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but yeah she had many brothers and sisters...
Part 2
Transcript
| “ | I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics mixed up with her clothes. And if she wore the real fabrics, well.. Wouldn't have covered much. | ” |
| Chris | ||
... So she had to share. But she had a quite a few.. Interests at heart. [Exhales] And nowadays she likes to use a computer but of course, back then she couldn't have-- she didn't have one. They were all in the big business. But back then she went to school, and she worked hard. And see this shirt here? That's her school colors, blue and white, because, uhh, at High School.. She was a cheerleader. [does a shitty cheerleader impression] Ram, bam, sick-oom-bah, yay, yay, fa-la-la. Yeah.. One time when she was a cheerleader in High School, she got.. Tackled by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then she could no longer do the twist. Anyways, like I said, it was in her cheerleader years, batons and pom-poms on her umbrella. Oh and by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention, for--I put the trumpets and bot--batons here. I used Mario Paint to design one set, then I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing, 'cuz, a--uhh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to one-quarter of a whole Animal Crossing stamp. By the way, this is a daisy shirt she's wearing.
Anyway, uhh, she a--she also lodged-- likes plants, so she kept watch.. For 'em.. Then and now (?), and she also liked to, uhh, play games, so there's a.. Knife here (?). Yeah. She also had, uhh, classic furniture in her room and, uhh, around the house because, uhh, it belonged to her parents so here's a hutch (?). Yeah. So anyway, let's go up to, uhh, her room, that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah. Like I said, she shared her room with her sisters, so we got a big bed. See that? More than one person can sleep in it. Of course in the lil' room of her's, she, uhh, does things hard, so if sh--[???], not only does she work outside, but she worked inside. She made clothes. So.. Here's a sewing machine at the back. And of course, she worked hard when she went to school, [what sounds like a fart noise], so she, err, had a lot of writing to do. And to line up her making clothes, the, uhh, she made prom made dolly or two (?). And here's a couple of her fine designs.
Anyway she keep--she kept her clothes in her, uhh, closets, as well as the, uhh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics mixed up with her clothes. And if she wore the real fabrics, well.. Wouldn't have covered much. Anyway 'course she likes to keep pretty, so, uhh, she always liked [in a baby voice] to have a widdle fun in de miwwah. So anyway, uhh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uhh, a lil' set part in the, uhh, days of old. This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room. "Hey, soup's onn. Who wants soup?" Yea--oh yeah, she also likes to hold st--get old stuff as well so she got a lil' tea-set here. And, uhh, we got a kitchen.. Fridge.. and a stove.. Here's a lil' fan to keep cool with. Keep food in this lil', uhh, pantry. And she keeps her brooms and mops in the old closet here, although if somebody brought out the mop, somebody'd want to clean up [wat..?]. You put your garbage in the garbage can. And this is set part. An' you get--an' sometim--in some places now, and, uhh, very few houses now, they will quite happily in the, uhh, old days, the bathroom was in the same room as the kitchen. But luckily we always remember to wash our hands with soap an' water. Yeah.. Anyway that's just in the days of old. Nowadays she does have a private bathroom. Yep. Anyway she's better off now than she was in the old days, because, uhh, we'll time-travel forward. Yeah and now we're going to time-trave forward to the present here.
Yep, back to the present we is. But like I said, uhh, Mom and Dad, they, uhh, met each other.. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you how they met [honor roll, my ass]. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it.. Was. They met over at May's pub, see? Yeah. Maw was just, uhh, sittin' down with her friends, and she was watching, uhh, Bobby, uhh, sing up here. Anyway she liked--she really liked his, uhh, singing so, uhh, sh- as Father put it, she went up to him an' then, uhh, as he passed by change of her--change the Thermo--Thermostat, yeah.. Anyway she chased him down a hallway.. And cornered him. And then, uhh, after that they just talked to e--it is derr--talk things out and, uhh, eg--got to know each other. Found common things. But in 1980 they get married. But that was Father's side of the story, the "chasing down the hallways" thing, because Mom says that's not exactly right. Anyway this is where they met, over here May's pub. And there's a lil' thing you couldn't have without flash plastic milling machines. Trash can.
So anyway, this, umm, ahh, this day that this video will be shown, but from day this recorded (?), tomorrow, I mean it was yesterday this was recorded, yeah. That these two were wed, so it was like, twenty-four years ago today that this video was showin'--is showin', that.. That the grue--that the, uhh, Priest said "Bob, do you take this woman to be lubbidy wed wife [what it sounds like]? To love and hold and cherish and to honor?"
[In a fucking gay voice] "OI DOO"
"And do you Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and cherish and honor forever?"
[In a voice reminiscant of GLaDOS] "I doo"
"I now pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride."
Whoopee! Happy day layer again (?). And now let's take a look at the, umm, house, that love brought us. See? Here's the family room, although, uhh, above the downstairs that Mom and Dad share. They brought everything with them between the, uhh, something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue [Wat.. Just wat..]. Well, there's a lil' blue there in the, uh, barber's pole. A lil' something ol' crabs house (?). And now of course Father will watch television and fall asleep on this.. Comfy chair... When it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day. And Mom will, uhh, she'll sometimes sleep on the couch. And of course, they, uhh, sleep in the bed here. Big enough for two. And they have a computer to surf the web with. And, uhh, we used to have a player piano, what does play (?).
[messes on with piano and radio - plays the (shitty) "Sonic theme song" tune from Part 1]
That's the ticket.
Part 3
| “ | HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! | ” |
| Chris | ||
Transcript
...Anyway, when--.. First comes love, then comes marriage, then they come along with their baby carriage. And that's where I came in. Born in February 1982 was me. Yeah, two years after they got-- uhh, this--less than two years after they got married. So anyway this is my bedroom, and my, uhh, TV, and video games. I'd have a [???] with Sarah but they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. I had to make do. But it's a big TV. And I got a nice bed a love couch. Oh my first video game system was a Commodore Sisty-Four here. Good computer it was, had some great games on it. Of course I would have to say my second system after this would be the original Game Boy. Yeah but anyway, I kept my videos--I keep my video games nowadays, because I got lots of 'em, on shelves... And stuff.
Anyway I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah look at all these posters. Yeah of course you got my bed here, it's my favouite color, blue. Yeah along with the few video games we have more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in the real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in Animal Crossing, [???] got my DS collection down here. Oh, look at this, I caught an Angel fish. This is an Angel fish. Oh, and.. Here's a model. It's a space shuttle. Yeah.
Anyway, uhh, now we're gonna take a trip back to, uhh, Father's house for a specialo.. Deal (?). As a lil' retribution for, ahh, how things were, we're gonna play a lil' number on the jukebox here, but since we don't have side-by-side recording, we're play--we're gonna play.. Sittin' under the apple tree.
[Old jazz comes on]
[Song: Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree - Glenn Miller]
"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me,
Anyone else but meee,
Oooh, anyone else but me, no, no, no,
Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me,
'Til I come marchin' home,
Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me,
Anyone else but meee,
Anyone else but meee, no, no, no,
Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me,
'Til I come marchin' home,
I just got word from the guy who heard,
From the guy next door to meee,
The girl he met just loves to pet,
And it fits you to a T,
So, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me,
'Til I come marchin' hoooome,
Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me,
Anyone else but me, anyone else but me, no, no, no,
Watch those girls on foreign shores, you'll have to report to me,
When you come marchin' home,
Don't hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me,
You better be true to me, you better be true to me,
Don't hold anyone on your knee, you're gettin' the third degree,
When you come marchin' home,
You're on your own where there is no phone,
And I can't keep tabs on you,
Be fair to me, I'll guarantee,
This is one thing that I'll do,
I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you,
'Til you come marchin' home,
Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me,
I know the apple tree is reserved for you and meee,
And I'll be true 'til you come marchin' hoooome.
And there you have a nice lil' classic jazz. Now we're gonna take a trip back up here. Now we're back outside. And now for my Mom and Dad, who have something special for this, uhh, video. This my way of saying "Happy Anniversary" to y'all. Coming up--
[Really bad version of "Happy Birthday", no doubt made on Mario Paint.]
[A big multi-layered cake with the words "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! Christian C." scrawled across each layer.]
(Because a cake, a bad happy birthday tune, and reminding them they gave birth to a complete fucktard is classed as an anniversary present these days)
Yeah. I love you both. Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. Now we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special. [inaudible mumbling] Okay here it is.
[sings to the tune of "William Tell Overture"]
♪ Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Lalalalalalalalalala laaa laaaa! Lalalalalalalalala laa laaa laaaa! OHHHH! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Dudududududududu doh dohhh! Ladadadadada doh dohhhhhhh! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary Dududududududududu dooo dooo doooooo. Lududududu dooo doooo. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ♪
'Til the next time. Goodnight folks! Thank you and goodnight.