Sweetheart
Sweetheart is Chris's term for his true love ("heartsweet" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a sweetheart from the ground-up to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own).
Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a troll has been a sport for trolls for some time now. With the exception of Julie, none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as Blanca and Panda to identify and sympathize with their captor.
Notable in that Chris has absolutely no interest in a girl's personality, skills, talents or intelligence, but is very strict that a sweetheart MUST be cute, younger than him, white, and other such completely superfluous qualities. He will always say that his life goal is having a "Cute Girl" as his sweetheart. And yet he constantly considers himself a strong advocate of Women's Rights.
Qualifications to becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris
The qualifications to be his sweetheart would usually be spelled out in media such as the Attraction Sign and at the end of every Sonichu's News Dash. Recurring traits include:
- MUST be boyfriend-free. (can't emphasize that enough!) However, not even they are totally safe from Chris.
- MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
- MUST be white (NO DARKIES - unless it's just for sex, in which case Chris is fine with niggos).
- According to an IRC chat; Asians, Arabs and anybody but niggos are fair game.
- MUST have a car.
- MUST not be a mother.
- MUST be a non-smoker
- MUST have a mid to high salary.
- MUST live within 30 miles of the Ruckersville area.
- MUST NOT be a cop.
- MUST NOT have Autism.
- MUST NOT be a man.
IRISH need NOT apply.Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.
If you fit all of the criteria and are into overweight, freakish, perverse, man-children, then God help you!
Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original demanded NO FATTIES but made an exception for Sarah Jackson. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for Ivy. The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him IRL as opposed to phone or e-mail, but following a wave of e-mails from women wanting to be his e-girlfriend, he has changed his tune. Ironically, this was the best standard as he would have saved so much grief from trollings.
Despite having said that girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", he doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender, still insisting that a sweetheart for him must be very rich and attractive.
As of May 2009, when he started to embark on his "fuck quest", he has since returned to only IRL encounters (insisting that women find Chris "by chance", essentially requiring women to wander around Charlottesville until they find him). While he may still insist on "non-black" women as his sweethearts, an image has surfaced in September 2009, showing us that Chris does not have problems fingering niggos.
