Update: 2/25/16
"Update: 2/25/16" was, unsurprisingly, uploaded by Chris on 25 February 2016 (one day after he turned 34).
His attempt to get people to buy a PS4 for him predictably failed; instead, people sent him several gift cards with no money on them (as well as a non-winning lottery ticket, which some have said is a perfect metaphor for Chris's life). He complains about not getting what he wanted like a spoilt child, even ending the video with a petulant "thanks for nothing".
What caught many Christorians off guard was that Chris seems to have seriously expected a stranger to throw hundreds of dollars at him for no reason other than that it was his birthday and he asked for it, with such confidence he would be obliged that not receiving a PS4 seems to have shocked him into a depressive state. These implicit assumptions are troubling as they indicate that months of receiving payments of as much as $1000 in exchange for little to no effort on his part have only worsened his already devastating entitlement issues. In light of this, there is perhaps no greater gift anyone could have given Chris this year than nothing at all.
He also seems to have taken Arthur Spatchcock's advice, and gave the fans the official voices of cartoon-adapted Comic Christine and Sonichu within this video. Finally the fans know what Sonichu's real voice is, and of course, it's pretty much Chris', but somehow even more dumb.
He also gets mad at South Park: The Stick of Truth because Cartman repeatedly calls the player character a "douchebag" (which Chris takes as a personal insult) - ignoring the fact that Cartman has always been characterized as an obnoxious jackass, and that this is far from the worst thing he has done (c.f. "Scott Tenorman Must Die", which he has referenced before).
Random-access humor and horrible impersonations also return, most of which are curtailed from two of his old Flipnotes (with the exception of Bing Bong from Inside Out).
Video
| Update: 2/25/16 | |
| Direct link | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 25 February 2016 |
| Subject Matter |  Video Games,  Cwcville Shopping
|
| Performance Style |  Tragedy,  Comedy
|
| Saga |  Business
|
| Shirt |  Big Red
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous Update 02/16/2016 |
next Chris's Specimen Sample |
| “ | I certainly did not receive a PlayStation 4 console. | ” |
Description
| Watch, Subscribe, and Watch again for more videos, Only on Cwcville Guardian: the Official and Authentic Source for a lot about Sonichu, as well as the author herself, Christine Weston Chandler.
Voucher for Destiny White PS4 Bundle (no PS4 Camera required) Offer extended to March 5, 2016. http://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShop... Coupon Code: FEB241982 Free Sonichu #4 Book with purchase of CWC Figure(s) (see earlier video for details; Expires March 17, 2016) |
Transcript
[Chris drops something on his desk as the video starts. Worth noting is that both the Sonichu and Rosechu amiibo are on his desk.]
Hello, and welcome to another day... 'ere on the CwcvilleGuardian channel... [sigh] Christine Chandler here... alright, so... Mm. [Chris begins fiddling with his glasses] Aight, so yesterday was my 34th birthday... um... I have received... and I... do not promote such dishonesty... Gift cards that have... no activation... and no value or money on them at all. And also, I have received... another... piece of mail. This one had... a scratched-off lottery ticket that was not--that was clearly not a winner. [Chris licks his lips] Alright?
And I certainly did not receive a PlayStation 4 console... even much less the white one with the Destiny game and all that... Still, I move forward, so... mm.
[Chris reaches for something off-camera]
Um which I'm gonnak do something different today!
[Chris pulls back, revealing he was reaching for his tomgirl self-insert amiibo.]
Okay, a little voice acting.
[Chris grabs all three of the amiibo on his desk, then sets Rosechu down.]
Alright, so if it was a cartoon series, I would definitely be voicing myself and Sonichu, and this is how we'd sound like--mm.
[Chris rocks the figures back and forth as they "speak".]
Christine: Hey, Sonichu, what's new?
Sonichu: [sounding like Chris's regular voice, only slightly higher pitched] Hey, mama, whatchu know? I'm doing OK with my wife, Rosey. [Chris slides her figure slightly closer to the others.]
Rosechu: [in falsetto] Hello!
[Chris breaks character for a moment]
I'd get a femal-- I'd get a fem... woman to voice Rosechu for real. I don't know, somebody that sounds like... or similar to... I dunno maybe, Britney Spears or... Katy Perry, or... hell, Meghan Trainor. I like her voice too. Mm.
[Chris resumes voice acting]
Christine: Ennnh yeah, yesterday was my birthday! So... I had low expectations for it, and I didn't get much about it... except... pretty much... birthday greetings, word of mouth, AND I had to buy my own cupcakes!
Sonichu: [Chris's regular voice] Oh that's a sha-- [slips back into "Sonichu" voice] Ohhh that's a shame, man! Mom! That's a shame, mom! Enh... Oh well! You get older, you find that people are not gonna care... as much about ya.
Christine: Enh... They only care about you on your own... [Chris slams figure of himself face first into desk] death bed. [flips figure to lie face up on desk, starts spinning it around] So that's anurr year on the old odometer. [inhales somewhat disgustedly, picks figure of himself upright again, and starts screeching while wobbling figure back and forth]
Sonichu: [unintelligible, though clearly adding to Christine's screeching]
Christine: [more screeching]
[licks lips as he finishes voice acting]
Yeah. [blows a soft, sad raspberry]
Hmm. Alright, um... also, um, those of you who have been watching my Playstation Network activity, you'd notice I've ha-had to go through my whole disk library once again, just because I've ended up having to... reformat my hard drive... after I... because of a corrupted... firmware file on it, that's... upsetting, but I've got that settled and fixed and... all the... games have been reinstalled and the DLC re-downloaded and everything, so... mm, [dissolves to gibberish] meh bdep blep bleh.
[sigh]
And yet, still no PS... 4! 'Cause I need to... catch back up! In the technology and everything. [sigh] Although, last night I did pu-- I did, uh-- I had-- already had purchased it on current, a copy of South Park: Stick of Truth. It's pretty good... the onl-- my only d-- the only downside that I really... did not like was, uh... actually two things. Could not be a girl! So I had to make the boy look like a girl. So that's one way of promoting being a transwoman. You dress up the new kid as a girl! And that wor-- And that works out. Mm.
And then also-- second part, I really... don't-- I really do not care for Cartman's attitude as well... and... it's not funny at all. [stammers] Y-yo-eh... You-- I enter my name as the character name, and get-- then he calls me... "Douchebag!" [shakes head disapprovingly] Seriously, Cartman... [raises voice, noticeably agitated] I'm the player! I'm gonna make progress in this game! [starts bashing figure of himself against desk as he rants] So don't you dare call me... a douchebag! [slams figure one last time, pauses seeming to calm down]
Ehh, well... [exhales frustratedly through pursed lips] and y'know... meanwhile... what else? [struggles to think of topics to discuss] What else, what else? [small sigh] Ahh, what else? [pause] What else?
I don't know much else, my brain's gone blank. Unngh... I have so much inside if-- built, poked[?] and pent up to my life, so it's no wonder my mind is constantl-- is constantly off and on blank. [blows small raspberry]
Enngh... I'm sorry I can't b-- I'm sorry I'm... not so funny, but... if I ca-- if I don't feel it, then it just doesn't come up... as easily.
Oh well! In a trial of being funny... [playful voice] And now for some random, silly things!
[pause as he thinks]
Hey look, a monkey. Hi, monkey! Aaaaaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane![?]
[Chris repeats it, because it was so good the first time]
Hi, monkey! Aaaah! Quit throwin' me outta the damn plane!
[long pause]
It's plays out better in my head. It doesn't actually have characters.
Ehh, what else is there? Alright... well redoing vocal impressions.
And now here's Cheese from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends:
[grating, nasally voice] I like chocolate milk! Tinkle tinkle in the car, you should really use a jar! Prizes![?] I like cereal! I'm not a tampon! My name is Cheese! Do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again!
[lower voice] Autobots! Transform, and roll out! Ffff--
[restrained voice] I'm Meatwad, a ball of meat. Ffff--
[nasally voice, similar to last one] Egegegegegegegegeg. I speak Spanish, every day! Ffff--
[silly voice] Stop in the name of the law! Sorry about that chief!
[lower silly voice] Monty Python's Flying Idiots! [raspberry, starts singing tune] Nununununununununununununu.
[sings different tune] Bing Bong, Bing Bong, who's the friend that likes to play? [picks up figures and dances them around the desk] Bing Bong, Bing Bong, nanananananana! Bing Bong, Bing Bong, entertainment value! Bing Bong, Bing Bong... [peters out, keeps dancing figures around for a bit]
Alright, well anyway... subscribe! Subscribe to my channel to get updates on... well, me, Sonichu, my store on Etsy, Cwcville Shopping... and, uh... everything else nearly related, ourgh-- or of interest.
[sigh]
I'm stuck in a... moody mode, so... oh well. Right, so... thanks for the mail and then... thanks for nothing! Alright. Well, be another update... in about a week or s-- week or... give or take. Have a good day, thank you.
| ⇐ Update 02/16/2016 | Chris's videos | Chris's Specimen Sample ⇒ |