Hard Love Quest
"Hard Love Quest" is a poem by Christian Weston Chandler. It was written on January 18, 2004 and published the next month in the second issue of Sonichu's News Dash. In addition to being incredibly self-pitying to the point where it would make an emo kid vomit, the poem also has bad spelling and grammar, improper punctuation and capitalization, and no sense of rhythm or meter. A terrible poem in every conceivable regard.
Note: The poem's title is presumably supposed to mean "A Love Quest Which Is Difficult", not "A Quest For Some Hard Love".
The Poem
By. Christian W. Chandler
January 18, 2004
Here you see, a sad and lonesome Christian C.
Without girlfriend love he feels an older age,
as he is still “Stuck as a virgin with rage.”
He search low and high to the end,
the only delay is the fear of being already beaten by a BOYFRIEND.
Why do all the girls have to be already taken… a real shame,
boyfriends of all girls of possible matches for me are really LAME.
As I sit and sigh,
I watch the girls go by.
Afraid of a lame intersecption,
I sit out in the open without hesitation.
Matching Girl descriptions are free,
I wish one girl would notice and approach me.
It would be way past cool, per-say,
if I could get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day.
But for now as you see,
I am a sad and lonesome “C.”
Analysis
Bad, but certainly not the worst of Chris's poetry.
Chris originally seems to have gone free-verse for the rhyming scheme and meter, but about halfway though the poem, he built a rhyming pattern and at least attempted a consistent meter. One would expect that Chris would get progressively lazier as he wrote the poem, but Chris's drive for perfection amazes us as usual. He used a full-circle ending, repeating sad and lonesome...C from the first line. Whether this is a intentional literary technique or Chris being lazy as usual is debatable. Judging from the fact that Chris slept through English class, he probably never learned any traditional poetic technique, hence this is likely just an example of Chris's amazing capacity for laziness. Chris also seems to have forgotten what the point of view is, switching from third person to first person halfway though the poem. Proofread much, Chris?
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