Chris and sex
|
This article is rated M for Honest Content
It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.
|
Chris has a warped view of sex (aka "hanky panky"), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development (he didn't understand sex until he watched softcore porn on HBO around age 16). He views pornographic films as "educational" and regularly purchases sex toys form AdamEve.com.
Moral Basis on Sex and Double Standards.
| “ | You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. | ” |
| Matthew 5:27-28 | ||
Sex life viewed through CWC'S eyes is dictated by the Christian bible. Chris is very strict to keeping the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he HATES homos, but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes..."). Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a third date with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?
The Christian bible also frowns upon pornographers and sodomites, both sins of which he is guilty, but holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. To his defense, he does drink his own cum, so that the seed of his loins don’t get lost. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his navy, or just is simply too retarded to figure out that masturbation itself is the sin, not spilling your DNA. Whatever the reason, it's hilarious. It should also be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own children.
Knowledge of Sex and Gender
Chris repeatedly refers to women as the "opposite gender" as opposed to "opposite sex." By definition, "gender" refers to the personality of a person and "sex" refers to the physiology or genetics of a person. So when he is requesting love from an opposite gender, this is an open invitation to MTF trannies.
In his world, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex and now regards himself as a sex god. He claims he learned it all from simply watching porn and hentai; who could think that such art forms were this beneficial? They certainly worked wonders for Chris who believes that masturbating a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex. And, he has a subscription to Playboy!
Chris also suffers from the delusion that his penis is huge and has bluffed in leaked mp3's that his size measures around 7 inches long. He also has a flaccidity problem, possibly a hormonal pathology. Despite his lack of virility, he is still a stud in his own mind.
He also advises little children to play with the opposite gender's toys. According to him, boys should get My Little Ponys, and girls ought to go for Transformers, all to better understand the opposite gender. Go ahead, take advice from a 27-year-old virgin retard (seriously don’t). In his Dating ED comic, the teacher gave boys "Barbara" dolls and the girls received "Robert" dolls.
Among other views of gender, Chris reveals somewhat misogynistic ideologies. In his failed attempts at getting a girl at the mall, he concludes that all girls are already paired up, or that they don’t notice him because they are too busy shopping. He apparently can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho carrying an "attraction sign" who may carry with him the unpleasant aroma of shit. To further reiterate just how straight he is, Chris released his ever-so-famous dildo crushing video, featuring a sign on the back of his foot - which he uses to proclaim HE IS STRAIGHT for the nth time - containing a crude drawing of a female body, consisting of a hairy vagina and breasts.
Chris in the Act
Various leaked audio sex with Julie and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. Particularly, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes female positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene that was out of a porn film. Since Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from pornography (while avoiding watch the males, due to fear of becoming a homo), Chris assumes that it's perfectly normal for a man to ride on top, lean forward, and moan.
Chris's ideal oral sex involves slobbering over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering but proper tongue action to properly stimulate the clitoris.
Chris having sex also involves shouting his lover's name in the same way an adolescent would shout out "PENIS" during the Penis Game. Chris constantly speaks in a monotone yet high pitched voice, in other words like a female yet without any real feeling.
Chris takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that Chris may have some issues with delayed orgasm, which can either be physiological (i.e. from his bent duck) or psychological (i.e. performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex etc.) in nature.
Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but rather in a childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" or doing something "adult."
Staying Straight
See also Fear of being a homo
Chris apparently thinks that homosexuality is contagious. He feels that spending time with men will turn him gay so he insists on only having female friends (gal pals). He has recently admitted to using a Sailor Moon poster to stay straight. When he met a gay friend of Megan's, he become hostile. In his apology letter to Megan, he had this to say:
| “ | Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."' | ” |
| Chris, "I'm sorry... *sigh*" , Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm) | ||
In an an IRC fan chat, Chris went so far as wanting to make homosexuality illegal:
| “ | if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls". | ” |
| Chris, 02 January 09, 11:59 | ||
When asked how he would go about this, he commented that homosexuals would "taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]"and that "prisons will no longer be divided between gender." He justifies this as "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will."
Pedophilia
To avoid looking like a pedophile, Chris made an announcement before issue 8 that he was changing the ages of the characters so they could all legally have sex. Despite the Sonichu series originally being intended for children, he put a bunch of porn into issue 8, including, but not limited, to graphic depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu having sex and multiple instances of Rosechu stripping naked (most notoriously near the end of the episode 17, where she face-rapes Jason Kendrick Howell to a near-death state after he throws a pickle at her). Also towards the end of episode 17, an anthropomorphic lightning bug exclaims "I've just turned 14-years cute!!!" and wishes to assist Rosechu in making porn for "women's rights". Rosechu says "I don't know child, what with the dumb laws." This is a good indicator that Chris believes the legal age should be lower.
In addition, Chris notoriously had sex with Kimmi, an anime blow up doll that looks underage; maintains that he stays straight by looking at a Sailor Moon poster, which features said character and her 8 year old daughter from the future; and when he was editing his ED article to his favor, one of his accounts had underage porn featured prominently on his user page. Most of the underage porn from his user page, along with a few other pieces of pornographic art chosen by him (which, ironically enough, includes Pedobear...twice) would reappear in the "elevator gag" in Sonichu #8.
Chris also harbors a longing for underage Megan Griffin from Family Guy, and even had a video in the favorites of his old Youtube account depicting her with inflatable tits.
Bestiality
| “ | I can imagine myself doing it with a collie at least. you know, like Lassie. | ” |
| Chris in IRC (27 December 2008) | ||
Some argue that he only said that so he could get to Panda's sweet china. But still - dude would fuck a dog.
Chris is a notorious furry as he has used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with Julay. In the Giant Penis Comic, Chris and Ivy both morph into fursonas during the act of sex.
In his interview with ScrewAttackEurope, Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself with his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form.