ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 is a 13-minute video filmed by Chris on 25 December 2004. The first part was leaked on the CWCki Forums on 21 December 2014 and the second on 24 December 2014. In the first part, Chris shows off his presents and 14 Branchland Court while the second part features Chris (then age 22) opening some presents with Bob (77) and Barb (63). One of the most infamous parts of the video features Bob reading a card from Chris which is all about the Love Quest and not the holiday. Also noteworthy is Bob and Barb's demeanor - they sound outright depressed here, almost as if it dawned on them that this is how their adult son is behaving, and will continue to behave for the rest of his life.
Chris's choice of gifts is particularly unusual - Chris takes great pride in presenting his mother with the iconic snowglobe of fail and a Hamtaro toy (the toy is broken, as it was apparently the last one in the store). For his father, Chris offers a "choice" between Fraggle Rock on VHS, or Fraggle Rock on DVD. Why Chris believes that a 77-year-old world music collector would be particularly interested in a live-action puppet show aimed at children is not made clear. Note that Bob's "choice" here means very little - Bob decides on the DVD, but ultimately accepts the VHS after some pressure from Chris, suggesting that Chris intends to keep the DVD version for himself.
This video, like ChrisAfterChristmas2004, is actually from the Director's Cut version of the "Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)" DVD. It is also one of the rare glimpses we've seen of the Chandler living room in its less cluttered state.
|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 1|
|Stardate||25 December 2004|
|OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos|
So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video
ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 Part 2
(A TV in the background can be heard playing A Christmas Story.)
Chris: 'Twas Christmas Day, and all through the house, the creatures that were stirring were my family, and me, and our two cats.
(camera pans around the junk in Chris's room)
We enter Christmas Day in my bedroom of wonderous... fun. 'Cause we have plenty of stuff around the house. On this day of... Hwey-zeus's birth, upon
the, uh, arrival of my doorstep, we find... a Snoopy house.
(camera zooms in on a toy Snoopy doghouse sitting on Chris' bed, which plays "Jingle Bells" when Chris activates it. The music plays throughout the rest of the scene)
There we go.
(camera pans across the bed to a SpongeBob SquarePants action figure)
SpongeBob SquarePants! (Chris poorly imitates SpongeBob's laugh) And a tower of gifts.
(camera pans to a copy of "Sonic Advance 3")
And a Game Boy Advance title.
The camera turns around as if to leave.
We enter another room, with the camera focused on the Chandlers' Christmas tree. The doghouse is playing short snippets of assorted Christmas music throughout the scene.
Chris: And we wander upon our wondrous Christmas tree, with a star that was made so delicately. Delicately... and creatively.
(the camera zooms in on the tree's star, which is a rainbow-colored paper cutout, with Sonichu and Chris drawn on it)
With Pokemon hanging about.
(pan to a small wrapped present hanging in the tree)
And a Christmas present that was supposed to be for the girlfriend that Santa brought, but unfortunately... she didn't show. Well, upon this wonderal Christmas Day, we see our two cute cats.
(Chris walks over past the fridge to where a cat is lying on the floor)
Hey, Desi. Desi! Eeeyeah. our cat's Desi.
(Chris starts to leave)
And Lucy's around somewhere.
Christmas music plays on the hi-fi in this scene. Chris walks into the cluttered kitchen where Bob is preparing his breakfast.
Chris: And now we wander in on my family! Say hello, Father!
Bob: (continuing to unwrap his food) Uh, yeah.
Chris: Makin' my Christmas movie!
Bob: I say you're wasting your chip.
Chris: But I'm going to put it onto VHS anyway.
Bob: I see. All right.
(Chris forges onward past Bob, through the proto-hoard, to focus the camera on a smaller electric Christmas tree.)
Chris: A smaller Christmas tree down here.
(The camera pans left into a dark, Stygian abyss)
And our mother's asleep here in the dark area.
(Chris turns back to his father)
Would you care to share a Merry Christmas with the world, Father?
Bob: (still preparing his breakfast) Ho ho ho. I gotta share some breakfast.
Chris: Yup! You're having a great start.
Bob: (finished unwrapping his French toast and now rummaging around for some plastic utensils) Yup, found one.
Chris is in the stairwell of 14BC, which is separated by a curtain from the rest of the house. He climbs the stairs while pointing the camera back down the way he came, then turns and focuses on his other cat.
Chris: As we venture our way back upstairs to our room for breakfast and mirth, we find our other sweet cat, little miss Lucy. Hello sweetheart! Would you care to meow for your worldwide audience?
(Lucy studiously ignores Chris)
Come on, sweet kitty! Meow! Meeeow! What, are you camera-shy? 'Cause you look good on video.
(Lucy continues ignoring Chris and grooms herself)
Haha! You're such a sweet kitty.
Chris is back in the same room as scene 3. Barb has emerged from the unfathomable darkness and installed herself on the orange couch at the back of the room.
Chris: Now the family is up and about! Especially my mother!
(Chris walks up to Barb's couch)
Hello, Mother! Would you care to say something to the entire world?
Barb: Merry Christmas.
Chris: Yup! (pans up to the window, where one of the cats is sitting) This is Lucy in the window! I got you earlier, Lucy, but now you're sitting majestically on your windowsale! ... Hey Dad, look what I got!
(The camera turns to Bob, who is now sitting down in a chair)
Bob: What's that? (Chris waves the Snoopy toy from Scene 1 at him) Looks like Snoopy.
Chris: (fumbling with the toy) Yeah. Here, let's-- here, watch this, Father. (Chris activates the toy and it plays "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town") It pops its head out... plays music.
Bob: I see.
Chris: Givin' you a little (gift?).
|ChandlerFamilyChristmas Part 2|
|Stardate||25 December 2004|
|Subject Matter||Christmas, Love Quest|
|Performance Style||Tragedy, Crazy|
|OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos|
ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 Part 1
The scene is the upstairs kitchen in 14BC. Chris and Barb are sitting close together at a little table with its own miniature tree, while Bob sits in his own chair on the other side of the tree.
Chris: Yeah OK yeah, it's recording. So, here we are around the Christmas tree! We're going to open presents!
Bob: (utterly deadpan) Hooray hooray.
Chris: OK well first off I have a card for my family. Here, Father, you ope-- you read the card. (hands Bob the card)
Bob: (accepting the card) I see.
Barb: Why don't you open some of your gifts, Christian?
Chris: I'll wait... I'll wait.
Chris: It's OK, I'll wait.
Barb: It'll take a long time.
Chris: Nah, it won't take that long.
(Bob has meanwhile finished opening the envelope and removing the card)
Bob: Am I supposed to read it?
Chris: Yes, read it.
Bob: Am I supposed to read it out loud?
Chris: Yeah. Read- read- read it to Mom.
Bob: (reading) "I want to thank you all for your support and love throughout my fantastic, uh...love quest." Phooey. "And...if Santa doesn't bring me... one..." No Chris, no comment(??). [pause, exasperated sigh] "...like I asked him, then I'm going to need some support finding a boyfriend-free..." [laughs] It'll come, Christian, "hope you all... like my... presents."
Bob: (continuing reading) "Today I'm thinking of Christmas and remembering you all. Merry Christmas, Christian C."
Chris: Yup! All right, Father, first I'll give you presents, well first you've got to choose, uh, they both have the same content (Bob leans forward and tosses the card onto the table), since you choose whether you want it on DVD or VHS.
Bob: I see.
Chris: They have everything the same thing except the VHS is recorded off of the DVD. So... which one you want, VHS or DVD?
Bob: No, no, I'll take DVD, I don't like VHS much.
Bob: DV-- I mean VHS.
Chris: So you want the VHS?
Chris: Here you go. (hands Bob a gift-wrapped VHS tape)
Bob: I'm not much for... that other... DVD.
Barb: Why do you have it on both? (?)
Chris: I gave him a choice, remember? You remember he originally wanted DVD? ... It's Fraggle Rock, Father, that's what's on there.
Bob: I see. (Bob starts halfheartedly trying to unwrap the VHS)
Chris: Everything that's on the DVD is on that VHS.
Bob: VHS works better in my system.
Chris: Yeah. (putting the DVD copy aside) Here, I'll just add that to my collection later.
Bob: I cain't get it open.
Barb: That's alright. ... We're fine.
Chris: (reaching down and picking up a present which he hands to Barb) Here Mom, I picked this out for you. *sigh* I'll just get this one that's, uh, in the bag here. (Chris rummages around under the tree and comes up with a plastic shopping bag)
Bob: You used up all the tape.
Chris: Not *all* the tape, Father.
Bob: 'Most all of it.
(Chris pulls out a Lego set from the bag and sets it on the table right in front of Barb)
Chris: Snowboarding stuff!
Barb: Let's put it on the floor.
Bob: (turning over the VHS in his hands) It's got all the Fraggles, huh?
Barb: You can open another one.
Chris: I'll wait.
(Bob puts the wrapping material on the table with a stress sigh)
Bob: I like the Fraggles.
Chris: Maybe I'll do this one.
Bob: Fraggles are cute.
Chris: Yes, they ARE cute. Anyway, your item is-- your thing is in the box, Mom. I fit it in the box with some cardstock paper. But it just (slides?) apart. (Chris puts some dilapidated miscellaneous packaging on the table and hands Barb a plush doll) *in a revolting baby-talk voice* Have you-- I got you Hamtaro.
Barb: Oh... that's cute.
Barb: Thank you.
Bob: Who is he?
Chris: (still baby-talking) It's a Hamtaro. He's a widdle hamstuh.
Bob: I see.
Chris: (dialing the revoltingness up to 11 on his baby talk) He's a widdle itty bitty hamstuh!
Bob: (opening another present) This would be no good no more anyway.
Chris: Oh, that's my present for Sarah. I, 'cause, you know, she-- she might come over.
Bob: Don't know if she will or not.
Chris: Well she did last year, remember?
(Barb gathers up the used wrapping paper and clears it away - presumably depositing the sediments directly into one of the lower strata of the Hoard. There are a few seconds' silence.)
Bob: Fraggle Rock.
Chris: (perhaps referring to Sarah's present?) Britney Spears!
Bob: Good old Fraggle people.
Chris: (rummaging around under the tree) This one.
Bob: (putting the bootleg Fraggles VHS on the table) There we go.
Chris: Here you go, Father, Fraggles on VHS.
Bob: You can keep Fraggle Rock... in your DVD player.
Chris: (opening a present) Oh, you found it, Mom. It's great. Thank you!
Barb: You're welcome.
Chris: Mmmm. (Chris throws an arm over Barb's shoulder in a hug, but accidentally drops something?) Here... whoops, I'm sorry.
Barb: Don't hurt my head.
Chris: I'm sorry. Well, here, I got this for both of y'all. Here Mom, you open this one since Father opened the card. (Chris rummages around while Barb begins opening the present) I bought it over at Wal-Mart and then I, uh, assembled it. And by the way, the box in there is about the same deal as, uh, Hamtaro there. After you unwrap the present, and (???) the paper there...
Bob: I don't know where my Christmas CDs are. We got a couple.
Chris: You want music? Here you go! (Chris turns on the electronic tree's music, which plays assorted carols throughout the rest of the scene) I think you-- I think you all will really like what I got here. Oh, yeah, I taped these two boxes together here...
(Chris barges his hand right into whatever Barb is unwrapping, and Barb protests)
Chris: I'm sorry.
Bob: I've lost track of where all my music is.
(Barb finishes unwrapping the present)
Chris: Snow globe! With me in it!
Barb: Merry Christmas, Robert.
Chris: It's also got-- it's also got Sonichu in it, look. See? Me on one side, Sonichu on the other.
Barb: That's true.
Chris: I got it over at Wal-Mart. The snow globe.
Bob: How about that.
Barb: And you had your... picture. That's neat.
Bob: No, no.
Bob: (chuckling) Hope it's waterproof in there.
Chris: Yeah. (picks up and shakes the snow globe to demonstrate) And it's got-- the pho, photos are in a-- are behind a plastic. I mean-- (turns the snow globe upside-down and starts removing the bottom)
Barb: Don't open it, don't open it.
Chris: You see, the bottom is removable. See?
Bob: Well... we know that.
Chris: See? Look at that, see? There's a slide here.
Bob: Oh. So they're waterproof.
Chris: Yeah, they're fine.
Bob: That's a good idea.
Chris: Yeah, I got that o-- I got that snow globe over at Wal-Mart. ... All right, well let's see what's in this one. (starts opening a present) I picked that one out special for y'all, that card. Let's see what's in here! Look! It's an Autobot!
Bob: An Autobot?
Bob: Didn't know they were that fancy.
Chris: Well these guys are.
Barb: The Transformer.
Bob: Boy, they sure got fancy over the years.
Chris: Yup, they sure did. (Chris places the unwrapped Transformer on the table and rummages around under the tree again) And one last present! It's a big one. (unwraps) And then I got another Autobot and a Decepticon!
Barb: Very good. Yay, Merry Christmas. (claps)
Chris: Yay, Merry Christmas to you all, I mean I got you all a snow globe
Bob: Careful with that cord.
Chris: (switching back to baby talk) I got you all a snow globe. And a video, and a little hamstuh. You like the hamstuh, Mommy?
Barb: Yeah. I think it's broken.
Chris: Um, it-it c-- it came that way. It was the last one they had. That's no problem, 'cause you know it can still stand.
Chris: It's not like it's gonna leak.
Barb: Yeah, okay. That's cool. Yeah, that's neat. Merry Christmas.
Chris: Yup, Merry Christmas!
Barb: Yeah, now we'll go back downstairs, (work to be done??)
Bob: Have a snappy New Year.
Chris: Yeah, snappy New Year, huh?