Unholy Quintet

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PROTIP:
As tempting as it may be, it is best not to assign labels to certain people that contact Chris until they have been proven to have fulfilled at least one of the criteria listed.

The Unholy Quintet (formerly Trinity and Tetrad) is a term used by Christorians to refer to five practices of orbiters that are often frowned upon by the CWCsphere. These include:

  1. White-Knighting, trying to protect Chris for misguided purposes.
  2. A-Logging, believing Chris should suffer greatly from whatever comes to him. Often includes comparing yourself to Chris.
  3. Enabling, feeding into Chris's self-destructive habits.
  4. Weening, trying and failing to annoy Chris.
  5. Carpetbagging, attempting to capitalize on Chris' infamy for dishonest purposes.

Jacob Sockness is to date the only individual to have encompassed all of them.

White Knights

Main article: White Knights

White Knights are people who feel sorry for Chris, and feel that they need to help him overcome his demons. Out of all of the groups in the Unholy Quintet, White Knights are by far the most benevolent, but many are naive to the fact that getting Chris to halt his self-destructive lifestyle is going to take a lot more than a message on social media, or a Patreon donation.

There is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for Chris, but without a combination of really tough love and proper resources, White Knights can unknowingly be as dangerous to Chris as the other four (sometimes worse), especially if they play along with Chris's belief that CWCville and his characters are real, or donate large amounts of money that Chris will blow away on conventions, toys and video games.

The level of devotion by White Knights vary greatly: the most moderate either back down or ask for a second opinion before making a fool of themselves, but the most fanatical may defend Chris even when it is clear as day that Chris was in the wrong.

Criteria

  1. A person that fervently defends Chris, even after it is obvious that Chris was in the wrong.
  2. A person who constantly praises Chris, even when such praise doesn’t fit his overall character or skills.
  3. A person that believes that Chris's poor decisions can be overlooked, because of his disability (spoiler: it's not always the case).[1]
  4. A person who attempts to paint themselves as heroic in the Chris Chan saga, despite having done many morally questionable acts, and lying about it, to gain fame.

A-Logs

Main article: A-Logging

A-Logs (or A-Loggers) are people who express disproportionate levels of hatred for Chris, often wishing misery or physical harm on him. The term comes from Anthony "A-Log" Logatto, who would constantly boast about his superiority over Chris (and other people), and attempt to frame Chris as evil (and not naive in reality).

A-Logs often sit in the opposite extreme of White Knights: while White Knights try (and fail) to defend and help Chris, A-Logs try (and fail) to compare Chris to actual tyrants like Théoneste Bagosora and Nicolae Ceaușescu: one does not have to mention another certain tyrant to understand how A-Logging against Chris makes no sense.

Some weens and malicious enablers may adapt one or more tactics from A-Logs as part of their attempt to ruin Chris's life: examples include flooding listings of locations that Chris go to with negative reviews about him, or pure extortion in an attempt to brute-force misery or physical harm on Chris.

Criteria

  1. A person that tries to compare Chris to someone who is genuinely evil, such as a mass murderer or a war criminal.
  2. A person that tries to interpret Chris's flaws as a threat to society, rather than as a result of bad parenting.
  3. A person who wishes for misery or physical harm on Chris.
  4. A person who celebrates or gloats when something bad happens to Chris.
  5. A person that tries to brute-force misery or physical harm on Chris.

Enablers

Main article: Enablers

Enablers are people who consistently feed into Chris’s bad habits. Unlike all other groups in the Quintet, enablers come in all kinds of varieties. Some play along with Chris's beliefs about himself and the rest of the world. Others will donate money to him despite him imminently wasting any kind of money he already owns. All enablers do these things, and many more, with various intents and purposes.

Enablers usually agree with, and form a religion of, Chris's belief that CWCville and his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon are real in the so-called "dimension" of C-197, where all other fictional characters and OCs live, plus a multitude of other dimensions, and that he is the CPU Goddess of that dimension and that the Dimensional Merge, the apocalyptic event where Dimension 1218 (the dimension we live in) merges with C-197 into "Dimension 1C-211987" to bring fictional characters and OCs into the real world, will happen in the very near-future. They also usually donate large amounts of money that Chris will blow away to fuel his Peter Pan lifestyle. However, some enablers and weens (such as the Idea Guys) exploited Chris's weak grasp on reality for nefarious purposes.

Enablers are the most harmful to Chris, because it only fuels his already hyperinflated ego, in which he answers to no one but himself, and that people will always provide for him in all cases. In the case of the Idea Guys, their exploitation of Chris's naivety not only corrupted the Sonichu lore, but their extortion nearly caused financial ruin in May 2018.[2]

In the 24 years since the creation of Sonichu, Chris's grasp on reality has deteriorated to a point that some White Knights face having to play along with Chris's beliefs to get in touch with him, and even after that there is no guarantee that Chris will follow their advice.

The works of the enablers are so well recognized by Chris himself that he refers to them officially as Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu, or more simply devotees.

Criteria

  1. A person that encourages Chris to continue his Peter Pan lifestyle in some way.
  2. A person who pretends to believe Chris's interpretation of reality as fact.
  3. A person who genuinely believes Chris's interpretation of reality as fact.
  4. A person that exploits Chris's weak grasp on reality for malicious purposes.
  5. A person who donates money to Chris despite numerous warnings not to from other people.

Weens

Main article: Weens

Weens are people that try and fail to ruin Chris's life. Examples of weening include trying to get him banned from places or websites that he visits, persistently spamming Chris's social media feeds with pickles and similar stuff to annoy him, or trying to get Chris kicked out of his house by getting the local authority to condemn his house for demolition.

However, there is a lot of confusion as to what counts as weening: some observers tend to erroneously use the term against any trolling attempt since the death of Bob Chandler in 2011, even if it succeeds: some erroneously use the term against anyone who contacted Chris, even if they do not even fit the criteria of any of the Unholy Quintent.

Regardless of how the term is used, trying to annoy Chris is utterly pointless, as Chris is no longer negatively phased by most trolling attempts. Attempts to ruin his life are also a very bad idea, especially with the devastating impact of the Idea Guys, and the escalating Financhu Crisis. The same goes for trying to harass places for having Chris as a customer or patron: some have now started to preemptively ban him, since they have better things to do than deal with wannabe trolls flooding their social media channels.[3]

Criteria

  1. A person that tries and fails to annoy Chris or do him harm in some manner, and makes a fool of themselves as a result of it.
  2. A person that brags about trying to annoy Chris or ruin his life.[4]
  3. A person who constantly blurts outdated Chris memes, such as "JULAAAY" and "Ian Brandon Anderson" in order to appear relevant.

Carpetbaggers

Main article: Carpetbaggers

Carpetbaggers are people who exploit Chris’ infamy for views, internet fame or some other kind of profit, often with the use of underhanded tactics. Whether it be through manipulating him in an elaborate scheme to gain attention, interviewing him for this purpose only, having him star in a project purely for fan service, or any other purposes, in simple terms Carpetbaggers can be thought of as Weens on steroids, as although they try to win fame through Chris, they actually manage to be somewhat successful in their endeavors, but ultimately gain online notoriety for it.

Criteria

  1. A person who tries to profit off of Chris's infamy (whether for online attention, views, or money) through underhanded tactics.
  2. A person who has a bigger influence in the Chris Chan bubble tries to take advantage of a controversy revolving around Chris in order to benefit for their own personal gains.
  3. A person that dives into said controversy and documents it when little information, if any, is actually given, leading to a spreading of misinformation.

See Also

  • Jacob Sockness, the first person to encompass every single one of these things while trying to contact Chris.

References

  1. ↑ Tate Modern balcony push: Teen admits attempted murder (London: BBC News, 6 December 2019). Accessed 12 February 2020.
  2. ↑ See also: 14 Branchland Court, Idea Guy influences section.
  3. ↑ https://www.horse-news.org/2020/03/seaquestria-fest-exposing-everything.html
  4. ↑ So much for that "business" address on Reddit
The Unholy Quintet
White Knights  • A-logs  • Enablers  • Weens  • Carpetbaggers
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