Vanessa Saga

This is what Chris actually believed

The Vanessa Saga occurred in April and May 2009. During this saga, Chris was duped into believing he was talking to pop icon Vanessa Hudgens as Joshua Martinez had formed an alliance with trolls to provide another front to trolling Chris. This situation is known as the Vanessa Saga.

Mostly due to the fact Josh wasn't exactly too bright himself (then again, being an idiot is probably the only way one can stand being around Chris), the situation degraded and the plan was aborted by trolls.

These chats were procured by CWCkipedian Robotnik, as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.

The Beginnings of the Saga

Chris gets in contact with his old friend Joshua Martinez from James Madison University to apologize for smearing him on Encyclopedia Dramatica, in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After an email and an IRC chat, Josh begins to imitate Vanessa with disquieting success.

Email to Joshua

On 05 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologise for his reprehensible behaviour in unnecessary detail , for the sole purpose of obtaining personal benefit.

Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *sigh* The day I was kicked out of that church, my father accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my facebook (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the Encyclopedia Dramatica webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua. I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian.

IRC Chat with Joshua

On 06 April 2009, Chris tried to further his interests more. In the process, Joshua talks him into doing A CWC Audition. In this chat, Chris talks about God and Jesus telling him that Ivy is his sweetheart, and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his biological clock, which has since broken.

ChrisChanSonichu (9:57:22 PM): I felt soo bad saying the things I said back then; I was in error; not totally thinking too clear. But I have seen the light from our lord, Jesus, and my vision is more clear.
ChrisChanSonichu (9:58:28 PM): Listen, there is something I feel I should inform you. A lot has changed since we last talked; I had moved on, talked to a lot of people online (a lot of which were impostorous trolls). But about a month ago, I received a call on my cell from a sweet girl, Ivy, who was a fan of my work. We've been talking a lot on the phone; a dash of e-mails too.
ChrisChanSonichu (9:59:19 PM): I have learned that she is the one I have been waiting for; the girl I was praying for. Because she has done a major task I needed a True Sweetheart for; Fix my Biological Clock.
ChrisChanSonichu (10:02:20 PM): I had been sleeping at 6AM, getting up in mid-afternoon. Then I met Ivy; she asked me to sing "I Need A Hero" from Bonnie Tyler for her in a video. So I decided to up it and make a Music Video of the project on my PS3's EyeCreate program. It's currently on YouTube if you want to see it. I spent 3 days and 2 nights working on it; getting little sleep, because I wanted to finish it as quickly as possible, giving it a lot of thought and effort. In the process, I crashed the 2nd night at 9 PM, and...
ChrisChanSonichu (10:02:34 PM): and awaking the next morning at 6:30 AM.
ChrisChanSonichu (10:04:02 PM): A TRUE MIRACLE. And I had heard from God soon after that Ivy was to be my True Sweetheart. So I'm afraid my Romantic Ways are set for Ivy alone. But I'd like it if Vanessa and I can still be friends, Vanessa. I still care about you.
Joshua (10:04:10 PM): send me the video
ChrisChanSonichu (10:04:23 PM): I'll get a link
ChrisChanSonichu (10:06:09 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7XrVgM5E6Y
ChrisChanSonichu (10:07:33 PM): I also have the original video file saved on my PS3
Joshua (10:07:58 PM): okey
ChrisChanSonichu (10:08:11 PM): are you watching the video?
Joshua (10:08:42 PM): yup
ChrisChanSonichu (10:08:47 PM): cool
Joshua (10:08:58 PM): im in U<V>A
ChrisChanSonichu (10:09:10 PM): I'm proud of it. neat.
ChrisChanSonichu (10:10:04 PM): I understand you'll be coming to town Wednesday.
Joshua (10:11:50 PM): yup thinking about it
ChrisChanSonichu (10:12:37 PM): I'm sure I had told you I requested that you, and I meet at McDonalds at Forest Lakes to hang, chat, and talk about the movie and life i grew up.
ChrisChanSonichu (10:12:53 PM): but I look more forward to the hanging and chatting.
Joshua (10:14:37 PM): have you been too Salinas, California, ?
ChrisChanSonichu (10:14:48 PM): I have not.
Joshua (10:16:03 PM): so tell me Chris how many site you have up?
ChrisChanSonichu (10:17:27 PM): I should go, I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but I look forward to meeting you. none at the moment; a troll got into my webhost accounts in the past months and messed me up royally; the reconstruction of the Sonichu and Rosechu Site will commence this week on G.D.
Joshua (10:17:28 PM): send me some new videos of you to my e-mail
ChrisChanSonichu (10:18:49 PM): Ok.
Joshua (10:19:19 PM): im thinking of put some video's up on the net
Joshua (10:19:39 PM): so whats ur site you use, to put ur's on??
Joshua (10:19:44 PM): plz tell me man
Joshua (10:20:29 PM): oh the part of the movie
ChrisChanSonichu (10:20:30 PM): I suggested to Joshua Veoh.com and Dailymotion.com
Joshua (10:20:46 PM): which 1 you use urs?
ChrisChanSonichu (10:21:16 PM): Going to DailyMotion here's a more current picture of me for you.
ATTENTION (10:21:54 PM): Transfer complete: ECP_00023.jpg.
Joshua (10:22:00 PM): the part in movie i need get joshua tell you do some acting on cam, bc i need it
ChrisChanSonichu (10:22:41 PM): that's cool. That picture I sent you won me a 400 dollar GameStop Gift Card a few months ago, which I shared with my Church's Congregation.
Joshua (10:22:49 PM): so if theres a way you can do it tonight, i need it, and need you too act like what you do when someone falls in love and
Joshua (10:23:45 PM): a part is that when you was single when you fight for ur love
Joshua (10:24:16 PM): can you do that?
ChrisChanSonichu (10:24:27 PM): I see, you want to see me being truly romantic, and how furious I can be as such.
Joshua (10:24:28 PM): i need it by tomorrow
Joshua (10:24:57 PM): yeah and send it too my e-mail
ChrisChanSonichu (10:25:33 PM): I will think about what I can do for my audition, in the meantime, I'll send you the "Holding Out For a Hero" Music Video file I have on my PC
Joshua (10:25:57 PM): yeah if you want the part in movie i need it tonight
Joshua (10:26:13 PM): and i have too meet up with you this week
ChrisChanSonichu (10:27:00 PM): hang on; I'll have to send it from my Yahoo e-mail account.
Joshua (10:27:25 PM): ok
Joshua (10:27:38 PM): need to be at less20 or 30 mins long
ChrisChanSonichu (10:29:39 PM): my Yahoo account doesn't support such a large file size either. I'll try sending it to you over the AIM
Joshua (10:30:09 PM): um at less 5 mins and do another 5 mins and over and over
Joshua (10:30:29 PM): send it too e-mail

After this chat, Joshua would continue to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of subsequent conversations, still using his own screen name.

Vanessa IRC Chat 1

Main article: Vanessa Hudgens IRC Chat 1

Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris on 14 April 2009. She wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-hanky-panky, showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse.

Vanessa IRC Chat 2

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 2

Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened. He claims not to remember who Blanca was, and admits that he was take a dildo up his ass for his true love.

Vanessa IRC Chat 3

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 3

Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a gal-pal. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.

Vanessa IRC Chat 4

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 4

Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.

Vanessa IRC Chat 5

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 5

Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past indiscretions, discusses Ivy's influence on Sonichu, and describes his martial prowess.

Vanessa IRC Chat 6

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 6

Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around the things he would shove up his rectum for her.

Vanessa IRC Chat 7

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 7

Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade Snorlax to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting Clyde Cash locked up.

Vanessa IRC Chat 8

Main article: Vanessa IRC Chat 8

Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two gay guys with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible failure of facial and body recognition.

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Vanessa Saga

Vanessa IRC Chat 1 ⇒