Difference between revisions of "Hair"
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[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]] | [[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]] | ||
Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle. | Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle. | ||
==Condition== | |||
[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a Tomgirl.]] | [[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a Tomgirl.]] | ||
Chris's | Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, his mother served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his clown shirt and his social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. Even when he does take a shower, the effects on his hair's appearance are negligible, as evidenced by his [[HairDifference|video demonstration]]. Nor has switching shampoos helped. In his early twenties Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his Lovequest, he shifted to "AXE brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a [[tomgirl]], he changed it again to Garnier Fructice shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." Nothing seems to have worked, as the photographic record clearly indicates. First-hand observer Catherine thought it "looked like straw." | ||
Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygiene habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]: | |||
{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his [[Barbara Chandler|mom]] probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh... I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}} | |||
For most of his life he kept it short and didn't alter it significantly, but since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began in 2011, Chris has taken to bleaching his hair and growing it long. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although [[Christian Weston Chandler#Early Life|early photos]] from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dying his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple years it remained at approximately this length. | |||
Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his tomboy/lesbian identity. In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. Chris saved the hair and wore it around his neck in hopes it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref> | |||
{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}} | |||
Chris | Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly [[anime wings]] to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival in 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink [[My Little Pony]] tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails. | ||
[[File:Hemanchristian.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl of Eternia]] | [[File:Hemanchristian.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl of Eternia]] | ||
[[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman]] | [[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman]] | ||
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==Hair loss== | |||
Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. | |||
his occasional attempts at crafting a combover | |||
Pictures Chris posted in 2014 showed that his hairline has receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair is more poorly managed than it was 3 years ago - looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. He has grown it long again, but hair has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. The fact that he appears to have tried dyeing it blonde by himself again only makes it look worse. Chris seems to be completely in denial about it, making no efforts to hide his constantly growing forehead. | Pictures Chris posted in 2014 showed that his hairline has receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair is more poorly managed than it was 3 years ago - looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. He has grown it long again, but hair has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. The fact that he appears to have tried dyeing it blonde by himself again only makes it look worse. Chris seems to be completely in denial about it, making no efforts to hide his constantly growing forehead. | ||
A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] was bald too. Ominously, [[Chris and Health|inactivity]], [[Obesity|poor]] [[McDonalds|diet]], illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's [[tomgirl]] dreams. | |||
When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial. | |||
In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head. | |||
Unfortunately for Chris, since he hit his late 20s, his hairline has begun to recede very quickly, [[Catherine]] claiming that as of age 32 it's "halfway" back on his scalp. | |||
==Body hair== | |||
==Hair mail== | ==Hair mail== | ||
Revision as of 22:14, 17 January 2015
Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, Chris's hair is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.
Condition
Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, his mother served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his clown shirt and his social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. Even when he does take a shower, the effects on his hair's appearance are negligible, as evidenced by his video demonstration. Nor has switching shampoos helped. In his early twenties Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his Lovequest, he shifted to "AXE brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a tomgirl, he changed it again to Garnier Fructice shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." Nothing seems to have worked, as the photographic record clearly indicates. First-hand observer Catherine thought it "looked like straw."
Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygiene habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During the first Kacey Phone Call, he enthusiastically (while pretending to be Liquid) praised said haircut:
| “ | Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh... I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future. | ” |
For most of his life he kept it short and didn't alter it significantly, but since the Tomgirl Saga began in 2011, Chris has taken to bleaching his hair and growing it long. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although early photos from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dying his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An October 2012 Facebook profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple years it remained at approximately this length.
Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his tomboy/lesbian identity. In May 2011, Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. Chris saved the hair and wore it around his neck in hopes it would grow back faster. [1]
| “ | This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the Mary Tyler Moore hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery. | ” |
| Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get friends. | ||
Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly anime wings to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival in 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink My Little Pony tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.
Hair loss
Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance.
his occasional attempts at crafting a combover
Pictures Chris posted in 2014 showed that his hairline has receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair is more poorly managed than it was 3 years ago - looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. He has grown it long again, but hair has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. The fact that he appears to have tried dyeing it blonde by himself again only makes it look worse. Chris seems to be completely in denial about it, making no efforts to hide his constantly growing forehead.
A popular theory amongst trolls proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the stress Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother Cole Smithey show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and Bob was bald too. Ominously, inactivity, poor diet, illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.
When confronted in the Mailbag (17, 25 and 28) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris was, as per usual, completely in denial.
In videos taken of Chris at a Fridays After Five event, a bald spot is seen starting to appear on the back of his head.
Unfortunately for Chris, since he hit his late 20s, his hairline has begun to recede very quickly, Catherine claiming that as of age 32 it's "halfway" back on his scalp.
Body hair
Hair mail
Cassie, co-founder of Sonichu Girls, asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.
Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady (or a dude pretending to be one), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.
Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7) did not cause any national or international incidents.
While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a Sonichu drawing, but the Spanish side had Sonichu in a sombrero.
Gallery of hair
Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: trolls and especially homos from rival Gay 4 Sonichu)
Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
