William Elliott Waterman

William Elliott Waterman
Full Name	William Elliott Waterman
Nicknames	Billy, Waterhead, Watermelon
D.O.B.	1 March 1986 (age 38)
Gender	Male
Nationality	American
Race	White
Education	Champlain College (BS, software engineering)
Occupation(s)	Computer programmer

"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of Sarah Nicole Hammer and character in Sonichu, see List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer.

PROTIP: Watermelon does not deserve the oxygen of attention. He barely deserves oxygen.

William Elliott Waterman (born 1 March 1986) is a Facebook friend of Chris who lives in Woolwich, Maine. He is sometimes called Billy by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed Watermelon or Waterhead by trolls. William comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, occasional advice, and off-topic remarks. He has also purchased artwork from Chris, including the first issue of Sonichu. William can be considered a white knight, although he claims to be a troll. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions and a ween.

William came to prominence after his 7 August 2013 Facebook post, where he called out trolls over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, Anna McLerran. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William, despite him being male and having Asperger syndrome. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May 2013.

In late 2015, William was removed from Chris's friends list after his activity on Kiwi Farms. He has since been re-added.

Facebook

William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and off topic. For example, after Chris found out his high school gal pals weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted a rant about having no local friends and included pictures of Pokémon cards of Cubone and Yamask. Instead of responding to Chris wrote about, William said he liked the Pokémon.

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about Megan Schroeder, to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better." On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October 2013, Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is attempting to look like Chris with his long hair. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school. Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise Sonic Boom, all just because of an arm color change. Throughout 2015, William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from Fifty Shades of Grey.

Calling out trolls

On 7 August 2013, in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the CWCki, William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

7 August 2013 Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.

Chris liked the post.

Kiwi Farms

As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In November 2015, he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his supposed ancestry) and unexpectedly contacted Alec Benson Leary, who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, William made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. William, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. William also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of Asperchu, again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, William also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, annoying, attention-whoring Clyde Cash wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan", and also that he's far more autistic than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which gave people the impression that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

Unfriended and refriended

A few weeks after the Kiwi Farms debacle, William posted on Facebook that he held power over Chris and Chris would not make any more statuses or videos until the administration of Kiwi Farms gave into demands he made. By claiming he was controlling Chris, however, William overstepped his boundaries and treaded on Chris's ego. Chris responded with a Facebook post about William, where he emphasized that he had control over his own life, and then promptly unfriended William.

By June 2016, William was re-added as a friend by Chris and continued to make off-topic comments. In a post where Chris went on a tirade against his estranged brother for not serving as an ATM for himself and Barb, William redirected the topic to himself by picking a fight with Kim Wilson and also posted about his autistic interests.

On 17 June, Chris began reading the first chapter of a fanfic named Rainbows, Unicorns, and a Bluebird of Happiness. William later stated that he was responsible for getting Chris to read it.

Furthermore, an account provided by William's friend Reverend_Lovejoy, posted to Kiwi Farms, implied that William had paid Chris to narrate that story, although Lovejoy tried to obfuscate by claiming that Chris had loaned $50 to William and that William then paid him back, which is extremely unlikely, as Chris was neck-deep in the Financhu Crisis and wouldn't have had $50 available to loan.

In early July 2016, after Chris had read chapter four of that fanfic, he unfriended William again. In Announcement 20160709, Chris revealed that he was angry at "Mr. Bill" for suggesting that he read the story, which Chris found to be nonsensical. Shortly afterwards, it was discovered that William was no longer on Chris's friend list.

Less than three weeks after the Bluebird debacle resulted in William's expulsion, Chris re-added him to his friend list again. Days after he reappeared on Chris's Facebook comments section, Chris began a new series of fanfic-reading videos called Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire".

The M.O. for getting Chris to read from Bluebird is similar to the one used for Girl - both are fanfics, both were meant to allude to Chris's lifestyle and Chris specifically avoided mentions of being paid for both. It seems that, after paying for Chris to read Bluebird, and then getting thrown off his friend list because his fanfic reading idea was so terrible that even Chris called him out on it, William simply tried again with a different story.

It's currently unknown how much money William has wasted on trying to get Chris to produce content. He has plenty of company on that front.

Waterman later wasted even more money paying Chris to insert his original character Bananasauros into Sonichu #11, where the character moves in with Punchy Sonichu and has sex with an opposite-gender clone. Chris apparently found Bananasauros so asinine he couldn't help himself inserting his own criticisms into the comic.