White knight
| “ | Isn't there a white knight upon his fiery steed? | ” |
| Chris, CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero | ||
White knight is a term used to describe someone who goes on the internet to defend someone else on the internet more out of self-interest than actual compassion. Regarding Christian Weston Chandler, the term is more loosely applied to any troll perceived as trying to defend or help Chris-chan, for any reason. White knighting of Chris is especially prevalent because of the unprecedented amount of abuse he has taken, which in turn is caused by Chris's total inability to heed the white knights in his life.
A meta-topic within the broader Chris-chan saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being such an epic lulzcow, and whether he is deserving or even beyond such assistance. The consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's Encyclopedia Dramatica article, /cwc/, and #sonichu is that Chris's racism, homophobia, and narcissism makes him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him on good faith. White knights are considered to be wasting everyone's time and trolls have little patience for them.
Motives of white knights
Pity
Following the release of Chris's first nude photos and the 21 October 2008 video in which he reacted to the loss of his medallions and Blanca, many felt sorry for him. Many had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to be so completely shattered.
Kick the Autistic is a cruel game. Quit it!
Empathy
The internet is full of autistic people, man-children, and self-absorbed morons, many of which are right here, fascinated with Chris-chan. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his all-consuming need for female companionship or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up; they think they can reason with Chris by speaking from experience.
Circumstances beyond Chris's control
There is a debate about whether Chris is actually autistic. Regardless, there is clear evidence that Chris suffers from serious mental deficiencies:
- Julie and her brother Max used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't identify them as the same person.
- Pictures of different women were used to depict Blanca, and yet Chris thought they were the same person.
- He interprets Family Guy as being against homosexuality.[1]
Furthermore, Chris's upbringing was anything but ideal. All of these factors and probably a lot more have led to the man-child we know today.
Counter-trolling
Some seek to take Chris's side to spite his trolls. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling a legion of trolls. Others have decided that Chris-chan has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Notable counter-trolls include Svenka and Harbal.
Reasons against white knighting
Chris lacks empathy himself
See also: Chris and death
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. If you used to be as shy around women as he is today, the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation in his mind. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he magically dreams up his own solution.
- RocketFox: My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
- Chris: RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.[2]
Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately afterwards, he started talking about a sexy dance.
After Ryan Cash died because of Chris, Chris marveled at how much power he had right after he tried to publicly console Clyde Cash.[3]
When Sarah May attempted suicide because of Chris, Chris's reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."[4]
Autism does not excuse a terrible person
Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,[5] and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.
Chris is beyond pity
Chris alienated little kids in card games and scared some of them from visiting The GAMe PLACe.
He sexually harrassed a woman in real life.
Chris spends his monthly tugboat on luxury. There are plenty of autistics who have found success in menial jobs. It's possible that Chris can hold a job with no client interaction, but he hasn't even tried after being fired from Wendy's.
After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new sweetheart right away.
Someone who knew Chris in real life can't list any redeemable qualities. Even a 12-year-old girl can identify his flaws:
Chris will reject your advice
Vivitheg carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist. In response, Chris only gets angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculously, he denies being overweight. Citation Needed
Read Vivitheg's AIM chat. Vivitheg actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that PandaHalo was a troll. Chris fell for her. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually reformed and became a troll. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try".
After Emily tells Chris to not constantly touch a woman he has just met, all Chris had to say was, "Um... Anyway, did you get back to West Virginia okay?"
Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth
- Lori Lopez was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
- PandaHalo was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Julie was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Robert Simmons V was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Sarah May was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Sarah Jackson was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Blanca was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Emily was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
- Ivy is a troll, and Chris is falling for it.
Do you really think he will believe any evidence you send him proving that Ivy, every fan he has, and pretty much every person he has been in contact with over the past year is a troll?
Chris asks for it, and always recovers
Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was merely a squeal begging for more trolling.
TMI is a tactic Chris abuses himself. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute chapters of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more and more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being Honest.
Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and lewd acts are all over the internet? No big deal! So what's the problem?
Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing 21 October 2008 video mentioned above and proceeded to fail even harder for months. So what's the problem?
Stress
In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to get up-to-date and to thwart the troll output. They'd probably have to lie and pretend to be a girl or video game designer to even capture his attention. This combined with Chris's usual responses is enough to make any sane non-professional psychologist Crash Into Slumber.
Chris will not even read your message
The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online.
The trolling will not cease
Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.
In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his real life friends.
Even if everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unwittingly seek out new trolls to take their place, and we know newfags are more than willing.
If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after his parents die, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his monthly tugboat.
If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the internet.
If the custodian bans Chris from the internet, that's Chris trolling himself.
If Chris gets institutionalized, he will attract real life trolls at the mental hospital.