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[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|right|The only picture of her to this date.]]
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris considers a successful date to look like. Note the look of terror in [[Layla]]'s eyes.]]
'''Dating''' is the social convention in which two people do activities together in order to establish potential capacity as a long-term mate. [[Chris]] treats this process of establishing a relationship as a [[Autism|strict and immutable ritual]] in which [[hanky panky]] invariably occurs on the [[third date]] at the latest.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Dating Education]]</ref> It is worth noting that over time, the absolute nature of the third date rule Chris likes to adhere to has eroded. While initially meaning the third formal date, the ever-gnawing lust for [[china]] has devolved this into the third day after meeting in person. Chris's plans for wooing [[Blanca]] get to filthy, passionate lovemaking on the second day.


Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.
Chris's view of dating, as well as his penchant for developing schedules for these romantic encounters, say a lot about how he views the process. To Chris, dating isn't a social activity  so much as it is a sort of incantation or ritual rain dance for sex. Much like [[Anne Boleyn|courts of old Europe]] dating is just a complex routine that is done for the sake of the rules before he can get his rocks off.  


Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap fuel. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]].
A lot of Chris's odd outlook on dating can possibly be attributed to his autism, as he cannot grasp that dating and romance are supposed to be emotionally fulfilling activities, not mechanical warm-ups for sex. Both of Chris's stated dating plans (see below) involve sex quickly occurring after meeting for the first time in person. Love-at-first-sight is one of Chris's deepest held beliefs as well, and the idea that love is definite and perfect without getting to know your partner makes the idea of dating pointless, explaining Chris's desire to get it out of the way as soon as possible.  


The queen hasn't shown up since then, and considering Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in [[Sonichu 5]], it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.
==Online dating==
Chris has joined several online dating sites, including Match, OkCupid <ref>http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CWCSONICHU OkCupid dating profile for CWCSonichu</ref>, Book of Matches <ref>Book of Matches - profile Sonichu</ref>, and [[''The HooK'' Café]]. He is also seen trying to use Craigslist several times; however, it is assumed that it was a troll's work.


Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American: although she's sill blonde and blue-eyed, she's still wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. 
==Chris's ideas about dating Blanca==
{{Stub}}
Excerpts from an [[Blanca E-mails#September 2008|e-mail]] Chris wrote to [[Blanca]] in September [[2008]]:


{{Sonichu}}
{{quotebox|
The First Day


* meet [[Barbara|my mother]] and [[Bob Chandler|father]], chat with them a while and get to know each other
* video gameplay with [[Guitar Hero]]
* For dinner that evening, our First Date, I will take you out to [[McDonald's|McDonalds]], Arbys, [[Burger King]], or a small restaurant like that
* I'd let you go back to your hotel, or [[Rape|bring you back home]]. NO [[SEX]] on the first night, but if you'd like to make out, I'd welcome it.


The Second Day


[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarah.jpg|thumb|Chris & Sarah]]
* [[PlayStation|PS2 or 3]]
* For Lunch, I'd take you to this good all-you-can-eat Pizza/Salad/Soup/Desert [[Country Cookin|Buffet]] that I know of in [[Charlottesville]]
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only|Romantic Movie]] at the theater, or we can walk the [[Fashion Square Mall|Downtall Malll]], and/or a [[Sonichu's Edge|walk in the park]]
* If we take in the movie, you and I can [[Rape|sit in the back, darker area]]. And if it doesn't bother you, I may "Yawn and stretch" my arm around you to your other shoulder. If you want to take it further, you may pull my hand on your shoulder a little closer to your breast (of course, this is optional), and I'd let you cop a reach into the popcorn bucket, or under that to cop a feel. [[Megan Schroeder|Stop me]] if I'm bothering you any. And you and I can [[Hanky panky|make out]] in the theater.
* if you feel like it that night in the privacy of mine or your room, you can take my [[virgin]]ity, or we can wait till the [[third date|third night]], if there is one before you have to go back to [''REDACTED'']. Either way, I would wear a condom then, and in the future until our [[Giant Penis Comic|Wedding Night]]. :)


<div style="font-style:italic; text-align:center;">
Sunday Morning
I can never seem to find you <br />
If only I could keep up with you <br />
How far I would run, what I would do if you <br />
Came with me for a thing <br />
Sometime, somewhere <br />
Cause from birth to now we are <br />
BFFs <br />
<br />
</div>


'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age 2 until around age 10, when he moved away.
* would you be willing to come with me to my [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist Church]] as a Visitor? If you do, I would take pride in being with you there and [[Women's rights|showing you off]] as my Girlfriend. :D But seriously, I would honestly appreciate just having you with me there. We do [[Singstar Challenge|sing]] from a red or black book at points during each service, but you don't have to sing if you don't want to.
}}


==Sarah Hammer in real life==
==Chris's ideas about dating Ivy==
[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Like anything that looks good in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]
Excerpts from a [[For My Sweetest Ivy|video]] Chris recorded for [[Ivy]] in May 2009:


{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer Animal Crossing card]]; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}
{{quotebox|
*my mommy and I—my family and I—will meet you at the airport
* I know a place that does some [[Recycling|great smoothies]], so yeah, a cafe
* enjoy a movie in the theatre, at home or watch a television rerun. FAMILY GUY, heh, [[Family Guy]]. Or uh [[I love Lucy]] or I got the entire series of [[Gilligan's Island]].
* [[Hanky-Panky|make some music together]] on [[Guitar Hero]]
* I will look forward to the eventuality of you and I having our [[Hanky panky|sex time]] together. Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll do my best to pleasure you to keep you satisfied, satisfied, just for you. Just for you, hmmm. I know a number of good positions and massages, hmmm, hmmm.
* I know a number of places we could walk around at and uh we could walk about [[Fashion Square Mall|the mall]], we could walk about the [[University of Virginia|UVA]] grounds, good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight.
* We can walk the [[hermit crabs]] together, hmmm, walk about, you might like your, you might walk your hermit crabs.
}}


Chris met Sarah again when he entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. By [[2005]], Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend, although Chris seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her as compared to his childhood.
==In the Comics==
 
Exempting Chris's trolling date with [[Hanna]] in the sub-episodes, every single date depicted in the comic concludes in a passionate, long-term relationship (at least in line with what Chris thinks one is like). Some of these encounters even stretch the definition of a date. For example: [[Wild]] only had to show [[Simonla]] his treehouse before she was ready to yiff. [[Reginald_Sneasel|Reginald Sneasel]] and [[Angelica]] are shown in bed together after being last seen meeting for the first time in the park. The fact that all these relationships progress to sex so quickly solidifies the idea that Chris views dating as little more beyond the ritual prelude to screwing.  
There has been no contact with Sarah since Chris has come into the spotlight, and unlike [[Megan]] there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.
==Sauce==
 
<references />
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}
 
Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets and playing "hide and [[Comeuppance|seed]]." Once, Sarah tried to teach Chris to [[Wikipedia:Roller skating|roller-skate]], but Chris fell down and gave up, showing that Chris has no sense of coordination, balance, or dedication.
 
It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.
 
Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its dangers. And you know what they say. A girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.
 
Sarah and Chris were the same age and may have attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school. For most normal people this would probably be the end of the relationship.
 
Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.
 
===She got hot===
In between [[2000]] and [[2003]] Sarah shed her old image and became so attractive Chris called her "a spittin' [''sic''] image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> Normally, people don't find childhood friends to be sexually attractive due to the [[wikipedia:Westermarck Effect|Westermarck Effect]], so either Chris just feels no such effect and would gladly bone a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] figure, or they didn't know each other well enough as kids for it to take effect. But the fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, showing Chris's complete lack of facial recognition.
 
===With Wes Iseli===
By Chris's admission, he has not had much contact with Sarah since he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. The revelation that Sarah was dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]] was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. Considering that a similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by /v/, he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>
 
Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes to be one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurned him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].
 
The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a closer platonic friendship. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.
 
===With William Spicer===
At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, [[William Spicer]], who she eventually married. The ups and downs of this news are captured in how the fictional Chris takes the news in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Christian does not seem to know anything about Spicer, to the point that when depicting Sarah and William's wedding he depicts the groom as a Yu-Gi-Oh! character so he won't have to draw the actual person. Chris most likely did not attend the wedding.
 
==Sarah in the comic==
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Nicole Rammer.]]
[[Image:Sonichu02-P13.jpg|thumb|Sarah as she appears in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].]]
Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blows his wad]] right away, introducing the characters in issue #2.
 
After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li. 
 
When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. At this point she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, and so she might have assumed they were merely fighting over their feud in their past lives as the heads of the Cherokians and Wasabi. However, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah remembered who was writing the comic, so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.
 
With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].
 
Later, Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and Yu-Gi-Oh cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]].
 
In the [[Sonichu Videobooks]] it's revealed that, like [[Mary Lee Walsh]] (whom Chris now refers to as "Slaweel"), Sarah has had her name changed. This is a side-effect from the early, poorly documented days of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], where [[Jay Z|trolls]] convinced Chris to change the names of the characters based on real people. He now refers to Sarah Hammer as Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]]: "Nicole," because that's her middle name, and "Rammer" because he's a fucking moron. By doing so, he has destroyed the reason for the name behind her Rosechu form, baffling prospective readers as to why someone named "Nicole" becomes "Sarah" in furry mode.
 
===Saramah Rosechu===
[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]
{{quote|Sarhamah's[sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, angelic, and simply irresistible. |[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]]}}
 
Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, unabiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him.
 
==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" Animal Crossing Card
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg
Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Saramah" Animal Crossing Card
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Yu-Gi-GIGGIDY
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg
</gallery>


==See also==
==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]
*[[Dating education]]
 
==Sauces==
<references />


{{People}}
[[Category:Love Quest]]
{{Sonichu}}
{{Sweethearts}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Hammer, Sarah Nicole}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Latest revision as of 17:42, 23 April 2012

This is what Chris considers a successful date to look like. Note the look of terror in Layla's eyes.

Dating is the social convention in which two people do activities together in order to establish potential capacity as a long-term mate. Chris treats this process of establishing a relationship as a strict and immutable ritual in which hanky panky invariably occurs on the third date at the latest.[1] It is worth noting that over time, the absolute nature of the third date rule Chris likes to adhere to has eroded. While initially meaning the third formal date, the ever-gnawing lust for china has devolved this into the third day after meeting in person. Chris's plans for wooing Blanca get to filthy, passionate lovemaking on the second day.

Chris's view of dating, as well as his penchant for developing schedules for these romantic encounters, say a lot about how he views the process. To Chris, dating isn't a social activity so much as it is a sort of incantation or ritual rain dance for sex. Much like courts of old Europe dating is just a complex routine that is done for the sake of the rules before he can get his rocks off.

A lot of Chris's odd outlook on dating can possibly be attributed to his autism, as he cannot grasp that dating and romance are supposed to be emotionally fulfilling activities, not mechanical warm-ups for sex. Both of Chris's stated dating plans (see below) involve sex quickly occurring after meeting for the first time in person. Love-at-first-sight is one of Chris's deepest held beliefs as well, and the idea that love is definite and perfect without getting to know your partner makes the idea of dating pointless, explaining Chris's desire to get it out of the way as soon as possible.

Online dating

Chris has joined several online dating sites, including Match, OkCupid [2], Book of Matches [3], and ''The HooK'' Café. He is also seen trying to use Craigslist several times; however, it is assumed that it was a troll's work.

Chris's ideas about dating Blanca

Excerpts from an e-mail Chris wrote to Blanca in September 2008:

The First Day

  • meet my mother and father, chat with them a while and get to know each other
  • video gameplay with Guitar Hero
  • For dinner that evening, our First Date, I will take you out to McDonalds, Arbys, Burger King, or a small restaurant like that
  • I'd let you go back to your hotel, or bring you back home. NO SEX on the first night, but if you'd like to make out, I'd welcome it.

The Second Day

  • PS2 or 3
  • For Lunch, I'd take you to this good all-you-can-eat Pizza/Salad/Soup/Desert Buffet that I know of in Charlottesville
  • Romantic Movie at the theater, or we can walk the Downtall Malll, and/or a walk in the park
  • If we take in the movie, you and I can sit in the back, darker area. And if it doesn't bother you, I may "Yawn and stretch" my arm around you to your other shoulder. If you want to take it further, you may pull my hand on your shoulder a little closer to your breast (of course, this is optional), and I'd let you cop a reach into the popcorn bucket, or under that to cop a feel. Stop me if I'm bothering you any. And you and I can make out in the theater.
  • if you feel like it that night in the privacy of mine or your room, you can take my virginity, or we can wait till the third night, if there is one before you have to go back to [REDACTED]. Either way, I would wear a condom then, and in the future until our Wedding Night. :)

Sunday Morning

  • would you be willing to come with me to my Methodist Church as a Visitor? If you do, I would take pride in being with you there and showing you off as my Girlfriend. :D But seriously, I would honestly appreciate just having you with me there. We do sing from a red or black book at points during each service, but you don't have to sing if you don't want to.

Chris's ideas about dating Ivy

Excerpts from a video Chris recorded for Ivy in May 2009:

  • my mommy and I—my family and I—will meet you at the airport
  • I know a place that does some great smoothies, so yeah, a cafe
  • enjoy a movie in the theatre, at home or watch a television rerun. FAMILY GUY, heh, Family Guy. Or uh I love Lucy or I got the entire series of Gilligan's Island.
  • make some music together on Guitar Hero
  • I will look forward to the eventuality of you and I having our sex time together. Hmmm, I'll do you so many, I'll do my best to pleasure you to keep you satisfied, satisfied, just for you. Just for you, hmmm. I know a number of good positions and massages, hmmm, hmmm.
  • I know a number of places we could walk around at and uh we could walk about the mall, we could walk about the UVA grounds, good places where there's plenty of green and sunlight.
  • We can walk the hermit crabs together, hmmm, walk about, you might like your, you might walk your hermit crabs.

In the Comics

Exempting Chris's trolling date with Hanna in the sub-episodes, every single date depicted in the comic concludes in a passionate, long-term relationship (at least in line with what Chris thinks one is like). Some of these encounters even stretch the definition of a date. For example: Wild only had to show Simonla his treehouse before she was ready to yiff. Reginald Sneasel and Angelica are shown in bed together after being last seen meeting for the first time in the park. The fact that all these relationships progress to sex so quickly solidifies the idea that Chris views dating as little more beyond the ritual prelude to screwing.

Sauce

  1. ↑ User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Dating Education
  2. ↑ http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CWCSONICHU OkCupid dating profile for CWCSonichu
  3. ↑ Book of Matches - profile Sonichu

See also

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