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Revision as of 17:55, 22 June 2010
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This is the page of the Bread God. Normally, I'm not a troll, but when I encountered the terrifying beast known as Chris-chan, I just couldn't resist.
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The Contents of Lyrics and the Eerie Similarities with Chris's Condition
You may be wondering what the fuck that title means. Allow me to enlighten you.
While I was listening to the song "Dead Skin Mask" by Slayer, I encountered this lyric:
| “ | Simple smiles elude psychotic eyes Lose all mind control rationale declines |
” |
When I heard this, I started to recall the qualities of Chris that matched those lyrics. I don't think that the members of Slayer have telepathy or foresight, and I know fully well that they wrote this song specifically about the necrophiliac serial killer Ed Gein, but the images of Chris that are conjured up when I hear this are almost too hard to ignore. Since I have nothing better to do at the moment, I shall perform an analysis.
Simple smiles elude psychotic eyes: The first part refers to the creepily childish way he draws smiles on his characters, which are similar in appearance to the letter J. As was stated in the Chris and art article, most children stop drawing their smiles this way by the time they enter the first grade. Chris never made this leap in development. His body keeps growing older, but the growth of his mind has been stunted. The second part of the lyric refers to Chris's creepy stare. Due to his autism, Chris has a hard time with making facial expressions and reading the facial expressions of others. With these factors in mind, it always looks like Chris is up to something sinister because his expression almost never changes.
Lose all mind control rationale declines: This refers to how Chris is becoming even more insane as the years go by. To be fair, Chris never really had that much mental stability, what with believing that cartoons characters are literally real in an alternate universe. However, it seems that with every new "sweetheart" that Chris encounters, his actions become even more irrational. One of the earliest instances of his mind's decay was when he made a picture of himself in his Sonichu form having PandaHalo sign a contract with her blood. With every new sweetheart that Chris encounters, he appears to be more committed to them than the last one. Chris performed some of his most absurd displays during the Ivy saga, including the April 16 Fetish Vids and the Bunny Hop video. The comics themselves also exemplify Chris's descent into the endless void of insanity. When Sonichu first started, it was a simple, childish story about the adventures of a copyright-infringing creature named Sonichu. As the comic progressed, we saw Chris destroy an officer's home simply because he was arresting Chris for being creepy, shoot out a man's kneecaps out of petty jealousy, destroy an office building simply because the people inside were being mean to him, and this all culminates to the point where he executes four innocent people in the most gruesome ways he could imagine simply because they made a series of satirical comics based on Sonichu. Only time will tell what other bizarre and scary acts Chris might do if his mental deterioration continues.
Empty eyes enslave the creations: This line alludes to Chris's God-like reign over CWCville. Since he is powerless and insignificant in the real world, he is omnipotent in his fantasy world. In the realm of CWCville, he is the alpha and omega. He is the judge, jury, and executioner. In his world, he is, was, and forever will be, supreme. Since Chris has no understanding of character development, it is impossible to know what the creatures in CWCville think of their ruler. As my friend MoarLurk has pointed out, it's likely that the creatures shower Chris in admiration out of fear, because they know that if they show any form of dissent, they will be exterminated by Chris personally. Chris may see himself as a kind and benevolent ruler, but the evidence proves otherwise.
Of placid faces and lifeless pageants: This refers to how uncomfortably cheerful and happy the town of CWCville appears to be. It's like the Inverse Silent Hill. Instead of being a dark and desolate town filled with hideous creatures, it is a bright and cheerful town filled with hideous creatures. As was speculated before, the cheerfulness is a facade, for the citizens live in perpetual fear in the shadow cast by the town's dictator. The lyric also refers to the fact that every single hero character in Sonichu is a one-dimensional Mary Sue. Since he has no creativity, every hero character that Chris creates is a reflection of himself. The characters have no depth, no life. They only exist to fulfill the fantasies of their creator.
As I continued to study these lyrics I decided to come back to the chorus:
| “ | Dance with the dead in my dreams Listen to their hallowed screams |
” |
The first three lines deal with Chris's concepts of death. When his dog Patti Chandler died, he managed to cope with it by putting her in his comic. According to his absurd logic, by drawing her and placing her into the pages, she has been transported to an alternate universe where cartoon characters are real, and she has been granted eternal life. As was previously stated in the Chris and death article, he seems to have the naive notion that dead people can come back whenever they want. In an image he drew of Billy Mays, he made the comment "Please Come Back Soon". He's unable to cope with the fact that Billy Mays is gone forever, so he drew him on paper to be sent to the alternate universe that exists in his head.
The last line brings up some disturbing implications. Chris said that he masturbates twice a week in order to "keep his hormones in check". Does this mean that he would actually force himself on a woman? What if temptation had eventually overcome him? Let's say he one day met a woman that he had desired. He propositioned her, but she turned him down. Is it possible that he may pursue her and rape her if his temptation was strong enough? Hopefully, this will never happen, as there are several factors to take into account. First of all, he is pathetically out of shape. If he ever got into a fight with a normal person, he would get his ass kicked. Second, he is no longer in the era of his attraction sign, so he would be unable to proposition a woman in person. Also, considering his physical appearance, no real woman would ever want to talk to Chris over the internet. As long as these factors remain static, womankind will remain safe from the monster that is Chris.
You probably think I'm crazy for putting so much thought into this, but that's what happens when you study Christian Weston Chandler for so long. You become delirious, and you see aspects of him in every facet of daily life. If you want to maintain your well-being, take my advice: never take up the hobby of Chris-chanology.
Rocky Shoemaker is Endangering Society
Rocky Shoemaker (or "Rocky Horror" as we like to call her on /cwc/) does not realize that taking Chris off the internet is a bad idea. As was stated in the White knight article, the trolls actually help Chris, because by raging at the invisible, faceless people on the internet, he will be too busy to harass people and cause trouble in real life. If Chris is taken off the internet, he ends up pulling shit like this. Chris has been led to believe by his young adult social group that by quitting the internet, he must get his life back to normal. Chris goes to The Game PLACe in order to get his ban lifted, but Michael Snyder knows that having Chris around his store is a liability, so he politely, but sternly, tells Chris to leave. I fully sympathize with Michael, because I know that no self-respecting store owner would ever let a racist asshole with violent tendencies hang around their place of business. What does Chris do as he is walking out the door? He calls Michael a Jew. Chris says that he has changed, but the evidence clearly shows that he hasn't changed one bit.
Try as she might to change him, Rocky will never get rid of Chris's bigotry, for it is deep-rooted like an old tree that refuses to die. If Chris wasn't lazy and got a job, he wouldn't stay there for long, as he would be fired for his bigotry. It also doesn't help that he has no control over his anger or sexual desires. And in this modern world, Chris would never be hired by any business, for a quick Google search would reveal all of the atrocities that he has committed. If Chris stays on the internet, then he provides endless entertainment for millions of people with his crazy antics. If he is taken off the internet, then he will end up getting arrested for either doing something stupid or doing something that will endanger the lives of others. This is the ultimate truth that Rocky will never realize.
- This is creepy and frightening because it is so true.Ronichu 22:41, 13 April 2010 (UTC)
Update
It seems that my beliefs are confirmed as of 6 June 2010. Chris is not allowed on the internet due to the influence of Rocky. Because he is not allowed on the internet, he becomes bored. When he gets bored, he ends up doing unbelievably stupid shit. What really bothers me is that Chris tries to pass off trying to take a picture of Michael so that he could print it out and put it on a dartboard as "normal". Chris obviously doesn't know what "normal" is, because what he did was stalker behavior. To further prove the point that Chris should never be allowed to leave his house, he attempted to run over Michael with his car in an attempt to flee the scene and absolve himself of any wrongdoing. Just to add absurdity to the mix, the police only let him off with a warning.
Great job, Rocky. No, seriously, great job. Maybe if you help him some more, he'll end up with a vehicular homicide charge.
100 2188
This is a rebuttal to Chris's most recent video, wherein he complains about trolls hacking the CWCipedia.
- You do not need to be gettin', hacking into my crap and stuff, you do not need to be doing that. And you should never do that! I would never even do that.
- I am trying to improve myself. I am working on myself in real life. I am not lazy!
Chris, the only things you do all day are mass debate and play on your PS Triple.
- I am no, I am not so much a manchild as I was before!
Even though your room is still filled to the brim with kid's toys.
- And I am act-, and I am active within my community looking for new, looking for new friends to talk, to hang out with and talk to.
Pics or it didn't happen.
- I am STRAIGHT. I love women!
Chris, you are so deep in the closet, you're starting to find Christmas presents.
- And I am not going to be on the internet much because I have been turned off of the internet, because of what, because of them damn tr-, because of you damn trolls. Give me so many bad essperiences of the internet.
Maybe you should have never gone on to the internet with your shitty recolor in the first place. Leaving the internet is not going to improve your situation. The trolls are still going to call you throughout the day, and you'll still get troll e-mails out to wazoo.
- Real life is so much beardier now, you know, you glue yourselves to your computers every last one of you! And y'all are becoming autistic-like!
So this seems to be Chris's new insult tactic. He calls people autistic simply because they like to post on the internet. As an autistic, I am offended by Chris's asinine statements.
- You need to glue, you need to get yourselves away from your computers. And your sheltered lives. And go out and socialize in real life! Talk to people! Go find yourself, go find your own sweethearts, or if you already found 'em, go t-, go talk to them and h-, and, and hang out with them, and... everything.
Chris is probably saying this because he has been shunned by his Young Adult Social Group, as was proven by 100 2178. He is now desperately seeking friends because the locals are all avoiding him due to the fact that he is a horrible person who smells like shit.
- I do not need to have to update myself on the internet.
Maybe this is due to the fact that you're fucking lazy.
- My good name is my own good name. And nothing on the internet will change that for fact. Everything on the internet may as well be considered false.
You know all of that information you claim is false? You uploaded all of that information yourself.
- If you really want to know the truth, you have to, seem, you have to talk to me in person! In real life!
Chris, both Mimms and Lucas knew you in real life, and neither of them could name a single redeeming quality about you.
- Think about it!
You first, Chris.
After I watched this video, I have determined that no one wants to hang out with Chris in real life because he is a monster. Leaving the internet is not going to change that. On top of all of that, all of the information about Chris is still out there on the internet, and no one is going to believe him when he says that only his words are true and honest after they have read up about his past atrocities. Chris has ruined his own life forever, and he's none the wiser.
When Chris is away
I agree with Vivian's suspicions that whenever Chris is gone for more than a week at a time, he's probably playing a new game for the PS3. This also reminds me of an unrelated point. There are two types of gamers in this world. Casual gamers are the people who play video games for an average of half an hour a day. A hardcore gamer usually has shelves full of video game and spend most of their free time playing those games. As is his nature, Chris has nearly 600 games, but as can be judged by his gameplay footage, he sucks horribly at playing these games. Perhaps his poor skills with the controller can be attributed to his autism. Since he never received any proper counseling or treatment when he was a child, his autism has only gotten worse as he got older.
A post I wrote while on /cwc/
Despite her best efforts, Rocky will never realize a basic fact: Christian's life will never go back to the way it was before he was discovered by the internet. Despite his repeated demands that people stay off the internet, people will still use the internet to find information about their friends, and when people use the internet to find information about Chris, they do not like what they see. They know about his past atrocities, but in society, it's more polite to ignore him and not say anything to him. Remember when Chris got those tickets to the extreme sports rally? No one would go with him, not even the members of his own church. They would love to go to an extreme sports rally, but that would mean having to sit next to a fat, sweaty, smelly, egotistical manchild. Thus, they decided not to go at all.
In his latest video, Chris says that he's socializing and is involved in his community, yet he never offers any specifics. This is probably his attempt to cover up the fact that his Young Adult Social Group has utterly shunned him, and he is most likely now at the mall feebly trying to strike up conversations with passersby. If Chris ever does make a friend, they will eventually google his name and stumble upon either the ED article or the CWCki. When that happens, they will abandon him, because they do not want to associate themselves with a person as horrible as Chris.
tl;dr: Chris has ruined his own life forever, and he's none the wiser.
Double Standards Concerning Advice
Concerning Rocky:
- Rocky: Chris, you need to stop posting on the internet. You need to go outside and socialize.
- Chris: Oh boy! I can play ModNation Racers all day!
Concerning white knights:
- White Knight: Chris, you need to stop feeding the trolls. Get off the internet and go outside.
- Chris: SHUT UP, TROLL!
- CWCki Warriors
- CWCkipedians who are Americunts
- CWCkipedians who are white
- CWCkipedians who are weeaboos
- CWCkipedians who are Ass Burgers
- CWCkipedians who are Virgins with rage
- CWCkipedians who are Atheists
- CWCkipedians who own a HEXBox
- CWCkipedians who own a life upgrade
- CWCkipedians who are Krapplefags
- CWCkipedians who are STRAIGHT
- Pages with broken file links