A Sonichu Day

"A Sonichu Day" is a video uploaded on 24 December 2009 in which Chris uses Lego-block minifigures to act out a cutesy-wutesy short play involving Sonichu, Rosechu, and their screechy-voiced brood. It is the first major Lego-based production Chris has released (or been goaded to release) since The City of Cwicville Tour! in the DVD. Keen observers may note that in the intervening years, despite years of improving his art skills, Chris has completely lost his ability to make stop-motion animations. His writing is as abysmal as ever, and shows no sign of any planning having gone into the video. As for camerawork, he doesn't seem to realize that his camera can't focus on figures held about an inch from the lens. The "stage" of the play is the cover of Sonichu 9 (or a copy thereof), showing that Chris can't even treat his own work with care or respect.

It is also worth noting that he thinks people spend their days doing "chores", and most of the "chores" he makes reference to in this video he has likely never once done, considered doing, or seen done in his lifetime, and has probably only heard of them from his parents or the television. Chris, through not having a job, also fails to understand that the majority of the population do not spend their days doing chores. How many times a week can Sonichu mow the grass anyway?

Also of note is the fact that, if this much crime and general disarray happens in the city of CWCville in a normal day, the city has to be an absolute hellhole uninhabitable by all but the stupidest- oh wait, it's CWCville.

In this video we learn that on an average day, Sonichu gets up at 5 a.m. (and Rosechu even earlier, as a dutiful wife should) for no apparent reason. Probably because Chris's biological clock is so confused that he has no idea when most functional members of society get up. Even the kids get the school bus at 5:00.

This film reveals the unremitting Hell that is Sonichu's existence. The sum total activity of an average day in his life has him battle clichés whilst surrounded by mouth-breathing spackers.

Sonichu's role as a father is particularly emphasized in this video with dialogue like "Cuz he's a big daddy.... He can take care of his children like that...." Chris is clearly fantasizing about maturity and reliability, which he erroneously believes to come with fatherhood. This is similar to how little girls play "mother and daughter" with baby dolls as a way of making adulthood (and eventual parenthood) into a game, and therefore, non-threatening. Except that Chris is almost thirty, and really should be well past that by now.

One of Chris's all-time most disturbing videos. Seriously, it's almost ten minutes of a grown man playing with Lego blocks and doing exaggeratedly-childlike voices. In the parlance of our times: someone had better phone Chris Hansen.

Video

A Sonichu Day
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Search for video	YouTube, archive
Stardate	24 December 2009
Performance Style	Comedy Comedy, Crazy Crazy
Shirt	Yellow & Red Stripe The Traffic Light
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
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Transcript

Hello, fans! This here is a day in the life of Sonichu, using my Lego mini-figs, Sonichu and Rosechu obviously, among what other characters that will be made- that will be made introduced in the future- in the further of this- development of this video.

Okay so, start of the day, yeah, Sonichu's just getting up and Rosechu's in the kitchen fixing breakfast. It's about, uh, 5 AM. Yeah.

[At this point, Chris starts acting out a story with his Legos, much like a 10-year-old might. Sonichu is voiced in Chris's normal voice, and Rosechu is voiced in a gay falsetto.]

Sonichu: Good morning, honey, how's it going?

Rosechu: Oh, pretty good, honey, you know, I'm just making breakfast for the childrens and y'all. Here, just have a seat and it'll be ready in a bit.

Sonichu: Okay.

Rosechu: Hm. Hm. Let me see if the children are up, uhhh. Christine, Robbie, Cera! Y'all awake?

[Chris moves 3 single Lego blocks into frame. Two are red, presumably representing Christine and Cera. The last one is yellow, and apparently represents Robbie. He voices the children in an extremely annoying "cute" falsetto.]

Christine & Cera: Yeah, w'up, mommy. W'up. Mommy. Yeah.

Robbie: Hey, daddy! How you doin'?

Sonichu: Hi, son! How're you- I'm doing good, what you up to?

Robbie: Oh, I had fun in a dweeam. We had da funny a dweeam. [Annoying laugh] I'm playing catch with Cera, [Sonichu kicks Robbie in the face] and then she said- then- I lost the ball. We went to go get the ball. And then some danger happened and I got lost. You know. But she saved me. Yaaay!

Sonichu: [Obviously uninterested] Okay, that's good.

Rosechu: [Chris accidentally uses his own voice here.] Hey, Cera.

Cera: Hey, mommy. What's a goin'?

Rosechu: I'm doing—yeah we're doing good, right? Breakfast bill be ready in a bit so have a seat.

[Chris turns the Rosechu figure to the other red piece.] Hi, Christine.

Christine: Hi, Mommy. Hmm. I took a look in the mirror-m this morning and I was wondering, why am I so beautiful?

Rosechu: [Said matter-of-factly in Chris's voice, in an obvious display of parental favoritism] Maybe because you're shiny Rosey.

Christine: Oh, yeah. And that's why I'm purple instead of pink, which is your color. Cuz I'm a shining Rosey.

[It should be noted that the block Chris is using to represent Christine is red.]

Narrator: Okay, so anyway the family has breakfast together. [Chris makes a horrifying "Om nom nom" esque sound, while mashing the blocks together at a table that only exists in his fevered mind.] And the school bus arrives for the children. Yeah, so the three little kids go on the school bus. [Chris makes a horn noise.]

Rosechu: Oh! Bus is here, time to go to school!

Children: Okay, yay! Bye-bye mommy and daddy, see y'all later, we love y'all.

Sonichu: Ahh, y'all be get- y'all be safe.

Narrator: Okay. [Chris slides Sonichu forwards, dropping him in the process.] So then we go to chores.

Rosechu: Okay, yes, so I've got a few chores to do today.

Sonichu: Alright, lay 'em on- alright, tell me about them, honey. I'll do- I'll help you with them.

Rosechu: Alright, let's see, gotta clean out the gutters, uh, windows need to be washed, uhh, vacuuming, uhh, scrub the floor in the bathroom... Hm. I'll do half the- I'll do half the list, if you do the other half.

Sonichu: Sure, what do you want me to do?

Rosechu: Umm... Yeah, uhh, how about you clean the gutters, and uh, wash the windows. Uh, you did the lawn yesterday.

Sonichu: I know, I still got some grass stains in my s-quills. Heh.

Rosechu: Yeah. Hmm. If you could do the vacuuming, that'd be great. Umm... Yeah, I-I'll wa—I'll wash some dishes, I'll scrub the bathroom floor and, uh... [Long pause, as Chris tries to come up with more engaging conversation.] Gert and uh, did I already mention vacuuming?

Sonichu: I think you probably already did.

Rosechu: Oh, well, anyway let's go do that later. We'll just do that.

[Chris waves the two figures around, and recites a strange chant, possibly implying that Sonichu and Rosechu do their housework by levitating and crying out to wicked pagan gods.]

Rosechu: Oh, wait, all the chores are done!

Sonichu: That's good. Huh. Oh, and look at this, I got- I got just enough time before my usual run to town for the- to see if there are any dangers about. You want to do anything in particular?

Rosechu: Oh sure, how about if you and I, we play Dance Dance Revolution? Or maybe we go do some Wii—that, or maybe some other Wii sport? [humorously, it sounds like Rosechu says "Or maybe we go do some weed?"]

Sonichu: That sounds like fun.

[Chris shouts "Beep Beep!"]

Sonichu: Uh oh! My cell phone! Yello? What's that? It's a robbery!? You need me there to help get the pri- to get the the robber outta there so you can- so these people being help captives can be safe? Alright, be right there CWCville bank. I gotta go, honey, duty calls.

Rosechu: Okay, well, be safe. We love you.

Sonichu: I love you, too.

[Chris moves both figures off camera] Okay. Alright so, Sonichu's dashing to the rescue! [Chris drags the Sonichu figure across the surface a few times, and provides awful a capella background music.] Da-da-da-da-da zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom! But on the way, uh-oh! There's-what's this!? Little gir- uh-oh, there's a little- there's a girl in trouble.

Girl: Help, help, help!

Sonichu: What's the matter, little girl?

Girl: My cat's stuck up a tree!

Sonichu: [Apparently under the belief that an inconveniently stuck kitty is somehow more important than several human lives] No problem, I'll get it!

[Suddenly blessed with the power of flight, as foreshadowed by his and Rosechu's shamanistic housekeeping rituals, Sonichu rockets skyward. He shortly returns with what might be a cat.]

Sonichu: Here you go. Here's your cat. Pretty cat.

Girl: Thank you. Pretty k-little kitty, yeah. Kitty kitty cat.

Sonichu: Hi, I gotta go. See you later. Bye now.

Girl: Bye.

[Chris resumes his retarded "Zoom Zoom" routine, then starts making siren noises, as Sonichu reaches his destination.]

Sonichu: Uh-oh.

Fire Chief: There's a fire! There's fire!

Sonichu: Fire Chief! Uh-oh... Fire Chief, what's the matter? How many people we got left in the fi—how many people are left in the fire there?

Fire Chief: Uhh, looks like we got a few little more people left. We need to get 'em down.

Sonichu: You—yous—don't worry; I'll go get 'em.

[With zoop noises interspersed throughout as each victim is fetched]

Sonichu: There's a girl. There's an old—there's an old man. There's a nice lady. There's another girl. Uhh, I think that's—is that, uhh—I think that's all of them. Are there any more?

Fire Chief: Uhh, yeah, I think you cleared 'em all out.

Sonichu: Okay, cool. I'm going out-I gotta go. I got my own errands to run.

Narrator: Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Zoom. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom... [sigh, followed by indistinguishable sounds] Hang on one- one- I'm thinking. Oh, yeah.

Fred: Ahh.

Sonichu: Heh, what's the matter, Fred?

Fred: Ahh, I was deliverin' the mail. My tire went out. I can't... deliver the mail now. I don't wanna be late.

Sonichu: No problem; I got it covered. I'll deliver the mail for ya.

[Chris makes tornado noises for a few seconds while the mail is "delivered", inspiring the question of why CWCville would need a mail carrier in the first place]

Sonichu: There ya go. Finished your course. Sorted out everything.

Fred: Ah. Thanks, man. You're a big—thanks, man. You're a big help.

Sonichu: Alright.

Narrator: Alright....

[More zooming noises]

Narrator: The bank! We are now at the bank! Here's the police car—here's the police car, with the policeman.

Sonichu: Alright, Constable, what's da update?

Constable: Well, da robber's in dere. ...Robber's in dere. He got everybody at—got everybody at gunpoint...Need you to go—need you go into... air duct... and, uhh... and shock the, uhh, robber... save the people.

Sonichu: Okay.

Robber: Alright... we ready?

[The robber continues to babble in Chris's native tongue]

Sonichu: Not so fast! [noises of Sonichu electrocuting the robber]

Robber Ahh! Thunderbolt! Ehhh! I'm paralyzed, I can't move! I can't even boom-boom the trigger!

Sonichu: I saved the day! Alright, ladies... and gentlemen, everybody can free.

Ladies... and Gentlemen: Yay!

Sonichu: [presumably to the constable] Alright, then-

[jump-cut to a later scene]

Sonichu: Okay, so I finished saving—okay, so it's like I saved the day, so... I will scatter around town, see if there any more trouble.

[whooshing sounds, followed by Sonichu's steam engine ringtone]

Sonichu: Oh. Yes, Rosey? What's up?

Rosechu: Hey, honey, listen, the school bus broke down. Would you mind run—gettin'—fetching the children and bringing them home?

Sonichu: Sure, no problem; I'll go pick 'em up.

[zooming sounds]

Child: Hi, Dad-addy! [nearly incomprehensible] Mr. Bus bwoke down. Wiyu, pwease, take us home?

Sonichu: Kids, hop on.

Children: Yee!

Narrator: [in the form of a melodic serenade] Gonna put the bay... Gonna carry all three. Gonna carry all three in his hands. 'Cuz he's a big daddy... He can take care of his children like that...

[Sonichu stuffs his hands up two of the children and carries the third wedged between them.]

Sonichu: Okay, we're going home.

[zooming sounds]

[Sonichu drops one of his children head-first onto the unforgiving cement]

Sonichu: Okay, we're home.

Children: Yay!

Rosechu: Hey, honey, you brought the children home. That's good.

Sonichu: Yeah, that's—yes... it is.

Narrator: Hmm. Mm.

Chris: Hey, everybody!

Unknown: Yay!

Sonichu: Hey, Chris—hey, Christian. How you doin'?

Christian: Oh, I'm doing very good, Sonichu. I just came by, checkin' to see... how things are goin'.

Sonichu: Oh, things are going well; I just brought the children home from school.

Christian: [while Chris is talking, Sonichu flops around] Alright, cool. Well, I got some more business to do back at the Mayor's Office, but I thought I'd just drop by and say, "Hey." Alright, see y'all later.

Sonichu: Bye-bye.

[Notice how Chris made sure Rosechu played the role of the "good bitch", keeping her mouth shut the whole time the men were talking.]

Narrator: Okay... so... Oh, my God, it's six o'clock.

Sonichu: Okay, well, let's have dinner.

Unknown: Fixing dinner, fixing dinner. Eating dinner. Nim, nim, nim-nim-nim. Okay, TV time! We're watching TV. Yay! Sanford & Son is- [completely butchers the theme song] Mm. Oh, look! The Simpsons! [then ruins that theme also] Oh... Oh, you know what? Final show for the evening: Family Guy. [tries to sing the theme song and intermittently realizes that he doesn't know the words] It—it seems these days, all you see is... ... ...family guy! ... ... ...can do all the things that make us laugh and cry. He's the family guy. Yay! [Rosechu collapses briefly, most likely due to alcohol intoxication.]

Sonichu: Okay, children, you watched enough television with parental guidance and supervision per—and discretion—all that stuff. And have you finished your homework?

Christine: Yeah, we finished homework, Daddy. We finished it when we wait—when we waitin' for you to come by da school. We didn't have much, anyway.

Sonichu: Okay, well... time to go to bed.

Children: Okay, good night, Mommy and Daddy.

Sonichu: Good night, children. Okay, so... [sexily] what do you want to do now, sweetheart?

Rosechu: I don't know... How about, umm... snuggle up... in the bed?

[kissing noises]

Narrator: Don't worry; it's clean show, folks! Anyway, there you go. That's a d—that's a day in the life of Sonichu. So, hope you all enjoyed that. See you all later on the CWCipedia. Bye-bye now.

Rosechu: Bye-bye-

[Video cuts off abruptly.]

⇐ 20 December 2009

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Shout out to Fans in Hospital ⇒