CWCki:Frequently Asked Questions

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Revision as of 22:55, 26 May 2009 by VanKrause (talk | contribs) (what's a germophone?)
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Introduction

New people are being initiated to the horrors of the world of Chris-chan every day. Some of these people have simple questions that the veteran Miscreant might be able to answer with the greatest of ease. However, people hate being asked the same questions time and time again, so this page shall serve as a quick database of some of the most common questions encountered.

All the questions can be answered in more detail than they appear here, which should be an incentive for you to go peruse the wiki and other resources to learn all you can about everyone's favorite manchild.

Questions and Answers

Is Chris a troll?
No; the documentation on his entire life and testimony by real life people (including Chris himself) are way too complete for it to be an elaborate reverse-troll setup. If he's spent that much of his life preparing for an epic trolling to end all trollings, then the amount of time and effort he's put into it is incredible, and he's pissed away a vast number of opportunities in life for the sake of the trolling; in short, he'd end up being precisely as pathetic as he appears to be, just for different reasons.
Is Ivy imaginary?
No.
I'm a complete twerp, and I keep reading on ED and YouTube that Ivy is his sex doll. Is this so?
No. His sex dolls are Kimmi and Officer Nasty. Kimmi has acted as a prop representing Ivy in some videos - hence the confusion - but Ivy is most definitely real and was in contact with Chris. Disregard anything you read on either ED or YouTube. The CWCki is the only TRUE and HONEST source for Chris-related material.
Why doesn't he just get a fucking prostitute?
He wants true and honest love. Prostitutes are expensive, and he wants a mothering companion. When prostitutes were sent to his house, Chris cried. Chris is also quite a germophobe and thinks that even talking to a hooker will give him an STD. Also, he's cheap and would find even a crack whore too expensive.
How can you get off taunting an autistic guy?
We don't do it because he's autistic, but rather because he's a racist, sexist, homophobic, unsympathetic, ungrateful, jealous, kid-scaring and troll-feeding thief, narcissistic, spitefully antagonistic and an all-around failure who wastes your hard-earned tax money on sex toys while contributing nothing to society despite his basic abilities.
Can he be helped? Should I try?
People who are better than you have tried and have accomplished nothing. See the white knight article for reasons for and against trying to save Chris. Regardless of how hard you try, you won't be able to do it.
Is he seeing a psychiatrist?
Chris is seeing a church counselor. He refuses to get professional help because of money and because he thinks God, Jesus, and his church will him pull through much better.
Is he really autistic?
This is debated, but the claim has never really been falsified. He was, at the very least, clinically diagnosed with high-functioning autism. His behavior contains signs that support it.
Is he retarded?
Possibly, but definitely not completely retarded. He somehow managed to graduate from community college and obtain a driver's license.
Is he gay?
This is a hotly debated point, and as of yet there's no consensus on this. He's certainly into women and masturbating while thinking about women; on the other hand, he clearly believes that previously-straight people can be turned gay, either by accident or through being tricked, makes a practice of meditating upon Sailor Moon in order to keep himself straight, and he drinks his own semen every time he masturbates. Most likely, Chris is either a) a homophobic straight guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he's an idiot, or b) a homophobic bicurious guy who thinks people can be duped into straying from the straight path because he personally has homoerotic fantasies that he desperately tries to suppress.
Is he a furry?
Definite maybe. He states that he does not consider himself one, though he admits to being turned on by Rosechu (not as much as a human female, natch), has drawn Rule 34 artwork of his characters, and has depicted himself as Chris-Chan Sonichu having sex with a furry version of his ex-sweetheart Ivy. He is a furry in the sense that he clearly derives enjoyment from sexualised anthropomorphic animal characters, and personally identifies with a particular anthro character; he is not a furry in the sense that he does not participate in the wider furfag community. Lucky bastards.
What's the deal with Sonic, anyway?
He has always liked kids games, and has won a Sega contest that allowed him to stock up on Sonic titles. Sonic appears to have certain qualities that attract autistic people more than other titles such as Mario.
What's the deal with the shirts he always wears?
Chris buys his shirts from the Salvation Army and Goodwill.
Does Chris drink or do drugs?
No, he is firmly against smoking, drinking, and drug use.
Can I give suggestions on how next to troll Chris?
Post it on PVCC or /cwc/. The trolls closest to Chris do look at these and do read these boards for suggestions.
Hi, it's The Twerp again. I want to email Chris and pretend to be Megan/Jimmy Hill. Can I have his email?
No.
What's this about Jimmy Hill?
Jimmy Hill was a trolling effort run by the Something Awful Sychophant Squad (SASS), but disintegrated in November 2008 at the same time the board collapsed. It was supposed to make Chris believe someone was stealing his Sonichu character, since possible theft of Sonichu seems to be one of the few things that gets him worked up into a fury. Chris stopped believing in Jimmy Hill some time after when he noticed the page never updated. This may be the only recorded example of Chris realising that someone was a troll without them openly declaring it.
Where does Chris currently publish new content?
Where can I learn more about this guy?
Well, right here at this fine wiki of course. If you really want to induct yourself into the horrors of Chris, I would recommend starting with where it began for most of us: the Megan Saga and the release of the email correspondence between the two. Other resources include:
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