PS3

From CWCki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Tugboat.jpg YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!
The contents of this page have been bought with taxpayer money! 		Social Security Administration seal.png


A life upgrade.

Chris's Sony PlayStation 3 (purchased 17 March 2006[1]) is his "life upgrade." He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made a video where he built one out of Pixelblocks. He would "throw out the cure for autism" for one.[2] He eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his monthly tugboat, using one of his many collected credit cards.

PlayStation Network

Confirmation emails, a testament to Chris' financial responsibility.

Chris, being as irresponsible with money as he is, went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's online capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN it has contributed into most of the $2000 of his credit card debt (although this was during the Julie Saga). As of now that number is higher, at a little over a third of Chris's annual income.

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much, and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem anime. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he has even bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

As of the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010, Chris's PSN purchases are growing: in several months during this time frame, Chris spent more than $200 each month on the PSN.

As of February 2010, Chris has currently spent: $3405.22

Trophies

According to the PSN profile for Sonichu, as of 9 June 2010, Chris has 1027 trophies. Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.

The games where he has over 50% progress so far include:

Game Trophies Progress Comments
LittleBigPlanet 70 100% And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
inFamous 50 100% A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? Hmmmmm...
God of War III 36 100% All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
God of War II 35 100% From the God of War Collection.
Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection 35 100% Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the Sonic ones.
Linger In Shadows 16 100% Apparently, a demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1000 gamerscore in Second Reality. In 1993.
Flower 14 100%
Wheel of Fortune 13 100% Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
Gunstar Heroes 12 100% Chris may have got 100% in Gunstar Heroes, but IRL he's a total zero.
Buzz! Junior: Monsters 11 100% "Junior" says it all.
Buzz! Junior: RoboJam 11 100%
.detuned 10 100% Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod .kkrieger - not to even mention the largely .famous .the .product, dammit!
Mainichi Issho 7 100% A Japan-only release. Apparently just like Animal Crossing, only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
Frogger Returns 4 100% One hundred percen—! ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
Burnout Paradise 93 91% It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with likes of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.[3]
Braid 11 89% A game about a man who alters time to rescue his sweetheart. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be a stalker. It is, however, worth noting that Braid is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
God of War 33 82% Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under 5 hours.
Sonic Unleashed 37 75% Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in Sonic 2006 (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has only 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D Sonic title.
Brütal Legend 46 74% \m/ Britney Spears! \m/
Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode One 11 71%
Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two 11 71%
Noby Noby Boy 9 71%
Heavy Rain 43 65% Chris's trophies for this game are largely the ones achieved through rote button-pressing, not the ones that require actual exploration or puzzle-solving skill.
Buzz!: Quiz TV 16 61% The first of the Buzz! games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's Quizzes for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
Watchmen 8 57%
UNO 10 52% Seriously?

Comparing to the list of games he owns, there's a bunch of them that he hasn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he has touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his BioShock trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of BioShock will blow your mind.)

Hacking

As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account has been hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. BlueSpike, in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart Julie, was able to convince Chris to "share" his password in February 2009, and later used it as a wedge to control and torment Chris. Later, in the summer of 2009, Jack Thaddeus seized the account, resulting in the infamous eight minutes of console sex and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 February 2010, thanks to a certain nigger Hawaiian.

Fanboyism

“ So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3. ”
Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is
“ And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call... My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever ”
Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in PS3 History Level speech bubbles
Son-Chu camped outside a Playstation Cave

Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the Hex Bawx.

Molestations and other PS3 damage

On 24 July 2009, a video of Chris humping his PS3 was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical stress.

On 5 May 2010, Chris posted a video in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a white knight who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It remains to be seen if doing so will void any long-term warranty the PS3 might have had or impede his quest to gather more trophies and download stuff from the PlayStation Network.

Other oddities

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.[4] He even does so in Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's PS3 History Level: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

See also

Sauces

  1. ↑ PS3 History Level
  2. ↑ Pixelated PS3
  3. ↑ Brutal Legend Plus
  4. ↑ Seen, for example, in Brutal Legend.

External links

Retrieved from "http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=PS3&oldid=95621"