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(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)
Bob: Hello?
Troll 1: Hello.
Bob: Hello!
Troll 1: Mr. Chandler?
Bob: Who is this?
Troll 1: This is Answer Me Sanchez.
Bob: Who is Anthony Sanchez?
Troll 1: No, Answer Me Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
Bob: Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
Troll 1: Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
Bob: No, I’m not on the Internet.
Troll 1: Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a black man living in your neighborhood, or a gay man living in your neighborhood?
Bob: I don’t think that’s any of your business.
Troll 1: Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
Bob: (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
Troll 1: What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
Bob: It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
Troll 2: (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
Troll 1: Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
Bob: You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
Troll 2: Your son's an asshole!
Troll 1: Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
Bob: You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
Troll 1: Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
Bob: I am relaxed, fella.
Troll 1: Well, um, good, um.
Bob: I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
Troll 1: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
Barbara: (inaudible)
Troll 1: Nah, don't listen to Snorlax! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
Troll 2: Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
Troll 1: Yeah, I mean, come on…
Bob: If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
Troll 1: I am in college!
Troll 2: I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
Bob: Try doing something constructive with your life.
Troll 2: I am, unlike your son.
Troll 1: That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
Troll 2: Yeah! Honor rolls, my ass!
Bob: I have my degree, fella.
Troll 2: No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
Troll 1: I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
Troll 2: Yeah, eats McDonald's?
Bob: He has his degree also.
Troll 2: He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
Troll 1: What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
Bob: It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
Troll 1: It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
Troll 2: Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
Bob: It’s none of your business.
Troll 2: It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
Troll 1: Yeah!
Bob: It’s none of your business. Why don’t you (inaudible, interruptions) quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
Troll 2: (indistinct) Jesus, man.
Troll 1: Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him shit his pants and get - (stammers) Let's skip that question.
Bob: Listen, fella-
Troll 1: Bob…
Bob: Hey.
(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)
Bob: I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
Troll 1: I'll get the stick!
Bob: (amid interruptions from trolls) Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
Troll 1: (muttering) Oh my god.
Bob: Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
Troll 2: What about your son?
Bob: I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
Troll 2: Fuck you, you Klansman!
Troll 1: I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
Troll 2: Fuckin' Klansman.
Troll 1: (garbled, inaudible babbling)
Bob: Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
Troll 2: Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
Troll 1: Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
(more babbling)
Bob: When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
Troll 2: (talking over Bob) My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
Troll 1: Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for NAMBLA?
Bob: No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
Troll 1: For NAMBLA, I got it…
Bob: For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
Troll 1: Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
Bob: Boy Scouts!
Troll 2: Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
Troll 1: Yeah, NAMBLA. (lots of stammering) Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
Bob: I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
Troll 1: Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
Bob: I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
Troll 2: The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
Troll 1: (nonsensical rambling) I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
Bob: I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
Troll 2: (interrupting) I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
Bob: -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
Troll 1: Like your son, right?
Troll 2: Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
Bob: I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
Troll 1: What about your phone? I…
Bob: This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
Troll 2: Chris gave us your number.
Troll 1: I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
Bob: Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
Troll 1: 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
Bob: Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
Troll 2: (randomly interjects) Stop living in a house full of clutter!
Troll 1: I'm not harassing and bullying. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
Bob: Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [sic]
Troll 2: Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
Bob: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Troll 2: I’m so glad we’re recording this.
Troll 1: Are you part of the KKK yourself?
Bob: I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
Troll 2: Holy shit!
Bob: I went to school at Auburn's. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
(excited gibbering from trolls)
Troll 1: So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
Bob: That’s right, I graduated there.
Troll 1: All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
Bob: No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
Troll 1: Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
Bob: I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
Troll 1: Is Chris part of the KKK?
Bob: You don't wanna see it.
Troll 2: Wait, wait, wait - are you a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
Troll 1: Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Bob: I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
Troll 2: Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
Bob: Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
Troll 2: My black girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
Bob: Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
Troll 2: Like your son, Bob?
Troll 1: Bob-
Bob: It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
Troll 2: I’m talking about your son.
Bob: We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
Troll 1: This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
Troll 2: Why you gotta get so hostile?
Bob: My son has a life.
Troll 2: Whatever happened to Megan?
Troll 1: Sonichu’s not a life, man!
Bob: My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
Troll 2: That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
Troll 1: He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
Troll 2: That’s what he puts on his website.
Bob: He gets along with me fine.
Troll 2: Not on his YouTube page.
Bob: Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
Troll 2: You kinda failed at that.
Bob: (apparently misunderstanding) To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
Troll 2: You've failed.
Bob: Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
Troll 2: I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
Troll 1: Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
Bob: I sure do.
Troll 1: What is it?
Bob: It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
Troll 2: (inaudible) -bachelor's degree.
Troll 1: (sudden rage) You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
Troll 2: HA! Check and mate.
Troll 1: Gosh, Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. (stammering) Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
Bob: Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
Troll 1: I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
Bob: I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
Troll 2: No you didn’t!
Bob: I helped design and create and put the intercontinental mission in space.
Troll 2: No you didn’t!
Troll 1: (indistinct) -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
Bob: Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
Troll 2: Epic fuckin' failure.
Troll 1: Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that (indistinct) I'm a multi-millionaire?
(Bob hangs up)
Troll 2: He hung up, man. Oh my god!
Troll 1: That was fucking awesome.
Troll 2: Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
Troll 1: Dude, upload that shit now!
Troll 2: Got it! I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay- got it. Got it.
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Leaked