My big 18th party

It was simpler times for Chris back when he was 18 - four young, attractive women were in his house and he was more interested in a Sega Dreamcast he got.

My Big 18th Party was a short text Christian wrote about his birthday in 2000. It was written on 10 February 2003, and and published the next year, in the third issue of Sonichu's News Dash.

The story depicts what is perhaps the high-point of his life, so much so that he still wrote about it 3 years later. That none of the girls featured are speaking to him is of little consequence - there were females in his house!

The end of the poem is left hauntingly open, daring the reader to plumb the darkest depths of his or her imagination to find what this fevered wish of a madman rising could possibly be.

SPOILER ALERT:

It was to get some china.

The inferred "party"

From what is described, the party itself seemed pretty uneventful for what is considered a very important step to adulthood in the West. It seemed very childlike, with balloons and streamers, both of which most people grow out of by high school. Even then, it appears lazily put together by the parties involved with obviously no sense of decor. At most parties, there's music, dancing, even games played. He mentions none of this. Though if said party activities did happen, Chris doesn't care to mention them. He usually mentions every detail of "good times", which would mean if there had been normal festivities, he either didn't find them significant, or he didn't know what was going on.

He was presented with candy, a binder, a book, and a stuffed animal. To any normal person, these would be seen as lame, cheap, and thinly-veiled last-minute gifts, the kind you get on the way to the party from the local grocery store with minutes to spare. Chris doesn't mention even receiving cards with each gift, showing how little his "gal-pals" really cared.

They even watched a terrible kids' movie. Now, while for some movie buffs watching kitschy b-movies can actually be quite fun and riffing on them can even be a good party game (see, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Bad Cinema Society), the fun comes from the fact that one knows they're bad. Chris was watching a kid's movie that he was too dumb to realize was made for 9-year-olds and is considered one of the worst movies in the last 20 years. Why any of his gal-pals didn't up and leave during the movie due to its awfulness is lost to time; Pity may be involved. He could have chosen to watch something fun like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, or any other of the hundreds of movies meant for the high-school demographic that are perfect for group viewings with friends. But no; he chose Good Burger, a movie that came out in 1997 which shouldn't have been anywhere near a 16-year-old's movie collection (remember, his parents would buy anything that he could name). What probably ended up happening was that nothing was going on - being that autistics aren't exactly renowned for their conversational skills - and they were getting bored, so to keep them from leaving after the party had been officially over for quite some time, Chris decided that he wanted to watch a random movie from his shelf, and the guests had to oblige.

He doesn't even care to mention saying goodbye to the guests. With normal etiquette, when the party's over, people will exchange goodbyes, hug (if they're close), and the host will see them to the door, sometimes giving small parting gifts (some candy, a slice of cake, a small teddy bear, etc) as a "thank you" for accepting the invitation and gracing the host with their company. This is as much of a tradition as greeting the guests. It's strange that Chris doesn't care to mention this, leaving the reader to infer that the guests probably just up and left with no ceremony while Chris, being the social butterfly that he is, got tired and decided to go up to his room without saying "good bye" or even acknowledging the guests' presence. How thoughtful of him.

Chris's story

My Big 18th Party^[1]

By. Christian W. Chandler February 10, 2003

I will never forget my eighteenth birthday party; it was the best of the rest. The weekend before my real birthday, my mother and I prepared for the party I was going to host that day. We hung balloons and streamers, and we laid refreshments on the table. At the door was four of my high school *amigas, and one of them brought a friend. We ate pepperoni pizza and drank Pepsi, it was great. As mother lit the candles, I was filling up with ecstasy. After I blew the candles, I was presented with… a big jawbreaker from Kellie, an R.L. Stine novel from Sarah, a planer with stickers from Miranda and a rabbit doll with jelly beans from Tiffany. We watched Good Burger and had fun. After they left, it was done. What did I wish for?