Father Call
Early in November 2009, Solid Chris spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with Matthew Devoria, father of his would-be sweetheart Kacey.
Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary honesty, before going on to lie his ass off about any topic you care to mention.
He's even playing Portal during the phone conversation, if you go to 01:22:21, you'll hear a turret saying "target lost", seconds after Chris is told by Matthew that Kacey hasn't heard a word Chris has said. The irony is undeniable.
Their conversation is...illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his laziness, lack of empathy, inability to grow up, unhealthy lifestyle, rotund figure, and for generally being a failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing menial chores, mowing the lawn, which he uses a riding lawn mower to do, and cleaning the house. He also claims to be strong and that he exercises regularly, as well as eating healthy by going to McDonald's only once per week and shoving vegetables down his throat.
After being confronted with the truth that he uses the trolls and his autism as a crutch, stress overcame him and Chris became increasingly more upset. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to Liquid.
Chris recorded his 5 November video as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another phone conversation with Kacey, which didn't go so well...
Transcript
Mathew makes the scene
Kacey: Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
Chris: Hi Kacey, how are you?
Kacey: Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...
Chris: Okay, all right, actually I'm working on a video now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...
Kacey: You did 51 reps or 51 times? Cause, reps are different.
Chris: You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.
Kacey: Hm. Well, was it hard?
Chris: Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.
Kacey: Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.
Chris: Uh, okay, what's his name? ...okay.
Kacey: I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.
Chris: Matthew? Okay.
Kacey: Yeah.
Chris: All right.
Kacey: All right well just give me a minute.
Chris: Okay.
[Pause]
Dad: Hello, Chris. This is Matthew, Kacey's father.
Chris: Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?
Dad: I'm good, thank you. How are you?
Chris: I'm doing good.
Dad: Good, good... So, uh... I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.
Chris: That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an honest answer.
Dad: Okay, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?
Chris: Not currently but I am working towards getting a job, I have been filling applications left and right.
Dad: Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?
Chris: Yeah, w-yeah, I'm like a - I'm applying for like uh - retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in Ruckersville, and uh, one over at Wal-Mart, and had one over at Target...I have worked before, I've worked at Wendy's in Ruckersville for a few months...first off I worked off as a sales representative for Cutco cutlery.
Dad: Right, that's minimum wage stuff...did you go to college or something?
Chris: Yeah, I went to college and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in Computer Aided Graphic and Design.
Dad: And you're working at...Target...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?
Chris: I'm 27...sir.
Dad: You're almost thirty and you're working at, uh...Target. You WANNA work at Target, I should say.
Chris: Hm...yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know...but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...
Dad: You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?
Chris: Uh...I graduated in 2006.
Dad: 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?
Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home
Chris: Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...
Dad: That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.
Chris: I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.
Dad: What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.
Chris: All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the Citizens Gym League for the Pokémon Trading Card Game league a few years back...
Dad: Pokémon? Wait, wait, that...
Chris: You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...
Dad: And...how long ago was this?
Chris: I'm sorry, what was that?
Dad: How long ago was this? That Pokemon thing, wasn't that back in the 90s? I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.
Chris: That was the late 90s.
Dad: LATE 90s.
Chris: And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-
Dad: If you say so.
Chris: ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.
Dad: Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.
Chris: ... Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.
Dad: Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, you know, pay? And I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.
Chris: Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.
Dad: And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?
Chris: Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of..heavy lifting.
Dad: Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?
Chris: Yeah...I'm currently living in a 2-story house with my mother and my father.
Dad: Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [Chris tries to interrupt] Almost 30, excuse me.
Chris: Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.
Dad: And uh, why is that exactly?
Chris: Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.
Dad: You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?
Chris: Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.
Dad: Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?
Chris:Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.
Dad: Okay so...uh-
Chris: And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.
Dad: ...with her help?
Chris: ...and get a place of my own...
Dad: You need her help to support both of you?
Chris: [floundering] It's more like you know..um..some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know..uh...I..it's like a....whole bunch of details..you know...yeah.
Dad: EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.
Chris: Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.
Dad: You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.
Chris: Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...
Dad: That's not really an excuse.
Chris: That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.
Dad: So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.
Chris: I am a man, sir.
Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby
Dad: How serious are you about my daughter?
Chris: Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.
Dad: How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself.
Chris:I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.
Dad: Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?
Chris:Yeah, I do have, I do have a monthly income.
Dad: Do you now.
Chris:I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.
Dad: So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.
Chris: You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.
Dad: You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.
Chris: Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm high-functionally autistic.
Dad: Are you now.
Chris: Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [brief disconnection] just a few years ago.
Dad: So, ah...isn't that autism thing, it's like a, you're not, like, retarded, are you?
Chris: Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?
Dad: I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.
Chris: Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.
Dad: Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.
Chris: No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.
Dad: A myth. A myth.
Chris: Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.
Dad: If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.
Chris: Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...
Dad: Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?
Kacey: Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance. Anything else, dad?
Dad: Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?
Kacey: I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.
Dad: I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.
Kacey: Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.
Dad: Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.
Chris: Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be Crystal.
Dad: A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?
Chris: Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.
Dad: An office job. Right.
Chris: Yeah.
Dad: You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...
Chris: No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?
Dad: It's still pretty close.
Chris: It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.
Dad: Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.
Chris: Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.
Dad: So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.
Chris: Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.
Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler
Dad: You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.
Chris: No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and I believe in God, I go to church every Sunday, and like, like in...
Dad: That sounds like being a prophet to me.
Chris: Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.
Dad: Yes, but.
Chris: I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.
Dad: Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.
Chris: Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [brief interruption] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.
Dad: Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some mumbo-jumbo to me.
Chris: I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.
Dad: Well, MAKE it happen.
Chris: I am going to.
Dad: Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go - don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?
Chris: Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-
Dad: Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?
Chris: [floundering] I was definitely, like, in my elementary school years....
Dad: And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.
Chris: Yes, it is.
Dad: And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?
Chris: Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to draw and color. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I sculpt. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even technologically smart. I even took a computer upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.
Dad: So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.
Chris: [ignoring this fairly good point] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.
Dad: That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.
Chris: I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.
Dad: But..you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.
Chris: Hmm...umm....yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.
Dad: Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.
Chris: I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.
Dad: Right.
Chris: I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.
Kacey's boobs and internet fame
Dad: Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?
Chris: I noticed her beautiful face.
Dad: Her beautiful face.
Chris: Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.
Dad: [laughs] So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.
Chris: [Interrupting] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [he laughs] she could be a little bit sm-she could be smarter than me on some things.
Dad: But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...
Chris: [stuttering] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.
Dad: This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else, actually. You know, that other Chris.
Chris: Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.
Dad: She didn't like that much.
Chris: My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-
Dad: You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.
Chris: Yeah, but if you watch his YouTube videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops [incomprehensible] in the desert, but I'm going off track here-
Dad: That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.
Chris: Okay. Okay, first off, I'm internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu [Kacey's Dad groans], so I was the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, the electric hedgehog Pokemon. And I created him on March 17, 2000, and I drew the comic books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-
Dad: [Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokemon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two copyrighted kids' things...
Chris: But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the technology with the copyrights and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the CWCipedia, which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-
Dad: Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.
Chris: Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-
Dad: But fads, they come and go.
Chris: -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...
Dad: You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.
Chris: Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, internet, and I became internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…
Dad: Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both SEGA, and Nintendo? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.
Chris: Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…
Dad: This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this internet, I mean you just, all this internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.
Chris: I- I- I understand that.
Twin Falling Towers and getting fired
Dad: I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.
Chris: Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.
Dad: But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did that video with the, ah… 9/11. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…
Chris: Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…
Dad:You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.
Chris: I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser internet troll, who goes by the name of Clyde Cash, who’s alias is Gregg Mays, and…
Dad: You made a video…
Chris: Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…
Dad: You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.
Chris: Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…
Dad: Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.
Chris: Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [trails off with a faint groaning] Yeah, but anyway,
Dad: Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?
Chris: Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-
Dad: No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?
Chris: [Pause] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.
Dad: …Uh-huh. Really. That’s…
Chris: Yeah.
Dad: …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That… are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?
Chris:No, no I'm not changing-
Dad: Are you making shit up now?
Chris: No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...
Dad: You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.
Chris: Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...
Dad: WHY?
Chris: I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.
Dad: Emotional differences.
Chris: Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...
Dad: That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.
Chris: [heavy sigh]
Dad: Also sounds a little gay. [Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background.] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.
Chris: [short sigh] “Also sounds a little gay?” Excuse me? Some of my best friends are gay, you redneck douchebag.
Dad: Wha?
Chris: Did you really think you had me going? Well, to be honest, I gotta hand it to you—you people are pretty decent actors. There were a few points where you almost had me fooled—but you're not nearly as good at this as I am, huh? See you on the other side, dipshits.
Dad: What just happened?