KCWC broadcast

The KCWC broadcast is a taped "radio broadcast" that was included as the soundtrack for the slideshow portion of Chris's DVD.

This "broadcast" is notable for Chris's childlike behavior, with his mom humoring him like a 6-year-old by pretending to "call in" to request a song for Bob's 71st birthday. Keep in mind that this was made when he was 16 years old, in his junior year of high school and when he first began mass debating. Also, many of the songs he plays are from random video games. Though many video games do have catchy themes, they would never be played over the radio. Besides that, the only other songs Chris plays are from Disney movies or old songs no teenager has probably ever heard of outside school plays, all from the 1930s to 1950s by artists such as Frank Sinatra, and from musicals like Oklahoma!, Show Boat and Guys and Dolls. We can probably thank Bob for Chris's musical tastes.

The broadcast has several special "guests", notably Alvin and the Chipmunks, as well as Myles Standish, who, after riding on board the Mayflower to the new world, has (somehow) become a Sonic the Hedgehog fan.

Also, on the DVD cover, Chris incorrectly says that this was taped in August 1997. This is impossible, as there is a commercial on this tape for Cousin Skeeter and The Wild Thornberrys toys from Burger King. Both of these shows premiered on Nickelodeon in September 1998. Furthermore, Bob wouldn't turn 71 until this month.

Audio

Part I

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part I
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Transcription

Chris: [whispering] Quiet, we're on the air. [pause; Chris then poorly imitates the NBC chimes] BA-KOW...! [singing] Ba ba ba bum, it's time to open up that radio station. It's that cool radio station. Here it is, station K-C-W-C! And here is your host, with the most, Christian Chandler! [to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut"] Ba-da-da-dum-bum, da-bum!

[tape skips between recording]

Chris: Good morning, guys, gals, and dudes of all ages! This is your host Christian Chandler here on everything KCWC. You know I usually wake up a little cranky in the morning when I wake up, 'cause you know it's six o-clock in the morning. But this morning I feel like I own the world, I can do anything I want. So this morning we're gonna start us off with a little ditty from ol' Frankie Sinatra. This song is titled [bad singing voice], "I Got the World on a Stri-i-ing." [normal voice] That's a real good song, y'know? So take it away, Frankie, and get that string wrapped around on your finger, we're also gonna have some rain! [Chris laughs]

[tape skips again]

[Frank Sinatra's version of "I've Got the World on a String" plays]

Chris: Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Well, I got more to come along with more tunes and all that, 'cause you're listening to everything KCWC. Before we release the next song, I happen to have a guest star in the studio with me, you wanna know who he is? I'll tell ya, here he is, ol' Chico Marx, let's give him a big hand! [Chris claps as the tape stops]

[A recording of Chico Marx appearing on radio show The Fitch Bandwagon plays, after Marx does a comedy bit, Skip Nelson's "Velvet Moon" plays.]

[Tape stops and resumes recording with Chris clapping]

Chris: Now wasn't that a great song, folks? Whattaya say, Chico Marx? How does it feel to be here on station KCWC?

Chris: [badly impersonating Chico Marx in a high pitched voice] Well I must say I feels, it uh-feels to be great here's on this station on the uh-radio. And I really must be going.

Chris: Oh well, when you gotta go, when you gotta go. Right, Chico?

Chris: [in his Chico voice] That's right, I'll see you later, kids! Bye!

Chris: O-okay, bye! Well, wasn't he a great guest star folks? But I gotta tell you what now, we had a request just a few minutes ago for a certain song from a certain movie. Well I'm gonna throw a contest [stutters], now I'm gonna throw a surprise, I'm gonna give away a dinner for two at O'Toole's. If anyone can guess which movie this specific song came from. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Remember that number, and I'll take any caller who will call in. I hope somebody who calls in, will win. Okay, take it away mysterious movie!

[Tape stops again and resumes with "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" by Gordon MacRae playing. Part one stops in the middle of this song.]

Part II

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part II
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Transcription

["Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" by Gordon MacRae resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.]

Chris: Wasn't that a beautiful song, folks? Oh yes, that was- that song was "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from the famous movie "Oklahoma" and we got a winner here, folks! His name is Fredrick C. Wilberg, and he'll be a wi-he'll get that there out to toe-tools. I hope he and his friend enjoys themselves, but right now we're gonna cut from the music, and go right to the news!

Chris: So here it is, take it away, news! [Chris imitates a radio station's news transition jingle with a series of "do do do do"s before switching to what he believed to be a deeper voice] Good evening! This is Ted Baxter here with the news. First we will go with our local news. Here we are at the Mario racetrack where we just had an accident. Mario and Yoshi went bumper-to-bumper and their tires fell off, but don't worry, nothing much though. They just got-they each just got cut on their left knees, but don't worry, their mommies are taking care of them, and now--and now, and the carts are being pulled away into the cart garage and everthing will be okay soon. As a matter of fact, they're gonna be repaired by noon. [half-assed laugh]

Chris: Anyway, here we go to the weather. Take it away, Weatherboy. [Chris's voice shifts into a higher pitch, possibly an extremely bad New Jersey accent] Okay! 'ere we go with the weather! We see the ha-with the-with the-with the local weather! Here in Richmond it is now 89 degrees and partly cloudy, but tomorrow it's gonna be different. Actually, tonight, it'll be 91 degrees and, uh, there will be no rain. No rain, but it will be perfectly clear, and uh, tomorrow, it will be 91 degrees and, well, perfectly sunny, but we're maybe due for a shower though as a 30% chance. Back to you Ted.

Chris: [Chris shifts back into his news caster voice] Okay Weatherboy, and now we're gonna go to a bank robbery that just happened right now. Take it away Copter 1.

[He assumes the voice of the fabled Helicopter pilot above the bank robbery scene]

Chris: This is Copter 1, reporting live in a chase scene. We're chasing the burglar from the bank-which has escaped from the bank right now with five million dollars. I'm here with the bank manager, and I'm gonna get a word from him-what he thinks about this. Tell me, mister bank manager, what do you think about this?

[Chris's voice attempts a deep and husky voice, possibly that of a middle-aged man]

Chris: I think it is very bad of this man to steal $5 million from my own bank! As a matter of fact, I'm offering a $1,000 reward to anyone who captures this criminal who's taken my five mills. Why am I not going to give away a $5 million reward you ask? Well, we need the money, daggat's for sure. Heheh. Anyway that's all I have to say. I hope you catch 'em.

Chris as Copter 1: ...And there we have it! Back to you, Ted.

Chris as Ted the Newscaster: Okay, you keep uh, following that burglar now. By the way, did you get his license number?

Chris as Copter 1: Oh yeah, that's right! His license number is 3C54.

Chris as Ted the Newscaster: Thank you very much. Okay, and we got also got a sports game to report before we go back to the music. We got the Pittsburgh Pirates- we had the baseball game today here in Chicago, between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Chicago White Sox, and the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the White Sox with a difference of 3 points. This is unbelievable. 50 to 53. In the Pittsburgh Pirates' favor. Now isn't that a funny thing though. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

Chris: Okay! Before we go back to the tunes, we're gonna take a little commercial break right now. So and so just relax and everything will be fine.

[The recording cuts to the audio of a commercial for Goldfish snack crackers, followed by a Burger King commercial for Cousin Skeeter, The Journey of Allen Strange and The Wild Thornberrys toys, an advertisement for Space Ghost's Surf 'n' Turf CD/cassette, a National Geographic commercial, and a Cow and Chicken ad.]

Chris: Hey, welcome back to the tunes. You're listening to the station everything KCWC, and right now we're gonna play a little something for those who love video games. We're gonna play the Mario Kart 64 theme, and because that theme is a short song, we're also gonna throw in some "Circuit Select" songs. And you know why we're throwing this in? Because Mario Kart 64 is a great game and we happen to like it too. As a matter of fact, we even have it, and we've played it. So take it away, Mario Kart 64! Ha-ha.

[The recording cuts once again to Mario Kart 64's Circuit Select music, as well as its theme for the next two minutes until it is cut off by the end of part two.]

Part III

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part III
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Transcription

[The Mario Kart 64 Circuit Select theme resumes, finishing before Chris begins to speak.]

Chris: You are listening to EVERYTHING station KCWC. And uh, during that Mario Kart 64 song, we got a request from a little young boy of uh five years old. His name is, uh, Christopher Chandler. He's a first-time caller, but a long-time listener. He put in a request for a theme-for the theme song of a very famous Sonic the Hedgehog game for the Sega Genesis. So I'm gonna throw in another contest. The prize this time is a game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. If anyone call in and guess the name of the game that this song came from-it is in the handsong and it is the theme song of that game. Anyway, if anyone can call in and guess the name of the game, I'll give them the game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course. And remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC, and I'll take ANY caller who can call-who'll call in and give the right answer. Okay, so take it away, Sonic the Hedgehog, and I hope somebody wins.

[tape stops and leads to the theme song of "Sonic and Knuckles"]

[tape stops and Chris resumes speaking]

Chris: And you are listening to everything KCWC. And that song was the "Sonic and Knuckles" theme song. And we got a winner here, folks. His name is Myles Standish. And he told me to tell you the he was one of the members of a s- one of the Sonic the Hedgehog website on the Internet. By the way, speaking of which, I've also wanted to play that Sonic & Knuckles song because I heard that there were a lot of sites on the Web created by lots of Sonic the Hedgehog fans. Anyway, Myles Standish has won that, uh, game for two at Putt-Putt Golf Course, so he and a friend of his can enjoy themselves for a game at Putt-Putt Golf Course. Anyway, uh, nuh, anyway, enough of the video games. I'm gonna play...I'm gonna nuh, the next selection that I'm gonna play is, uh another Frank Sinatra number called "Love and Marriage". And boy, that is an institute you can't disparage. Oh by the way, just to let you know, it's 9:30 a.m. Now I wanted to mention that. Anyway, uh, take it away, Frankie!

[tape stops and "Love and Marriage" by Frank Sinatra plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

Chris: You are listening to station KCWC. Everything! And wasn't that a great song, folks? Now right now, we're gonna play another song, except this time we're gonna play a little Christmas song. As a matter of fact, I have a guest star, as a matter of fact, three guest stars here who happen to have sang that song. Can you guess who they are? [pause] I'll tell you then! It's :Alvin and the Chipmunks. Let's give 'em a big hand!

[Chris claps]

Chris as one of the Chipmunks: [indistinct]

Chris as another Chipmunk: You said it!

Chris as the third Chipmunk: We're going smoking!

Chris: Say, Alvin, how does it feel to be at station KCWC?

Chris trying to sound like Alvin: Yeah, it's great, man!

Chris: Well, you'd better plug your ears, then, because we're about to play a C--[Chris's voice gets cut off as part three ends]

Part IV

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IV
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Transcription

Chris: --hristmas song! I gonna play...[sings in a sing-song voice] Over the river and through the woods! You like... ya liked that song, didn't cha?

Chris trying to sound like Simon: : Yeaaah, I liked it, but I don't think Alvin does cause it didn't feature his hula hoop! [Annoying laugh] Ah ah ah ahh!

Chris: Heh, that's funny, Simon. Well, take it away, ya chipmunks, and [indistinct] and go to ya grandmudda hou- grandma's house! Ah ah ah!

[tape stops and a chipmunk rendition of "Over The River And Through The Woods" plays]

[tape resumes as Chris speaks]

Chris: Alright, you're listening to everything KCWC. And wasn't those Chip- wasn't those Chipmunks great? But they had to leave so soon. Oh well, nobody's perfect. Right away, don't forget last summer we got a request from a me- member of the Sonic the Hedg- from one of the Sonic the Hedgehog websites. Her name was Leslie Lioness, and she requested that we play the Sonic CD song, "Sonic Boom." And she also requested that we play the long version! So that's what we'll give her, cause we happen to have the copy of the Sega CD game right here. So take it away, Sonic, and give us that booming song! Ah ah!

[tape stops and Pastiche's "Sonic Boom" plays]

Chris: Alright ya'll listenin to the station everything KCWC, and wasn't that a great song, folks? Get down, man! Heh heh! Well, right now, we're gonna play for you: a Disney song! It happens to be from one of my favorite movies, [spoken quickly] as you might have guessed, one of the most popular movies, Toy Story! Yeah, that's right, it's that famous song, "You've Got A Friend In Me." And boy, wasn't that Buzz Lightyear funny, I mean,

Chris trying to sound like Buzz Lightyear: To infinity and beyond!

Chris: Ah, ah, well, anyway, take it away, Buzz and Woody, with that famous song of yours, ah ah!

[tape stops and Randy Newman's "You've Got a Friend in Me" plays]

Chris: Now wasn't that a great Disney song, folks? Well, I thought it was great too. But right now we're gonna- take a break from the tunes and take a little commercial break. But first, a word from our sponsor, the I Love Lucy show[!

Chris trying to sound like Lucy: Hello friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run-down, listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin. Yes, Vitameatavegamin contains Vitamins Meat Vegetables and Minerals. Yes, with Vitameatavegamin, you can spoon your way to health. All you do is take a great big tablespoonful after every meal. Mmmmmmm..... It's so tasty, too! Mmm! Tastes just like candy! So why don't you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That's Vita-meata-vegamin!

I love Lucy and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. Sometimes we quarrel but then... ha ha ha How we love making up again. Lucy kisses like no one can. She's my Mrs. and I'm her man. Life is heaven you see, Cause I love Lucy, and I love Lucy, and Lucy loves me!!

Chris: Hey there, all you guys, gals, dudes of all ages! Well, you're listening to the everything KCWC, this is your host, Christian Chandler, and, uh, before we, emm, announce the next song, we're gonna give you our joke of the day! And this joke comes from, ehh, Christopher Chandler from Ruckersville, Virginia! And the joke goes like this.

Chris as his younger self: Why is six afraid of se-

[Chris gets cut off mid-joke as part four ends]

Part V

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part V
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Transcription

Chris as his younger self: [resumes mid-joke from part four into part five.] -ven. 'Cuz seven, eight nine!

Chris: [Chris laughs] Now that's a pretty funny one! Thank you Christopher Chandler. Anyway, our next song is another Disney song and it is entitled [Chris badly sings] "Ooh, oopey doo, oobey doo, I wanna be like yo-hoo-hou, wapey do-ee do wah!" from the Jungle Book. Yeah, that's right, the Jungle Book. Okay Tink-okay Kemuway take it away. Oh by the way Luey, I don't want to be like you! [Chris laughs]

[Tape cuts out in the middle of the recording then resumes]

"I Wan'na Be Like You" sung by Louis Prima for the Disney film The Jungle Book plays]

[Tape cuts back out and in again]

Chris: You are listening to EV'ery thing KCWC. And it is now one-thirty in the afternoon and we're going to-- [Chris cuts himself off with vocalized phone rings] Uh-oh, gotta call on line one. [Bloops and Chris pretends to answer the phone] 'Allo! It's your time, what's your rhyme!

Barbara Chandler: Hello! My name is Barbara Chandler and I'm calling to request a song for my husband for his birthday - [Chris interrupts]

Chris: No kiddin'.

Barbara: His name is Bob Chandler and he's 71 years old today. [Chris interrupts]

Chris: No kiddin'.

Barbara: [In a very-mildly agitated tone] and the song I would like to request is "A Bushel and a Peck". [Chris interrupts for a third time]

Chris: A bushel on a peck, an' a hug aroun'da neck for a seventy-one-year-old man. [light laugh]

Barbara: Ah think so. Thank you very much.

Chris: [Quickly] Okay bye.

Barbara: Bye.

Chris: Ya heard it righ' here folks a-a request for birfday boy here. So a Happy Birthday goes out to Robert Chandler. And we will p'say "A Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls.

[Tape cuts out, then begins playing "A Bushel and a Peck" from Guys and Dolls]

[Tape cuts back in]

Chris: You are listening to EV'erything KCWC. And right now we're gonna go down to the top tens- songs. Of them all. Cuz I gotta start up with um'uh-nuh we're gonna start um' right now.

Number Ten is... uh..... "Go the Distance" from Hercules. Number Nine is, uh... "It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas" from, the Chipmunks. Number Eight is uh, "The Results Theme" from Mario Kart 64. Number Seven is... "Saddle Up" is from Virtual Sonic. Number Five is, uh, uh... the, uh, opening theme from Star Fox 64. And Number Three is the, uh, Palmtree Panic background song from the Sonic's CD. And Number Two is "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story. And the number one hit song which we're gon' play up next... uh... "What's More American", sung by Bing Crosby.

Take it away, Bing!

[Song plays for a few seconds, then immediately cuts out]

Part VI

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VI
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Transcription

[There's a long silence until 00:20 when "What's More American" resumes.]

Chris: You are listening to everything KCWC. And right now it is 3 o'clock and we're gonna take a break from the music and get right back to you with the news. Okay, Ted newcaster, take it away!

[Chris lowers his voice and somehow sounds even more retarded than usual]

Chris as Ted the Newscaster: Thank you, Mr. Chandler! Well first of we're gonna go back to the robbery that's in- that's in- still in progress. Come in copter one.

[Chris makes helicopter noises and does the voice for copter one]

Chris as Copter 1: Here I am in copter one, folks. Again with the bank manager and we're still chasing the robber. And he's on his- he's nearing his hide-out. Okay, here he is parking his car. Getting out of the car with the five million dollars in his suitcase. Goin' to his side now(?), and luckily I have a police escort with me so we're gonna land now and catch the burglar. Goin' on down now!

[Chris makes more helicopter noises]

Chris as Copter 1: Okay, here I am now at the place I'm go in and capture that burglar. Okay, let's go!

[Chris puts on a deeper, more authoritative voice, presumably pretending to be a policeman]

Chris as policeman: Okay, Robber! You got five seconds to get outta there with the five million dollars or we gonna bust on in and get it ourselves. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Okay men, send them in.

[Chris makes farting noises, attempting to imitate gunshots and the sound of a door being kicked in.]

Chris as policeman: Alright, we got ya surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

[Chris puts on a very high pitched, rapid voice.]

Chris as robber: Okay, okay! I'm out, please don't shoot! Don't shoot! Dont't shoot! I give up! I give up! I give up! Here's the five million dollars. I give up! I give up! Please take me in! Take me in! I'll never commit a crime anymore.

Chris as policeman: Good job, men! Listen, five million dollars gets a thousand dollar reward. Donate it to the Richmond station. Okay, c'mon men, let's get outta here!

Chris as Copter 1: And there you have it. We just had the capture of the burglar and the retrieving of the five million dollars. So tell me, Mr. bank manager, what do you have to say about this?

Chris as the bank manager: [gruff and heavily slurred] Well, all I have to say is that I think I got his money. For he saw it like a true coward. So, and he's gonna- he also face going to jail so he might give up the life of crime and I won't have any more money stolen. That's all I have to say.

Chris as Copter 1: Okay, you heard right here live on station KCWC. Back to you, Ted!

Chris as Ted the Newscaster: Thank you- thank you, copter one. Okay, right now we're gonna go back to the weather. Weatherboy...

Chris as Weatherboy: [clears throat] Eh, yes, and right now it is- right now it is 91 degrees and now it's mostly cloudy. There's a little sunshine right there, but we don't have any rain coming. No, sir! Right now they say it's only a 20% chance of rain. But tonight, it'll be perfectly clear and 79 degrees and tomorrow there'll be a slight chance- there'll be slight chance of rain. 30% chance, to be exact! And that's all I have to say. Back to you, Ted!

Chris as Ted the Newscaster: Okay, Weatherboy! And right now we're gonna go back to Chicago for another- for some more sports. We go down the basketball game between the, ah, the, ah, what is it? Oh yeah, the Chicago Bulls and New York Nicks. And the Bulls have won the base- the basketball game. That's a score of 53 to 50! Anyway, the Bulls won the baseball game. Okay, that's all I have to say about the sports! Now we're gonna take you live to the race track on Mario Kart 64.

Chris as sports commentator: Okay, here we are at the race track and there Yoshi and Mario are fine. And they're wearing these [inaudible] and their karts are out of repair so- and we are about to start a kart race for the flower cup. And we're gonna give full coverage on Mario. Su- so here we are about to start the race. Lets go live!

[There is the noise of a Mario Kart 64 race starting up]

Chris as sports commentator: Here we are at Toad's Turnpike, and the race is about to start, folks! On your mark, get set, go. And here we go with the race.

Keep an eye on Mario, now, cause he's our main man. Mar- And, ah, he's in third place right now. Ahead of him is Koopa and ahead of Koopa is Peach. Oh, and he makes a splendid right hand turn. Oh, and he give a green shell which he picked up to Koopa. He's closing in on Peach. He's making another turn. Oh, but peach turns ghost. Now Mario picks up another item. He shoots a green shell and gets a ghost. Uh oh! Oh, he got into the green shell he shot and now he see's the other one and he uses a ghost and what does he get? Oh, from that ghost he receives a red shell, and he bounces it off trucks, no problem. He raises his red shell and on a stair way he shoots it, and it won't hit Peach because she ha- had a banana on her, and Mario has picked up another red shell. He's raised it and he shoots it. Is it gonna hit Peach? I don't know, folks. It knocks Peach against a wall. Mario picks up... Oh man, somebody has shot a lightning bolt. It's Luigi! Oh man, Mario's on a dirt place. Oh, and Mario goes back to full size and so has everybody else. Now with only two shells, he makes another turn. On turn, he picks up another item. He shoots, and picks up a mushroom! And is on his final green shell he had to use it because Koopa had his coming. So, Mario uses the final green shell. Uh oh! Oh, [inaudible] he uses a mushroom and he got plenty of mystery items, and he's still in second place, folks. Peach is way ahead. [inaudible] make first place but lets keep an eye on him, anyway. He's got a mystery box, a decoy box. And he puts it in- he lets it go. And he get another item, it's a red shell! I don't think it'll make Peach but he goes on ahead and shoots it, and he hits a banana peel. Oh, and he goes into a major peel out. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the best races I ever seen in my life. One of the most exciting, too. Okay, and Mario makes another turn. He picks up another item. It's a lightning bolt! How lucky is that? And everybody has gotten shrunk except for Mario. And Mario hits a banana peel but he doesn't slip. He must have hit the break. And now he picks up a set of green sh- set of three green shells. Mario passes a couple of trucks. Now, he's making another turn. He almost slipped on a banana peel but the- one of his green shells took the hit for him. This is the third lap, folks. And he's almost towards the finish line. Oh, and he goes between a [inaudible] and a truck magnificently.

And he passes the finish line with second place. And first place is Peach, Mario is followed by Koopa and Koopa is followed by Donkey Kong and the rest are in the last four positions. We take you now to the results. Mario is in second place with six. Peach is in first with nine. Koopa at- with three. And Donkey Kong with with one. And the rest have zero.

And now we go to the next race, in Frappe Snowland, and Mario in position in second place. On your mark, get set. Oh, and Mario takes a rocket boost to start as he's tring to go to his right. He picks up...

[Chris gets cut off mid-sentence as part six ends]

Part VII

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VII
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Transcription

[Mario Kart commentating continues from last video]

Chris as sports commentator: ... an item. It's a banana peel, and he is in first place. How will he use his banana peel? Just right at the turn. Now he's going over the hill. Oh, and it looks like he hit somebody. I'm not sure who it was, but he hit somebody. Oh, and he picks up a green shell, he uses it, it hits Peach. Peach is still in second place, though, but, uh, Mario is still is first. He's way ahead by some. Oh, and Mario picks up a red shell. Don't think there'll be a need for that, but he's got one. And Peach is closing in on him. He crosses the bridge. He's on his second lap!

He starts the second lap, folks. He gets- he picks up another item. He lets go of- he releases his red shell, and he picks up a banana line-up. Oh, and Peach has passed him. Now Mario's in second. He throws the banana peel and Ma- and Peach slips. And he's still got the bana- got one banana peel left. And he picks up another item. It's a single banana. How's he uses it? Simple! He uses it in the- in the lot of mystery boxes. And he picks up a single mushroom as his item. How will he use it? He's keeping it. Lets see what happens, though. He makes another turn, on the curbs. He makes another- other turns. He's really keeping that mushroom, though. Not using it. He's still making his other turns. He's going over the hill. He still hasn't used his mushroom, yet. Now he goes through the field of snowmen. Now he makes another turn. Oh, and he uses that mushroom to go over that snail hill for a short-cut. Now- now he picks up another item. It's a single banana peel. And he makes another turn. Oh, but hit the wall before he can make his turn. He's lost the banana. And he crosses the bridge. And he wins in first place! That was a magnificent race, folks. Mario in first place, followed by Donkey Kong, the Koopa, then Yoshi and the rest on the last four positions. Lets go live to the results. Mario's in the lead with fifteen points. Peach is in second with nine. Donkey Kong with seven. Koopa with six. And Yoshi probably got some points. He picked up one point and is in fifth place. The rest have zero.

Now let's go live to the next race. Which is Chocolate Mountain! And Mario's in position. Ready! Set! Go! Oh, and Mario picks up another rocket boost at start. And he gets to another turn. He picks up an item. It's a single mushroom. Might as well gonna save that one for later. Now he's making another turn on the wide turn. He does it successfully. He goes through the boxes. And he still hasn't u- oh, and he hits something. He hits a hill. And, uh, Toad and Donkey Kong have past him, because he was probably thinking about something else. But right now Mario is back and he picks up three green shells. And he uses one on Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong gets Toad in a chain reaction. Now Mario is still in first place. He's still got that two of three - uh-oh, Koopa's closin' in on him. He shoots one green shell to pick up an item, and it's a green she- it's another green shell. And he uses it that third green shell on the Koopa. And he pulls out his new green shell. What's he gonna do with it? He shoots it behind him. And he picks up another green shell from the other item boxes. He shoots that behind him. Now he has no items. And Donkey Kong is closing in on him. But it looks like somebody [inaudible] but I don't think it was Donkey Kong. Now new item pick up. It's a red shell. And he uses immediately and hits... uh-oh, a koopa has hit Mario. He's fallen behind. He's in fourth place. No wait, now he's in third. He picks up three mushrooms. He uses them. And uses the third one to go ahead of Toad aaaand Koopa and he's out way in the lead. And Donkey Kong is somewhere 'round the hill. And Mario picks up a mushroom, now he's in second place. Now he's started using his unlimited mushroom. He makes a turn. He's still in second. He uses his mushroom. Oh, and there's Koopa not far ahead. But I'll take Mario and make it first place. Donkey Kong second and Mario makes third place. Ladies and gentlemen, was a magnificent race, if I do say so myself. Koopa won, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Mario, followed by Toad. I'll take you live to the results. Mario's still in first place with eighteen. Koopa with fifteen. Donkey Kong with thirteen. Peach with nine. And Yoshi and Toad tied in fifth place with one. The rest have zero.

Now we take you live to the next race, in the Mario Raceway. This is the final race, folks! Mario's in positions at third place. On your mark! Get set! Go! And Mario takes another rocket boost at start and he hops over Koopa. Now he picks up an item. It's a decoy mystery box. And he drops it. He make another turn. He goes around that mushroom. He picks up another item. It's a green shell, and almost straight away he shoots it behind him, but it hits nobody. Now he making his auto-turn. And he goes across the sand using another turn. And Koopa is directly behind him. But Mario is still in first place. Uh oh, he hit the grass. And Ma- and Koopa tried to hit him, but he didn't pass. Mario picked up a green shell. Uh oh, Koopa's passed him. But Mario shoots his green shell and timed it right, hit Koopa. Now Peach is in second but Mario is still first. And Mario picked up... five banana peel and he uses them all straight away. And now he's taking a sneaky short-cut again using his auto-turn. He's way, way ahead, folks. And now he's in for the final lap. He picks up another item. And it is another green shell. He shoots it behind him. He's making his auto-turns. He's going around the mushroom. He making an auto-turn. And he picks up a mushroo- a single mushroom. I notice how he use that to hit the grass and sandy short-cut. That's a long short-cut, folks. And now Mario's passing through a tunnel. Uh oh, He makes and wrong turn and goes the wrong way. But now he's still in first place and passes finish line. Wins with first place.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was a magnificent race. Mario won in first, followed by Donkey Kong, followed by Koopa and followed by Peach and the rest are in the last places. Lets go live to the results. Mario's won with 27 points, followed by Donkey Kong with nineteen and I didn't get to see the rest. Right, now here we are at the trophy ceremony live at Peach's castle. Let's go live. Here comes Mario as the first place winner. And here comes Donkey Kong in the third place mount. And Koopa coming up in the secon- uh here's come Koopa coming in the third place mount. I don't know. Lets see how it comes up, though. Mario get the win with first place, Donkey Kong with second an Koopa with third. And here comes the floating glow fish. He's gonna blow out trophy for Mario... and the trophy is.. GOLD! This was a magnific--bunch of magnificent races, folks. Tell me Mario, what do you have to say about this?

Chris as Mario: [in a vaguely Italian accent, pitch fluctuates drastically from high to low] WELL, I have to say it feels like it's good to be the winner, but I always feel like being a good winner. I did do more winning,(?) that's all. So, the... [loses his train of thought; the in-game Mario can be heard saying "Congratulations!"] Glad to be! [the in-game Mario says, "He-he! I got it!"] Thank you very much! Back to you!

Chris as sports commentator: Alright! Now that's enough for the races. Back to you, Ted Baster!

Chris as Ted the Newscaster: Thank you! Now that's it for the Mario Kart races. Now we go back to the music. Back to you, Christian Chandler.

Chris: Alright! Thank you, Ted Baster! As you know it was three o'clock before the news started but right now, with the, since we were just mplaying Mario Kart 64, we are now going live with Star Fox music. We gonna play the, ah, famous song from that... s-game, "Titania and Macbeth". Take it away, Fox McCloud.

[Tape stop and resumes with Star Fox 64 - Titania and Macbeth]

Chris: You are listening to every-

[Chris is cut off in the middle of a word]

Part VIII

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part VIII
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Stardate	4 September 1998
Subject Matter	Music Music
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OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
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Transcription

[Video cuts in mid-sentence from previous video]

Chris: -thing KCWC and we're about to play a couple of Disney songs now. First one we're gonna play is, uh-- a good one from Aladdin and the King of Thieves. It's entitled, "Are You In Or Out?". Well, I dunno whether I'm in or out! [fake laugh]. Dagum, I'm inside... aw, skip it! Anyway, here's a Disney song. Take it away, Aladdin.

[Audio cuts out for a moment then begins playing "Are You In Or Out?" from Aladdin and the King of Thieves.]

[Audio cuts back out and in again]

Chris: You are tuned in to everything KCWC, and it is now 9:30 PM. I promised you two Disney songs and I'm gonna give you the second one. It is from the movie Pocahontas and it is entitled "Just Around the River Bend." That is a very nice song you know. So take it away, Pocahontas!

[Audio cuts then begins playing "Just Around the River Bend" from Pocahontas.]

[Audio skips]

Chris: And we're back. You're listening to everything KCWC an' right now we're gonna throw another contest. Just the last one for the day. And we're gonna play another song from a movie. An' if you can call in- and guess what movie this song is from, I will award that person- with a CD entitled "Frank Sinatra: The Capitol Collectors' Series". An' right now we're gonna give you the song. Oh yeah, and remember, the phone number to call is 555-KCWC. Hope you enjoy the song and I hope somebody calls in. Course I'll take anybody who'll give me de right answer. Take it away, mysterious song.

[Audio skips then begins playing "Cotton Blossom" from Show Boat.]

[Audio skips]

Chris: You are listening to everything KCWC an' right now it is a quarter to midnight. Well, uh - we don't - uh, I'm sorry to say, but we don't have a winner for dat- last contest. By the way that was duh-"Cotton Blossom" from the movie Show Boat. I guess nobody wanted a CD. Oh well, I'll just save it for next time. But right now, we're about to close up our station for the night. Bu-bu-but we're gonna give off a final little number from Frankie Sinatra. It was entitled "High Hopes", and I have high hopes in ya'll having good dreams tonight. [Elmer Fudd laugh] Well, good night folks. Okay, take it away Frankie... again.

[Audio skips and begins playing "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra.]

[Video cuts out in the middle of the song.]

Part IX

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part IX
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Stardate	4 September 1998 August 2003
Subject Matter	Music Music
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OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
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Transcription

[Video cuts in during the middle of "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra. The remainder of the slideshow has the debut Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album playing during it. The video cuts off during "BFF's (Best Friends Forever)".]

Part X

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part X
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Stardate	August 2003
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Transcription

[Video is silent for 12 seconds before "BFF's (Best Friends Forever)" begins playing. The video ends during the middle of "Feel So Lonesome", funnily during the part where Britney Spears yells "STOP!".]

Part XI

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XI
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Transcription

[The rest of "Feel So Lonesome" and the album plays. After the album ends, Chris begins playing "Other Random Favorite Songs". Next up is "Thinkin' Bout You" by Britney Spears, and then "Free Up Your Mind" by Emma Bunton. The video cuts out in the middle of the latter song.]

Part XII

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XII
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Transcription

[The rest of "Free Up Your Mind" by Emma Bunton plays, followed by "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes, "For You I Will" by Monica, and "Yellow is a Mellow Color" (again). The video cuts out in the middle of the last song.]

Part XIII

PROTIP: This video and its subsequent reuploads have no audio, due to being originally uploaded at a time when Warner Music Group would mute videos containing their songs.

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :) - CWC's SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics, Part XIII
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Stardate	August 2003
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Transcription

[The rest of M2M's "Don't Say You Love Me" plays, followed by the FUTURE MESSAGE.]

Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)

Regular DVD: Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes • "Song of Christian" • Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway • Chris Chan in the PokéNews • The City of Cwicville Tour! • Animal Crossing Documentary • The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special • "So Need a Cute Girl" • "All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend" • Harvey Birdman commercial • Pixelated PS3 • FUTURE MESSAGE • KCWC broadcast • CWC Slideshow Notes • Slideshow images Director's Cut: ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004 • ChrisAfterChristmas2004