Mumble 3

Transcript

Introduction, Audio Fail

Chris: There we are. [Random background noise] Hmm now... What now? Oh.

Julie: Hi Chris!

Chris: Hello.

Julie: Ho- [audio cuts out]

Chris: Uh, say that again? You kinda broke up there.

Julie: Hold on, let me adjust my mic- [cuts out again]

Chris: Oh! It's you!

Julie: [muted] Yes of course!

Chris: Huh.

Julie: [Pause] So how are you Chri- [More audio failure]

Chris: I'm okay Julie, how are you?

Julie: I'm wonderful, thank you. Everything at home o-

Chris: Everything's Okay- Everything's Okay at home. Uh, I mean It's only I think that was you asked-yeah. I know you just bought that mike but it seems to be failing at points. Oh well.

Julie: Uh, let me configure it really- [cut] Maybe I can increase the vol- [[cut].

Chris: If anything you might have to close it and relog back then to up after you get it configure correctly. I mean order-or-or to get to configure it correctly.

Julie: Well actually I did that, I logged back in after I configured it- [cut]

Chris: Oh. Well you should carry speaker a little longer there (?)

Julie: So- [cut]

Chris: [Aggravated] Sigh. Broke up again. [Pause] I mean you can tell when you're breaking up because you look at the you-your lips up next to your name on the thing here and you kinda get greyed out, and that means you're- that's kinda like when you get cut off. [Pause] Or when you're done speaking.

Julie: hey I, oh I think I know what you- Is it better now-

Chris: You got cut off again.

Julie: That's weir-

Chris: Hmm. I don't know either. You just got it- you just installed it so uh, hmm. This is like first install jitters, or something. I dunno.

Julie: Is it better now?

Chris: I heard your, eh, eh, Yeah. I mean, I was able to hear you clearly until the points where you got cut of so uh, uh, yeah. I mean, yeah, you know, try saying something longer and I'll let you know if you get cut off mid-sentence.

Julie: I hope this microphone does not cut out as that would be horrible.

Chris: Alright, I got- I had your full sentence there. I heard ya. I heard ya.

Julie: Alright, that is good-

Chris: Huh. You got cut off again.

Julie:That's weird, I don't know what could be causing it. I turned off everything else that was using the connection.

Chris: Hmm. Well we just, well- it's best to try to make the best- make the best of it. So you know, uh, I'll try to understand you up- I mean- until the points, I mean the points- I mean, as best as I can even if you get- even if you might get cut off sometime. But anyway it's-

Julie: I'm sorr- I'm sorry about that.

Chris: That's okay. Hmm. So uh, how are you?

Money, Jobs

Julie: I'm wonderful! Things in America are wonderf-

Chris: Yep, I hear that. I'm just sorry about uh, the rising cost of things due to the economic crisis and all.

Julie: Yes, it's very hard on me.

Chris: Yeah. Alright so, uh tell me- so you said you were uh working at fast food or something to uh, earn money?

Julie: Yes, I'm working at restaurants. I'm a professional cook. Sorry. My English is still bad.

Chris: You said you were a professional cook?

Julie: I am professional at cooking.

Chris: Oh, that's good. Maybe after you come over here I could try a little bit of your cuisine for lunch or dinner.

Julie: Yes, I would enjoy that.

Chris: I mean, mostly I just uh warm up a TV dinner, but you know I am able to uh, cooking things- uh, cooking things for my- cooking things for myself when I have the instructions in front of me and the ingredients. But it's kind of, like hmm, you know, a bit crowded in my kitchen in here.

Food

Julie: What's your favorite thing to eat?

Chris: Hmm. I like, mostly like mac and cheese.

Julie: I'm very good at cooking.

Chris: I'll take your word for it. And I'll look forward to uh, trying your-

Julie: [Interrupting] I'll be right back, sorry.

Chris: Okay.

[brief pause]

Julie: I'm back.

Lost Passwords

Chris: Okay. Let's- anyway you didn't answer my question how'd uh, did your passwo- how'd you get your password back after the previous time your brother changed it on ya?

Julie: Actually um, he actually just put it back to the original last. I'm not sure if he's gonna give it back this time, however.

Chris: Um. Hmm. Has he told you uh, me- he's probably just doing it just to annoy you but uh, maybe he- maybe uh, maybe he like, I don't know his mindset but maybe he wants something?

Julie: Perhaps.

Chris: I mean like did you ask him like, did you ever ask him like why did you change my password other than just to annoy me? What is it that you want?

Julie: I actually don't know why he chang- [cut off again]

Chris: It's like if you- [Julie interrupts, brief pause] It's like you got to try get into his head a little bit.

Julie: Hmm.

Chris: Like, you know, one thing you could do, you could, check out his room, see if you can find anything he's written down or look at, you know, look a clues in his room that describes him. Maybe you could, find something- find something there that uh, you can put in- put in common terms with or whatever, and uh, give him something that uh, makes him feel good from somewhere among those clues.

Julie: [Enthusiastic] Yes I could do that! That's a very good idea!

Chris: I mean, my room is a slew of big clues. [Chris pronounces "slew" as "slow"]

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah so... what else do you want to talk about?

About Our Relationship...

Julie: Umm, I'm not really sure. Maybe we could talk about- I'm not sure. Maybe our relationship?

Chris: [Sudden intake of breath, as though wincing in pain] Oooh. Yeah.

Julie: Should I- Should I not bring this up?

Chris: No, it's okay, it's okay. [Pause] Mmm. Ummm. Yeah. I mean I'm just trying to think about what- what's a good- what's a, something to say at the moment. I mean you don't know what to say, you could say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Julie: Ah. Have you heard from my friend Cameron Van- you know Cameron yet? Have you heard from him yet?

Chris: Ahh, Cameron?

Julie: Yes. [Realizing error] oh. Her. Sorry.

Chris: Oh. Uh, possibly is that uh, Is that- I dunno is that like your aunt, still over in Molvanîa

Julie: Well, I have unfortunate news about Molvanîa. It- it appears to have been destroyed. I know that sounds strange, but, I don't know what happened. I'm very worried.

Chris: Hmm. Maybe I can find something on the-

Julie: I miss my hometown.

Chris: I hear ya. Hang on, I'll uh, I'll Google Molvanîa, see if I can-

Julie: [Backpedaling] no, that's alright, I'm pretty sure I know what happened.

Chris: Oh. Uh, tell me in your own words what you think happened.

Julie: I don't know, It's just, I think the dictator of Molvanîa, I think he was assassinated,

Chris: The dictator was assassinated.

Julie: I'm not sure. As far as I heard from Cameron before he- I lost all contact with him.

Chris: [Incredulous] You mean her, don't you?

Julie: Sorry, I keep getting confused, my English is awful. I'm sorry.

Chris: It's okay, you're trying. You're doing- you're doing okay.

Julie: Thank you very much.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: I think I'd like to talk about something else. I, you know.

Chris: That's fine, talk about anything.

How's Virginia?

Julie: So, how's Virginia?

Chris: It's okay. Uhh, you know, it's a good place to live. As, especially going out to Charlottesville and uh, whatnot, but it's okay.

Julie: Oh, that sounds wonder-

Chris: I mean, I can't, I mean I don't know what much to say, but uh, you know my Father could tell you, oh yeah, Virginia's a historic town, cuz, you know we got all the history from like, Thomas Jefferson and, oh yeah, the Monticello.

Julie: What do you like to do in Virginia?

Chris: Hmm. What Do I like to do in Virginia? Hmm. I dunno [nervous laugh] Been living in Virginia pretty much all my life so, pretty much just living my normal life at this point. Other than- other than that I can't really say, you know?

Julie: Can you tell what that includes? I really want to know what your life is like, I would love to know.

Chris: Hmm. Ahh, let me think about that. My life is like, uh...

A Wild Clyde Cash Appears!

Julie: Oh no!

Chris: What?

Julie: I see Clyde's here. Uh oh.

Chris: Hmm.

Julie: Oh well, let's just ignore him.

Chris: Yeah. It's like uh, he seems to be under the "Inactive" area.

Julie: Yeah no one can hear us here.

Chris: Oh, and uh, here's a note, it says that Clyde left the channel.

Julie: Oh, that's good.

Chris: In the left column here. Hmm. Don't really, I mean, don't really have much on my mind uhh, right now, let me see. Ah, mostly I've just been uh, collecting my thoughts and taking my time. You know, recovering from the internet, from the stress of the, the stress of the internet and whatnot.

Julie: Yes, the internet can be a very stressful place, especially with all these jerks trying to make you mad.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah it can be very tiring is- yep. Very tiring.

Julie: You should stand up to them sometime. You should just tell them you're not going to take it anymore.

Chris: Yeah I think I, I pretty much do that, just like you know, like, I keep my cool- I kept my- pretty much kept my cool and not so much- [Chris's cell phone alarm goes off] Excuse me.

Alarms Are Distracting...

Julie: Okay.

Chris: That was my phone, reminding me of, er, just a reminder.

Julie: Oh, okay.

Chris: Uh, lost- lost my train of thought there.

Julie: Awww.

Chris: Don't you just hate that where you lose your train of thought and it's hard to recover?

Julie: Yeah. I hate it so much.

Chris: I- yep I- I hear you there.

Bob and Snorlax

Julie: So, so how is your life? I mean, are things with your parents okay? I would love to hear.

Chris: Mmm, you know, uh, can't complain. It's uh, not to- not totally bad. It's okay. I mean, uh, it's-

Julie: Is your father giving you trouble again?

Chris: Mmm. Uh not so much lately. Uh, I had to go downtown with him to get his pacemaker checked.

Julie: Oh, I hope he's okay.

Chris: D'awright.

Julie: How's your mother?

Chris: She's alright.

Julie: I heard her singing, what was it, yesterday? She's a very good singer.

Chris: Yeah. You know I told her that, uh, you know. Ya'll- Ya'll on the Mumble here heard her singing and they gave you a compliment it's like you know, "Oh, I can't sing, I'm tone deaf. They're just lying to try to make you feel good." Just a little um, just a little mod- just a little modesty there. From her point.

Julie: Everything I said about her awesome singing. I- I- It was a hundred percent true Chris, I assure you.

Chris: Yeah, I know. I mean, I think she- I think she's a great singer too.

Julie: As do I.

Chris: Sorry, could you repeat that, what was that?

Julie: As do I, I agree with you.

Chris: Oh, as do you. That's what you said. Hm. It sounded like you said somethings, it sounded like you said "something, something why". Heh.

Julie: Oh.

Chris: Yeah, like, I dunno, heh. Could be asking a question like, "Why, blahdah blahda". But never mind about that. I mean, I mean- I mean I understand, I'm understanding you clearly. Up to like, you know, up to when you get cut off and whatever.

Julie: So apparently Clyde did get kicked from the Mumble server, so that's good.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: Hopefully he's gone for good. He's been trying to promote his awful comic.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah I'm definitely gonna take- I'm definitely gonna- I've been taking some time, and I've been thinking about like you know doing a page at a time, and uploading that to my website. As, as I- as I draw the comic.

Julie: Hey Chris, Umm... I know maybe it's confidential, but could you tell me about- a bit about the next comic? I really want to hear.

Chris: Tough love, simply enough- in the first episode Wild and Simonla will meet in the Dating Education class, and it'll just be like, a simple romance, without them- with only the professor knowing it, the two get paired up uh, communicating with each other over- over, like internet and cell phone and whatnot in practice. And then they all love each other.

Julie: Cool. I look forward to reading about it.

Chris: Yeah I mean, but, you would think, you know, Simonla is a ground/bug type and uh, Wild's a grass-electric. It's like they wouldn't, uh, hook up very well on the opposite traits. But you know, Wild don't- wild don't care. Loves her.

Music, Alizée

Julie: Wow. That sounds so nice. You know what, I'd like to change the subject a bit?

Chris: Uh, sure.

Julie: Can I ask you about your taste in music? I'm an Alizée fan myself!

Chris: Uhh.

Julie: Can I show you one of her videos? Her videos?

Chris: Uhhh, no. Uh, no that's okay, but you said Alizée, I think I've heard that name mentioned before.

Julie: Yes, I believe it was mentioned uh, last time.

Chris: Yeah, I kinda like mo- like uh, all types of music. Uh, some heavy metal, not so ehhh, but you know I'll play it on guitar hero, at least.

Julie: I've been trying to get Guitar Hero. That's one of the next games I've been planning to get.

Chris: Guitar Hero Metallica?

Julie: Well, even Guitar Hero Metallica, or maybe world tour.

Chris: World Tour's already out. With the band kit.

Julie: I can possibly get that.

Chris: Or you can- or you can get Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock or Aerosmith.

Julie: I hear there are some rock stars that are actually playable in Guitar Hero 3, who are they?

Chris: Ahh, I can't really, I don't really memorize- I don't really memorize the uh, playable characters, but in world tour I did create a playable version of myself.

Julie: Cool.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah there's a video on the YouTube that shows me playing with my character and the Sonichu Guitar.

Julie: Yeah, I noticed you played really well. Do you know how to play the real guitar?

Chris: Ehhh. No, but you know, the guitar, the plastic guitar's good enough for me, I mean, I feel it's good- good enough. Like playing a real guitar. [Voice becomes very gloomy] Even though it's not, but still, [back to cheerful] It's good enough for me!

Troll Wars VI: Return of the Clyde

Julie: Oh no. I think Clyde's back. Hopefully he doesn't notice this. Hopefully [drown out by clattering noises] -but let's just ignore him again.

Chris: I mean, yeah. He's not in- he's not in our private channel. So, he's not hearing us.

Julie: Yea- [cut off again]

Chris: Hmm. Yeah but anyway- yeah, I like all kinds of music. Uh, but uh, you know, my favorite female pop star- my favorite female pop star-singer I'd say would be, would have to be Britney Spears.

Julie: I agree, Britney spears is very nice.

Chris: Yeah.

Attracted to Cartoons

Julie: You know, about your comic? I actually have a question I've been pondering for quite awhile.

Chris: Ask.

Julie: Ummm, do you find yourself attracted to your female characters you created at all?

Chris: Ah, do I find myself attracted to my female characters?

Julie: That you have created, yes. I'm sorry if it's a bit too much but I feel like I just, I've been pondering it.

Chris: Hmm. Let me think about that, hmm. Are we including the Rosechus?

Julie: Huh. What?

Chris: Uh, hang on a second, we've got an interloper here.

Julie: It must be a troll.

Chris: Oh, there he goes, he got kicked out.

Julie: Oh, there he goes. Thank goodness.

Chris: Yep. Ah, right so, are we talking about uh- so, in addition, yeah uh, the human female characters. Are we also talking about me being attractive to the Rosechus?

Julie: Yes, I've been pondering. I'm just wondering.

Chris: Yeah they'd- yeah I would say they all have a good ap- I would - they all think I'm handsome. Like my mother. My mother- my mother thinks I'm- my mother tells me constantly that I'm handsome and I agree with her, like when I look at myself in the mirror. But it's like, you know, every time she tells me I'm handsome I'm like, “If I'm so handsome why don't I have a girlfriend?”

Julie: I don't know! I can't imagine why either. You're- well the youth of god's world (?) you're just dashing.

Chris: I appreciate that.

Julie: It is my pleasure.

Money

Chris: [Brief pause] Let me go off-topic a bit. So, how- how long do you think it will be until you feel like you'll be able to afford to make the trip to uh, come to Virginia?

Julie: I'm not sure. Things are tough with the economic problems in America currently. Hopefully you'll be able to um, hopefully I'll be able to soon.

Chris: Hmm. You getting any financial help from your family? I mean uh, you can count your brother, but I'm not necessarily counting him.

Julie: Well, most of my family live in Molvanîa. For after- I mean, before it happened. I hope they're okay.

Clyde Speaks!

Clyde: I'm here Chris...

Julie: Clyde?! What are you doing here?

[Chris gives a stress sigh]]

Clyde: I just wanted to stop by and say hi, Julie.

Julie: Get out.

Chris: Yep.

Clyde: Look Chris, Chris. I just wanna tell you something.

Chris: Yeah wh-

Clyde: I'm off my medication right now, I'm off my leia (presumably leash) and I'm still angry at you now. Last time was a mistake. I shouldn't, Vivian told me... [exhales] Oh god. Tell me Chris. I just want you to answer one thing.

Chris: What is it.

Clyde: Why haven't you killed me yet? Why haven't you killed me yet.

Julie: [Pause] Chris I think he's trying to tick me.

Chris: Hmm.

Julie: Clyde, how did you get in here?!

'Clyde: [Short whisper, indistinct]

Julie: You must be on your drugs again, you jerk!

Clyde: Not this time. Not this time. I was being too nice last time, obviously. That was me on drugs. I was too nice when I was on drugs.

Chris: You know Clyde, I have an answer- I do have an answer for you. I haven't killed you yet because you're doing a good job doing it to yourself.

Clyde: Uhhh... I haven't attempted to kill myself. Ever.

Chris: Druggie.

Julie: Chris, I don't think he's gonna leave. I'm scared. What if he tells all the other jerks what you've been saying? What if he knows?! No. I don't know. [Clyde momentarily interrupts]

Chris: He knows nothing. He's been mostly out of this conversation.

Clyde: I know everything. Ever.

Chris: Op. There we go, he got kicked out. [pause] There you go he got kicked out. Yeah but I think most- I think- I think we're safe because he did not hear most of our conversation since, you know, he was mostly in the inactive column.

Clyde Leaves

Julie: I have to be right back soon.

Chris: Okay.

Julie: So there should be something we can do about Clyde.

Chris: But uh, like uh- I'm not too worried about him. I mean I'll deal with him- [Julie interrupts] I mean I'll deal with him when uh, he pops in.

Julie: Okay.

Chris: According to Cogsdev, he says that uhh Clyde shouldn't be able to come back. [pause] Hmm, right so we were-

Julie: It must be another troll.

Chris talks to Cogsdev

Chris: Nah, that's okay. They're taken care of... They're being taken care of- they're taken care of. But anyway getting back to our conversation, talk about uh, yeah you tried- I was asking you if you had any financial aid from your family. But uh, then you said that they- the troubles in Molvania and such. Uh. Yeah, but mostly uh- any help at all from your family? Financially. [pause] Julie? Okay.

[Pause]

Chris: Hmm. Uhh, Cogsdev, you can- you heard the whole conversation, didn't you? [Pause] Oh. Okay. [unclear mumbling, pause] Oh, okay, well that's okay, you didn't have to uh, come into the channel, but uh, yeah okay but anyway so what's your question?

[Pause]

Chris: Hmm. Active manner. Hmm. Yeah cuz I like- cuz I like to uh, hmm. But I mostly am attracted to women so when I draw my female Characters I like to uh... with like you know I, yeah. I like to make them attractive. I have done, uh, hmmm. [pause] I can't really uh, hmmm. No, I would not have uh, sex with any of them but it's like you know, uh.. It's like but you know, I love them as if they were my friends or uh, or like you know, my brain children. But I would never have sex with them. I mean it's like uh, alright, yeah, Cogsdev, I know you're a girl and I will take your word for it on that, but uh, yeah but, yeah. It's like uh, you have- you would have- if you had a son, wouldn't you want to make him look attractive?

[Pause']

Chris: Alright, there you go, you'd dress him up as nice- as nicely as possible. [Pause, then inaudible mumbling] Obviously I watched uh, yeah, I did watch Pornography and then I did get the frustration from the e- from between the ED page it- the page and the trolls. But it's also like, you know uh, I've all- I've wanted to do something like that, you know uh, just to stretch uh an adult muscle in my head. And plus, if you'll look at the, uh, at the lovey-dovey non-nudity scenes like uh, you know just the embracing and the kissing. They're like my best works of- they're like my best examples of art. It's like even though I'm a frustrated virgin, I can draw romance very well.

[Pause]

Chris: Yeah. I just- but- you know, a bunch of times I most but- like majority of- like most other people I'm random. And I'll uh, I'll never know what I'm gonna- sometimes I never know what I'm gonna do next. If I'm- um- what I mean I work out- I don't think- sometimes I don't think I feel. If I wanna do something to- just for the heck of it then I'll do it. But yeah, the comic is mostly intended for children.

[Pause, sigh]

Chris: But it's also like you know, it's- I'll figure that it's also like it's intention for like when they get older. Years later they're- they're in their teenage years and they're like uh, they're looking back at the earlier stuff and it's like “Oh that was so childish”. But then it's like you know I- I added this uh- this- the uh, the T-rated or the- or adult materials I pretty much did. It's like uh, they could relate better- they could like relate to that in their adult- in their teenage and adult years. Just uh- just uh- just a small branch out, if you will.

[Pause]

Chris: More of a- I would say that uh, related to like what I would like in my romantic love life. Or like, you know, when I have my romantic relationship with my sweetheart. That's pretty much- I'm gonna be doing it. And also with that uh, also good advice for uh, those that don't know for themselves. Like I'm working on the dating education episode I was just telling Julie about a little bit. But yeah, that 9-year-old who wrote that book pretty much took the words out of my mouth, and then some, but mostly-

Julie Returns

Julie: I'm back Mr. Chandler!

Chris: [Laughs] Oh that's- that was fun. I was just talking to Cogsdev uh, pretty much.

Julie: Ah, I see!

Chris: you know it's just-

Julie: So, did I miss anything important?

Chris: Ahh, not really. Just answered the- I just answered a couple of her questions.

Julie: Oh, alright. Wait, how did- huh. Oh, nevermind. [pause] So I'm sorry I had to take a brief absence. My brother called me for help with something.

Chris: I see. Hmmm. I'm sure Cogsdev won't mind but I'm just gonna see if I can... how to do it here it says “kick and mute” I just want- I just want to move- oh, she moved herself. Okay. So, alright so, what did he want? You to help him with?

Julie: He just- he just wanted to help- me to help him with um, from the kitchen.

Chris: Oh. I see. That's good. Hmm.

Non-Sonichu Characters

Julie: Hmm. I just thought of another question while I was helping him in the kitchen.

Chris: Yes?

Julie: I noticed that all your characters are indeed- well, most of them are indeed Sonichus and Rosechus.

Chris: Yeah?

Julie: Do you plan to make any other characters that are not Sonichus and Rosechus? Like that character I gave to you earlier?

Chris: Hmm. Possibly. But you know that there are some, there are other animal characters outside that, the Sonichus and Rosechus, you know, there's Flame the sunbird.

Julie: Yes there is him. I-

Chris: Of course we have the human characters.

Julie: Yes I know, but aside from them, do you plan on making any other non-Sonichu or Rosechu characters?

Chris: Yeah, possibly for like you know uh, one way or another hero villains, side characters, It just-

Julie: I look forward to it!

Chris: Time will tell. And uh... here's a thought, after uh, you move to uh, Virginia, and you come be- and you come be with me, then uh, it's like you could help me work on that. Create those characters.

Julie: I am pretty good at character design. I've made a few characters like the one you've seen before.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: I wanna ask.

Chris: Hmm?

Monthly Tugboats

Julie: You said before that you do get money every month, is this not right?

Chris: Oh yeah, I do get, yeah I do get a mo- social security.

Julie: Well, you must have more money than I. Can you try to come to Ohio sometime? Or would you prefer if I came to your house.

Chris: I'd rather uh, you came to my house. Cuz I just don't feel comfortable traveling long distances, uh by myself at least.

Julie: I guess, but I've never been in America myself either. I'm somewhat worried myself.

Chris: Best thing you can do to relive that tension is just to, take a deep breath, once in awhile, take your time. You know, quote unquote stop and smell the roses.

Julie: Alright I guess.

Chris: You know it's like, uh, you don't have to uh, be in a hurry to get from point A to point B. It's just like, you can space it out in- you can space it out in your own mind, at your own individual pace. As long as you go.

Julie: Yeah, I think I'll try uh, slowly move over. Hopefully I'll get there this year. If I'm lucky.

Chris: Hmm. Yeah this year. Or uh, I dunno. I'll tell ya what uh, it may be possible, but I might uh, be able to board you here if uh, board you here in my- board you here in my room until uh you get uh, until you get an apartment for yourself, you know? Until you get here.

Things Are Different in Molvanîa

Julie: Can I ask you something?

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: In Molivania men indeed do come to the womens houses first. But how things are different here? I figured that they have the same rules.

Chris: Well you know, same more or less. But it's like uh, most people are more comf- most men are more comfortable with uh, what they call a “Sadie Hawkins” situation because uh- alright yeah, Sadie- it's uh, pretty much just fictional character Sadie Hawkins, you can look her up on uh Wikipedia or something.

Julie: I think I will.

Chris: Yeah but, mostly it's like uh, no guy would- every- every guy was like afraid to uh, talk to her so, she pretty much did the asking of the guy- asking to the guys. And uh, they would most likely say yes but- yeah so, she pretty much started a trend of women asking the guys or going to them.

Julie: I see.

Chris: And I just, for a long while I felt more comfortable- more comfortable in a Sadie Hawkins situation.

Julie: Uh huhh.

Chris: Like you know uhhh, pretty much the women- pretty much the women coming to me that's uh, pretty much why during my in-person experiences, during my sweetheart search in the earlier years when I actually were, in- actually was in the lo- in the real life locations. I was waiting for the women to come to me. Cuz I was just shy and uncomfortable- I just was shy mostly.

Julie: But you don't need to be shy around me, you know me, you trust me completely, right?

Chris: Yeah. But still-

Don't Be Afraid

Julie: You shouldn't be scared.

Chris: Yeah, but also there's the uh, there's like role troubles and my fam- and my mom would- and my mom would worry and all that sort of- all that sort of-

Julie: [interrupting] my brother worries about my safety. You know, he doesn't want me to get hurt out there because the world is a mean place.

Chris: I hear- I hear you there.

Julie: Hmm. I'm still worried.

Chris: Sometimes you just gotta take a plunge. I mean, listen to me, talking like this. It's like I should be taking plunges for myself. Hmm. Here's some thing-

Julie: [interrupting] Well, I guess I could try.

Chris: I would appreciate that. I really would

Julie: I- I will- I promise you right now, I just want you to know, that I will consciously try to get to Virginia in this year. I will try my very hardest.

Chris: Thank you. I want you to know I mean that from my heart. Thank you Julie.

Julie: You are very welcome Chris. But again, I'm worried. What if Clyde- what if he attempts to rape me as he did with Panda? I'm worried. Worried for my own safety.

Chris: Yeah but uh, as long as you don't uh, put it on the internet where you're currently living, then uh-

Clyde the Stalker

Julie: Yes but he's able to follow me. I think I've seen a car around my house- someone... someone Asian in it? I think Clyde is Asian, I'm worried. He looked in with an evil glare, I'm worried. I think it was half-Asian actually, I'm not really- I'm just really scared that if I try and leave my house that he's gonna do awful things to me. Awful horrible things to me! I'm scared Chris.

Chris: I hear you. I feel for you. I'd be scared too.

Julie: But I don't think! I- I don't think he'd rape you. Which is why I think maybe you should come- I apologize for the background noise, TV is on.

Chris: That's okay. Uhhh, but you- surely that guy cannot be out there all the time.

Julie: Yes but I see his car even at night. I have a feeling he may be stalking me but I don't know where he is and I'm scared to call anyone about it.

Chris: Well do you have his license plate number?

Julie: But Chris I- no I don't. But, I know Chris, that- you're tough Chris. I actually- I believe in you. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You're tough! I know you are. I know you've described yourself a couple times but, you are the strongest person I know. I know this! I want you to protect me Chris. Can I please trust you? With my life? Do you think that would be...

Chris: Alright you can trust- I'm- you can trust me to protect you.

Julie: Thank you Chris I apprecia [audio cut off].

Chris: Yes. I will protect you.

Julie: Yeah the TV is extremely loud. I should ask my brother to turn It down.

Chris: Actually I'm not hearing your tel- I'm not hearing your television.

Julie: Huh.

Chris: So you know, it's okay at this point.

Julie: Alright. [brief pause] Chris?

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: Thank you. I'm happy that I could trust you. And I'm happy that you can also trust me.

Chris: I'm happy too. That uh, you're able to uh, to trust me very much as well and that you understand me very well. Makes me feel better. Makes me feel happier.

Julie: I'm very, it's my pleasure making you feel happy, Chris. It's my ple- [Audio cuts out]

Chris: Uhh, Cogsdev uh, Okay, uh, did you have another question or something?

Julie: I'll be right- [Audio cuts out]

Chris: [to Cogsdev] oh yeah well we were just talking uh, but yeah, Julie will be right back so uh, it's okay. Did you have something else on your mind?

[Pause]

He's Outside! Oh no!

Julie: So anyway, uh, yes I do see someone outside my house. I don't know who it is.

Chris: Just uh, just try not to think about it.

Julie: I won't.

Chris: Yeah I mean uh, it's not like you saw- I mean, it doesn't- it not- it's not hold it- it does not look like he's looking a [Megatron Gun|gun], is he?

Julie: I'm not sure, he's holding something. I'm worried.

Chris: Well just- just best not to- to try not to think about it.

[pause]

Julie: Someone's pounding on my door.

[pause]

Chris: Someone's pounding on your door...

Julie: I'm gonna to go lock it. I'm worried, Chris. I'm gonna go lock it.

Chris: Okay. Yeah.

Julie: Oh- it was... I looked outside, Chris.

Chris: Uh huh?

Julie: It turns out it was a salesman.

[Chris gives a maniacal, crazy laugh]

Chris: Ahh, that's a relief.

Julie: I'm sorry, I- I acted so silly!

Chris: Yeah, but it's okay- it's only- it's only human. You're only human.

Julie: I'm sorry.

Chris: It's okay, we're all human. I mean, I was scared for you too. [pause] I was pretty much quaking over here!

Julie: I was so scared! I'm so silly.

Chris: It's a'right. I'm here for you.

[pause]

Julie: I appreciate that, Chris.

[pause]

Now That Julie's Not About To Get Stabbed, Let's Babble About Cars

Julie: So. I think I would like to change the topic if that's a'right?

Chris: Sure. Whatcha wanna talk ab-

Julie: How do you like [wikipedia:Burnout_(video_game)|Burnout], Chris?

Chris: It's- it's alrigh...t. Yeah... get to cruise around...

Julie: Maybe we should race sometime.

Chris: Yeah. I did notice in a- uhh- in a- in a trailer that, uh... apparently uh, the concept Camaro that Bumblebee was, uh... is in the game too.

Julie: Yeah I heard they're actually releasing uhh... I forget the exact name, but they're actually gonna... release the same car from wikipedia:Back to the Future.

Chris: Huh. That's interesting. By the way you know, I also do have the music video, uh- that was on the Playstation Network for a limited time- uh, Fast Car...

Julie: Mmm.

Chris: Yeah. It's basic- I forgot who was the guy who... sang it, but I do uhh have the MP3 of it as well. But, anyway, in the beginning it's like- this person who has a PSP... he's getting a message from- from the guy doing the song... from his Playstation 3... or his PSP or something like that. And then he gets into Burnout, then gets his licence... does- a his video with, uh... car action and such. [Chris' voice fades out]] I forgot how it goes. [stress sigh] Mmm. I could send the video over the Playstation Network I would, but apparently they only will allow you to send photos or... something- I don't know how to send videos.

Julie: Oh.

Chris: I do have it on my Playstation 3.

[pause]

Oh Chris, You're The Master Of Subtlety

Julie: When- When I do go to Ruckersville, Virginia with you... I would love to play Guitar Hero with you... and Burnout, and all the games. I would love to just play for hours with you.

Chris: I would love that too. Play with you.

Julie: Huh.

Chris: You know, in Guitar Hero: Encore... Rock the 80's... the, uh encore number was uh... 'Play with me'.

Julie: Oh, cool! That's... quite the coincidence.

Chris: So... [Chris does a bizarre voice here] come play. Come plaaaay!

Julie: Haha- I will!

Chris: Come play. ... and maybe... you know, there may be... other things.

Julie: Heh!

Chris: Mmm. Other... fun things. [Chris has a lecherous tone to his voice.]

Julie: I hear you!

Chris: Just- just each other on the couch... or on my bed. [Transcriber's note: Chris DEFINITELY needs to be on a couch. Just not in the way he's thinking.]

Julie: I can't wait.

Chris: ... Yeah. [stress sigh] This point yeah. Pretty much, uhh.. but don't quote me- um, I don't want you spreading it around and uh... well yeah, at this point, uh... eh... [Chris confuses Sarah and Panda]] Sarah... Panda is gone. I'll just let her fly away right now... to uh... to Clyde, if she is going there, just let her fly- just let her- I'll just let her go. I'll give you my-

Julie: I'm real- I'm very sorry to hear Panda has left you. And after all this time and you loved her. And she would just leave you for that.

Chris: It's okay. I'm able to recover. Then... move on.

Julie: I hope so.

Chris: But anyway. Uhh, Julie- I'll let you take my virginity.

Julie: [muted] Thank you.

Chris: After you get here and we spend... plenty of time together and get to know each other in person.

Julie: I look forward to that, 100% Chris.

Chris: You've come so far. You'll be the uh- the wife- the one who actually made it.

Chris The Cherry Popp'n, Prematurely Ejaculating Machine!

Julie: Chris, can I ask you something?

Chris: Yeah?

Julie: Oh geah. How do you think our first time would- [audio cut]

Chris: I'd do the best I can. [Chris gives a nervous, scared laugh] Hopefully not prematurely ev-ejaculate.

Julie: Hope not! I wanna enjoy it as much as I can.

Chris: Uhh, certainly I would try my best to make it as... satisfactory as possible. I mean, I've watched a lot of pornography, educational.. or, uh just... sets or uh, and I've learned from that.

Julie: I see. What position would you like best? Can I ask?

[pause]

Chris: I don't know. Cowgirl.

Julie: I've heard of it. I think I might enjoy it.

Chris: You're on top.

Julie: [giggle] Wait, how would I be on top?

Chris: I'm on my back-

Julie: Oh yeah, I remember.

Chris: Yeah. [pause] Mmm. So yeah, Julie, you know, come here as soon as possible... If you can make it by- if you can make it for even at least a visit... on my, by my, on my birthday... later this month... I would appreciate that.

Julie: Chris, I promise you, I will try my absolute hardest to visit you on your birthday.

[pause]

Chris: Too bad you can't see me smile, because I'm smiling for you.

Julie: Well, there's always... S-Skype, but... nah. Not right now.

Chris: It's okay. [pause] There's also Playstation Network Chat. I have Playstation Eye. But uhh-

Julie: Yes.

Chris: -unfortunately, your brother... maybe he'll- maybe he'll give it back to you.

The First Time OH GOD.

Julie: I hope so. Hey Chris, I know you might not want to, I'm just asking, but do you think you could describe the first time?

Chris: Mmmmmm...

Julie: For me?

Chris: Mmm... I tell you what, how about I uh... type it up and send it to you on multiple messages on PSN...

Julie: Aww, are you sure?

Chris: Cuz... cuz I can't recollect it off the top of my head, and it's a lot of detail.

Julie: But you can stay... I'll stay for the whole thing! It's a lot easier to say it in words. Please Chris?

Chris: Mmm.

Julie: For me?

Chris: I might. It's gunna take me... a while to recollect.

Julie: I'll wait the entire time.

Chris: You are a trooper.

Julie: And it doesn't have to be perfectly accurate.

Chris: Lemme just ask you though, out of curiousity... are you a virgin?

Julie: Indeed I am. And I'll gladly let you take it.

Chris: Let's take each other.

Julie: Uh huh.

Chris: Mmm. [pause] Take it as a compliment, you're making me hard.

Julie: Okay, so can you describe it? For me?

Chris: Yeah okay I'm trying- okay, mmm.

Julie: I will patiently wait.

I HAVE TO TRANSCRIBE THIS?! WHAT THE HELL MAN! WHAT THE HELL!

Chris: We will firstly make out.

Julie: Mmm.

[pause]

Chris: Hmm. During that day I would have eaten plenty of strawberries.

Julie: I love strawberries. Lemme tell you Chris...

Chris: Mmm?

Julie: I'm masturbating right now to this thought. So please continue.

Chris: We're making out. Mmm. We're... I'd let you... I'd let ya... pull my pants down, and let you warm me up a bit.

Julie: I would love to.

Chris: Uhhgh... You wouldn't mind giving- uh, you wouldn't mind giving me a, uh... blowjob?

Julie: I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.

Chris: So uh, you just imagine it... and you're enjoying it I think?

Julie: Of course I am.

Chris: Mmm. You have my right hand on... your left shoulder.

Julie: Mmm.

Chris: J-just just- just having it there.

Julie: Yes!

Chris Admits To Probable Premature Ejaculation

Chris: Mmm. A'right yeah, then eventually yeah... You would pretty much, eventually uh, you might- you might get some of the premature stuff... at least that's like, out of the way. [Chris inhales nervously]

Julie: We would continue after that, right?

Chris: I still have a lot more... I still got a lot more tiger in my tank. Rawr.

Julie: Me too.

Chris: Mmm.

Julie: Mmm.

Return to Ear Rape

Chris: Let's say we, uh... undress each other.

Julie: Yes. [Julie sounds bored]

Chris: I'll unhook your bra.

Julie: Mmm.

Chris: Then I would, uh... be... be marveling at your... at your... nipples.

Julie: Mmm hmm.

Chris: Cuz you've already marveled at my dick...!

Julie: [pause] Excuse me?

Chris: You're pretty- I mean-

Julie: Can you repeat that?

Chris: I said, you would have already marveled at my... dick.

Julie: Yes I have.

Chris: Yeah. Then we just- then we'd just be undressing each other... at this point. Then I'd know that it's your turn. I'll massage your breasts with my hands and I'll have my mouth at your pussy.

Julie: Mmm... I would enjoy that very much.

Chris: Yes. There you go, massaging and giving me... my head.

Julie: Hmm.

Chris: Mmm.

Julie Encourages Chris

Julie: Chris, can I ask you something?

Chris: Yeeees?

Julie: As I am... are you too... masturbating to this?

[pause]

Chris: I don't have my hand... on me.

Julie: I was wishing maybe we could... do it together.

Chris: Mmm... let's call this a little rehersal. We don't necessarily need to let anything go with the moment.

Julie: Please continue though.

Sexy Time Again!

Chris: You know what? I just grabbed it.

Julie: I'm happy to hear.

Chris: Yeah, it's, it's not hanging out- but I'm grabbing it. You made me grab it.

[Julie giggles twice]

Chris: Then eventually, uh... I'll give it to you first doggy style.

Julie: Thank you. [pause] Please continue.

Chris: Mmm. In and out, in and out... ... mmm.

SEVEN INCHES MY MORBIDLY OBESE ARSE.

Julie: Hey Chris, can I ask you something? How big is it?

Chris: It can go up to seven inches. [Transcriber's note: The picture to your right is both horrible and illuminating.]]

Julie: Oh wow! I'd love that. ''pause'' Please continue, I'd love to hear it. I love to hear this- thank you!

Chris: So... just let it play in your imagination. In and out, in and out- doggy style!

Julie: Yay!

Chris: Mmm. Then eventually... I'd fall towards you and we'd both lay together on the bed, side by side... I mean we are lying- we are laying on our sides. I am behind you.

Julie: Ohh.

Chris: [Chris puts on another retarded voice.]] My dick is still in your pus-sey, and my fingers are making sure it stays in there.

Julie: Hmm... Would you do it up the butt?

Chris: Not on the first time.

Julie: Ahh, a'right.

Chris: We'll enjoy the moment.

Julie: Hmm. I am.

[pause]

Chris: [retard-o voice returns] In and ooooout, in and oooooout. It... feels good.

[retarded, incomprehensible stammering]

Chris: ''more retarded voice'' And pretty soon, and pretty soon the cowgirl... You're on top! You're on top of meeee... you're riding-

Julie: I would ride that so much.

Chris: -me, you're riding me hard.

Julie: Mmm hmm.

This is what Chris actually believes.

Chris: B-but then, but then... ''Chris suddenly switches to his normal voice'' By the way I would be wearing a condom. So like you know, so like you know I have no problem wearing it, so if I got inside you and be protected... or I could like pull it out, and go right all onto... your bosum. Or into your mouth. Whatever you want. I'll give you a pearl necklace, or I'll... feed it to ya.

Julie: Ahh.

Chris: What do you you want. What is it you desire.

Julie: Maybe just... to have it. Maybe just to eat it, I suppose. You did say it would taste like strawberries.

Chris: That's because I would have eaten a bunch of strawberries beforehand.

Julie: Hmm.

01:04:04 - Just saving my progress, more transcribing is coming up. Hope you fucking whores like the strawberries pic.

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