Kacey calls

The Kacey calls are a series of phone calls between Chris and his then gal pal Kacey. Chris spent August to October 2009 trying to build Kacey into his Sweetheart From the Ground-Up by lying to her and listening to her yell at him. He learned nothing.

Call 1

Main article: Kacey Call

After finding out that Liquid Chris had a girlfriend, Solid Chris called her so he could "ease her into the truth" about her boyfriend's lies. Then he talks about eating cum off her tits. This call represents possibly the happiest moment in Chris and Kacey's "relationship", it's all downhill from here.

Call 2

Main article: Kacey Call 2

Chris continues to pose as Kacey's boyfriend, and organizes a meeting between the two of them. It all seems to be going so well...

Call 3

Main article: Kacey Call 3

After revealing the shocking truth that he is actually a fat creepy manchild, Kacey is disgusted and calls Chris up to yell at him. Chris pleads innocence and attempts to explain how HE is the victim here and Kacey is stupid for not understanding that.

Call 4

Main article: Kacey Call 4

A few weeks later, Chris and Kacey appear to be on relatively good terms with each other. Chris begins by reading a list of conversation topics he'd prepared, but things quickly devolve into Kacey questioning Chris about his many failures and him lying about everything. Eventually, Kacey convinces Chris to look for a job.

Call 5

Main article: Kacey Call 5

Chris and Kacey discuss Chris's understanding of money and the fact this his college experience was a waste of time for everyone involved.

Call 6

Main article: Kacey Call 6

Chris describes his few good experiences from his college days and his hatred towards his CADD Teacher. Later, he tries to convince Kacey that he has multiple personalities, and his former personality was the weak and gullible one, but now he's switched over to the more "dynamic" one. Kacey basically laughs at him and tells him he's stupid, so he gives up on that idea and tries to pretend it never happened. The call ends with Kacey worrying that Chris is going to die because of his unhealthy lifestyle.

Call 7

Main article: Kacey Call 7

Chris claims he is exercising more and eating healthier, and he's going to buy a sports bra to hold his manboobs while jogging. He also talks about his understanding of the Third Date, researching the age of consent, and implies that he's been able to enjoy masturbation more lately because he fantasizes about Kacey while doing it.

Call 8

Main article: Kacey Call 8

Chris learns some surprising news about how getting a job will affect his tugboat and promises to apply for a job at Wal-Mart. Kacey brings up Chris's stupid multiple personalities idea from earlier, and Chris tries to dismiss it, now claiming that he was possessed by a troll ghost because that makes a lot more sense. Later, Kacey makes it clear that Chris will not escape the Friend Zone.

Call 9

Main article: Kacey Call 9

Chris is still disappointed that Kacey Friend Zoned him, whines about being rejected by the Hambeast, tries to justify his lack of male friends, and reveals the horrors he found within the Special Ed bus.

Call 10

Main article: Kacey Call 10

On Bob Chandler's birthday, Chris reveals his new found love of sports bras, hates Vivian Gee and her audiobooks, refuses to sell any of his video games, and complains about his parents being filthy hoarders.

Call 11

Main article: Kacey Call 11

Chris and Kacey discuss saving money, exercising, toy guitars vs. real guitars, bra maintenance, Family Guy and Playboy. Then Chris asks Kacey about her ex-boyfriend's dick size, and is shocked and saddened by Kacey's answer.

Call 12

Main article: Kacey Call 12

Chris and Kacey talk about exercising. Chris is fat.

Call 13

Main article: Kacey Call 13

Chris talks about making his own audiobooks, making "sex drawings" for Kacey, and going to a pole dancing class.

Call 14

Main article: Kacey Call 14

Chris and Kacey continue to discuss Chris's general unhealthiness and that he's been trying to improve himself. He won't give up drinking soda though.

Call 15

Main article: Kacey Call 15

Kacey yells at Chris and he complains about all the heavy stress he has in his life. Barb comes in and Chris rubs her feet while she rambles on about how she wasted her life, then tells Chris he needs to spend more time cleaning the house. After Barb leaves, Kacey starts telling Chris to clean all the toys and shit out of his room so he'll look more like an adult. Chris accidentally calls Kacey "mom". Also, even more disturbing information is revealed about the shittiness of the pigsty of a landfill that is the shithole of a wasteland of pigshit known as 14 Branchland Court.

Call 16

Main article: Kacey Call 16

Chris and Kacey discuss Chris's fatness, exercising, money, and the cure for gayness.

Call 17

Main article: Kacey Call 17

Chris justifies comparing Kacey to a cow, tries to prove he owns the copyright for Sonichu, then has to quickly leave so he doesn't shit in his pants again.

Call 18

Main article: Kacey Call 18

Chris tries to explain how Clyde Cash came back from the dead, refuses to believe that Clyde is not a homosexual, and prevents Clyde from hacking into his PS3.

Call 19

Main article: Kacey Call 19

Chris lies about how much he exercises and shares his opinion on abortion.

Call 20

Main article: Kacey Call 20

Kacey coaches Chris for his upcoming job interview.

Call 21

Main article: Kacey Call 21

Chris tells Kacey how he thinks his interview went.

Call 22

Main article: Kacey Call 22

After Chris describes his experience at what he believes is a real life Dating Education class, he and Kacey debate what should happen to child molesters. She wants to BREAK THEM DEAD, while Chris thinks a few years in prison is punishment enough, unless you're a woman doing it to a guy/boy... then it's ok. After that, Chris tries to defend Meg Griffin's honor after Kacey calls her fat and ugly, and refuses to acknowledge any gayness on Family Guy. Finally, Chris is shocked to hear that gay men don't find him attractive.

Call 23

Main article: Kacey Call 23

Chris reveals what he's learned about Clyde Cash, and gets exhausted after trying to do an impression of his voice.

Call 24

Main article: Kacey Call 24

Barb has colitis, Chris promises to tear down his Lego city, possibly gets trolled by Regina, doesn't understand why he's the victim of a worldwide trolling organization, and finally explains, in no uncertain terms, that he is STRAIGHT!!!