Ivy
| “ | But anyway, Ivy is not a troll. She is real. She is true. And she is my sweetheart. We are going to be together in the near future and we are going to have sex. We're going to lose our virginities to each other... and it's going to be awesome. Ivy is real! We are going to be together! Foreverrr! |
” |
| Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009 | ||
Ivy O'Neil (also spelled O' Niel, O'Nial) (17 March 1992 – July 2009) was Chris's sweetheart from 25 March 2009 to the first half of May 2009.
Something about Ivy brought out the crazy in Chris to levels rarely seen before or since. The Ivy saga resulted in three Sonichu Specials, four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including conclusive proof Chris drinks his own semen), a long awaited tour of his house, a new Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album, procuring The Lost Video, the emergence of Joshua Martinez and Rocky Shoemaker as troll obstacles, images of the new Medallion of Fail while he's wearing butt garments, and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior. Despite this, many people (notably Krapplefags) bitch about how Ivy failed and did nothing.
Due to the increase in absurdity of Chris's behavior in this period, there are many fags who thought, and still think, that Ivy is a figment of Chris's imagination.
Origins
In Captain's Log, Stardate March 18th, 2009, Chris gave a shout out to "Avi" and her friend Rachel. These were originally assumed to be code names for Emily and her friend Stephanie to protect their identities. The next day, Chris edited the video to blow kisses to "Avi".
The video CWC's Message for Ivy on 20 March confirmed that Chris was actually saying "Ivy" and that he had already moved onto a new girl the same day he was tricked by the Man in the Pickle Suit. This video was deleted and so some people did not know about it until four days later.
On 21 March, Ivy was introduced on /cwc/.
Character
Ivy is frequently seen with her sidekick Luckett.
Ivy has crabs. Her pet hermit crabs are named Crass and Champ.
Ivy is a redhead. Chris lowered his standards slightly by allowing her to become a sweetheart (previously, women with red hair were excluded along with blacks and non-boyfriend-free girls).
Honeymoon
On 27 April 2009, a comic featuring what Chris thinks would be his perfect honeymoon was leaked.
In this comic, Chris starts out by presenting himself to Ivy's father, a TRUE and HONEST police officer dressed in blue with a real metallic badge. They later go to a "Double-CWC" hotel thought to be in CWCville (apparently a rip-off of the real Double Tree luxury hotels). They both enter a room with as many as 5 Glade lavender air fresheners, presumably there to mask the stench of his uncontrollable bowels, all filled with hearts made of rose petals. They promptly start having sex.
During the sex scene, Chris first starts out by pulling off his tuxedo and his dress pants, revealing his trademark striped shirt and medallion. Then he pulls out his ludicrously enormous duck, as in the size of a human leg — which mysteriously happens to shrink later to a normal size in order to fit into Ivy's vagina — before they both transform into their fursonas: Ivy into a non-descript rosechu, and Chris into Chris-chan Sonichu. Once they're done, they both raise their heads in awe and shout "THANK YOU, GOD!".
Afterwards, Chris and Ivy are shown having what Chris thinks of as a fancy dinner: grilled chicken, vegetables, mashed potatoes, and CWC Orange Soda served in wine glasses.
Explanations for why he considered such a cheap-ass honeymoon are varied. Some people believe it's due to Chris's good ol' narcissism. Others believe this is because Chris was raised in such a dirty and sloppy household, that stuff most people would consider mundane is very luxurious to him (consider the fact that he's fantasized about taking his first date to McDonald's). Others, meanwhile, believe this is because Chris, being the deranged, socially inept manchild that he is, has never been to a fancy restaurant.
Break-up
One of Ivy's main goals was to get Chris to continue working on his comic. However, Chris didn't want to finish it because Rocky was tipped off and so Chris feared she would break up with him.[citation needed]
Ivy had been planning to break up with Chris for a while, but Joshua Martinez's concurrent trolling effort as Vanessa Hudgens forced her to postpone. When it was suspected that Josh was trolling Chris for cash instead of the lulz, Ivy and her friend told Chris to cancel the check he'd made out for a "special" PSP from "Vanessa." The attempt to help Chris backfired, as Chris thought he would be clever if he gave Josh a check he knew was bad, and then kept the PSP, insisting that "Vanessa" would be "upset" if he gave it back to Josh. On top of that, Ivy discovered that Chris had been stealing money from his parents for his PSN.
The $30 check cancellation fee upset Chris's parents so much that they went to the police. Rocky decided to mention the trolls and had the police do a background check on Ivy.
She decided to break up with Chris and hung up on him during a phone call. She told Bob they were just friends and that Chris had been harassing her with more than 500 phone calls. Bob probably didn't relay the message to his son, so Chris probably still thinks it's okay to call girls over 20 times a day.[1]
On the night of 14 May, the following was written on Chris's ED talk page:
| “ | I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.
Also, you'll have to catch me IRL ONLY to troll me any further. Do you dare? Peace-Out, Christian Weston Chandler. |
” |
| Chris, recovering from the crestfallen emotions | ||
Chris has since removed all Ivy-related videos from his YouTube account. Unexpectedly, he went back to searching for girls in the real world, and for a time his love quest became a fuck quest.
Death
"Ivy" committed suicide by hanging in July 2009 "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me" according to Chris. He tastelessly uploaded CWC "Boyfriend" as a belated memorial.
In November 2009, he described Ivy's death in a giant wall of text in the comic. During the PVCC's assault on CWCville, she was apparently trapped in a collapsing elevator, got the cables tangled around her neck, and was strangled to death despite BILLY MAYS's best efforts to save her. The page laying all of this out carries a brief dedication: "In memory of Sonichu-Girl, **Ivy O'Niel**".
All this suggested that Chris had forgotten (or willfully blotted out all memory of) the evidence that Ivy was a troll.
| “ | I love how CWC could have just said she died in an elevator crash, and we all would've gotten it. Like, it exploded, or whatever.
Instead, he has to paint this visual of her being caught in an elevator cable and having her neck snap, hanging in an empty elevator shaft swaying back and forth until someone opens the doors and sees the horrific sight in front of them. Beautiful. Only an autistic genius could come up with that. |
” |
| Anonymous Krapplefag on this page | ||
Life after death
On 19 April 2010, Chris updated the CWCipedia with a page containing various profiles of his "gal-pals and past sweethearts." Among them was a brief and somewhat ambivalent mention of Ivy:
| “ | Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging. | ” |
| Chris, on the CWCipedia | ||
Chris's feelings about Ivy are difficult to interpret. It's possible that he has partially processed and accepted the evidence that she may have been a troll, but still wants to hold out some kind of hope that her feelings for him were sincere.
Gallery
OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
Chris is holding out for an hero.
"FUCK IT'S EPISODE 2 ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - Vivian Gee [2]
Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
Moar original art from Ivy.
IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME...
Ivy's take on Rosechu.
Ivy's take on Bubbles.
Ivy's OC, Layla.
If the first thing you noticed was the zapbuds, you are beyond redemption.
Even the Men in the Pickle Suits love Ivy.
Princess Ivy, Ivy's fursona.
Chris-chan Sonichu and Princess Ivy together.
Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.
Our heroes mourn Ivy's death, or something like that.
