DayOut

The DayOut videos are a series of 9 videos Chris uploaded on 25 October 2010, in which Chris takes us on a trip around Ruckersville and Charlottesville and shows us such wonderful places as McDonald's, Walmart, and Burger King! Can you feel the excitement?

Chris seems to describe stores, shopping malls and fast food joints, their surroundings and their easily rectifiable flaws with a droning monotone. Counter-intuitively, he generally uses this tone when he talks about stuff that is truly closest to his heart. When he finally gets to the more conventional tour sights--for example, the historic University of Virginia campus--that might actually interest people who think shopping malls are old hat, he ups the ante and launches into an assault of random-access humor.

Chris's absurdly overdue oil change

His trusty steed shows mechanical issues throughout the videos: an ungodly rattling sound is emitted from the engine at every stop light while idling. According to the oil-change sticker on the front windshield, his next scheduled oil change was for 5 April 2009--19 months before this video was made--or at 259,963 miles (418,351 km).

There are no less than 4 items hanging from his rear-view mirror blocking his view: a tacky, faded plastic American flag; an Indian Head air freshener and a custom-made Sonichu air freshener; and a Homer Simpson doll superglued to the car's dashboard. Chris did, however, have the common knowledge to remove the giant handicapped placard from his view.

Chris holds the camera while driving, panning it from left to right to focus on whatever building he's talking about. This distraction is in addition to all the items floating in front of him while his station wagon becomes as cluttered as his house. It's a miracle he didn't cause a car crash or get pulled over for looking through his camera while driving.

DayOut1

DayOut1
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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previous Wigwam	next DayOut2

Transcript

Hello! Today we are going on a drive-by tour of some of my favorite places around...town. Here and dere. So we're gonna get in my car and I'm gonna...drive around. [Chris walks over to Son-Chu and gives the camera The Creepy Stare.]

DayOut2

DayOut2
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

[Chris is driving his car now, pointing his camera out the windshield.]

And, uhh, coming up on--first on our trip, we take a--we go north to Ruckersville. [points the camera out the passenger's window; a sign for a Walmart and Lowe's comes into view] And right over to our right, we see the new McDonald's that has been built recently. [he points the camera out his window towards a Walmart] Let's get a closer look at that shortly. And over to my left is the new Walmart that has been...constructed--has been finished for over a month now. Got everything in there, it's practically super-size.

[Chris points his camera at the windshield again. After a short pause, he aims it out the passenger's window at a McDonald's. He drives around the parking lot as he continues, moving his camera randomly around the car as he does so.]

There is the new McDonald's. Small in its stature, though it can stand to improvement. Because you basically have to go around the building twice just to go through the drive-thru! They need to either add an exit lane outta here...around there, I don't know, or make this whole building do a wh--whole 180. Other than that, the, uh, Walmart is just fine the way it is.

[Chris points the camera out the right window again at a gas station.]

And in a moment up here, we'll take a closer look at the Burger King...that my father goes to sometimes.

DayOut3

DayOut3
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing, Rumors Rumors
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

[Chris is driving around the parking lot and drive-thru of a gas station-Burger King combo.]

This here is the Burger King that my father... goes to ev- practically every morning for breakfast, and sometimes I join him as well. But not every day. Sometimes. I am not a fast-food addict. [pause] And I am not that big, though I can stand to lose a few pounds.

DayOut4

DayOut4
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

[Chris is parked in a parking lot of a Food Lion supermarket, while Son-Chu rattles loudly in the background. He pulls out of his space and drives around a bit.]

And next on our drive-by tour...is our--is the local Food Lion, where my family and I would get most of our food, 'specially when they're on sale. Sometimes we get our food from the, uh, new Walmart, but it depends--it depends on where the prices--on which one has lower price. 'Cause most likely, over at Walmart, their food items are not on sale. They're usually on, quote-unquote, "rollbacks".

DayOut5

DayOut5
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

[Son-Chu's horrid rattling is still heard in the background.]

Next up--next up, in our drive-by tour, we are in the For--we are in the shops of Forest Lakesss. Where we have the, uh, Target? Where I sometimes walk around in? They have a comparable selection...possibly prices lower than Walmart sometimes, but not all da time.

Also in this neckinawoods we have a Five Guys restauraaant, a Quiz-nooos, I think there's a Subway roun'nyeaaar...uhhm...a Sakura-s, but then t'...an a'course one of the eh-many GameStops, T.G.I. Fridays...a T.G.I. Fridays over there, za GameStop here...and! Around-a corner over here, there's a Harris Teeter! Right over there!

I'm stuck behind-a vehicle.

Anyway, a 'arrir Teeter, right over...there!

I'll save the film, and we'll pick up we're at the next stop.

DayOut6

DayOut6
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

[Small pan around. The handicap sticker is prominent for a bit.]

An' a para--in a panoramic sort of view from a standpoint, this here is Fashion Square Shopping Center, at least the front of it. Where there are a great number of stores in there, Including a whole bunch-a buildin' stores, but the choolest ones gotta I, I would say gotta be Sears, Belk, JCPenney. Uhhh, yes there is a GameStop in there, an' a Spencers, and a Toys "R" Us Express. Which actually gives good appeal back to the um, ba-back to the shopping center, because they lost some of--they lost that PO when they clo--when they closed the Kay-Bee Toy store that used to be in there. And they will be openin' up a new book store soon to replace the one they had before.

[pans camera to his face] On the way over here, a few other note-ca-notable locations. Where um, the Sam's Club and the Walmart next to the Doubletree Hotel. On the right side outgoing south, as well as Rio [pronounces it as "Ry-o"] Hill Shopping Center with a Lowe's, a Chik-Fil-A, a Kroger, Crutchfield, and Atlas Comic Book Store. And also, an IHOP, which my parents sometimes go to for dinner. Or lunch. I dunno. It's one of those times. And also, there's uh, also up the road just a little bit, there's a Toys "R" Us. Up the road northwise. And there are other places, of which, uh, we'll be taken note of. [stutters] Also up the road some more, is a Kmart and a Big Lots...a Burger King around there. And of course there are shops at the Barracks Road Shopping Center, which, probably enough, there's another...GameStop over there as well. But there's also a Barnes & Noble, as well as a...FedEx Kinko's, and another Harris Teeter, 'nother Kroger over there. Bunch'a good stores over there. Sh-Shena-Shenanigans, and...that other store that next to it. I forget its name...it'll b--I'll be waylaying(?) other locations short in just'a little bit. Stay tuned.

DayOut7

DayOut7
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

Coming up in just a little bit, we will be, ah-passing by an old playground I used to play at quite often, which includes a wading pool.

I--I mean, I mean when I was ah li--just an itty bitty thing, I thought it was a swimming pool. I mean, I guess to really call it a swimming pool it would need to be deeper.

Anyway we're going to drive-by it now.

Take a look at the pool there, you can tell it needs to be deeper. There's the old playground. They need to update that, it's a bit rusty. Update the playground fixtures.

Stay tuned on our next stop to be coming up eventually. But also, I would like to note another fine landmark, another fine landmark around here. A little-known place called McIntire Park.

I mean, I don't know, I mean, I don't know if that playground I just pointed out kind of is McIntire Park, or part of it. But it's next to it anyway.

There's a playground over at McIntire Park also, nowadays.

DayOut8

DayOut8
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
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Transcript

Anyway, uh, on our next drop by, we're just gonna get a few little glimpses of the Downtown Mall. Y'all have seen it before as I have, uh, recorded it mainly, to that, considerably parkour thing. Even though you guess, uhhh, you couldn't really count it as a parkour--I, I mean, I tried, you know, I did try on that.

Now I'm stopped at a traffic light here.

[stress sigh]] C'mon. Come on.

Anyway jus--just a few peeks down the few alleys of the uh, downtown mall area. Just a few peeks here and there.

Uh. Looks like we got the, ah, Albemarle Charlottesville Spirit Walk coming up.

If you want to do this step-by-step that's your luxury and you're welcome to do that. I'm just going to put myself in here at the parking garage. So I'll check in at the next destination.

At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange

At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange
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Stardate	25 October 2010
Subject Matter	Other Sightseeing, Comedy Comedy
Performance Style	Reason "The Tour Guide"
Shirt	Green Wide Lines The Swamp Monster
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous DayOut8	next WeighIn

The title of this video is likely an insult aimed at noted guido Clyde Cash.

Transcript

Pretty much on this final segment of this, uh, tour around Charlottesvile, and, uh, some of my fun favorite choice places. We can drive down the t--down the corner, and the UVA, the University of Virginia, just coming up on the corner.

Don't forget traffic folks, because, you know, red lights, they do come up.

Green change, change you stupid light. Red light turn green. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Mmmm. [sigh] Better yet, green light turn yellow. Nnnnnn-now. Now. Right now. Oh, it happened. Go figure sun reflections and everything.

Anyway I don't really have much ah, particular of what's in the corner, but there is a Baja Bean. Did go to a Baja Bean that was across, that's across from the Walmart in Charlottesville, a little while back. Don't go there as much. But, yeah that's one place anyway.

UVA medical, medical center and hospital areas down to the left there. Which is, ah you can make the left turn to get there from here. Going about West-ward.

Hey, little truck from Texas. He's a long way from home.

Dududududu, red light turn green. Red light turn green. C'mon. Red light turn green. Red light turn green, green, green. Red light turn green. There you go.

Anyway just, ah, enjoy what's on the ah, corner along the right side of the building as we drive by. (Chris belches loudly)

Cause essentially it's just whatever. I know that ah, there's a, I think there's a Plan Nine on the corner now, or at least there used to be. There's a Plan Nine over by where Circuit City used to be as well. I'd go around Circuit City once about now there once in a while, while it was open. There's a Baja Bean. And unfortunately they had to close up their shops too. Circuit City, there's one left, come find us. Yeah, all the way up, probably in Canada. Toronto Canada. Or, better yet. You don't have to travel as far, for some of our good deals you can go to our website which, is still up. Even though our stores are closed we have an online store and our one location in Toronto Canada. Circuit City, were service is state of the art, or at least was, no it's like seemingly out of date. The old plug socket, that went into the pavement.

Everybody wants to sing the song.

And a few calls of ah, rape around here lately. What's kinda sad, really. But, y'know, at least the citizens are more aware.

And I'll just, ah turn into my left now where you can see some of the Campus buildings. So the buildings of the ah, University of Virginia. The Campus grounds and all that. Don't know much about 'em except for, my father was a guest on a radio st-, on the WTJU here one year when they were doing the jazz marathon in 1989. I remembered the year at random just now. Please forgive the reflective sunlight.

Ahh, the University of Virginia. The University in the city of which it was founded by Mr. Thomas Jefferson and the letter, Z, in the statue in front of that building. I believe there's a postcard with that image on there as well.

Hmmm, give you a little bit more, tour of the ah, grounds, and then I'll have to wrap this up because I'm running ou- I'm running low on memory.

There's something strange, in your head, who you gonna call? Mr. Fred! He wets the bed. What are you gonna do when Mr. Fred wets the bed? Ewww. Oh I say here's a bad host. It's a ghost. Who you gonna call? Another ghost! To get rid of the first ghost. I mean especially if it's a boy ghost, you call a girl ghost. Or, otherwise you call- uh can't make a left turn here. Otherwise if it's a girl ghost you call a boy ghost, anyway you call another ghost to get rid of the first ghost. Can't make a left turn here.

Anyway, there's another step down there and ah, tennis courts over there and, I don't know, there's a soccer field around the corner there. And that pretty much wraps it up here.

This has been a, fun little tour on a day out with me. Thank you very much, and have a go-

External links

• Chris's route (more or less)

⇐ Wigwam

Chris's videos

WeighIn ⇒