Chris's birthday
| “ | Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!" | ” |
| Chris, on being nearly 30. | ||
Chris's birthday, 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new vidya, to wanting his birthday to be a national holiday) warrants some inspection.
Notable birthdays
17th
Chris received a Pro 200[1] handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "Bionic Over Autism", which would later be included in Sonichu #6, and created Espanolic, which would later be seen on his CD cover project for school.
18th
While most people would've celebrated by partying hard, doing something special, or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children—composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some platonic gal-pals as guests. No strip clubs, no booze, no tobacky, just Kenan & Kel and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "My big 18th party".
Years later, when asked by Kacey what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.[2] Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.[3]
21st
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new video games, and no sweetheart. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his college English class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the Love Quest—Chris's enduring search for someone that will put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity.
23rd
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of Sonichu's News Dash. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.
The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely Anna. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday[4] and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.[5]
25th
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an IMPORTANT MESSAGE, inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.
26th
It's not known that Chris did for his birthday in February 2008, although a week later Megan wrote to him saying "Yeah that internet thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well." A while later she discovered that ShecameforCWC.JPG was meant to be a picture of her.
27th
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late Aunt Corrina. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes instead of mourning the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a Mumble chat about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his road trip to Ohio.
28th
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his obsessive desire to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a mysterious substance and was visited by another male guest. Alec Benson Leary also called in and congratulated him, being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris had been saving $100 to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after The Wallflower became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.
29th
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from the Internet, but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to embrace his feminine side.
- Sonichu Canon: Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in Sonichu #10 is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.
30th
Chris entered his fourth decade in 2012. The 28 October 2011 crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent Sony fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a PS Vita and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing title).
Leaked Facebook statuses reveal that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.
31st
Trolling was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls Smiley two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out Tara Strong for "promoting trolling".
32nd
Chris was not in 14 Branchland Court after its fiery demise.
Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution
"Christian Love Day"
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be focused on him too. First seen in the CWC Blog, "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by STRAIGHT folk. In the Mailbag, he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because he wills it and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one lone video.
In Sonichu, the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and ego). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality.
References
- ↑ [1]
- ↑ Kacey Call 20
- ↑ October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking
- ↑ As can be inferred from the fact that The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer was published on 5 February 2005, prior to Chris's birthday.
- ↑ MySpace messages#Jalena
- ↑ Ode to Julie
- ↑ Christian Love Day (video)
| The Holidays of Christian Weston Chandler's Year |
|
Chris's birthday (Christian Love Day) • Halloween • Christmas |