Chris and health

horizontal stripes are very slimming!.

Chris, as even those with a cursory knowledge of medicine could plainly see, is not in good health. Considering his obesity, lack of exercise, poor nutrition, refusal to take a shower, and the grave disrepair/uncleanliness of his surroundings, he has an extremely high chance of developing potentially life threatening medical problems such as cancer, heart disease or diabetes.

Nutrition

Chris's nutrition is a known fast food lover keen to eating at McDonald's 2-3 times a week (when most doctors limit fast food intake to 2 time a month). However it is speculated since his mother probably does not cook often due to her abnormal weight that the family must often eat out. On the rare occasion that Barbara does cook, it usually involves some cheap and easy to make food that often is not healthy. Many, many times has Chris been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. This could be used to infer that Chris never drinks water, and that he drinks a lot of carbonated drinks and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior. His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:

• Breakfast: Usually nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 am to noon, but on the rare occasion he does eat McDonald's, or some other fast food restaurant with breakfast options.

• Lunch: Fast Food in the Mall

• Dinner: Eat out with family or poorly cooked meal by Barbara

In short Chris a fatty and he denies it.

Exercise

Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving high school, which has contributed to his already ballooning shape. This has also left his skin a frighting white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos. When questioned about exercise he regarded standing up and playing Guitar Hero as exercise. Needless to say Chris is clearly delusional. In Chris' Parapapa contest entry, where he had to dance, during the video he seemed to get tired very easily from dancing for a mere 30 seconds and even stopped recording to take a break (evidenced by the abrupt change of position).

Hygiene

Chris's hygiene is perhaps his worst quality. Many times has Chris regarded Axe as a substitute for a shower which often leaves him with a rather pungent odor. According to Emily, he smelled of "rotten watermelons." According to Robert Simmons V, a variant of the homeless person stank. According to field agents, various degrees of shit, sometimes body odor masked with gallons of Axe. Other reports are he smells like rotting fish in the sun with soiled underwear and a hint of AXE. Because of the lack of showers (or Barbara's inability to clean properly) the kitchen and bath tiles are covered with a disgusting black and brown mold. In several videos his neck sometimes seems to have an odd brownish crust around it. Some speculate it is simply a shadow, but it is most likely the years of dirt and grime that have built up from a lack of showers.

Bet you wanna take a shower now, don't you. Go ahead, we'll wait.

Unless being immersed in his surroundings for so long has destroyed his ability to note his foul vapors, it's a marvel that Chris refuses to indulge in that most important of hygienic activities. Most likely it's because time spent in the shower is time not spent playing video games, drawing terrible comics, or very slightly possibly getting laid. If he showered regularly, his -45% chance of finding a Boyfriend-free girl would erupt all the way up to 0%.

Chris's hair

Cassie, co-founder of Sonichu Girls, asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls can have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady (or a dude pretending to be one, lol), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair, placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service (insert derogatory joke about Mexicans here), it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When she finally did, it was a shock.

Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 packets were made. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English and Chris's version of Spanish, with each side having a Sonichu drawing, where the Spanish side has Sonichu in a sombrero (you know, BECAUSE ALL MEXICANS WEAR OVERSIZE SOMBREROS).

Due to what I speculate is a hormonal imbalance Chris is going BALD at the age of 28, which has made him seem more creppy and look more like a pedophile

Gallery of Hair

• 

  Now future generations of trolls will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.

• 

  The entire packets of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: trolls and especially homos from rival Gay 4 Sonichu)

• 

  Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it to be Chris's.

Mental Health

As noted, Chris has a hostile relationship with psychotherapy, so there is little that can be said about what mental illnesses he has. Because autism isn't nearly enough to explain the full spectrum of his abject psyche, many observers have tried to pin down Chris for a variety of mental illnesses ranging from sociopathy (minus the increase in charisma) to narcissism (ditto). Chris is so very, very screwed up it's impossible to tell if he's really mentally ill or just that much of a waste of space.

The one mental failing that debilitates Chris most, even more than his autism, is his rigid refusal to adapt to his environment. This more than anything is what makes him such a frustrating failure of a human being--he refuses to advance mentally beyond the mind of a 10-year-old with some Hustlers stuffed under his mattress. Whatever mental problems he may have are only excacerbated by this stubborn inability to mature or even alter his tactics.

The cause of his social awkwardness, narcissism, and several other unwanted traits come from his inept parents spoiling him and telling him life will be all sugar and rainbows. However since chris has been pampered and sheltered from basically all forms of outside influence this has left chris lacking experience with the real world and lacks basic feelings such as empathy, sympathy, consideration for others, and humbleness. His reaction of the real world can be best seen when confronted with trolls and such(ex. he will freak out yell at things, blame his autism, and maybe crush a dildo). He also has a peculiar notion that he is slim, broad shouldered, tan, with a full head of hair, and generally not creepy. This comes from 2 things:

• His mother would always tell him how "handsome" he is (clearly she needs to seek professional help)

• He has an inability to remember faces (for example during the Blanca incidents they showed pictures of 2 different girls and he never suspected a thing). In High school he had to remember his own appearance in the mirror, leaving his younger more youthful image of himself branded in his mind.

Generally Chris also seems to be a bit of a sociopath, often times locking himself in his decrepit room for days, never seeing sunshine. In the Psychology world this is generally seen as a person who cannot confront their problems and deal with said problems by acting like a child.

Now many people think that Chris is misguided and simply needs to be steered in the right direction and all he needs is a quick talk. However....

Chris will reject your advice

Someone carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist. In response, Chris only got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculous: he denies being overweight.

Read Vivitheg's AIM chat. Vivitheg actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that PandaHalo was a troll. Chris fell for PandaHalo anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try".

Chris also always seems to be under the delusion that he is irresistible to all women and when a "woman" says she likes him, he falls for it.For example:

   * Hanna was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
   * Lori Lopez was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
   * PandaHalo was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite Vivitheg's warnings[citation needed].
   * Julie was a troll, and Chris fell for it despite warnings.
   * Robert Simmons V was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
   * Sarah May was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
   * Sarah Jackson was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
   * Blanca was a troll, and Chris fell for it despite warnings.
   * Emily was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
   * Ivy was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named. 

Chris outcasted himself

High school and college are the places and moments where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's autistic. They tended him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He refused, out of his own volition, to integrate with anyone who wasn't female, young, rich, white, and within the Charlottesville area.

When the Dean gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, and was rightly kicked from Piedmont Virginia Community College for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag. He was given several chances to learn that his behavior was not appropriate for a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are Jerkops, that Virginia is for Virgins, and that his Love Quest was him against the world. After being kicked from The Game Place, he was kicked from the last place in Ruckersville that was still open to him, and was left with only one place: his home.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He was given a friendly hand, but he angrily bit it, and that hand will never show up again. He doesn't even belong to his own home anymore. He was forced into exile to Cwcville, the one and only place still open to him, and that place doesn't even exist.

Other Deformities

Chris's duck is a thing of horror, bent at an irregular angle. Armchair physicians have diagnosed him with Peyronie's disease, which causes the penis to be crooked. While correctable, the process is expensive, and Chris has other, more important things on which to spend his (by "his" we mean "taxpayers'") money.

Chris is also mildly heterochromatic. He cites taking medicine from when he had pink eye as causing his right eye to turn green, although the above armchair physicians have their doubts about this origin story.

His voice is also a very severe deformity pitching from normal to the sound of a 3 year little girl on helium.