White knight

Artist's conception. Bad artist, but still.

“	Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?	”
Chris, CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero

White knight is a term used to describe someone who goes on the internet to help or defend someone else on the internet against other people on the internet out of pity or compassion. White knighting of Chris is especially prevalent because of the unprecedented amount of abuse he has taken, which in turn is caused by Chris's total inability to heed the white knights in his life.

Counter trolls, a sort of unintentional white knighting, are those who take Chris's side to spite his legion of trolls. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris-chan has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with anti-trolls, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris-chan saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being such an epic lulzcow, and whether he is deserving or even beyond such assistance. The consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's Encyclopedia Dramatica article, /cwc/, PVCC and #sonichu is that Chris's racism, homophobia, and narcissism make him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him on good faith. White knights and counter-trolls are considered to be wasting everyone's time and trolls have little patience for them.

Motives

Pity

Following the release of Chris's first nude photos and the 21 October 2008 video in which he reacted to the loss of his medallions and Blanca, many including trolls felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

Empathy

The internet is full of autistic people, man-children, and self-absorbed morons, many of which are right here, fascinated with Chris-chan. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his all-consuming need for female companionship or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up; they think they can reason with Chris by speaking from experience.

Kick the Autistic is a cruel game. Quit it!

Circumstances beyond Chris's control

There is ongoing debate about whether Chris is actually autistic. Regardless, there is clear evidence that Chris suffers from serious mental deficiencies.

Chris fails to identify people, a possible sign of Prosopagnosia. Julie and her brother Max used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't identify them as the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict Blanca, and yet Chris thought they were the same person. In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself — since chances are he hasn't "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation as to why he has denied being fat.

Chris fails to read between the lines. He interprets Family Guy as being against homosexuality. When two male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.

Furthermore, Chris's upbringing was anything but ideal. All of these factors and probably a lot more have led to the man-child we know today.

The trolls are even worse people than Chris

Another frequently heard rhetoric is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris - or at least equally pathetic. For example, BlueSpike's total control of Chris was disgusting, but what he made Chris do outraged even trolls. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who obsessively document and debate everything he does?

Reasons against white knighting

Chris lacks empathy himself

See also: Chris and death

Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind". If you used to be as shy around women as he is today, the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation in his mind. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he magically dreams up his own solution.

RocketFox: My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;

Chris: RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately afterward, he started talking about a sexy dance.

After Ryan Cash died because of Chris, Chris marveled at how much power he had right after he tried to publicly console Clyde Cash.

When Sarah May attempted suicide because of Chris, Chris's reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."

On November 1, 2009, Chris made a video involving Clyde being as "weak as the Twin Towers" and used the mouse cursor as a plane flying into them.

While this can actually be accounted to Chris's autism, where lack of empathy is a common trait, most autistics can at least learn how to express it through a combination of carefully reading emotions and thinking about how this affects the other one, yet Chris refuses psychiatric help for this sort of thing which is another point.

Autism does not excuse a terrible person

Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism, and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and are able to gain social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and be able to lead rewarding and rich lives. Yet while Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he refuses to do anything about it (see Vivian's AIM chat).

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions, has a sense of morality, and would hold up in a court of law that he is capable of being accountable for his own actions. The fact he is a racist, a homophobe, and a misogynist has nothing to do with his autism and he is (legally speaking) responsible for his actions in respect to these areas.

Chris is beyond pity

Chris insulted little kids in card games and scared some of them from visiting The GAMe PLACe. Mimms and Lucas, who frequented there, can't list any redeemable qualities for Chris.

Chris sexually harassed a woman in real life.

After Megan yelled at Chris for uploading a picture of him fingering her to Encyclopedia Dramatica, he did not apologize, but rather explained to her (in a terribly naive way) how a handjob works. He then had the nerve to say to her, "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be". Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, him. Based on his ED edits, he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his imaginary twin sister than he was with defending Megan's honor.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new sweetheart right away, even if she died. No matter the setback, his ego keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he addressed a person named 'SonichuIzCool' on YouTube. SonichuIzCool was probably the only genuine fan of Sonichu who tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally retarded. In his YouTube message, Chris calls her "naïve and slow in the mind". He tells her she has to "come out where [he] can meet [her]."

In early November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, he went so far as to mock the World Trade Center terror attacks.

Chris cares only for himself

Chris spends his monthly tugboat and more on luxury, stealing from his parents to buy video games he'll never play. Chris does have the skills and confidence to hold a job with no client interaction, but he hasn't even tried after being fired from Wendy's.

Further adding to his selfishness and laziness towards partaking future employment, Chris and his family strongly agree it's easier to be paid for doing absolutely nothing via benefit than to actually do any sort of physical labor whatsoever, thus taking full advantage of his government by vastly exaggerating claims of an easily manageable illness which he refuses to treat.

Chris is not a good net citizen

Chris is more concerned with spreading his own version of honest truth than being a good net citizen. He has adopted the mentality that most spammers have adopted: who cares about the terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message goes through. He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. In deviantART (and earlier in YouTube), he disabled all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway - yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's clearly used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his Wikipedia user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to Wikipedia to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet; the thought of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the fact that people who block him try to hint something (often something along the lines of "GTFO") never cross his mind.

Chris will reject your advice

What are you going to tell Chris that his favorite teacher didn't tell him 15 years ago?

Someone carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist. In response, Chris only got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculous: he denies being overweight.

Read Vivian's AIM chat. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that PandaHalo was a troll. Chris fell for PandaHalo anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try". Not only she has long since joined the troll ranks, but recently, Chris even went around to berating and sending threats to his biggest white knight ever.

Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth

• Hanna was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Lori Lopez was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
• PandaHalo was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite Vivitheg's warnings.
• Julie was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Robert Simmons V was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Sarah May was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Sarah Jackson was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Blanca was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Emily was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
• Ivy was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.

Do you really think he will believe any evidence you send him proving that every fan he has, and pretty much every person he has been in contact with over the past year is a troll?

Chris asks for it, and always recovers

Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's True and Honest, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was merely a squeal begging for more trolling.

TMI is a tactic Chris abuses himself. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute chapters of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more and more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being Honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and lewd acts are all over the internet? No big deal! So what's the problem?

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing 21 October 2008 video mentioned above and proceeded to fail even harder for months. So what's the problem?

Chris outcasted himself

High school and college are the places and moments where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's autistic. They lended him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He refused, out of his own volition, to integrate with anyone who wasn't female, young, rich, white, and within the Charlottesville area.

When the Dean gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, and was rightly kicked from Piedmont Virginia Community College for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag. He was given several chances to learn that his behavior was not appropriate for a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are Jerkops, that Virginia is for Virgins, and that his Love Quest was him against the world. After being kicked from The Game Place, he was kicked from the last place in Ruckersville that was still open to him, and was left with only one place: his home.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He was given a friendly hand, but he angrily bit it, and that hand will never show up again. He doesn't even belong to his own home anymore. He was forced into exile to Cwcville, the one and only place still open to him, and that place doesn't even exist.

Stress

In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to get up-to-date and to thwart the troll output. They'd probably have to lie and pretend to be a girl or video game designer to even capture his attention. This combined with Chris's usual responses is enough to make any sane non-professional psychologist Crash Into Slumber.

Chris will not even read your message

The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online.

The trolling will not cease

Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his real life friends.

Even if everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unwittingly seek out new trolls to take their place, and we know newfags are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after his parents die, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his monthly tugboat.

If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the internet.

If the custodian bans Chris from the internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris gets institutionalized, he will attract real life trolls at the mental hospital.

The trolling helps Chris, and indeed others

If Chris was just some random nobody on the internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing video games and occasionally drawing unsellable comics until his parents died, then he would be institutionalized. He'd remain without social skills and a virgin all his life with no job, success or future.

Instead, now, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that—without exaggeration—is something extraordinary, unique, and likely won't be replicated in any shape or form in years to come. Chris has secured his place among such luminaries as the Time Cube guy and John Titor, and unlike the Time Cube guy, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris interacting with the world through his websites and YouTube have drawn in a crowd of people who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. Him bringing humor to millions all over the world is an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving. His internet fame is actually a success and may bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated with him that they study his life.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually realizing his problems, seeking professional help and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately wealthy. The troll audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him an actual social outlet to learn and grow in life. Instead of being an unemployable, hideous, fat, virgin bedroom dweller that's unknown, he's an internet-famous unemployable, hideous, fat, virgin bedroom dweller and this by itself increases his chances of friends and getting a girl. He may even end up employed, too, probably appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie or TV series.

Also, Chris's constant failure at life has inspired hundreds to self-improvement. Really, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

Chris treats the white knights like crap

If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on YouTube, AIM or any other messenger service and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. He's a paranoid fucktard who screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz" like he has deluded himself into thinking was the case with Megan, but was, in fact, his own damned fault. He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in his own self loathing.

Examples

Read: White knight emails

Svenka is a counter-troll.

On 6 May 2009, YouTube user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/ThePinchisDaBomb tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all. The Pinch has also threatened BlueSpike saying he has information from his friends but the thing is BLUESPIKE HAS NO FRIENDS.

External links

• White Knighting article at Encyclopedia Dramatica