August 2016 Paid Video Requests
This page lists the video requests that Chris was paid to do in August 2016.
Singing "All of the Lights"
Reminiscent of the SingStar Challenge, Chris is requested to sing over a song selected by another person. Unsurprisingly, the parallels do not end there. Chris demonstrated nearly zero effort in preparing for this request; muddling the lyrics, souring the melody, and constantly fidgeting throughout the video.
| Singing "All of the Lights" | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 8 August 2016 |
Description
| And now by paid request.
via YouTube Capture |
Transcript
[Chris leans back into his chair, then awkwardly assumes an uncomfortable position.]
Hello everybody! Here's another song, by paid request!
[Chris hits a button on his PS4 controller and looks up at his out-of-shot TV. He grabs the remote, and the song All of the Lights by Kanye West featuring Rihanna and Kid Cudi starts playing. Chris weakly follows along to the lyrics of the song, fidgeting throughout the video.]
All of the lights, all the lights, all the lights, lights, lights, lights, lights
All of the lights
All of the lights
All of the lights
-the lights-here, baby
Turn 'em up extra bright, I want y'all to see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need
Want you to see everything
Want you to see turn off the lights
Fast cars, shooing stars
All the lights
All of the lights
Until it's Vegas everywhere we are
All the lights
All the lights
If you want it you can get it for the rest of your liiife
If you want it you can get it for the rest of your liiife
Something
I hold my head
MJ gone, our nigga dead!
I slapped my girl, she called the feds
I did dat time and spent that bread
I’m headin' home, I’m almost there
I’m on my way headin' up the stairs
To my surprise a nigga chasin' me
I had to take 'em to the ghetto university
All the lights
Cop lights, flash lights, spot lights
Strobe lights, street lights
All the lights
All
Fas' life, drug life
Thug life, rock li-
Every night
All the lights
-lights in here, baby
Extra bright, I want y'all to see, see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need
I want you see everything
Want you see all the lights
Ca-can’t see my daughter
Her mother, brother, grandmother hate me in that order
-blic visitations
We met at Borders
Told her she take me back
I’ll be more supportive
I made mistakes
I bump my head
Courts stuck me dry
I spent that bread
She need a daddy
Baby please, can’t let her grow up in that ghetto university
-f the lights
Cop lights, flash lights, spap (sic) lights
Strobe lights, street lights
[Chris misses the two "All of the Lights here]
Fast life, drug life
[unintelligible], lock life
Every night
All of the lights
Turn up the lights in here, baby
Estra briiight, want y'all to see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need
Want you to see everything
Want you to see all the lights
-ine, baby
Gotta let niggas know, yeah
Get it right, ay
should go and get your own, get your own
Get mine, baby
Gotta let them know, yeah, get it right
Get it right, ay
You should go and get your own
There you go. Have a good day. Thank you.
To Shelly
A set of screenshots from Kiwi Farms user crayolasword show that Chris initially wanted to charge $10 for this video. However, after his work ethic was questioned, he made it for free, possibly so he could use it for his own advantage when he later made a Facebook post imploring any former Etsy customers to "take a good look at me in my latest video on my YouTube channel. I am feeling Very Tired..." (even though his shop got closed months ago for failing to send products).
| To Shelly | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 13 August 2016 |
| Saga |  Tomgirl
|
| Shirt | Blue shirt |
Description
| via YouTube Capture |
Transcript
[Chris leans back into his chair and retracts his hand from the bottom right of the frame. Throughout the video, he fidgets around, playing with his hair or moving his right hand around.]
Ahhh, hello, this is Christine Chandler coming to you from my home once again, uhh, so hey, uh, Shelly from your husband, he definitely wishes you a happy birthday and I wish you a happy birthday too. M'kay? So, you turn another year older and another year wiser... That's good. Have a good day.
[Chris leans forward and extends his hand to the bottom right of the frame.]
Happy Birthday, McKenna
| Happy Birthday, McKenna | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 18 August 2016 |
| Saga | Tomgirl
|
| Shirt | Meh |
Description
| By paid request.
via YouTube Capture |
Transcript
[Chris looks at his phone, which is down in his lap. Lucy is also in his lap, her head in the corner of the frame.]
Hello McKenna, this is Christine Chandler, comin' to ya live from home, wishing you a happy birthday. I hope you have a great and safe one, and a great year.
[Chris picks up the camera and moves it so that Lucy is facing the camera. Chris speaks in a much higher pitched voice.]
Here's my cat, Lucy! Mew! She wishes you a good day, too! Don't ya, miss!
[Chris turns the camera towards himself. He speaks in his normal voice now.]
M'kay. Have a good day, McKenna.
Singing an ol' diddy
A screenshot from Kiwi Farms user AZ09199976 shows that Chris made this video for free, as compensation for having failed to deliver a medallion sold through Etsy.
| Singing an ol' diddy | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 23 August 2016 |
Description
| via YouTube Capture |
Transcript
[Chris sits in his bedroom. He is holding a piece of paper. In front of him, from left to right, are a Rosechu Amiibo, an Equestria Girls figurine, and a Sonichu amiibo.]
Hmm. And now by, reque-[Chris snaps]-and now by special request, an ol' ditty, which I still have the handwritten lyrics to, [Chris holds up the sheet of paper] written over a decade ago. So, enjoy.
[Chris hits a button on his PS4 controller. The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" comes on, and Chris disinterestedly sings the lyrics to So Need A Cute Girl. Throughout the video, Chris looks and sounds bored. ]
Hey, Look at me,
I'm sitting here sad and lonely,
Without a fire,
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I am ta-ken!"
And I see the laadies walking
A-long one by one,
And I never wanna hear,
"I'm already taken!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I'm already taken!"
I-have no fire
But a desire
To never hear you say,
"I'm already taken!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I'm already taken!"
Why do alla the jerks
Get most of the pretty girls, yeah
You may not notice,
But I want you to know
That I am a lonesome heart!
And I have no fire,
But a desire
To not, [Chris accentuates each "not" with a hand spasm] to not, to not
Heeeaaar…[Chris cups his hand to his ear]
Don' wanna hear it!
Stuck in a sad lonely cage!
So need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I'm already taken!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I'm already taken!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck in a sad, lonely cage!
-so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I'm already taken!"
'Cuz I need my sweetheart.
[Chris turns off the song. He looks at and salutes the camera.]
Thank you.